I am so sad, & mad at myself

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lease79, Nov 7, 2002.

  1. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    Hubby & I decided to drive the one hour drive today to go do the grocery shopping.
    It is VERY hot outside, but I wasn't feeling too bad, so we bundled the kids up in the car & drove up there.
    We have air-con in the car, so it wasn't too bad a drive.
    I got out of the car & went into one shop very quickly when we got there & already felt a little hot & giddy.
    Decided that I hadn't eaten enough, so we went to a little (but busy Cafe.)
    I got Rhiannon out the car & Jason dealt with the older two.
    Went in & ordered a sandwich & the room started spinning.
    I am suffering terribly from sensory overload at the moment & after about an hour outside I feel like I am going to pass out, & like I am walking around in a dream state. Everything is SO loud & bright.
    So about 5 seconds after walking into the shop it all got too much & into panic attack mode I go.
    I felt hot & couldn't breathe & my heart was thunking & miss firing.
    I just couldn't handle how bright the lights were & how much noise there was in there. My eyes hurt so bad.
    Hubby came in with the other two, so I somehow made it back to the car where I had to sit in the heat & try to calm down, (which wasn't easy.)
    Hubby eventually brought the kids back to the car & asked what I wanted to do.
    I said go for a bit of a drive to cool the car & me down.
    Well not long after the car started moving I got so dizzy that I nearly passed out. I was SOOOO scared. Everything started to go blurry & quiet & I knew that if he didn't stop the car I was gonna pass out.
    I find that to stop heart palps I cough (something someone here told me I think) well I do the same if I am going to pass out (works to some extent.)
    I begged hubby to take me home (1 hours drive) right then & there, as I was so worked up & freaked out.
    So that was a total waste of 2 hours driving.
    I took a diazapam (even though I am pg, I think that I would have lost my mind if I hadn't have.)
    Now he has taken the older two children back up to complete the shopping.
    I feel like the worst Mother on earth. Why can't I even sit in a Cafe & have lunch without loosing it? Why did I have to ruin the kids day?
    I mean I am pregnant with baby number four & I have lived with this dd for 12 odd years now. But it has never been this bad. I feel so bad for my kids.
    I have lost my independance.
    With just pain I could still do stuff with them. Like this I feel so damn useless. Thankgod they have an able bodied Daddy who can take them to the park & the beach.
    I know that I am just in a funk, but I have decided that pregnant or not I am going to have to go on some form of meds to keep me sane. I can't even walk outside my house at the moment & it's just plain rediculous!
    The doc wants me off everything whilst I am pg, but I cannot function like this.
    Sorry for the rant, but I feel like I am in the running for worst Mummy of the year award :(

    Lease
  2. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    Hubby & I decided to drive the one hour drive today to go do the grocery shopping.
    It is VERY hot outside, but I wasn't feeling too bad, so we bundled the kids up in the car & drove up there.
    We have air-con in the car, so it wasn't too bad a drive.
    I got out of the car & went into one shop very quickly when we got there & already felt a little hot & giddy.
    Decided that I hadn't eaten enough, so we went to a little (but busy Cafe.)
    I got Rhiannon out the car & Jason dealt with the older two.
    Went in & ordered a sandwich & the room started spinning.
    I am suffering terribly from sensory overload at the moment & after about an hour outside I feel like I am going to pass out, & like I am walking around in a dream state. Everything is SO loud & bright.
    So about 5 seconds after walking into the shop it all got too much & into panic attack mode I go.
    I felt hot & couldn't breathe & my heart was thunking & miss firing.
    I just couldn't handle how bright the lights were & how much noise there was in there. My eyes hurt so bad.
    Hubby came in with the other two, so I somehow made it back to the car where I had to sit in the heat & try to calm down, (which wasn't easy.)
    Hubby eventually brought the kids back to the car & asked what I wanted to do.
    I said go for a bit of a drive to cool the car & me down.
    Well not long after the car started moving I got so dizzy that I nearly passed out. I was SOOOO scared. Everything started to go blurry & quiet & I knew that if he didn't stop the car I was gonna pass out.
    I find that to stop heart palps I cough (something someone here told me I think) well I do the same if I am going to pass out (works to some extent.)
    I begged hubby to take me home (1 hours drive) right then & there, as I was so worked up & freaked out.
    So that was a total waste of 2 hours driving.
    I took a diazapam (even though I am pg, I think that I would have lost my mind if I hadn't have.)
    Now he has taken the older two children back up to complete the shopping.
    I feel like the worst Mother on earth. Why can't I even sit in a Cafe & have lunch without loosing it? Why did I have to ruin the kids day?
    I mean I am pregnant with baby number four & I have lived with this dd for 12 odd years now. But it has never been this bad. I feel so bad for my kids.
    I have lost my independance.
    With just pain I could still do stuff with them. Like this I feel so damn useless. Thankgod they have an able bodied Daddy who can take them to the park & the beach.
    I know that I am just in a funk, but I have decided that pregnant or not I am going to have to go on some form of meds to keep me sane. I can't even walk outside my house at the moment & it's just plain rediculous!
    The doc wants me off everything whilst I am pg, but I cannot function like this.
    Sorry for the rant, but I feel like I am in the running for worst Mummy of the year award :(

    Lease
  3. Roxi

    Roxi New Member

    You're being too hard on yourself! You have a disabling chronic disease and you're PG. You're going all day with the kids and your body is under stress. You have no control over when the panic attack comes, it's strictly biological! I tried deep breathing, meditating, the works...but when it happens, it happens! The kids and Hubby understand. You're doing the best you can! You just have to stay home and take it easy when you can. Try to find some quiet activities to do with the kids. They love to help so tell them you'd feel better if they read you a story while you lay down. Laying down for a while every 2 hours is the only way I get through the day. You'll get some rest, they get some practice reading, and they feel good about helping. Hope it works! Hope you feel better soon. You're a good Mom because you care! They all feel that!
  4. allhart

    allhart New Member

    when i was preg with baby #4 i got the same way alot of it is your hormones making things worse did actually pass out a few times i live in az so the heat is just horrible i know thats not much help but aleast you know ive been threw it also
    in the last week my beautiful 7 month old started pulling herself up on furiture and walking aroung the edge when i think back to when i was preg and thought there was knpw way i could do this, now i feel so dumb,why would you want to be mummy of the year anywaay its over rated dosent sound to me like your kids are missing out on anything! talk to your dr i took meds during my preg it saved me
    please stopp being hard on your self your preg and sick! i know preg women who wouldnt have even tried to take that car ride just because they were preg!find a preg board and just read some of the stupid things those healthy woman complain about it will probley make you feel better it always worked for me,

    i realy hope you start feeling better let me know how its going

    kara
  5. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    For the concern Sue. I read up a little on the side effects of Diazapam when I first had to take it.
    But the diazapam has been sitting in my handbag for a long time untouched. I only use it maybe a couple of times a year, (twice this year) when the heart palps/tachycardia have gotten really bad.
    I have never been on anything specifically for the CFS/FMS, so none of my symptoms are med related.
    I had a much better day today & decided that as I could not take the children to the beach. I would set up their wadding pool & watch them in that. It was an effort, but I got there :)
    The seemed to find it a fair trade ;)
    Also got a heap of bed linen washed & pruned the roses, so I feel like I have acomplished alot :)

    Lease
  6. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    That sure sounds like an anxiety attack to me. I used to get them bad in crowded places. Long drives are a no, no too.

    I don't know what you can take while pregnant, but I take Xanax as soon as I 'feel' that terrible thing coming on. But you would have to ask you doctor about this in your condition.

    I take a very low dose(0.25mg.), and it works wonders, I just feel normal under that type of circumstance.

    I sure shop the doctor finds something that will help you through this.

    Have you tried breathing exercises, or putting your head between your knees when you feel faint? That does help.

    I know we have a few people here who could help with the breathing exercises. Hope they see your post.

    You take care, and be careful you don't fall.

    Shalom, Shirl