I am so sick of this pain

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, May 2, 2011.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am so tired of this never ending pain, and there is a huge chance that I have brought this on my self. I have been slowly reducing my mscontin and am now on 60 mg x2 daily. This is down from 100mg x2 daily, I did slowly wean my self down to one 100 mg pill a day for one month then I switched to the 60 mg pills.

    For all I know I could be going thru some type of withdrawl, although when I had changed my dosage to a lower amount, I have done this more times than I can count and have not had any symptoms like I have now. I don't remember when I have ached so much and it feels like it is never going away. I just can't stand this pain , it is so over whelming one minute and the next I feel like I have been flattened by a mack truck.

    Could this be a withdrawl? Like I have said I never felt this way when I lowered it from 500 mg to 400 mgs to 300 mgs and then 2 100mgs a day. I did reduce my meds slowly over a period of years, at first I didn't think too much about it, I was not taking all my meds every day and I always got my meds refilled every 30 days, I thought that was what I was to do. I was told to take my meds like they were written and to refill then no sooner than every 28-30 days. One month when I went in to refill my meds I noticed that I still had a about 20 days left over, from other months and this went on till I had a full months worth of mscontin and when I went in to see my pain doctor I brought the extra meds with me for him to dispose of and he did, then he lowered my dosage and still I had days where I didn't take the full dosage of mscontin and but I didn't have days like this where the pain is so bad that it keeps me awake at night and i can't sleep.

    Now after four years of reduceing my meds my pain was at a ok level till this last time my msconitn was reduced to teh 60mgs x 2 daily. In the past few weeks my pain levels have been so high and getting worse, my daughter thinks it is all in my head but it is not.
    Part of it is the constant weather changes that only makes me feel worse, I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. There is no way my doctor will ever increase my pain meds , he said this on the first day I ever saw him. So I am aware that I am stuck with the meds I have and have to learn how to deal with this.

    Tonight the pain is so bad that I had to just tell some one and ask them if I could be going thru with drawls because I don't know any more. I have not felt this way in years so I dont' know what is going on. I am ready to just sit down and bawl like a baby I can't take this pain any more, I will have to deal with it as there is nothing else to do for it. I just want to be albe to sleep at night to go to my bed and fall alseep there not in the recliner. But I don't know if that will happen any time soon. We bought a new bed a year ago and I have not been able to sleep at night in that bed it is too hard for me. But I sleep during the day time and feel so sleepy all day .
    I am going to quit complaining about how I feel now. Thanks
  2. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    dear rosemarie!

    I am going to bed now but just read your post. I will reply back to you in the morning as I have some good ideas for you to try! sorry I can't write more,am sooooooo tired!

    I am here for you!

    Gentle Hugs, Julie
  3. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member


    Okay, I am going to try to say everything I can to help you but you must be able to read it and try to take my advice seriously! Please understand that I am not trying to be hard on you. Okay? I am just REALLY trying to help you. Your pain sounds to be so out of control that you must be willing to do whatever you can to get out of this terrible flare!

    First of all, I too have been through an extremely bad flare before as well. I can tell you that I know that your dr. is not helping you out of this situation! I would find another dr. immediatly and maybe an Internal Medicine dr. if you have one in your area. If you can not get into a dr. right away I would go to an Urgent Care facility just to get maybe a shot of demerol and an rx for Vicodin or Percocet if possible. Then you can go to the other dr. when they can get you in.

    Then I think that you will be able to get out of this horrible pain you are in! I don't think you are going through withdrawls because you said you have gone down slowly on your pain meds. Also, I think that you are at the point where you may need to go to the hospital if you can't get into a dr. a.s.a.p or the Urgent Care does not give you enough relief! Have you ever considered that with all of your health problems that maybe one of them has worsened or that something else might be wrong? I would definetly think about that.

    It's okay for you to cry, it makes your pain lessen because it is a release of pent up frustration! I cry every time I am in really bad pain! It really does help, maybe it has something to do with the serotonin or another natural chemical in your brain! Cry as much as you feel you need to just not to the point where you give yourself a headache or feel worse! My dr. even told me that it is really good for me to cry when I am sad, frustrated or depressed.

    Also, this is not your fault and I don't think that you brought this on yourself! Another thing is that if I had extra pain meds I would never give them back to my dr. just in case something like this happens to you again! You sound as if you feel hopeless and helpless but you can ask your friends or family to take you to the dr. or Urgent Care right?
    I don't know what else to say except maybe it would also help you to go back to your previous posts and really read the replies. There could be something in one of them that could give you some other answers, advice or help that you may not have thought of. This board is a fabulous tool in getting and giving help to all of us who are here!

    Please keep me posted, I am worried about you and will pray for you tonite. I know that you will get better if you do whatever it takes and take any advice that you feel is helpful to you. I sure hope that I have helped you as that was my primary reason for this reply.

    Keep up the faith! Peace, Love and Hope, Julie
  4. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  5. Jittle

    Jittle Member

    Sorry to hear about the pain. Having the same kind of day here. My hips and legs hurt so bad it feels like a car ran them over, and it will not stop.
    Hows the weather out there? Humid here, I am thinking the rain coming in may be doing it, and I can;t remember for the life of me if I took my cymbalta last night.
    Did you have a busy or stress day?

    It could be cutting down on meds. I agree, if you have extra keep them for a day like this one.
    I have barley enough to hold me till my appointment and not one extra that I wish I had.

    My problem is how do you ask the doctor for more????

    Feel free, Complain all you want, you are not alone. It helps to talk to those who understand: I thought it was just me today. (The husband says I feel bad and wish I could help as he sits in his chair watching tv.... hmmmmm)

    Hope tomorrow is better.
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Erthdog2000: i have tried to find a doctor who listens to me , understands me and does not push me to have surgery that I am unable to afford. going to the ER, clinic, and other medical factlities is out of the question. Our ER does NOT under any instance give any narcoitics unless you happen to have a severely broken bone and the meds like toradol, ultram are not going to give the patient any relief. I learned this when I shattered my left wrist as well as broke my radius badly, for that I was given many meds, I was given FEntynal, phenergan, even a bit of versed i think.

    All I remember is that the next day I had to return to the ER where the dip of the doctor ripped off the splint and dislocated every bone that had been set and the pain was worse than ever.

    It was so out of control and the dip of a doctor had refused to give me any thing for pain after the nurse had read him the list of pain meds I was takeing at the time adn waht had givien to me hte day before. Finally I was given to injections of 60 mg of morphine before I was sent home and to a orthopedic doctor.
    I had to good ortho who did the srugery adn called the ER doctor who had screwed up my wrist by ripping off my splint an idot who needed to learn what real pain was and that people don't always have teh same pain tolerance;'s.

    THe ortho took me into srugery aand put in a titaaium plate adn six screws to hold every thing to gether again. AFter a year of having the plate and screws in my wrist it started to ache more and then x-rays showed that one of teh screws had come loose and was causeing some pain issuses, but the only way to fix it was to have more surgery and either remove all the metal and leave it out or replace it. I suggested that we just leave it alone as I thought that all this surgery was going to do was to cause me more pain and a long flare after surgery.

    The doctor is an orthoand does not prescribe narcotics for me. that should be done by a rehumy or primary call doctor but he will not prescribe me any thing stronger than a lortab 10 adn only about 30 of them to last a month and we all no that will not work as the pain I am in now is far to painfull for 30 pills. So once more I am up a creek with out a paddle.

    Now that left wrist is hurting like heck and it is hard to deal with , I don't have the girp stregnth I once had and it is almost is always hurting. Sucks to pick up my 29 lb grandson who is 7 months old.

    I had the best pain doctor ever or so I thought but he ran into some legal proplems and my insurance would not pay for him any more. I tried to find a local pain doctor and found that we had one but he does not treat pain with pain meds. He will do injections, lidocaine patches, but no pain meds or soma, so why go to him. I found the doctor I see now and thankfully he agreed to see me as long as i did not ask him to increase my pain meds.

    In the past few months I have been thru alot of stress's, first my mother was taken to the er by ambluance due to being in 'SVF or a-fib don't know which and she had a phenumonia , it was touch and go for several hours because they could not get her heart rate to slow down. It did but it was after three am and I drove home before I got to tired to drive. She spent a week total in the hospital and now has been in arehab unit for a month adn could be ther for at least two weeks maybe more. I can't go in and help her bathe any more as I can't get her out of the tub.

    ,Thankfully my neice can and my sister too,So when she is released they will help her have a bath and make sure she drinks and eats better. She is starving her body as she does not like to eat it is hard to swollow and she has swollowing difficulities. I am the one with the medica power of atterney and yes it is very stressfull.

    A week after Mom went to rehab i learned that a dear friend of mine 's daughter who was 17 passed away due to a gentic drfect that caused her to have scar tiissue on her lungs as a result of alot of fungal infections.

    This was one of the hardest things I have been thru, I have watched this young woman grow up when she visited her grandmother who was a good friend of my mom's , but her grandma passed away a number of years ago. so I have not seen her in a years. Her grave side service was nice but so sad to hear all her plans and dreams she wanted to do. She didn't want any one to know she was so ill, and didn't tell any one not even family. I kept feeling like I was being a baby about my pain and was beating up my self.

    i tend to share every thing with my girls but they have their own families to deal with.All three girls had babies last year so I have 2 grandson who aare 11 months adn 7 months and a grand daughter who is 6 1/2 months old.

    Two daughters have hubbies in teh military who will be gone for a year. Both sil's came home for leave , one came here and the other went to see his parents so my daughter and three kids + MIL drive 4 days to spend 14 days with her hubby but plans changed and instead of having family time just them and the kids they spent all of it with his folks and silbings. This was very stressfull but thankfully she is at home now. But it was alot of stress when her phone died and there was no way to talk to her.

    I am not attending church as the lights , kids, along with teh microphone make me ill from the noice. So I don't have friends to go out with and just relax. The house we are in is small so I can't told paint my stress releaver so I am up a creek with out a paddle.

    I am taking care of Mom and get daily phone calls about every thing , when her doctor visits, what she is or is not eating the amont she is eating, the nutrionist has called me sevreal times about Mom's not wanting to eat and what is planed to get her to increase her calories.
    I stared to reduce my meds to be abel tokeep my drivers license and I have been told by my md that he will not up any of my pain meds. I take msconin 60mgs x2 daily and Msir 4x daily for breakthru pain. I am on soma and have been taking two at night to help sleep some times it works adn others not so well.

    My rehumy wants me to try new meds like lyricia or cymbalta, or nerutin I have looked up all three meds on my insurance and they are all a teir 3 which would cost me $79.00 a month. That stress's me greatly, along with the fact that I have taken Cymbalta and had strange reactions to it and don't want to try it again. I am very sensitive to new meds and if there is a unusal reaction , strange, I will be the one to have it and it happens very fast, this scares me so much that I don't want to even mess with trying a med that is going to cost me more than all 5 of my scripts now put together. I don't have any extra to spend on a med that may or may not help me or cause me to feel worse.

    It really hurts me to know that there is not a doctor in this town who will work with me on my meds, who during this time of a bad flare would not even think of giving me a short or two of demoral to try and break the cycle of pain. I am lost and alone, no one in my family of friends wants me to be on any pain meds and would like it if I was off all oof them but that is not going to happen any time soon.

    I have done all I can think of doing .I have not found another doctor in another city as i don't like to drive long distance's and since my girls either work or take care of their kids there is no one to ask to drive me there. And I can't find a doctor that would agree with giving me some thing strong like demoral in an imjection to break this pain cycle.

    Once more I am up a creek with out any paddles.
    i have looked hard for a new doctor but most don't want to take new patients that are all ready on narcoitics like mscontin 60mgs x2 or MSIR x4 30 mgs. EVery one tells me that I take enough pain meds to kill a horse and so they won't take my case. I am worried that this pain in my wrist, hip and back will only get worse from all the stress's I have been under.
    how I wish that there was someone that had faith in me that understood what fibro, cmp, ddd, bulding discs,L4-L5 ** L5-S1, spinal stenosis, end stage oesteo-arthtiritis in both knees with floaty thingys and i need both knee's replaced but don't have the money for surgery and pt, my insurance would cover most of it but the close to $1000.00 out of pocket I would have to pay is beyond my means. since my hubbies job does not have the best ins. and it costs alot and does not cover much he did not put me on it. It would not matter as there is a $1,500.00 deductalbe for medical.

    My hubby is diebitic and is on an insulin pump, he just had to replace it at the cost of$1800.00 and his meds run him over $300 per month so he can't help me pay my medical or dental ,visoin bills , I have to pay them all and during this time of stress two of my molars have broken ad one biscuspid broke at the base of the crown since I have no dental insurance and not much money I have not gone it to get them fixed, I can't pay for it.
    I am up a creek again.
    Thank you for letting me complain about what is going on in my life. It helps to talk about it to some one who understands me.
    Thank you for listening.

  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I'm going to give you a different point of view. You know from my previous posts to you that I completely empathize with you, your severe pain, the emotional toll it takes on you etc. I also know that you're having such a tough time w/family issues etc.

    You have more going on than Fibro. You DO have options that you have to explore. Otherwise, everyday is going to be like the one before and everyday you're going to write the exact same thing and feel the exact same way. I want you to go back and read the post you wrote after the funeral you went to.

    I know you're scared to death of some of the possible options you have, so maybe the first thing to do is to deal with the fear. There IS a Dr. out there who will help you, you just haven't found him/her yet. Please TRY to think of it that way or you will have that doom and gloom feeling indefinitely. If you're afraid of wrist surgery and that is a huge part of your pain, then go and see what else they could do, or ask about what they can do now with surgeries, explain your fears and anxieties. You obviously have back issues, those need to be dealt with as well.

    Do I think you're going through withdrawals? Absolutely not. Why did you lower your dose? If you weren't getting adequate pain relief to begin with, why go down? I'm confused about your Dr. and the meds/doses etc. I'm sorry I can't keep up. He gave you a higher dose at one point, now he said on day one that he wouldn't increase the dose? Will he put you back up to where you were?? Is this the same Dr. who had you on the Fentanyl patch and the other meds? That's a stronger med than what you're on now. You need to talk to your Dr. and tell him you're not getting adequate relief. You need something for breakthrough pain.

    I also can't believe that no Dr. would take you on because you're on narcotics. With everything you have going on in your body, you are not the only patient who is on pain medication. Believe me it is not that uncommon. I think you have heard that or had that experience with a few Dr.'s and now that is stuck in your head - now that has got you stuck.

    As far as the medication that your rheumy wants you to try, try them! Your Dr. can give you samples. If you have a reaction, stop them. Your fear of everything is stifling you. If the medication works is it not worth $79/month to get rid of this everyday feeling for you? If you can't afford it, there is help out there.

    One more time - I still don't get how your daughters can think your PHYSICAL problems can be all in your head - buldging disks etc. - doesn't make much sense to me.
    You have too many negative thoughts floating around in your head, too many can't/won't/didn't type feelings. How can we get you to focus on some things you can take control over?

    Fibro alone completely stinks to say the least and we who suffer, especially severely from it, feel out of control. Our body takes on a mind of it's own and we can't find relief. When I'm in severe pain, I can't even think, let alone think positively. So those days, I don't (think). I take a break. However, you're dealing with other things that you need to have checked out and you might be able to get some relief from. I know you don't want to, but really, don't you want to feel better?

    I hope you can find a little relief today, both physically and mentally. Rest, then when you feel up to it, try to do a little positive thinking and maybe one thing just for you today.


  8. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi there!

    In getting ready to reply to your post I read the one from Janalynn. I have to agree with her quite a bit! First of all, I believe that you can find a dr. who will help you. Maybe you can get your hubby to make the calls for you? I was talking in my previous reply about an Urgent Care facility/clinic NOT ER. I'm sure that in your area you can find one if you can not get in to another dr. right away. The cost is MUCH lower and MUCH faster to get in to see a dr. They have prescribed meds for me in the past the 3 or 4 times I went there. They even gave me a shot of demerol one time and the others gave me enough pain meds to last until I could get in to see my doc!

    Like Janalynn said, you definetly have more issues to deal with re: your back and wrist for one. You need to at least do whatever you can to get over your horrible fear of seeing specialists! This is what I do when I am in severe pain, I meditate or visualize only positive thoughts such as the times I have gone to places with friend's or family and had a great time. You can do this for just a few minutes or a little longer if it helps. I also pray to God out loud to help me get through the horrible pain and negative thoughts running around in my head! If you just believe in a "higher power" or maybe the people in your life who have helped you in some way, that might help too! Is your hubby willing or able to help you at all in this time of gread need? If so maybe he could try to calm you down some but you need to let him try and just open up your heart and soul to the possibility that it is at least worth a try. Does it help you at all to talk to your daughter's even for a short while and tell them you just need to vent or hear some kind words of love?

    If your rhumey has some samples of Lyrica or Neurontin are you willing to at least try them? Having fear of everything is a huge problem and makes pain a lot worse, I know! I have always had some ESP with people close to me in my life but have never until now experienced it with people I have never met. I have felt it very strongly on this message board and with people I barely know lately. I can see and feel your pain and know that it will get better. I also am going through an extremly hard time in my life physically, emotionally and mentally. I have had fibro and CFS for 12 years and was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder and just starting on new meds for that. I am seeing my psychiatrist twice a week and have had to take off 3 weeks from work also due to family, financial and emotional stress. I had a "breakdown" 3 weeks ago and my Panic Disorder kicked in as well and was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder! Very scary stuff, right?

    I have been reaching out to family and friends, praying, meditating and going on this message board and it has helped me tremendously! I hope that you will at least TRY to do some of the things that I and Janalynn have suggested! I also pray that you will read these and other replies as well as your own to find some help/answers! Say to yourself I can and I will TRY to read and listen as well as reach out to hubby for help.

    I DO believe that you can and will get better but you do need help and support from whoever or wherever you can get it! I will pray for you again tonite that your pain and fears will lessen and that you will find SOME peace of mind. Please keep us all posted as we do care very much!

    Peace, Love, Hope and Faith, Julie
  9. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  10. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    When I first read your post I was upset, feeling like you were judging me instead of offering help. That was wrong because you were offering help but the way you worded your post I took presonally and felt attacked.

    I don't think you meant to make me feel that way.
    I have a tendancy to over share my problems with every one. NOt just here but all over and to every one. That is some thing I need to work on.

    As sto the questions about my doctor changing my meds, it has not been possialbe to have the same doctor all my life. There have been many reasons that I had to change doctors . The doctor who prescribed the fentlyal is not the same doctor I see now.

    As I said I tend to over share how I feel and only talk about the negitive ones. As they are the most annoying too me.

    I am not afraid to see other doctors for my back, and arthritis, I just had my yearly appointment with my orthopedic surgeon. my wrist is stable right now and does not need to have surgery as of this visit, I am going to to PT for a short time to teach me what are the best exercises I can do for my disc's, for my ddd, and other back problems. I have talked with my orthopedica surgeon about surgery for my back and he has said that at this time it is not needed, but that I do need to exerise more, and get some Pt that will how me what i need to do to help me feel beter.I am scared of srugeries as i haev had seeral bad experence's during srugery so it is not first on the list of how I want to treat my back pain.

    One last thing, we have here in LOgan Ut. two pain doctors who do not use narcoitics in treating pain patients, they use other methods, of which I have tried with my doctor and not had good results with. I am not wiling to keep putting my slef th ru unessarey pain from treatments that I have repeatedly had that did nothing but cause me more pain and the ability to walk after treatments.

    I am going to be going to a deep end water arobics class to help with the aches and pain, as well as changing my sleep habits. I am willing to try meditation and other alternive therapy that could help me with my pain and sleep .

    My life has changed alot in the past 3 yrs , it has been hard to adjust livig in a tiny house with no room for a kitchen table, losing our home, the loss of my husband s job, all this along with my mother's health situations have caused me to feel more negitively about life, this is some thing that I need to work on and change how I think.

    My daughters and I are working together to find things we can do with each other that will help me to stay focused on looking forward and more positively . They did not know much about the damage that had happened to my back before they were born. I have not talked about my back pain much as I have been trying to get them to believe in fibro , that is my mistake in not sharing that there are other reasons for my pain than fibro.

    I am sory for always sounding negitively about my life and chronic pain, I will work on not being so selfish and complain about being in pain all the time. I am working on finding ways to get a better attitude about what I can do.

    Thank you for your time and your thoughts , suggestions. I will be trying to be more positive from now on.

  11. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Rosemarie!

    Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, had a VERY busy day re: lots of paperwork for my extended leave, going to the school to have my boss sign some papers, making phone calls and paying bills,yuck! Crazy day! First I would like to say that I am very sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way and that I was just trying to help. I'm glad that you understood that once you had time to think about it. I too am very sensitive and sometimes give TMI ( too much information ) and take things personally. I am trying really hard to work on that but it is very hard to do, right? I am also trying to be more positive as this has been a real problem for me ever since I was diagnosed with the fibro and CFS. When we hurt, are tired, etc. I think most of us tend to be negative and can't feel positive when we are in that condition. I have finally realized that staying positive can make us feel better thus making us WANT to change and take better care of ourselves! I am now trying to deal with the new diagnosis of Bipolar II disorder and thankfully my meds are already helping.

    I am so glad to hear that you are going to take some steps towards being more positive as well! Going to the water aeorobics class sounds like fun! I have been going to swim and use the treadmill for several years at Gold's gym. It is such a great way to help the fibro pain as well as my mental and emotional self. I have not gone in about 5 weeks because of all of the added stress with my daughter and then having my "breakdown"! I am so happy to hear that you are talking to your daughter's more and that they really seem to want to help you. Having support is soooooo important to our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. I'm glad to hear that you are going to try meditation and other alternatives to get well! Good for you!

    So sorry that you lost your home, hubby lost his job and about your mom's health problems! Do you believe in God or a "higher power"? I have just recently gotten my faith back, go to a really cool church and am praying a lot. I also write in a journal every night before bed and pray to God out loud! I talk to or see most of my family once a week and they are very supportive, Thank God! I have also been trying to give back to them whatever I can such as listening better and taking their advice. I am a Taurus and can be very stubborn at times like my hubby tells me but am very nurturing and loving to my children, grandson and hubby! What sign are you? I am also getting into astrology a bit lately, it's fun!

    Faith, Love and Peace, Julie :)

    P.S. No need to be sorry, I understand!
  12. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    This is a hard subject for me, I have looked deep inside of my self and have found that I need to be more positive about life in general. Far too often I take what is being said to me personally when it is not meant that way.
    I do have a great belief in Christ and how he can help us. I have not been to church in a while but it does not stop the faith I have. I know that I am the only person who can control my actions and thoughts.
    Thank you all for your suggestions and thoughts. They have helped me to look inside of myself and work at being more positive in thought and actions.
    I am working on being more positive about life, how i react to my fibro . mps, and back problems.

    Thanks again.
  13. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Rosemarie!

    Sorry it took me a while to reply, had a very busy day! Came back to msg. boards at about 2:30 or so for a while and ended up on the Health board and found ppl who need to be on this board! I invited them to check this msg. board out! I can't believe how many ppl. are posting on the Health msg. board that have fibro and or CFS!

    I think maybe you are being to hard on yourself re: your last reply and I truly hope that I did not make you feel that way! It takes a long time to make changes as there are so many to start with. Try to take it one step at a time or one day at a time. That's the only way I can make changes, very slowly. I think that the only reason I have changed a lot in the past few months is because of the breakdown I had and then being dx'd with bipolar!

    I found that I was being very negative and selfish in a lot of ways esp. with my hubby! He has been so good to me as far as little things I can no longer do. He has had to do more for me and more as far as taking care of the cleaning and cooking as i have gotten sicker and sicker over the past 12 years! He does things like bring me my coffee in the morning, make sure I at least eat a decent dinner when he is home (he does all of the cooking now) and reminds me to rest and to take my pills when I am in pain! I have been trying to give back to him lately with finally talking to him about the mood swings and dx of bipolar, being more affectionate and asking him how his day was. It's the little things that add up and make a difference in any marriage right?

    I have finally told my kids what is going on except my 1 daughter because I'm afraid she will tell her hubby and he will think that I cannot take care of my grandson at all! As you know, the straw that broke the camel's back was when he said that Zeke, my grandson could not come over here anymore unless my daughter was here! That is when I had the breakdown esp. since I was already stressed about work, our finances and my marriage! I am now thankful that I was subsequently dx'd with the bipolar and got on new meds. My mania and depression has lessened quite a bit, Thank God!

    I believe you when you say that you believe in God and I don't think that everyone has to go to church to prove it. The main reasons I went back to church after 15 YEARS is because my hubby's ex invited me and I found out it was the same church I went to before! The church is very spiritual and not "religious" per say, they play soft rock music and the pastor takes a piece out of the bible and puts it in reference to today's times. I really enjoy it and always feel better when I go esp. if I go to one of my favorite thrift stores afterwards!

    What are your plans for Mother's Day tomorrow? I am going to church in the morning then have an early dinner with my son Nick. My other kids have to work, bummer! I'm sure that they will all call me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and we can get together on another day this week!

    You said that I have helped you but I also feel like I may have pushed you too hard. I am sorry if I EVER made you feel that way! I would love any suggestions or advice that you may have for me too! I am also going through a very hard time still I just don't talk about it very much. I also am trying to be more positive!

    Hope to hear from you soon, Hugs, Julie

  14. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I don't EVER want you to feel like you're being selfish for saying how you're feeling!!!!

    The whole point of my post was just to give you a different view point, a positive way of thinking, which I know is so hard to do sometimes, unless someone else offers it. I am truly sorry if it came off any other way. If I hurt you at all, that was not my intention, I know it certainly wasn't Julie's either.

    I had become friends with someone on Facebook - who was a mutual friend of many people I know. He has MS and really struggles. He is in a wheelchair after having an incredibly full life of mobility. His favorite past time was being a cyclist. To read his posts would bring you to tears, NOT because he is sad or complaining but because he is truly an inspiration. He finds the silver lining in many days that I know are really rough for him. When he doesn't feel well, he writes it and you should see the support he gets. I'm truly jealous.

    When my kids are having a tough time in life, I always try to be empathetic, but then offer a way to react to the situation with a different attitude about it. I value the same thing from my friends and family. Trying to find something that helps me emotionally is something I strive for everyday - usually it's the way I look at things. I'd fall apart if I didn't practice that regularly.

    My point is that sometimes it takes a friend or someone else to make you look at things in a different way. That's not discounting how you feel or that the way you're looking at things is wrong, it's just offering another way.

    I hate to hear that you're suffering so, every single day. I guess it's natural to try to help and the only way I know how is to offer mental/emotional suggestions since I can't help physically.
    Again, my apologies if I made you feel anything less than cared about!

    You ARE cared about!


  15. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member


    How are you doing? I have not heard from you for a while and was thinking of you so.......I thought I would send you a quick reply! I hope that you are not in a lot of pain and are sleeping okay. Please don't feel bad or guilty about your health, just try and take care of you, others will understand more in time. I pray for you and other's on this board every night, as well as for myself! Hope you have been able to pray, meditate, take a nice warm bath or something to ease your pain and sleep.

    Take care
    Faith, Peace and Comfort, Julie
  16. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    The weather has once again changed and the wind is blowing hard, we have wind gusts of over 30 mph , it also rained some today, I went to my daugthers best friend bridal shower. It was fun, there were three babies there and two of them were my grandsons. Mason 11 months, and Spencer 7 months. Then the last baby was 2 months old and was a neighbor to us years ago. Had a good time.

    Now the wind is howling and I can't sleep at all, I have slept on the recliner for the past few nights and have woke up with a stiff neck and more body pain than ever before, I am in so much pain from sleeping in strange positions. I am ging to try to go to bed soon and get some sleep in my bed. ~HUGS~
  17. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Rosemarie!

    So sorry that you are in so much pain and unable to sleep! The winds here in Reno were 60 mph.,can you believe it? I hope that I can sleep tonite too, had a bad day, bad headache, nausea, fibro pain, exhausted and just generally feeling super awful. Oh, and bad allergies too! The wind and the rain are probably contributing to your allergies, pain level and inability to sleep too! I hope you can sleep better tonite and feel better in the morning!

    Faith, Peace and a goodnight's sleep to you, Julie

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