I am so sorry, was not clear and was offensive

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JaciBart, Apr 1, 2003.

  1. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I posted this the other day and I am so sorry, I was just rushing and did not read it back to myself, sounded rude. here is what I wrote:

    "And I have to agree with you, the replies you kept on receiving sounded like they were coming from ignorant people who do not have this dd. It was like everyone was just trying to find any and all reasons why this whole situation is your own fault and making suggestions that any sane & intelligent (as we ALL are) person would have already thought of. I am sorry. I do know how hard it is to be on the defensive as we all experience that with our dd enough, we should not have to face it here."

    I did NOT mean the persons posting did not have this dd, I meant the persons were seeming to take the "devil's advocate" role instead of just understanding the person's pain, that the normals can sound a certain way, ("you just need to get off the couch", "no wonder you hurt, all the drugs you are taking, I would be miserable too") and we all know how the statements of others can hurt. The ignorance of some persons (normals, not you guys) can make things worse as we find ourselves defending and apologizing for an illness.

    Regarding the intelligence statement I meant that all of us are very intelligent, the person with the problems was not asking for solutions to a, b and c, she had already exhausted all options she had thought, she is intelligent enough to know what her options are as well as her realities. It is hard for me personally to listen to advice that is so obvious and if for some reason I have already looked at the obvious and someone else tells me to do that I feel like they are not giving me much credit for knowing a, b, and c would be solved by this and this. Roadblocks were in the way for her, mostly lack of money for just the basics. That is very frustrating.

    Anyway, I am really sorry if I came across as a heartless wench, I certainly do not mean to be that way. Please forgive me.

  2. starstella

    starstella New Member

    I think it was my post you were referring to. i worried about that post all weekend and the outcome brought me to tears. in retrospect, i was taking a devil's advocate position because to me it seemed like decisions were being made based on anger and not what was physically best at the time. i did that because i know from personal experience that how pain and anxiety can cloud judgement. i have vowed not to post blunt responses in the future to persons in high levels of anxiety and pain. thanks for your special post.
  3. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    I understood exactly what you meant!

    And you understood exactly where I was coming from!

    And again, I must say God Bless You for the fact that you really read my posts, and that you knew all the options I had already explored for my "dilemmas".

    Plus you did what most of us need....you gave me credit for having enough sense to "check into the obvious"!

    Equally important is that you understood that the main thing I needed, when I made the post, was understanding and compassion. I was not looking for anyone to solve my problems....when I had (clearly) done everything possible to solve them myself. I was looking for empathy, or even just plain sympathy.

    That being said....I also must say that all who replied to my post, did offer me those two things, to one degree or another. And I appreciated all the replies, and especially the prayers, I received. And several, like you, were able to make it through my long posts, and were then as understanding as you were.

    But I do understand that many do not make it through my posts, but merely skim over them, OR can't always remember all the stuff I have said. I don't fault them for that, particularly if they take the time to reply to me!

    I have learned to understand that the reason my posts don't receive a lot of replies (as a general rule) is because I ramble on so much. I am used to that. Pretty much all my life, I have been listening to my family, and others, tell me to "get to the point", or saying "do you really have to make such a long story out of everything?" The implication with comments like that is that most of what I have to say (if not all of it) is considered by some people to be not particularly interesting or important.

    But I have learned that, here on the board, when I make a rambling post, I can benefit from the support offered by the people who make the effort to read my post and reply, and be satisfied with that.

    And the knowledge that many don't want to, or cannot, read all that I write, and therefore probably will not be replying......well, it is much easier to "let that slide off my back" than when people I talk to in person show an obvious lack of interest, or criticize me for "too much information".

    I actually find myself looking for other people also make long posts, and ramble like I do. I nearly always find their posts interesting, touching, informative, etc. And I feel less "odd", just knowing that there are others who are verbose, like me!

    And I am more likely to respond to someone who has really poured out their heart and soul in a long post, simply because I do the same thing! But, what I do, when I reply, is to open up the post in one window, then open a reply in another window, so that I can refer to the post as I reply, so that I don't fail to respond to something in their post.

    But that is just me......I do this because I want to, and not only to try to "connect" with the other person, but because it makes me feel good to reply to their post, in the way I would like my posts to be replied to!

    Everyone's intentions here on this board, are good, 99% of the time. And to me, good intentions count for everything!

    So......it's all good!

    God Bless Us Every One!