I am so sorry!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by catlin, Jul 24, 2004.

  1. catlin

    catlin New Member

    I have been wanting to write this for a while, finally I feel up to it I think.

    I am so very sorry that you are so sick. I am so sorry that every day is a struggle for you. I am sorry that other people do not understand. I am so sorry that you feel out of sync with the rest of the world. I understand that there are many things you would do if you were able to, there are many thoughts you would think if you could. I know that you long for clear headedness to think things through and live a good satisfying life.

    I wish I could give you loving and caring friends, spouses, children and co-workers. I wish you had enough money to be comfortable, not to worry any more about those bills that are hard to pay. I wish you could buy that new dress, new car, new house, new furniture. I wish you could paint the whole house and decorate it to make it what you want it to be. I wish you could travel, see new sights, and experience many new things.

    I truly wish from the bottom of my heart that you felt normal again and could go out and tangle with the world and make in your own.

    I wish I could give you happy, joyous, loving holidays, social gatherings, and just plain fun and laughter.

    I feel for everything you go through each day - I know about the thoughts that go through your head all day long. About how rough you feel. About being scared you will feel this sick forever. That the pain won't let up even for a few minutes. I understand the heartbreak of letting one more thing you enjoyed pass from your life because you are no longer up to it.

    I am sorry that every little thing that you do is a struggle. I am sorry for the feelings you have of wanting to hide, that you feel you are no longer good enough. I know about that script in your head about being lazy, not trying hard enough, and not having the energy to even try at all. I understand the guilt of not having a life to live any more.

    I understand. I am so sorry that this is what your life has become. It isn't fair! It isn't what you bargained for so long ago when you could do whatever you wanted with such ease and happiness.

    If nobody else has said this to you today, I am saying this now. I feel so bad for you and would change it if I could. I do not expect you to change for me, I only want you to just "be". Know that someone accepts you just the way you are, sick, tired and hoping for a miracle. Just for this moment, today, someone loves you for you. And understands your life and what it takes to live it.

    I find you courageous, smart, funny, loving and so very strong for still being here. I am proud of you for surviving. You are special no matter what, you count for just being you. Nobody else will ever be just like you, you are an original. You deserve to be here. You deserve respect, kindness, understanding and love. Yes love. Lots and lots of love. You deserve affection and fun times, laughter and companionship. You deserve your part in this world with all its shortcomings and wonders. I wish for small and large miracles to come your way, that happiness and joy will creep into your heart when you least expect it. I wish you the wisdom to deal with burdens and the love to hug a child.

    I am sorry you are so sick. I feel bad for you when things seem so hopeless. I want you to just hang on, live from moment to moment, and beleive that you are "good enough" just the way you are. I think so. I know you always do the best you can and I am proud of you for trying. Take care and be gentle with yourself. You deserve it.
  2. suz9601

    suz9601 Member

    Thank you for the beautiful message. It is nice to know someone understands.
  3. Twisty

    Twisty New Member

    Thank you so much.

    I'm sure we all wish the same for you. You have beautiful thoughts and you must be a wonderful and caring person.

    You deserve all you are wishing for us.

    (((hugs)))
  4. care333

    care333 New Member

    Thank you, Catlin. . .I pray for the same for you, as well as all of us suffering with this deadly disease. I say "deadly" because for many of us our lives, as we knew them, have ceased to exist. . .so much of us has died. For me, I weep every day for the dreams I once had and feel will never happen.

    Life has become so much more hopeless than hopeful. Where once (years ago now) I was busy embracing life has become a mere memory. For too long now I feel like a prisoner in a life that I cannot seem to make sense of, nor peace with.

    With love,

    Carol
    [This Message was Edited on 07/25/2004]
  5. Xanth

    Xanth New Member

    That was so beautiful, made me cry too, you really are a very special person, to be able to write like that, and to understand too.

    Love ya

    xxxx Xanth xxxx
  6. tandy

    tandy New Member


    There should have been a warning with this~(tissues needed)
    I did'nt ball my eyes out,...the tears just flowed~
    I got that lump in my throat,I'm swallowing hard.

    Is this for all of us here that suffer each day with FM/CF?
    This is really beautiful!!! If you don't mind,I'd love to make a copy for myself?
    I love this!! please post it also on the writers forum.
    They will really enjoy this~

    Hugs,
    Tandy :)
  7. Xanth

    Xanth New Member

    Catlin,

    As Tandy just said would you mind if I copied that and put it on my website on the FM pages, I will put on it that it was written by you though.

    Love n huggles

    xxxx Xanth xxxx
  8. bubbly-lady

    bubbly-lady New Member

    Dear Catlin, what a wonderful summing up of exactly how so many of us feel. You wrote it so beautifully - what a special gift you have. Thank you for sharing those thoughts & feelings with us.

    Hugs

    bubbly-lady
  9. NashCag

    NashCag New Member

    It's something I have longed to hear from family and
    friends.
    It was such a special message to send.
    I wish the same for you.

    You are special, unique, kind, important..
    Thank You
  10. butlerp

    butlerp New Member

    Your words were beautiful, made me cry too. We wish the same for you and the world would be a much better place if there were more people like you in it.

    Hugs,
    Paula
  11. NanceZ

    NanceZ New Member

    amazingly well writtena nd speaking clearly to how our lives are.

    I am very touched ..............

    thank you so much
  12. socialworkgeny

    socialworkgeny New Member

    how i pray that my friends, family, etc. could sympathize w/me re: what i go through since this accident. finding this site has been God-sent and those words were right on time. it feels good knowing now that i am not going through this alone. for someone to write this that can personally relate to what this nasty disease is all about...wow!
  13. myaeggi

    myaeggi New Member

    Are you sure you're not an angel? Your message hit me at just the right time. I could not hold the tears back. I hope you don't mind, but I made a copy of it so I can share it with my husband and family. You are a very articulate individual and you communicate very well.

    Thank God for caring people such as yourself, and I know He's got a special place in heaven for you. You don't realize how many of us were touched deep within. I wish I could go through cyber-space and give you a big hug.

    I hope the same for you and here's to better days ahead.

    (((((((hugs))))))))
    Michelle
  14. sunshine8957

    sunshine8957 New Member

    I had to write and tell you that your letter was absolutely wonderful and has touched my heart like no other.

    You understand all too well how bad most of us feel on a daily basis as well as the silent mourning we go through every time we realize we have lost the ability to do "something" we used to do on a regular basis.

    You are an angel for writing the beautiful letter and if by chance you share either of these miserable diseases, may God Bless You and cradle you in His arms!

    Lots of Love and Hugs to you, Caitlin. You have touched many lives by taking the time to write your letter.

    Sunshine8957 (Eve)
  15. fllfibro2003

    fllfibro2003 New Member

    Catlin - I have been reading not posting for a while now, haven't felt "wanted" on the board for no real reason, just depression I guess.

    I wanted to let you know that your post made me come out of that funk and finally post something.

    Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing such a heart felt "letter".

    I'm having to go in for a cystoscope tomorrow morning and I'm really scared, my wonderful hubby and kids are doing their best to keep my spirits up but deep inside I'm still depressed, scared, everything you mentioned.

    Your post was a God send for me tonight, I really needed to see it in writing.

    Again, Thank you
    FLlfibro
  16. ceres

    ceres New Member

    thank you for your kindness and love the genorositiy and compassion(WELL SAID, BRAVO)GOD BLESS YOU:)ceres

    i am going to print this and hang it up on my fridge so every day i know that even in this curel world there is a light shinning out there and that light is you!
  17. catlin

    catlin New Member

    Ok, now you guys have choked me up! But it sure feels good. Really, really good. I too have this awful sickness, and I have been wanting to say what I would love for people in my own life to say to me. Somehow it helps me too. So even if people here do not say the words, I can take comfort too.

    This message is for everyone, and yes, it is ok to print it, share it, put it on the fridge, whatever.

    One of my most fervent wishes sometimes is for someone who knows me to really say it is so awful and so unfair that I suffer like I do. Validation goes a long way toward acceptance and possible healing. At least for the heart!!!

    You guys have made my day, week, year. You have no idea. Thankyou so much for the warm, heartfelt replies.

    And yes, I do beleive that occassionally we are lucky enough to find words when they can be the most helpful. I am so glad that I was able to touch those that have been feeling detached and needing someone to stretch out a hand...

    Love to all - Catlin
  18. Xanth

    Xanth New Member

    Thank you for your permission to put this on my website, I will of course put your name to it, as you deserve the credit for the masterpiece you've created.

    Once again thankyou hunny

    Xanth (nina) xxxx
  19. Patti2

    Patti2 New Member

    how you put the words that we feel into such a touching way. I am sure it took you lots of time! Thanks for touching my heart so deeply..
    lol
    Patti2
  20. lil_angel1198

    lil_angel1198 New Member

    from my eyes, all I can say is Thank you.

    IU felt like a pair of arms had reached out and given me a hug. It felt like the way when God reaches out and wraps His arms around me when I'm having a bad day and need to be held.
    Thank you so very much. I cna not express how loving that felt and how much I needed it.