I am so stressed and don't know how to deal with it

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Lately my life has turned upside down. Last week my daughter found out that she had a miscarrage and had a D& C the next day. We knew she was pregnant but it was still very early so we had not told any one. Now she does not want any one to know that she had a miscarriage. We didn't even tell my 84 yr old mother due that she tells every thing to every one she talks to and then forgets that she said any thing.
    There are some huge problems in my family with my older brother who does not treat mom or me kindly, respectfully, or even admit we exist most times. I have treid to talk to him and work things out but to him he thinks that he has not done any thing to upset me or Mom. AFter all he is perfect. NOT!.
    Then my hubby comes home and tells me that he can't stand his new job that he has only been going to for 4 months. His blood sugars are so high that it could make him really sick. That terrifies me as I have seen him in the hosptial once before when his sugars got too high.

    He wants to find a new job and that is ok with me as he wants one that has better insurance, dental and vision care too. He can't sleep at night due to the stress of this job makes it harder to do and more of a struggle for him. He does not eat right and neither do I.
    I have been over to my Mom's today and she is not doing so great. Her Afib is getting worse and she is havng more attacks of rapid heartbeats. 190 + I am the one who takes her to the doctor and she has not had a protime done in a long time but wants to see her doctor first but she forgets to call and make an appointment to see him. Her hearing is not good she says it is like she has water in her ears. To me that means she has a buildup of ear wax and needs to get it out but the ENT. I had made her an appointment for this every thing but she canceled it because she was cold and wanted to stay in the bath tub. Today she got all hostil with me because I didn't call and make her a doctor's appointment with her doctors. I thought she could do that on her own as she keeps telling me when I suggest that I call and make an appointment I am treating her like a baby. So I didn't call today and now she is irratated with me.

    She never gets angry with my sister or brother as she knows if she does they won't talk to her or call or visit her. OR in the case of my brother he won't give her any money that already is hers. Scream!!!!

    With all the stress's I am going nuts fast and add to that this strange weather that goes from hot and dry to cold , windy and raining and some snow. With each storm my body reacts with more pain and deep aches in my bones. I feel like I have been beaten with a baseball bat tonight. I just hurt every where. my ribs hurt to the touch, wearing a bra is painful, my knee's ache deep inside, my bones ache all the time. I am living in a world of hurt. And I don't know what to do about it.

    I can't call my rehumy as he is gone for the next few weeks and he does not listen to me much any way. I don't have any one that I can share the things I have shared with you here. NO one here knows any thing about how i feel , the loss of the baby, or how sick my hubby is. I can't deal with this much more.

    I am really trying to not stress over things I can't change but I don't know what to do about any of it. I am going crazy with stress and pain, does it ever go away.

    Thanks for listening to me vent
  2. rkidd3423

    rkidd3423 New Member

    I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. I just want you to know that I care and I am here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a lot. You really need to take care of yourself the best you can. Please try to start eating better and taking care of your own health. I know the miscarriage is a very upsetting thing...I have been through that myself...but she will heal in time. Please feel free to vent any time. I will pray for you and your family.

  3. MicheleK

    MicheleK Member

    Oh Rosemarie, I am so sorry for all the heaviness upon your heart and the anxieties weighing on your mind. So many things out of your control but still many directly affecting you. I hope you will take some time for yourself even if only a few minutes a few times a day and do some deep breathing to help calm you. The only thing you can control is your reaction to the stressors and sadly sometimes that takes years to master. I remember so well the intense times of stress in my life, the pain of it and the exhaustion it brought mentally and physically. I hope things change for your husband as far as his job and him watching what he eats. Diabetes is a cruel disease.

    Hugs to you,
  4. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I don't remember a day where my body was so exhusted that just moving was a struggle, I tried to wake up and get dressed and do some thing other than sleep all day. It didn't work, I watched TV and slept and the harder I tried to focus on staying awake the more I dozed off and slept. IT was not till around 5 pm that I finally woke up enough to stay awake. I struggled all day long to stay awake and I made my self eat.

    I hate days like this when all I want to do is sleep, I ache much more and just feel so blah not wanting to do any thing. I don't sleep good at night any way so sleeping all day only makes getting any sleep before 5 am almost impossiable to do. I am so sleep deprived , I hate not sleeping at "Noraml times" and getting good sleep REM sleep would be wonderful but it is not going to happen. I hate sleeping in our bed it is so not comfy and I wake up with a nasty back ache and body aches. We have only had this bed for two years now so it is not possialbe to buy a new one and the one I really want cost's way too much. I want an intellibed made with intelligel and it is one of the best mattress's I have ever laid up on and I would love to own it. But $2,000 to $2,500 is far out of our reach.

    I saw one at the store one day and went in and laid down on it , the one I was laying on was made for patients with fibro and it was so comfy that if it were not for the bright lights and sounds of the store I would have fallen alseep and slept good. But we can't afford that mattress or even the mattress pad, It too is around $900.00 for the KIng sized one. So I am up a creek with out a paddle .

    So here I am once again wide awake at 12:22 am and sleep is no where in sight. I have so many things I need to do today later on when most people will be up and around and I will be sleeping. I need to get three scripts filled , make two doctor appointments for my 84 yr old Mom. Take the scripts to the pharmacy and wait for up to two hours for them to be filled. It is such a pain but I changed pharmacies because I thought that we were going to move and I needed a chain pharmacy so I could get close access to my scripts, they take forever to fill them and have more issues filling them than eany other pharmacy. I cna't change pharmaices right now. Even though we are not going to move for quite a while. It is such a hassle to change pharmices are they going to have the meds I take and in the amounts I use. ARe they going to give me stress about my meds? Are they going to carry what I need all the time this is a big problem for me as this pharmacy tells me every month that they will have my scripts and every other month they don't and I have to wait and some times have to pay for teh scripts twice as they don't have the amont I need to buy at one time. So I have to get a new script and pay for it again. Some of my perscriptions cost $44.00 and I can't afford to spend that kind of money. I don't have it. So it is just one more stress that I can't control. Even the old pharmacy didn't carry the newset drug I am taking for pain but at least I knew that they would have ordered it and made sure that it was there when they promised it would be. They would have ordered it and it would have not taken two weeks to get in and then three hours to have the techs know that it was there.

    I have complained to each pharmicst about the crappy service and lack of stock and keeping the meds in srock, I have talked to them about how long it takes to fill each script and I still don't know why they have to make it harder than normal to fill my scripts like Soma, xanax and visteril. It seems that every month they have some quesiton for the doctor and it ends up taking for ever to get them filled. I Pray that when I hand them the scripts today that they have all the info needed because my doctor is out of town so I had them write the scripts out instead of having the call it in.
    Sorry I am ranting again. I just hate it that I have so many issues to get my scripts filled when it should not take all day to do it.

    I get confused with this DD, I don't have the normal symptoms some of the time, tonight my bones ache deeply and my ribs are sore to the touch , so tender that I dont' want to wear a bra as it hurts. What did I ever do to deserve this DD? I hate it that I have fibro, mps and end stage oesteo arthritis, buldging discs L4- L5 and L5 and S1. I have ddd, spinal stenosis, and arthritis in my back hips and ankle and left wrist. I feel like I have been beaten with a base ball bat today. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this with out having to talk to the doctor about changeing my pain meds to some thing stronger, Which he does not want to do and has said that he won't do , so I am up a creek with out a paddle.

    I am thankful for you all here. At least you understand what fibro is like and what chronic pain is like, you know that I am not making up this pain that has no end. You also know that pain can make you do things you normally would not do. Like sleep all the time. I need to get better and I can't take meds like Lryicia as I have strange reactions to them, I am that one person who gets the unusal side effects, the ones that no one really has heard of. That is me to a tee.
    Thank you for listening to me complain and rant about the things I can't control or change. Pray for me that I can get some sleep sooner than later. HUGS to all of you.
  5. jolena1966

    jolena1966 New Member

    I know sometimes life can be tough, but you have to stand strong even when you can't stand and ask God to help you. He will lift you up and carry you and see to your needs. Pray to him for guidance; and patience so you don't clobber that brother of yours. Are you by any chance the one who takes care of your mom the most, it sounds like it. The reason that I ask and I am sure you already know is when you are caring for anyone sick or an elderly person, YOU have to take care of YOU too...it is very important that you try to get proper sleep, food and lots of chocolate and some good reading material for your hopefully peaceful moments.

    In 1980 my mom took care of my Aunt who had Cancer and 2 boys 7 and 5 years old and a cheating butt head of a husband, who I might ad the minute she died scammed out to Reno with her funeral money and married that witch he cheated on my aunt with! When my aunt was going in for Chemo, the nurse who came out to get her thought my mom was the sick one because she was so rundown from taking care of my aunt that she never took care of herself, and since my dad was nowhere to be found it was me and mom taking care of each other as usual. Let me say my mom was 1 of 8 children and she took care of my aunt alone. A few years after my aunt passed we moved in with my grandparents because they needed help, so once again mom became the care giver and a working mom on top of that.

    Yea you have got to try to not worry yourself sick over things you have no power over. Like your moms DR appointments if she is forgetting things try being a little sly about it and make her appointments for her and hopefully she think she just forgot and made it, I know that sounds so bad or mean but sometimes with parents, much like our kids we have to hide the medicine in the applesauce to trick them into taking it.

    Your hubby and you need some time to relax together and not talk about the job at least 1 night a week, I don't know if your budget or health allows but if it does try to have a little date night, even if it is a sandwich from Subway in your backyard on the lawn furniture, let the answering machine pick up your calls unless it is a dire emergency and maybe light some candles and give each other a massage if your able or snuggle in front of the fireplace with some relaxing music and just talk or rent a movie. God willing his stress will go away with a different job and his health will get better.

    Your Pharmacy should not be charging you twice for a single script, if you DR writes it out for 200 pills and they only have 50 they are supposed to give you the 50 and not charge you or your insurance at all until they get the rest of the meds. I use Rite Aid and this is how they do it, I have also used Walgreen's and this is how they do it too. If they are doing this you may want to call the main pharmacy office number and ask what the policy is for incomplete scripts and their payment, someone there could be pocketing your extra loot.

    And if your DR does not want to give you anything stronger maybe it is time to look for a pain management DR they deal with patients like us who suffer from chronic pain issues. I have a whole slew of medical problems too and take on a daily basis 20 different things, not fun but necessary. My DR sent me to physical therapy and it kind of helped or would have maybe helped if my insurance would have paid for more than 2 visits a month, the therapist told me that almost everything he had me doing were some stretching exercises and very basic beginners yoga. So I got a copy of yoga for dummies and I am doing the stretches he showed me and he said if I needed to ask him anything to call. So I am doing my own carefully DR advised physical therapy at home, and you know what I look pretty cute in that yoga outfit my mom bought me for my birthday with that mat of course.

    I tell you what I was very close to my Grandma and she died in 2007 mom and I were with her, sitting on her bed in the hospital I was holding her hand, she was like my 2nd mom everyone at her DRs office always thought that I was her youngest daughter and it almost killed me when she died, that's when my real depression set in and out came the Prozac. And just when I thought things were getting better my aunt in 2009 died of surgical compactions she was only 15 years older and one of my best friends in the world more a sister than an aunt, than 2 weeks later Comcast fired me because my disabilities made it more difficult to do my job and they could have made an accommodation but they didn't want to so to heck with them, so I lost my insurance for myself my husband and our son, than I applied for my unemployment until I could find a new job, but the folks at Comcast blocked it so I didn't get my unemployment. So the job search went on even though I felt like I was being beat to death every time I had to move and couldn't see to drive from the blinding migraines that I got 4 to 5 times a week, and all the other medical problems I have. I finally had to stop looking because I couldn't even go to the interviews so I got depressed and decided to run my car into a huge walnut tree, I am ok, the car not so great it died and went to the junk yard. That was still in 2009 and I wouldn't drive after that I started to get really bad panic attacks I had to wear those little headphones with classical music or the sound of the ocean to calm me everywhere that I went because the noise just rattled me so bad I couldn't even breath and the walls started to close in on me and I wanted to scream out to everyone to just please be quiet. Than without any meds I got so depressed and was in so much pain that I just stopped getting out of bed other than to eat or go to the bathroom.

    I know this sounds trite but I assume your daughter is young and God willing her and her husband will be blessed with more children, it is important that they both know it was nothing that they did and to have faith that they will be parents, if they for some reason cannot have children of their own God forbid there are so many kids out there that are waiting for good loving homes.

    I can't help with the bed situation I know that can be an ordeal when a person has health issues, you know what check into government grants and see if there is anything for folks with health problems more often than not you don't have to pay grants back.

    Hey Rosemarie, even if nothing here is helpful to you it may have been long enough to bore you to sleep! Oh on that note I don't know if it is something you will try but you could always try a sound machine that plays ambient sounds to help you sleep or do what I did and buy a cheap mp3 player and some soft ear bud headphones and than I went to you tube and got some ocean sounds and they pet me out at night, when that fails me I put my earplugs in and hopefully I am out like a light.
    Well God bless you and I hope things get better for you soon, I hope you enjoyed my short novel. I'm Italian and Irish talking is what we do, even with my hands.

  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    YEs you are right I am the one who takes care of my Mom the most. My sister comes over twice a week {mostly} she helps Mom take a bath and does her hair and makes sure that her pills filled in her case's they last her for two weeks.

    I am the one who takes her to the doctor makes her doctor appointments, take her to town too. My sister is getting better at helping out Mom more often.

    For some unkown reason the past few days have been a struggle for me. I have been so exhusted. Tonight was strange as I have been so sleepy all day long. By around 6:30 or 7:00pm, I woke my self up by snoring and I tried to stay awake but no such luck , so I dozed off and on till around 9 pm and then I was awake, NOw I am wide awake and won't be sleeping any time soon. I can't do this very often I need some good sleep at night when I should be getting the good REM sleep. I don't understand why it is that I am so exhusted and so sleepy, I have not taken any pain meds or muscle relaxants sicne 6 am and yet I have dozed all day long. Help I don't know how to change my internal clock so I will sleep at night not all day.