I am so tired....

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by villagetree, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. villagetree

    villagetree New Member

    I've been suffering from depression for almost a year now, and have been receiving treatments from both a therapist and a physician.
    I take Lexapro daily, which helped me get out of the worst episode back in July of last year.
    But I think about a suicide constantly...the thought of "what's the point of living like this?" crosses my mind almost every day.
    I've done extensive research on how to commit suicide so many times.
    Due to my depression, I have developed eating disorder and have lost 35 pounds in little over a year.
    I am also suffering from insomnia, and cut myself regularly.

    I know in my head that this suicidal thoughts are because of my illness, but I am just so tired to fight it sometimes.
    Even when I get lifted a little bit, I am so afraid of the next drop, I can never feel truely happy anymore.
    If anyone is going throught the same thing, I would love to hear from you.

  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I hope the physician you are seeing is a psychiatrist, if not then get to a psychiatrist immediately. I'll bet you haven't been completely and fully truthful with your therapist about all this suicide, your researching suicide, thinking about it all the time and cutting yourself--if you did, your course of treatment would be changing. Many complain how therapy and treatment never work and then they admit that they have not been fully truthful with all their doctors. No treatment will work if patients aren't don't admit EVERYTHING to their doctors. When the thoughts of suicide get too much, check yourself into the hospital for help because it is so clear you need more help than what you are getting right now.

    Stop the research on committing suicide and commit to stop cutting and get into a hospital for help. Research various methods to relieve depression as there are very many out there.

    Truthfully, when you commit suicide you leave your family and loved ones with all the pain and suffering that you couldn't tough out. You leave your family and loved ones to find your body (which is absolutely horrifying and will haunt them for the rest of their lives--ask the one person on here who found his friend dead), and you expect them to follow your wishes and dispose of your belongings as you wish and get you buried. You check out early and leave all the many details, paperwork, pain and suffering to everyone else and that's just not right nor fair. That's the true story of suicide--it is putting upon many other people and hurting them so badly for a long time. That's not a good plan.

    A good plan is to get into a hospital and be totally honest as to EVERYTHING, and don't give up. Keep in there trying again and again with different treatment plans and don't give up until something works.
  3. villagetree

    villagetree New Member

    Thank you very much for your messages. I have been meaning to write you back a message too, but just haven't been feeling good lately.
    I swear I will write soon.