to try to make it sound like my pain was any worse than anyone else's. For anyone who can lean on the Lord or draw strength from Him, my hat goes off to that person. I think I realized how far away I was from God when my late husband was dying and I wanted more than anything for him to get a transplant so he could live. I was hurting so much, watching him day after day die and angry with God for not healing him. Believe me, I am trying to get myself closer to God. I don't see myself as a drug addict, I see myself as a young vibrant woman who has been stricken with this disease and I am looking for something to help me. Even a drowning person can make a situation worse for themselves by flailing about, but that is just instinct isn't it, your first instinct tells you to do something, don't just sit there. For anyone who can get by on supplements and prayer, and a small amount of pain med, then you have my utmost respect. I wish I were that strong but I'm not. I am in too much pain, too new at this despite now knowing that I have had this for a good many years, and further from God than I would like to be. Again, I apoligize to anyone here I may have offended.