I cannot go on like this.......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by IngaDinga, Jun 8, 2003.

  1. IngaDinga

    IngaDinga New Member

    Everything is hard. I have been unwell for 15 years. I am alone with two daughters and unable to work. I have an ex that does not belive in child support. My house has toxic mold and termites and the back wall / kitchen area is literally caving in on top of us.
    I am losing my will to do anything because everything is so physically hard. Shopping is near impossible. Preparing meals ~ I can't do it ~ just the very basics.

    I am sad all the time. I've done 3 courses of aggressive IV abx to no avail. My doc thinks I have Lyme. I have severe dysautonomia that makes it hard to stand. Walking causes my heart to race and pound.

    It's all too hard. On top of everything I met and fell for a man that I thought was wonderful. I just thought that finally everything was going to start to be okay. That maybe I could find some happiness amid all this SH*T. Well.... it was only a couple of weeks (6 actually) but I just found out he is married! Really, I cannot take any more. I don't know why I am writing this. It's not like anyone here can help me. But, I don't know...... I often think my girls might even be better off without me and all this illness and sadness
  2. Emmy1

    Emmy1 New Member

    I came by for just one minute to look for something and of course, I saw your post tittle and had to see..
    I am hoping that your daughters alone are a very important reason to try and get yourself in a better position. Just the fact that you are in such a mental and emotional state is enough to make your physical state much, much worse than it is.
    I speak by experience.And what do you mean by saying something like:"it's not like anyone here can help me" ( ? )
    I do not know your beliefs, but what about God? (whatever and whoever you concieve him/her to be?) And.. what about YOU? And..what about all of us who come by and even if not able or willing to answeer still do have a thought or two of compassion and good will sent your way.
    Will be back later, in the meantime, hold in there. Emmy
  3. Carlacat

    Carlacat New Member

    but you have to pick yourself up and dont let this get the best of you. I'm sure you have children that love and need you, and its not the house you live in..its the love under the house roof that keeps a home together. As far as dead beat X husband..does your state have child support laws where they have to pay or they take their license or more. Fight for that child supoort..stand up for your right to support your kids and bring him down. I have that also where if I stand or walk I get dizzy and weak, I was DX with POTS. If you have a medical card or some kind of insurance...get in to see a cardiolgist that knows something about POTS. I am on meds and taking salt tabs and I feel better..and if you have some tight knee high stockings, try wearing them to see if they help, I wear them. You can email me at any time, just dont give up. God put you on this earth for some reason, only if its to raise your children but everyone has a purpose in life and fight this illness.
    Take Care
  4. bejo

    bejo New Member

    I know living with fibro is hard.But please think of your girls and how they would feel without their mother.Do you get public assistance or anything? Can you go to a Dr.and get some help with how you feel? I don't know what state you live in or what their laws are concerning child support.But try to force your ex to pay child support.Stand up and say-I count and my girls count-I will do my best to get what is coming to me for them.We do all care and I'll put you in my prayers.(((((hugs))))) bejo
  5. Mrs. B

    Mrs. B New Member

    They aren't better of without you. No matter how hard things get teach them you strenth, will, common sense and determinaiton to do what is right. those are lesson they will cherrish for life and they will help you to be back onthe right track with hope.

  6. IngaDinga

    IngaDinga New Member

    Thank you Emmy ~ Yes, my daughters are the only reason I am carrying on at this point. And, I know that my emotional state must ahve an adverse affect on my physical well being. I have bee unable to sleep or eat anything and that cannot be good. I also know that you can all help me just by being here. I hope I did not offend anyone with my comment about "it's not like anyone here can help me". I certainly did not mean to hurt anyone. I just meant that I feel so alone and afraid and don't actually have anyone right here with me to help. I do not know how I feel about God anymore..... I used to have a very strong faith. Thank you for the good wishes ~ I need it.

    Hi CarlaCat ~ Yes, you are right, it is the love that makes a house a home. But when it rains and actually rains into your house, and when you flush the toilet or do dishes and the cesspool overflows spilling sewage into the yard.....well, no matter how much love we have here..... times are just plain hard. :(

    I am fighting for the child support. Unfortunately my girls Dad has many problems of his own including mental and physical health issues. So, actually getting much from him is not going to happen. I am going through the court system to try and get what I can though.

    I am awaiting an appointment with a cardiologist that specializes in Dysautonmia. I had a positive Tilt Test  two months ago and have been tryiong to get in with a good cardio since then. 

    Hi Bejo ~ Thank you for putting me in your prayers. That is what I need at this point. I do get food stamps but not public assistance. I get $250.00 per month in food stamps. I did not go for public assistance because I own my home and would have had to put a lien on it in order to qualify.

    DogDazed ~ oh boy do i ever need profeesional help. :D Yes... I agree completely on that one. I have Medicaid though and I live very far out on the Eastern End of Long Island. This area is a high priced resort style town and there are no docs around here that accept Medicaid. In order to get help I need to drive about 60 miles to get into a larger town. There is no way I can make the commute.

    I do have a lawyer that is a friend and is trying to get me some help from my ex. But he (my ex) has so many problems of his own that he cannot help us much at all. I cannot pay anyone to give me a hand as I have absolutely no money since I am too unwell to work.

    Thank you Ellie and Mrs. B ~ I wanted to respond to everyone personally but I just can't. I am wiped out. The school just called about my older daughter ~ she will fail 10th grade this year. She has been unwell all year and missed so much school. Then, when I got off the phone with them my younger daughters school clalled ~ she is sick again. She has difficulty breathing and the docs cannot find out why. Also, she has ankle and knee pain almost constantly and exercise intolerance. Really, this is all too much for me to handle alone. I'm sorry, I thought I was okay........but I'm not. I'm really not.

  7. zestytx

    zestytx New Member

    you might look at it as a solution to some of your problems. Being located in a resort community makes it a desirable property, even if it has mold... and the mold is probably what is making your girls, and even you to some extent, feel bad all the time... If you have friends or relatives somewhere you might want to move to, think about selling your property. Take the money and RUN to a place that is better for all of you. I know selling is very stressful.. I'm a real estate agent... but it sure seems like your best bet... and a change of scenery might be good for your entire family.
  8. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member

    i don't know what to say. i read your post and wish i could help. when things get so bad and there seems to be no up, no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, and we are so helpless and lose the will to fight, its' so depressing. there are all the cliches, people say the same thing and you've heard it all. the last week has been all wrong for me too. one thing after another, phone turned off, son flunking 7th, (summer school saved his behind), no food, no $$( my extra income cut off in november due to this S&^*T dd), i feel like Sh&%T and wanted to die. i had to stop and think. can't even do that right. my family would be so hurt w/out me. they'd have to go on w/out me. your girls need you, sick or not. how old are they? please, don't do anything rash. believe it or not God loves you. like you love your girls. you say you lost your faith. i am praying for you. He is listening to your every word. listen. be still for a moment. think of one thing that makes you happy. grab on to that moment and keep it close to your heart today. i you want to e-mail me, we could chat. my e-mail is on my bio. write and let me know you are o.k.
    hugs to you, alice.
  9. MemoryLane

    MemoryLane Member

    I am so sorry. I do not know where you live, but maybe you can contact Habitat for Humanity, they have gone international now, they have a website and I believe they do repairs. Our little city has a program to help with home repairs, maybe your's does, too. Also if there is a Catholic Charities in your area, they are always helpful maybe other church organizations as well. Is there not a governmental agency to help with the Deadbeat Dad issue? We have one here in Texas through the state.

    I wish I could help more. Please stay with us - we may not be there for you in person, but we are here in spirit.

    Wishing you well,
  10. Member

    Member New Member

    I just read your message and just want you to remember that YOU ARE LOVED!! It does seem really difficult at times to wonder if things will ever change for the better, but believe in YOU. Sounds to me like you are a survivor and trying to find new ways to cope. I think we all have days and times like this, sometimes worse, sometimes not so bad, but hard as it may be hang in there!! We love you lots.

  11. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member


    hoping all is well w/you. please post that you are o.k.


  12. Majesta

    Majesta New Member

    Dear Ingadinga
    Thing may look bad right now, but I promise you thing will
  13. nje

    nje New Member

    i have been so down and out about having no life anymore and always staying sick,bills,pills,no money and on and on. in fact i`ve been in a very bad low state all week. after i read your post,mine seems like nothing. don`t ever think God has forgotten you and doesn`t care. he gives us these trials and tribulations to see how we will react,and also to make us mature christians. as someone else posted,open your phone book,and call every charity, church,or anything that you think may can help you. trust me they are somebody out there who can and will. i will pray for you as will all the others on here said they would, you have to believe he will see you through this,sometimes thats hard to do, i know that,but in the end,i just give it to him and say,Lord i`m giving all my burdens to you,trusting that you will see me through them.he has really come through for me,when i was about ready to give up. so don`t give up. your children need you,i don`t know what their ages are but having a sick mom is better than not having one at all. i can tell you this from experience. i lost both my parents within 3 years apart, i have 3 siblings who doesn`t understand jack about this disease,but my husband at least tries to.hang in there and never give up on God.he will never give up on you!!!!!many prayers and wishes to you, nje. ps please come back on and let us know how you are.
  14. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Right now, you are feeling overwhelmed. You have several problems in different areas of your life. Try to take care of your physical health first. It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping your kids.

    You have to get out of the toxic mold environment or you will never get well no matter what your other illnesses or treatments.

    Get some help from your community. There are ways to make deadbeat dads pay up. You also could use some family counseling for yourself and your kids because you are going through a crisis time right now.

    I know your situation with the married man is crushing and I don't mean to sound uncaring, but this creep is the least of your problems right now. You have bigger fish to fry.

    I know it's hard when you are sick, but you have more options than you think you do, but you must take control of the situation. Put the energy you were putting into dating the married man into finding some healthy solutions for yourself and your kids. Good luck to you and I keep you in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  15. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I know how overwhelmed you are hon. Boy I am in a boat like that too! Please, I think the advice you got above about getting out of that house is excellent. Due to toxic problems, we are moving asap. I have fibro and cfs, and my husband was just diagnosed with fibro, last month. My children are suffering---developing symptoms of fibro, and as a matter of fact, I am taking my youngest in to my doctor---willing to bet she will be dx'ed with fibro.

    We are waiting for people to move out of the house we are moving into--probably about 3 days. With all of us sick, it is going to be so difficult---but VERY necessary. I must do whatever is needed for my children's sake. Even if we can only move one piece of furniture a day, due to feeling so ill. We have been in this home for 23 years....and the memories---but it is not worth their health.

    If you are on prime property, as you mention, get a realtor, and get a sign in that yard! You and your children's health is worth it. Mold is a terrible hazard to health. See if you can relocate so your trips to a good doc aren't impossible.

    I know what it is like to be at wits end. I have been there. I am stressed beyond belief at the awesome task of moving---but I have to do what is best for my kids....
    Please consider moving to a healthier environment.

    Best wishes, LL