I can't beleive I just did what I did?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ayhatch, Feb 21, 2007.

  1. ayhatch

    ayhatch New Member

    Well, I knew it was coming. If you've read my last two posts you know that my husband has been treating me very poorly lately...to say the least.
    Anyway, In my therapy today I was finally brave enough to say outloud that I want to move on. Then just now, after the kids went to sleep I told him I needed to talk to him.
    I told him "I was sorry that our marraige has gotten this bad and I'm sorry for my part in it and I'm sorry we are both suffering. I know he loves me and I do love him, but his actions in the last few days was the last straw for me and I want to move on. I said I'm not filing papers tomorrow, but I want us to live seperately for now."

    Then he got up, walked out of the room and went to his bedroom and closed the door. (Little sulky boy behavior.)
    I'll leave it at that for now and see what he brings back to the table. I need to tell him how I'm planning on this seperation logistically. it won't be easy and it may take a while to get organized to move, but I'm going to start packing boxes in the next few days.

    Wow, my stomach is churning and I'm shakey! I know what I said hurt him. It hurt me to say it, but I felt I had to. The momentum was already there...he's been pushing me to it.

    thanks for your love and prayers and support dear friends!
  2. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Iam so proud of you for standing up for yourself!

    If you have the way and means to leave then do it!

    There are so many of us women that stay because we do not have the means to leave!

    There is absoutley no reason one person should carry the burden of trying to make a troubled marriage work..it takes TWO!

    Maybe by leaving your husband.....he will realize a few things and come to his senses.........if not then he is not worth it! Then again maybe "YOU" will see things differently and NOT want to ever come back???

    I honestly believe that if more of us women could disallow men to treat us badly by walking away from them when they do............. maybe more of us would get the respect and love we deserve.

    A man will only treat you as bad as you allow him to !

    Before any of you get upset with me I do want to say that I know there are a lot of men who treat their women with respect and love, compassion, and care and to those of you that do my hat is off to you!

    What you did took a lot of courage and you really should be proud of yourself ......you just took the first step to thinking of your happiness and making the move necessary to accomplish a better way of life!

    You go girl!

    Hugs to you............

    Doxy
    p.s. this is probably not going to be an easy road so please know we are all here for you to help you along the way!



    [This Message was Edited on 02/21/2007]
  3. Krackitty

    Krackitty New Member

    Anyone telling you to "buy your own food" is a jerk.
    I'm not even married to my boyfriend, and we're struggling financially--but he has NO problem paying for my food! We don't have any kids, but he still recognizes the value of having someone take care of the house and cook his meals for him. He is frustrated by my condition (as I am), but he is compassionate and only wants me to feel better.
    You deserve respect and compassion. I hope he either wises up and gives it to you, or you find someone (not necessarily romatically) that does.
  4. Iamnotmyillness

    Iamnotmyillness New Member

    Good for you AY...buy you own food??? Thats crazy.
  5. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    As hard as it may have been..and may be even harder in the future..we have to do our best to be happy in this life..and if your marriage wasn't working...and there is no hope for it..then moving on is a good thing for you all!
  6. FMsolider

    FMsolider New Member

    Your right this pretty major! I pray all will work out for you both in whatever way is best. I know what you mean by, "Him pushing you to it." I my small experience men often do that in one way or another.
  7. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    Recognize anger as another symptom of depression. It's good that you expressed yourself, but always be ready to forgive and let a relationship heal.

    I use to travel a lot. Very hard on a marraige. It was worst when I came home, we exchanged lots of bad words...but when you recognize that we were just expressing ourselves about the stress and gave it time...it was OK.

    Anyone can become selfish. My prayers are with you. Speaking of prayers: see James 5:14. I actually went before the Elders of my church. I wasn't instantly healed but rather, it was then that I got the wisdom about looking for toxic metals...sure enough, a hair analysis found Lead, Cadmium, Antimony & Arsenic. Lead weakens the immune system: BINGO!
  8. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    I've been silently reading your story.. and was wondering how things were today?

    Wishing you well...

    Zzz
  9. katvwolf

    katvwolf New Member

    Good for you! I'm so happy to see you standing up for yourself and following through. That takes guts!

    His behavior was so degrading, he HAD to know this was a possibility... I really hope he went into his bedroom to think of how to resolve things, rather than to pout and fester about your honesty. He initiated this. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you. Cutting your wife off financially is APPALLING.

    Please do take care of yourself. This is a highly stressful situation, to put it mildly, and I don't want that to make your physical condition worse. However, perhaps this separation will help to take the majority of the stress off of you, which will be beneficial in itself. Or, maybe it will be the big slap in the face of reality that your husband needs. I certainly hope so. Even given that, I don't know if what he did is repairable.

    (((HUGS)))

    Kat
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    ayhatch:

    I am so sorry. I have been following your story and so much want to see you be happy without all of that stress.

    Watch out for the Fibromyalgia. And again: I hope you are eating right and have been getting proper rest.

    My best to you,
    nyrofan
  11. SleepyMama

    SleepyMama New Member

    Way to go! It sounds like you are handling things calmly and in perspective. Good for you giving him a chance to think and cool off before taking it further. Sometimes people (men ahaha) really need to handle information bit by bit like that. We're all keeping you in our thoughts. Keep on posting updates! We all want to know!
  12. ayhatch

    ayhatch New Member

    I'm tired today. I think the adrenalin and emotions of the last few days have worn me out.
    I had some distraction today though. I got away from it all by wedding dress shopping with one of my best friends. It was great. She looked so beautiful and we had a nice lunch together after. We also talked and she helped me move along some more.
    One thing I noticed last night after I talked to him and told him "I was done" - I got that "breakup feeling". It's been over 20 years since I've been in a relationship that I had breakup, so if you asked me a few days ago...I wouldn't have remembered the feeling. But after last night I felt nauseous and shakey and there is this empty pain in my chest. It's the Breakup Feeling. that's how I know this is real this time.
    Wow!
  13. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    I haven't posted much lately but I have been following your posts and praying for you and your family. Just wanted to say, whatever happens, believe in yourself, that you did your best.

    I will continue praying for you & your family, & especially your health during this extemely stressful period of your life.

    Theresa