"I cant believe she just said that!!"

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Nov 2, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I know, I know...this topic has been visited and visted again, but I really need to vent.

    I've had FM for 5 years.

    I had a conversation with my mother today and for some reason, she felt the need to bring up FM and disability. She proceeded to tell me that "most people believe that fibromyalgia is just all in your head or a psychiatric disorder.....and that goes for most doctors too." Then she said I may as well decide NOT to file disability since nobody really believes in it.

    I told her that alot of people with FM get disability.

    She told me that she has a friend whose son has MS and he has been to court 3 times and still hasnt gotten it.

    I think the whole thing boils down to this - if I get disability, I will have a hard time making ends meet, at which point, she feels I may need to move in with her - and she has made it very clear that she is enjoying her life living alone. She doesnt want me to be a burden.

    Of course one could argue that she only cares about me and wants the best for me - doesnt want me to get my hopes up cuz I may not get disability anyway.

    Trust me, it is the first one. I know my mom best and she has never ever been the kind of mom that is concerned about anyone or anything.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    are sacred cows in the US. Mothers even more so.

    But lottsa families are toxic, and the first step in dealing with them is
    recognizing it.

    When my mother was dying, she told me she loved me. I was 63. First
    time I had ever heard it. All I'd heard up till then was nagging and criticizing.

    My father didn't talk to his kids at all except to bark a command: Change
    the channel. Bring me a beer.

    You can fight w/ 'em. But that is stressful. You can try and change 'em.
    But that doesn't work. My therapist advised, "Get toxic people out of
    your life."

    But don't tell most people you did. They always feel compelled to tell you
    that was a heartless thing to do.

  3. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Mom, you are right. I won't file for disability. I was only doing it so I could try to support myself and not be a burden to you, because I think I am going to have to quit my job soon because of my health and that means moving in with you without the income from disability! LOL
  4. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Did he at least buy the ticket for you? :-D
  5. steach

    steach Member

    It is difficult for a mother to accept that her child has a disability. Maybe for some odd reason she is blaming herself and is in denial. It might be easier for her to think that this is "all in your head" because it would be easier to "fix" and she wouldn't have any fears about losing you.

    Depending upon her age, she may not be familiar with or educated about FM.

    With my older children, I want them to be on their own, self-supportive, independent, healthy, and have a career not just a job. I think most parents of adult children feel this way. We want to "encourage" them in life- not "cripple" them. Maybe she is trying to push you to "feel better".

    There are just so many people who do not understand us. If they would just "walk in our shoes" for even a week, maybe then they would understand; a month would be even better!

    I don't know if your mom has a computer, but, I have had my family read posts to get a better idea of what I am going through; I've even invited them to dr. appts. so the dr. could explain FM and they would have the opportunity to ask questions.

    No matter what is going on with your mother, I'm sure it hurts not to have her support. This is why we are all here for each other; we our a "Fibro Family".

    When we are told to get the toxic people out of our lives, it would be soooo difficult to lose your mother. Print-out some info from this site and invite her to a dr. appt. Maybe some education is just what she needs.

  6. Bevatjlodge

    Bevatjlodge New Member

    Maybe going on disability and working from home is a consideration. I have been disabled for almost 2 years. It was hard to live with the fact that I would not go work again. I had a lot of questions and fears. How would I cover my mortgage payment and bills? Would I ever be productive again? Thankfully, I was introduced to the Social Security Administration's, Ticket to Work Program. The Ticket to Work Program is an employment program for people with disabilities who are interested in going to work. The Program is part of The Work Incentives Improvement Act of 1999. Legislators designed this program to remove many of the barriers that previously influenced people's decisions about going to work and losing SSDI benefits.

    This program really helped change my life. With the income limits changed, I was able to keep my Disability benefits, including COBRA, and work to learn a new skill. I can bring more income into the family, and earn my own self respect. For more information you need to check with the management company for the Ticket to Work, Maximus, phone 866-968-7842 and on the web www.yourtickettowork.com you can get all the particulars there to apply and start feeling like a productive person again. Especially now with all of the Work at Home positions available around the country, it is great time to participate in the program.

    Once you have gotten all the particulars about your Ticket to Work in order, check out the immediate openings at www.jlodge.com/careers. J. Lodge Corporation is a company dedicated to the employment of people on the Ticket to Work program, on Social Security Disability, and Social Security Supplemental Income (SSDI) in various positions that are tailored to the unique needs of these individuals. They have openings now! www.Jlodge.com/careers

  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Never heard of that program. Sounds like it's worth a try.

    Bevatjlodge, do you want to make a separate post about this
    program. Might help a few here; maybe more.