I can't cope with this never ending pain don't know what to do?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 18, 2010.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    For teh past several months I have been in a constant flare and feeling very panicky. So much went on in 09 when my hubby lost his job and had surgery, my mom's health is getting worse and I ache , hurt in every muscle, bone, joint, you name it I hurt there. I am seeing a rehumy who will not raise my meds at all and I really don't want him too, i would like him to help with the muscle relaxant , I am on SOMA and have been for many years Some times it knocks me out and others like to night it really is not doing any thing.

    I don't know what to do any more, I am so sick of being in constant pain no matter what I take I hurt , I know that I need to exericse but just walking up my stairs makes me cry. I don't sleep most of the night in bed just on the recliner. I struggle to wake up in the morning and get going with sliver snealkers programs that start at 9 am, I am just dozing off in bed at that time. I have reached a limit wher I realy want a new md, someone who cares about me, this one doesn't as I only see him once a year,y 83 yr old mother see's him more often thaan I do and I am the one on narcoitics and she does not get her meds from him execpt for her pregisone which she is at the lowest level she can take.

    But he still see's her every 4 months. I don't know who I would go to any way as my gp would have a fit if I aasked him to prescribe my MScontin100 mgs 2x daily, MSir 30 mgs x 4 daily,soma 350 mgs max doseage at 4 x a day and xanax 2 mgs at bedtime, he has filled my scripts for 4-6 days but that is all. So he is out as I have been on these meds for close to 5 yra.

    TOnight I am aching all over, the weather is changing getting colder and going to rain and snow, I feel like some one ran over me with a Mack Truck or pulled me th ru a knot hole backwards. I know that I need both knee's replaced but I can't afford it even with medicare { room cost this year $135.00, for days 1-5 and next year $ 175.00 for days 1-7 }I would not have enough time in rehab, I have only so many days and after day 20 the cost goes up every 10 days. till I could not afford it. I have to pay my own medical expences as my hubby's new job pays $27,000 less a year than the old one, his insurance is lousy and he can'at afford to pay for insurance for me, wiht teh deductable is $1500.00 a year before they pay any thing and another $500.00 for scripts. So I am just up a creek with no paddle.

    I don't mean to complain or whine but how does some one live and be happy, trying to make new friends in a temp.house, till we can find one bigger with more bedrooms and a kitchen that will hold a table. I know most of the pople that are in my church area but they are all in their late 60's - late 80's. then we have the we are still having babies set in the church, I am not in that set. I am in the set where we are getting more grandbababies. I know thsome of the peole and I just don't feel like I fit in with them, I don't quilt, knit, or chochet, I tole paint and sew hooded baby bath towels and I am wanting to make a new project of burp cloths.

    I don't fit in at all, my hubby is working two jobs just to pay off the bills. Old one adn new ones. I am worried so much about him as he has type 1 dibeties adn his sugar is too high most of the time. The more I worry about him the more my body flares up agianist me. and the more i hurt. IT is a bad circle I am stuck in. I can't take any more pain now and htat is all I am getting. I don't know who to talk too here as there are no groups to talk with .
    Sorry for all teh chinning. I jsut don't know who I can share how I feel with adn not have them get mad or take offence that I am whinning about me adn my apin all the time. I can't cope any more
    Sorry for the tears
  2. luigi21

    luigi21 Member

    Can identify, ive had this going on 6 years now, absolutely fed up, decided to explore every option, done the drug thing, the exercise thing, the willpower thing, most recently doing the Dr Sarno thing, a lot of sense is written in it, im qualified in anatomy and physiology and know alot about psychiatry, so thats what im doing, dont care what causing this thing, if there is a way out Id stand on my head! Can get his books cheap on the net, says alot of people been cured by his ideas, (cured always been a redcard to me) but reading it makes a lot of sense, even if it only allievates symptoms its got to be better than how things are for me at the moment. So i'm reading the books journalling, going to participate in psychotherapy if required, and ive started exericising cardio vascular and stretching with pilates ball, oh and using heat before hand and after so muscles are warm. but overall Sarno points out the psychological work is the first step forward. best wishes to you.
  3. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator


    I am sorry that you are suffering so much. It's a travesty.

    In order to get better you must find the cause of your symptoms.

    It is likely that one or more infectious agents have caused you to be so ill.

    Many of us here have found that Borrelia burgdorferi (a bacteria), Bartonella (definitely associated with anxiety), Babesia and Ehrlichia, etc have caused our chronic illness of pain, fatigue, sleep problems, cognitive problems, anxiety etc.

    Please keep an open mind and just read through this booklet.

    You may recognize alot of your symptoms.

  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Not everyone has Lyme or an infection. Finding the cause is secondary when you're in pain and trying to live your daily life.

    Researchers have been trying to find the cause for years. Sufferers dont have that time.
    I'm assuming however that you're suggesting Lyme, and antibiotics.

    No disrespect meant, but some of us have Fibro without Lyme.
  5. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    There are solutions to everything - or at least ways to help the situation. I am not talking about your body pain, that's different.

    If you need knee replacements, that in itself is cause you lots of pain. That can be taken care of. Don't let the money stand in your way. Try not to find a reason why you can't do it, but a way you CAN do it.

    Forget the stuff about meds being bad. You need them to function and you're barely functioning.

    You like to toll paint, make your burp cloths?? DO IT! Why not? If that's something you get pleasure from, then do it for yourself.

    I get it about the $, my husband makes about 40K less than last year. It SUCKS to put it bluntly. You have to adjust because well, there is no other option.

    You mentioned you wanted your muscle relaxer adjusted? Have you tried other ones? I've found Soma to be the strongest, most effective at least for me. Have your Dr. give you some samples of other ones to try. The Soma effects me the same way - sometimes it does nothing, others it knocks me out as well.

    I often have horrible pain like you, so I get it. Sometimes it all seems like too much to handle.
    Venting here is a great way to get it out! Crying is often a good release as well.

    I hope though that you are able to list the good things in your life so that you are able to see things in a different light to feel better at least for a little bit each day. Thankfully your husband now has a job. Get into the hobby that you like so that you are enjoying something and can look forward to doing something!

    Your temp house is temporary, so don't stress about that. Do you have old friends you can call on the phone? All of my contact with friends is on the phone - actually it's really one that I talk to. I work, so I see a few women at work, but I go home right afterwards and crash.

    The great thing you have going for you - you KNOW what you like to do Rosemarie, so go for it, girl! Have fun painting.

    We're all coping together here, as difficult as it is, remember we ARE an incredibly strong and special bunch!

    Many HUGS,
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have another reason for not haveing my knees replaced. I am terrified of having another major surgery again. I have had too many and had bad reactions happen during teh surgery, after surgery, getting the right amount of pain control, issues with dcotors and staff who don't understand how I can take such a large amount of a narcoitic med and not have bad effects. I shattered my left wrist, and broke my radius too ,it was terrifiing for me. I did this because I am a klutz, and it happened 4 days before my youngest daughter got married, so I was taking alot of pain meds at that time. I had a trip to the ER the day after I did it, they had alligned all teh bones they could then put a sticky splint on it. the day after I came back to the ER as my wrist was hurting so bad and it was swelling and my fingers turned blue.

    The first thing was the triage nurse came out and stated in a loud voice, " OH your the one that was here yesterday and was given 200 mic's of fentynal, and versed, and other meds to calm me down and ease the pain , the pain from the break was horriable and then the pain from my OA in my knee's, the ddd, spinal stenosis as well as my fibro, were all flaring up to where I was sick and scared and in more pain than i have ever been in . I don't want to feel that way again ever. I am getting harder to put under and as I have panic attacks the versed, demoral does not work well for me.

    I had surgery once and felt them put the ventaltion tube in my throat , I could not breathe nor could I tell them I can't breathe, I know that it was only a split second in time but it has stayed with me ever since.

    I am terrified to have surgery again I know that if I could not have both knee's done at the same time I will never get the second knee done ever.I have had so many surgeries now to where I can't count how many times I have gone under the knife. I just know that right now I am not mentally ready to go thru the phyical pain , the pain control issue because it is ever presant , how many days will I be on the pain pump how much can I use, will have had break thru pain meds. Surgery screws up every nerve I have , it makes my fibo go nuts and the pain is so out of control , I just am terrified , I don't want to do it now or ever to be truthfull, I know that getting my knee's relpaced would help, but after I have talked to my orthopedic , he wants me to have the plate and screws removed, then more rehab, after that I will need to lose weight before he would do my knee surgery as I weigh too much to have the best rehab and healing as possiable, so untill I lose 50+ lbs he will not do surgery. So I am starting to eat better , exercise as well, I have a good insuracne that pay sfor a memebership in a gym so I can do swimming or work out. either or both. I have to just make my self do it more than once every other month.
    You are the first people have I have told how terrified I am of having surgery again. It really does send me into a panic attack just thinking about it.
    Thanks for letting me vent, and yes I love all the grandbabies. But all at once in the same room is hard on me. and to make it worse my 83 yr old MOm was there and she can't stand it when all the little ones get running around screamming ,laughing, giggling , crying and she filps out and yells at them and will smack them if she feels like they need it. Saturday was a long day having all three babies as well as a 5 yr old, two three yr olds, a quiet 13 yr old, and my mom. But I did get to hold my newest grandbabies and loved every minute of it. We got the cutest photos of the two that are 11 days apart togeher and it is so cute. Then my younest took photo's of all 7 grandkids for a christmas gift for Mom. I hope that Jessie got some good shots becuase getting a 13 yr old, 5 yrs, two 3 yrold and threee babies from 5 months to 1 month in age all smilin, eye's open, looking at the camera, not hitting cousin,fighting over whom held who's baby. What a mess. But I think it will turn out great.
    Thanks again

  7. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Rosemarie, I haven't posted in a long time. I'm so sorry you are still in so much pain. May I share what I did what has helped me?
    I went to an acupuncturist. Since I have been going to him my Fibro pain is almost totally gone. I feel like I have a new lease on life.
    You mention joint pain. Have you been tested for Rheumatoid Arthritis? That is what my joint pain comes from. The Acupuncture helps that, too. When the acupuncturist showed me an article from the Mayo clinic that recommended acupuncture as one of the best treatments for RA, my insurance paid for the treatments. Of course, one must be sure to choose a good acupuncturist, but one could be easy to find by asking around.
    These days, many acupuncturists are holding clinics a couple of times a week, with the premise that it is time that medical help be made available at low cost. My acupuncturist has a sliding scale of from $15.00 to $40.00, depending on what a person can afford. He gives the patient an explanatory sheet at the first visit. Money is never mentioned, at all. He has a little mail box just inside the door to the treatment room, and the patient puts his money into that. He treats up to 5 people at once, starting at 15 minute intervals. No disrobing is necessary. He has deck chairs in a lovely room and he plays quiet music. Going to my treatments has become one of the best hours of my week.
    I hope what I have written will help you. I'll keep both you and your hubby in my prayers. Fondly, Terry