Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sweetpotato, Sep 4, 2003.

  1. sweetpotato

    sweetpotato New Member

    I'm sorry but I have to vent. Some days I tell myself that I can do this...I can live like this. But today I feel like I can't. I am so confused right now that I don't know what to say. I am so overwhelmed. I can't think straight, I can't see straight. My thoughts are running so fast that I can't slow them down. I feel like my brain is going in two different directions. I am so frustrated and tired and I am only 23. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I started school again and I can't motivate myself to do anything. i can't even understand what the fuck my teachers are telling me. I can't remeber shit and sometimes I literally can't hear what they are saying. And any hour I am not at school I am working or going to the doctor or physical therapy. I can barely get through my day. I feel like I am constantly running on empty and I can't take it anymore. I am in so much pain and I am on eight different meds. My jaw hurts so bad I can hardly open it. I am seeing a psychologist at the Pain Center and I spend a shit load of money on him to tell me to breathe. Fuck the breathing. And I surrounded by family and friends who don't have the slightest clue what I am going through. I feel crazy sometimes. And especially alone. I think about my future everyday and this was not in my plan. I worry abut everything....getting a job, having a family, supporting myself. I am scared and I need to know that I can do this. I need to know that things can get better. I am trying everything. I see 3 different doctors, get trigger shots, take meds, water therapy, TENS unit, deep tissue massage, heat, ice, stretch, breathing exercises.... what more can I do? On top of that I go to a school that thinks school is my only priority. My anxiety has hit the peak and my heart is constantly racing...I just want to feel good for one day. I just want to feel like ME again. Somebody give me some words of wisdom.
  2. Msagn

    Msagn New Member

    So sorry to hear of your distress. My FM was not brought on by a car accident and thankfully it didn't hit me until my later 60's. For four years I hurt like you are describing. Getting worse with each passing year.
    I have found a program that works for me... others that were in the group that started when I did had varing results.
    I questioned their dedication to the program the first several weeks you are on a rather bland diet to make sure your flares are not food related. As time goes on you get to add food groups one at a time, checking for anything that may cause you distress.
    Use the Google search engine and do a search on "Microdose Therapy" I'm sorry you'll have to do the reading for yourself and come to your own conclusions.
    All I can say is I started with a self diagnosed pain level of 127 after two weeks I had a 70% reduction in my pain level. I now reside around a (2) arthritic pain from jogging in my early years that may never go away.
    When you hurt as long as I did and been thru countless blood draws, MRI, CAT scans x-rays. you'll try almost anything. All I know is that this has been "my" answer to a no paini life.
    Best of luck in your art career. msagn cave creek, az
  3. hope-floats

    hope-floats New Member

    Hi Girls:

    It strikes me that the both of you have sooooooooo much going for you, but it is sometimes hard to ferret that out when you aren't feeling well. Keep the faith. You've both overcome adversity all the while your are feeling sick, sick and tired. You girls do have strength...you just need to be reminded at particularly low points. Hang in there!

    Sweet Potato, I find that overdoing things really causes me to just get worse, so I would caution you, as you go about your daily hectic life to look to eliminate anthing that you can. This is a task really. You have to come to terms with the fact that you can't possibly do everything on your "to do" list. The idea of simplfing isn't simple, unfortunatly. But do work at it. With less on your plate, your anxiety should lessen.

    When my anxiety was at its worst, I was prescribed Klonopin along with an antidepressant. After 5 days of "Zombie walk", Klonopin was a Godsend. Nothing else had changed in my life at that point, but suddenly, I was able to make it through the stress and anxiety of the day without feeling like I was going to go over the edge. Taking care of yourself is so much harder that people make it out to be. Your life right now demands that you do everything that you can to live comfortably. For you, that might mean cutting back on some things.

    Wishing you both all the best, which is what you deserve, and what you will eventually achieve. God Bless.
  4. kjan9

    kjan9 New Member

    Words of wisdom..Hum...I'm 40 now.. the most wisdom I've encountered is thru this horrific disease. And I know I have a lot to give back.. I'm having an unusually good day today after waiting soo long this time in between flares.
    Tomorrow you'll be a little wiser. And today in between the cruelness of others, laugh a little at their ignorance or their hair or their shallowness. Do they really have all the answers? You live more today than they will ever know in their lifetime. You are wiser. If all else fails Get yourself a T-Shirt that looks like this butt waiving icon!

    Don't let the turkeys get you down, Fibro and CFIDS will get you down somedays but your stronger than you know.
    You are probably tired of hearing about all the drugs to try
    truth is ,it is all in trial and error Hang in there. (These quotes from the seventies are so hard to hear sometimes) But tomorrow IS another day, and it could be a good one. I started taking my vitamins again after letting myself get so down I could'nt get any lower, mainly cause I had a voice in the back of my head telling me Tried That, Done That! Co-Q10, corral calcium and magnesium with not too much pain meds and not too much muscle relaxers helped me today on the 3rd day. Now I have to face the posibility that tomorrow I may be too sore from the "good" day that I had today. And I may have to vent to you guys. When those days hit me I get mad all over again. I cuss,cry and wonder if I can do it. I tell myself so many worthless things. Sometimes I write poetry and suprise myself just whats coming out. It helps to releive my anxiety to write it down. No One has really ever read it, because they'd probably never in a million years understand. (Except maybe some heavy metal artists!!)
    Mostly out of what I've said so far the t-shirt idea may be the best one yet. We could make a million bucks and see the most knowledgable doctors!!HA
    Hang in girl, You got a friend (Dang I'm full on 70 shit today)
    Karen (kjan9)

    P.S. I was born in the south , but now in southern cal.
  5. jka

    jka New Member

    it wasn't that long ago i felt the same.i was going to have to quit my job and wonder if life with all this pain was worth it.i found a good rheumy who tried me on mirapex and requip.both have turned my life aroun.at least i feel like i have one again.not all the pain has gone away-but it is much less then what it was.no more fibro fog,rls,running into things.i go to the gym 4-5 days a week.if you're interested- let me know. i can give my rhemuy name and # for your doc to call him.
    god bless-