I can't take this anymore...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Lau, May 23, 2003.

  1. Lau

    Lau New Member

    I am usually more positive than this, and don't usually post, only answer if I am in the right frame of mind.

    I can't seem to stop crying this morning. How much suffering is enough? I don't want to face day after day and year after year of this anymore. Its been over 18 years, and I thought I had a grip on everything but recently I just can't deal with this. I'm so tired and so tired of everything being so hard, I'm so tired of the pain and no help in sight. I'm so tired of the ups and downs and the downs always getting worse. I'm so tired of trying to 'act' normal just to keep up with the few people I still stay in touch with - the fake cheerful voice, etc.

    I'm so sorry to be complaining and whinniong to all of you, when I know you all have your own problems...its just that I know that you are the only ones who will listen and truly understand.

    I don't know what to do - Laurie
  2. tedebear

    tedebear New Member

    That's what friends on this site will do. Listen, care, relate.
    Don't ever be afraid to vent here. We care.
    Soft red/white/blue teddy hugs.
  3. wolflake46

    wolflake46 New Member

    Laurie,

    I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time of this now. I wish I could say things will get better, but I know that for some of us we will forever be in constant pain. I feel for you. I have just recently been diagnosed with FM a year and a half ago but I know I have had it for about 5 years. Some days the pain is so bad I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. In 2 weeks I am going to be going to a Fibromyalgia Treatment Program at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota that is suppose to help me manage my pain, I hope to God that it helps. Don't ever be afraid to get on this board and whine about your pain, sometimes just posting helps to get you mind off it for a while and a least you know that there are people here who understand what you are going through.

    Diane
  4. tulip922s

    tulip922s New Member

    My heart is breaking for you,,,,been there, done that,,,sure sounds feeble. I too have laid in my bed day after day curled up in a sweaty ball of fire red pain begging for it to end wondering if I have the strength to crawl on my hands and knees to the bathroom. I too am a positive person and I am sure if you dig down deep enough you will find the strength to make it through this rotten day,,,,,after all, they all aren't that bad. Hang in there,,,my thoughts and prayers are with you. Tulip
  5. jka

    jka New Member

    laurie-
    i know what you mean.i was diagnosed with a bad case of lupus 16 yrs ago.i finally had that under control and got side hit with fibro.it seem like just when things are looking better-i take a nose dive!i hav had my share of days of crying-i'm sure we all have.it just seems as though it's never going to end.with lupus i always felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel.with this i'm not so sure.i just keep hoeping.that's about all any of us can do.i don't fake feeling good any more.anyone who knows me can take one look at me and know i'm having a bad day.all i can offer you is sympathy and let you know there are other out here who understand.

    kathy c

    [This Message was Edited on 05/23/2003]
  6. Lau

    Lau New Member

    Thank you for your caring words and advice. I can't tell you how much it means. I am going to try to snap out of this. I know part of the problem is not sleeping well for a long time, and a couple of totally sleepless nights. The weather doesn't help, it seems like its been raining here forever. Also my meds are just not working anymore, and I think my doctor is getting tired of me saying everything isn't helping. My mind is also bogged down with all the things that need to be done and that I want to do at home but don't have the strength to do.

    I think I will try an epsom salt bath.

    Thank you all and God Bless,
    Love, Laurie
  7. achy

    achy New Member

    Bless your heart..I am in the same boat this week.
    Just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. No matter what I do it doesnt help. I eat right, take my vitamins, TRY to get sleep, take it easy when I'm flaring (which seems 3 days a week lately).
    I try to get out...this am I did a LITTLe gardening in my veggie garden, hoping it would break this mood. Now I hurt so bad, hot, sweaty and no energy left to take a shower.
    Grrrrrrr Rats......pluhy.

    I don't know what to do either. Sure wish I could pig out on chocolate like i used to. It always helped...but also helped me gain and x-tra 20 lbs!!

    Your not alone, I truely care. We have to remember, this too shall pass. We DON"T know what tomorrow holds. It's the couriosity and wishful thinking that keeps me going.
    Heck, you may win the lottery!!

    Warm fuzzies
    Achy
  8. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. My gosh, I could have written the same post today! I feel the same way. Just when I'm feeling good - BAM!!!! I sink real low again. At least we all have each other!!!! I hope you feel better soon. By the way, I read your bio - where in New York are you from? I'm from the Bronx.

    Annette2
  9. Dorothy45

    Dorothy45 New Member

    Hi Laurie!
    If I knew you, might be able to find some words of comfort, but of course I don't. I don't want to offend you in anyway, but I will tell you what works for me.
    I have suffered from clinical depression for atleast 10 years of and on. From what I know to be true for me, is that depression,and anxiety can do this. I know of several individuals who went of antidepressants and anxiety medecine, because they were suffering from a severe illnes. From what I've heard, it is not uncommon for people with an illness to suffer from depression and anxiety.
    Sometimes, we have to rely on medication to "pull" us through it. I was very fortunate to have a great husband and the best of friends. They all new me before I started having these problems, and were very concerned.
    In the meantime, try to find soemthing or someone that can possibly give you hope. Don't worry about this, just get help. If you are still having problems, let us know. I know don't mind talking about the "blues". Been there.
    Dorothy
  10. nubben

    nubben New Member

    I was diagnoised with fib 20 years ago. I know what you are going through. I still work a 40 hour week, have a "mentally disabled son" of 33 and am trying to take care of my 88 year-old mother. I have tried kind of pain medication except the very strong kinds that they will not give me. I still hurt. I am going to a pain management dr in a couple of weeks to see if there is anything he can do.
    the worse pain i have is my right shoulder and rib cage. wearing a bra absolutatly kills me. If anyone has any suggestions, I am certainly willing to listen. Does anyone know if there are "nerve blocks" that work?
    I have been tempted to take a knife and stab myself in the shoulder to stop the pain but they would probably put me
    in a mental hospital if i did that.

    Any suggestions are welcome.

    Signed: Painful in Virginia
  11. mamafurr

    mamafurr New Member

    i just wrote you a lenghty response and dang if i did'nt erase it. unless i am posting twice...who knows w/the memory prob. my heart goes out to you. i feel the same way today. they say God only gives us a much as we can handle" but i am really not looking forward to handling anymore either. take a moment to focus on 1 positive thing. i had soooo had it the past week as well but we have to go on. maybe this will never end. and that is the sheer frustration of it all. how can it get worse? it does. pain wears on you like no one can believe. the nerves are shot, the patience is shot, the ability to laugh fades. watch something funny. what makes you laugh? a favorite movie? watch it! taste something good. i had hagendaaz (sp) dark chocolate with chocolate ice cream (i dipped it in almonds) last nite and my pain put aside for the time i was eating that. it was still there, just to the side LOL. also this will sound like such a cliche but i went outside and smelled this rose. and just for a second, i forgot about my pain. it wasn't gone, just forgotten about. now if someone would invent something that smells like that that i can permantly attach to my upper lip. also, peri-menopause rears its ugly head (i am 48). so us oldies are screwed all the way around. (she says smiling). it's been 13 yrs since diagnosis for me so i completely understand. it just seems to be getting worse. please don't give up. we need you. believe it or not, when i read a posting like yours, i don't feel so alone! if you'd like to e-mail me to chat my address is mamafurr@yahoo.com. (my first time giving it out)
    hugs to you,
    alice
  12. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    Sixteen years for me and things aren't getting better.

    My mom tells me when we get in this worst part of things all we can do is accept it and try to rest. The more we rage over it the more energy it takes. (easy to understand not as easy to do)
    Last week I was sleeping 9 to 11 hours each night and falling asleep at work. This week I am slightly better .

    Lack of sleep makes this DD much worse. See if the doc will help with that.
    I hear of some people having luck with Klonopin.

    I am praying for you , your son and mother. That is a lot to deal with.
    God Bless you
  13. Sindy-Uk

    Sindy-Uk New Member

    My heart goes out to you and I do understand what you must be going through. Almost all my life starting from childhood, I have gone through emotional, stressful times. Throughout, I can remember only one year,(at the age of 22) when I felt happy, healthy and I thought all my bad days were behind me and looked to a brighter future. I wanted to work hard, have a good career, be a great wife, mother and do something worthwhile for society. But it was not meant to be. From the age of 25 to now 42, been going down hill. Everytime I think things cant get any worse, they do. You just get tired of trying to be positive.

    I have had progressive CFS for 19 years and a lot of personal problems.
    What I have found is that when I get so low, something or someone(or god) always pulls me up to give me a ray of hope. I try not to compare my self with normal, lucky people. I look at people who are in much worse situations then my self, then think myself to be fortunate. You know they say everything happens for a reason and I hope I find it one day. I know it seems sometimes (even for days and weeks)that you just cant take it any more, but you will get through it. It is wonderful having all these friends on the board who know what we are going through.
    My prayers are with you.

    Love and hugs,
    Satin
  14. receani

    receani New Member

    Dear Laurie,

    I'm new to this site and was looking over the posts. Yours hit my heart. Hang in there. Even on the worst days I try to look at what around me is a blessing. I try to imagine who or what is worst off than I am. It doesn't eliminate the pain, it just sometimes enables me to cope with it better. I know that you just get tired of it all. And its alright to express these feelings. But know this, there are many people on this site who understand exactly what you're going through. For a long time I had no one who understood, only criticized. It's not easy. Prayer is also my friend.
  15. receani

    receani New Member

    Dear Laurie,

    I'm new to this site and was looking over the posts. Yours hit my heart. Hang in there. Even on the worst days I try to look at what around me is a blessing. I try to imagine who or what is worst off than I am. It doesn't eliminate the pain, it just sometimes enables me to cope with it better. I know that you just get tired of it all. And its alright to express these feelings. But know this, there are many people on this site who understand exactly what you're going through. For a long time I had no one who understood, only criticized. It's not easy. Prayer is also my friend.
  16. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Oh honey! I am so sorry that you have gotten so low. I have battled this same thing more and mroe often these days. It is not easy. And anyone who says it is dosen't know their head from their butt!! I have had FMS for about a year now. And I am 25 years old. I have fought taking antidepressants for years, but finally gave in. And it was the smartest thing I think that I have ever done. I am currently taking 40 mg. Paxil, and even in my worst pain, I am still able to smile. It is just a matter of getting to know yourself, and your needs, finding a doc that will listen and work with you, and getting on a proper regimine of drugs and supplements. My heart goes out to you. Keep us up to date about how you are doing. Remember that you are loved...

    Kathryn
  17. PaulMark

    PaulMark New Member

    Laurie: I understand completely and usually i try to not post when i'm down which is about 95% of the time, and anti depsants may help but the depression is caused by relentlesss illness and pain, who wouldn't be depressed. I"ve had CFIDS and later FMs for 5 yrs. and sicker than ever. I continually want to just give up and wish the LORD would let me get better or take me home to a place of no pain and suffering,

    I Ask him day after day the exact ?? you posed, how much suffering LORD can a person take??? No wonder we cry, pain, and chronic illness would drive ST. Paul himself to depression and despair.

    Factor in to that what i just e mailed a new friend from the board the STRESS of what to try not to take etc etc.
    the many diets, the confusion followoing a food allergy diet, or type o or lorraine days MD all natural raw foods diet, i've been wathcing her videos she had near death cancer and after goign on vegan and lots of juicing prayers etc. finally overcame it,

    it all sounds good she drnaks much carrot juice

    i can't take carrot juice allergic to it on igg test and breaks out my tongue and mouth as about many other things do

    I wish i had some better advise, I"m as lost as you

    Sorting thru all of the maze of alt. therapies

    and beating myself up for taking meds

    cause lorraine day is right about one thing, all MEDS have side effects and she is an MD

    but what do you do when you can't sleeep or take the additional pain i don't know

    more stress there

    don't apologize for not being +, how can you be in the rigt frame of mind when CFS and fms has worn you down, mentally emotionallyk physically and it can even work on us sprititually,

    JOB and david very good men in the bible struggle with their questions and faith

    I GUESS My point is THERE has to be a better way, what is it i don't know that's why i pray day after day for some inner wisdom, etc.

    My doctor (cheney) is supposedly the best i the US yet i've gotten sicker BLAME NO i don't

    he's only a man and i can't get the treatment i need from him cause of the cost, and being 300 miles away

    phone consults are 8.50 per minute my last one was l500 and still paying for it, did it help??? well i can't honestly say it did...

    trial and erro in this DD i guess,


    I'm also continually say i'm sorry to be complaining and thanks my inability to stay on a restrictive diet is hurting me, i get so
    hungry and nothing working, i binge, even on stuff when not the white stuff
    and i'm sicker, it's a never ending cycle

    so confused, I watched some videos by lorraine day mD a dr. who was near
    death with cancer, she had only 3 foods she could eat after 40 alt. med.
    therapies, she developed her own GOd's plan, all raw foods, l0 glasses of
    carrot juice iwth barley green, and 2 gl. of leaf green veggies, and bible
    study , i'm sure she had
    help and bucks to get the orgainic stuff there in CA

    her in KY i can't get it,

    i've watched 2 -3 of her videos, she hates all meds. and she is an MD,
    now 60 and healthy

    from time she deveoted to her own plan, l8 months she was much more well
    nother 8 months fuly recovery

    makes me wonder, what if i had the guts to throw out the food allergies,
    cause most are not fixed, they say 95% are not but rather dig. problmes
    candidia etc.

    but i know this i cannot drink much carrot juice, it breaks my tongue out

    and the ones i was jucing for sodium that i need were HI in oxalic acid ie
    spinach beet green leaves, parsley , that kind of thing,

    then yourve got the type o typee by d adamamo you know the eat right diets

    lot of her stuff makes sense

    i wonder if it would work,

    my pain espeically the tongue throat mouth bronchial allergic type symptoms
    flu like body paind flu like symm. is so bad i take about 400-500 or less
    nuertonin in 24 hrs. 200 at bed. l mg. klonipine bedtime, 2 drops doxepein

    and a l/3 dose l2.5 mg tianeptine used in europe and antidepressant that at
    least doesn't got thru our 450 cytocrome sys. whic is impaired in cfs ie the
    liver

    lorraine is right CFS MS cancer not deciiencies of drugs, or chemo
    radiation, predisone,

    I"ll SAY A SPECIAL PRAYER FOR YOU THOUGH TONITE I PROMISE

    PAUL MARK
  18. benton

    benton New Member

    Hi

    Im so sorry you are feeling so low and frustrated with this illness. Just know you are not alone and that there are people here who care about you and are always here to lend an ear or a shoulder anytime you need it.

    Benton
    (mandy)
    xx
  19. Sissy123

    Sissy123 New Member

    We all have days, weeks and even months that we have flare ups and have to strive to keep going so we dont lose what little life we have. I really have no friends anymore. I can barely keep up with the grandkids and the boys breaking up with their significant others and leaving me and my husband to watch the kids and none of them are above the age of 18 months. I have had it also!!! I want to be left alone and I must do it or I will have a major flare up. I am starting to have headaches everyday already. I just had a epidural 2 days ago, and will have the second on June 5th. Then there will be a third. I have had this DD since I was young and it has done everything but stop my life. I meditate, bio-feedback, stretch, trigger shots, epidurals, meds, pray, hot showers, heat pads, hot water bottles...I have accepted my DD and I just keep tracking on. I say no when I have to and people still dont understand, but they can take me or leave me, and they have. I have my family to keep me too busy and they are hearing about it right now. I have a list of complaints about them and I want them fixed because I have done my job raising them and now they can raise their own kids!!! I want to travel and leave my house without worrying about it being burnt down or the police here when I return. I am about to blow, and have been crying alot myself. I have had enough and everyone will know it.
  20. Jannie

    Jannie New Member

    Hi Laurie,Thanks for your reply to my first post on this board last week,it is very much appreciated along with everyone elses who repled.These messages and all the others that i read really do help me,at the time i read them i want to reply to most of them,so that i can give back all the love and feeling that i get when reading them,however!like most of you i suspect,i can only do a little at a time which is frustrating,but at least it`s something. I have only had CFS/FIBRO for a bit over 6 years,so i have not endured what so many of you have,but to me you are an "example" to us all,you are not whinning,you are sharing what you are going through,and God may this help you as much as you help me [and i`m sure i can say us,for the rest of us]TAKE CARE and may this bad spell soon pass.AS AYE,John