I couldn't make supper tonight...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CockatooMom, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I responded to a post earlier today, feeling rather good, I think it was a "to do" post.

    I guess I did too much. I've been having so much pain and weakness in my ankles over the last few months, since the end of last semester.

    Like many of you, we are also "broke" right now, so I resorted to rolling coins to purchase the money orders I needed to pay for my criminal & child abuse background checks, for nursing school.

    I went to the bank, then to the grocery store to get my money orders. (They're only 0.59 cents, but $3 at the bank around the corner.)

    I noticed my ankles were throbbing and hurting so badly when I pulled up in front of the house, so I decided to take a darvocet and rest a bit when I got inside.

    I thawed Chicken breasts out for supper. I sat on the couch wondering how I was going to stand and cook while in so much pain. I used to just "suck it up" and do it anyweay.

    When my DH came home I told him what I had planned to make, but explained I was in pain. (God has blessed me) My hubby made the chicken for us. I instructed from a chair.

    But I got SO FRUSTRATED because I couldn't explain what I meant and told him to do really stupid stuff. "Like put the oil in the burner." The words just don't come out right any more...EVER.

    Everyone...I'm REALLY SCARED.

    I HAVE to go back to school in another month and finish my nursing degree! How am I going to do this if I can't even make dinner now?

    Sunday night my hubby had to help me back to the bedroom because I could hardly walk back the hall.

    I can't just QUIT school! I need to finish to get my degree, to get a job to pay back the school loans, and get health insurance!

    We are so financially drained right now that I couldn't even consider taking a year off.

    I had some appointments this week. I showered, shaved, fixred my hair and put on a little make-up before each and was just exhausted from that!

    HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS!? Oh dear God, how am I going to do this? For me, right now disability is not an option. Besides, I don't think I'm sick ENOUGH.

    I'm sorry you all. But NO ONE understands me like my family here.


    [This Message was Edited on 07/28/2006]
  2. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    I don't know what to say to you but I think that we are all scared. How can we not be?

    Our lives were planned and going in one direction and the train derailed.

    I hope you feel better soon and remember the stress of finances makes everything worse.

  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    have your tried klonopin yet? it may help some..

    lucky you have a caring hb...to help when possible...

    and the words that come out of our mouths are i beleive a new language.lol

    i've done it so many times...i did it when i was getting interviewed by the ssa psychiatrist...oh my...he had to correct me...then i have always wondered what the heck else i have told him...

  4. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I know some of you are going to get tired of me saying this but....

    We are the type of people who always push ourselfs taking care of everyone else. We feel quilty if we do not do over and beyond our share of work.

    You need to rest ,rest, rest and rest some more. Learn not to accept guilt .Spoil yourself. Accept what life gives you .I like what someone said the other day about embracessing these DD's.

    When we stop useing all of our energy pushing away this dd then we can use our energy healing all the different things that make up this DD. By taking care of ourself and being our own best friend we win back some control over our lifes.

    I personally have had to learn how to really rest .I medatate now.just the fact you have choose to be a nurse tells me you are a giver .That in its self is exhausting.All of your worry is bad for you. learn how to really rest you will be able to help your patients. Learn from this DD it wants to teach us all something.

    We need to put ourselfs first for a change.

  5. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    I have great admiration for your courage and determination!! I went thru College when I was young
    and well. It takes an extra type of individual to have
    the forebearance that you seem to exhibit in accomplish-
    png your goals. You are indeed fortunate to have a husband
    who is so supportive and understanding. Kudos to you both!

  6. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    It sounds like you overdid it today. Remember that when we overdo it, not only do our physical bodies suffer (i.e. increased pain) but our nerves and emotions are affected.

    It is so important to rest,even if you feel energetic. Schedule some rest periods throughout the day. It will really charge your battery. Even 15 minutes will help a few times a day if you can manage it. But, it must be complete rest...no TV, no reading.

    I always keep a stool in the kitchen and it helps tremendously. This way I don't have to stand. Let your hubby cook as often as possible. Let him see how really sick you are. Most of our husbands want to help, but some of them need to be asked.

    Good luck, sweetie.

  7. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I get the same kind of pain when I've been out doing any errands, or even visiting because I'm chemically sensitive and any perfumes (which are everywhere since everything is scented these days) give me many symptoms, but the most severe and acute is foot pain up to my shins sometimes. This kind o f pain isn't really helped by narcotics even. It used to keep me up all night.

    I came home w/ it tonight, but now I know what to do for it that is soooo much better than painkillers. Don't get me wrong, my narcotics are invaluable for FM, but don't work on this detox pain. I've learned its detox pain, from all the chemicals everywhere and also triggers gout in me. A hot lemon foot bath feels heavenly and draws the toxins and the acid buildup out. The soles of your feet have such large pores and the major detox pathway of your skin. Kidneys can't handle uric acid buildup, and our livers get overwhelmed by so many chemicals, food additives, and meds, which are a necesary evil for us to function.

    The other thing that's amazingly soothing and painrelieving is any alkalizing blend. I take Alkabase or an a sports electrolyte combo of alkalizing minerals, both are found on the internet, but baking soda works about the same and everyone has that. Many people use AlkaSeltzer or any cheap knockoff brand, AlkaSeltzer Gold is sold in my environmental doc's office, because she highly recommends it. There have been several threads on alkalyzing for pain and detox relief and to quell the pain of herxing too.

    Good luck w/ your nursing career. Its a noble and worthwhile pursuit. There are many natural remedies to boost our painkillers and some work even better like the above do for me.

  8. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

  9. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    First, I don’t want to let anyone out….THANK YOU ALL so much for your replies!

    Now on a more personal note:

    1Sweetie ~
    You’re right. I guess we all ARE scared in one way or another. Thank you for the kind words.

    69mach1 ~ (Jodie)
    I was planning on asking my doc about klonopin when I see him August 9th. But I don’t think I can wait until then. I’m going to call and leave him a message this week. Is klonopin used just for sleep or pain relief? Or what?

    Yes, I was shocked to see my hubby was willing to cook. And he usually knows what I mean, though I can’t get it out! Definitely a new language! LOL Thanks for the chuckle!

    Carebelle ~
    You really hit it, right on with what you told me. We push ourselves and feel guilty if we don’t. That describes me perfectly. It is an interesting thought to look at embracing these DD’s, instead of pushing away. It makes sense to put ourselves first; it will just be hard to get used to doing it. I will try to rest more, starting this weekend.

    Dncnfngrs ~
    I knew there was Tylenol in the darvocet. But unfortunately, I have been having this kind of pain since before I went on the darvocet Jodie mentioned klonopin. I am planning to ask the doc for something else because I need something for pain and something for sleep. Thanks again!

    Thank you for your admiration. But, now I’m afraid I started something I won’t be able to finish and be a failure again! And we will still have to pay back the school loans - more stress. But, yes, I am SO thankful for my DH, and ALL OF YOU HERE!

    Boy, you’re right, our nerves and emotions are affected by exertion and physical pain. I know I need to “rest” more, but I didn't think watching TV while resting would hurt. Very interesting. Reading puts me to sleep, especially my school books!

    I also drag a chair into the kitchen sometimes when I cook. Maybe I need something with wheels on so I can move back and forth and wash up my dishes as I go, start cooking side dishes while the main course is doing its thing and so on. (LOL) I told my hubby that I think I need a shower chair too. Thanks for your thoughts.

    I have finally quit pretending I am normal. Everyone needs to see the real me, the real “E”, the 'sick' CockatooMom.

    It was very interesting reading your response. I always have this lower leg pain and weak ankles, but I am extremely chemically sensitive too. My uric acid level was normal in blood work done the other week.

    How do you make a hot lemon foot bath? I do have one of those foot tubs called a “bubble bliss.” Would I put lemon juice in it with hot water?
    And I don’t quite understand the AlkaSeltzer thing.

    Looking forward to a little more info from a few of you!
    Thank you all again for caring.

    Hugs & love,
  10. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    Don't feel bad, I once did that for a Thanksgiving meal. I was flaring and dizzy and just not up to it, so MY KIDS DID IT FOR ME. I just sat in the chair and verbally talked them through it. They were young teens at the time, maybe 13 and 15. They put the whole thing together themselves. Turkey, gravy, rolls, stuffing, vegetables, potato, cranberry sauce and a store bought pie. They set a really nice table too.

    Now mind you they aren't always that cooperative, but that day I think they knew I was really sick, and they rose right to the occasion.

    It has been hard for me to get over the mindset that I must do it all myself, but I am slowly getting adjusted to it.

    Your husband sounds like a great guy.

    Hope you will feel better soon.

  11. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    Sorry you are in so much pain...but I am a bit envious of your being in nursing school! I have dreamed of being in nursing school for so long! I have done all of my core classes to go. But in my area the competition is so very tough to get in. So I have signed up to go to a school that is about an hour's drive from my house because they have a waiting list to get in. It takes two years to get in. I have about another year or so to wait. I am hoping I am in much better health by then. It is a LPN program. I can hardly wait, even as sick as I am now. My husband tells me that there is no way I can drive that far every day. I told him you just watch me, haha! I do admire your ambition..just keep up the hard work and it will pay off for you! Are you going for LPN or RN?

    I see you like cockatoo's. I have 2 greenwing macaws, 1 blue and gold macaw, and 1 military macaw. And a bunch of cockatiels and a few conures and some finches. I like birds you could say!

    I hope you feel better soon! Don't give up with your goal so close! I wish you all the luck in the world!

    Take Care!
  12. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    You may have to quit, so sorry to say. However if you continue you are very brave. I hope you can make it through without it hurting too much.

    Maybe some supplements will help. Also a slower life-style.
    And it sounds like you are getting rattled by it all.

    Why not slow it down a bit and rest. Your husband sounds terrific.

    All well will come through for you.

  13. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    That’s nice your kids fixed the Thanksgiving meal. I am in the process of learning to accept more help. Thank you for sharing that. (I’m a Libra too)

    Yes, worst case scenario is that I would have to quit school. But the thought of still having to pay back all that money for something I didn’t finish makes me feel angry with myself. I’d feel like a failure.

    Oh my goodness girl! You need to check out the post from Nanjee titled “Cockatoomom all bird lovers.” I’m envious of your macaw babies!

    As far as nursing school goes; I’m in RN school. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the stress has caused my health to spiral downward. I pray I can finish!

    Getting into a school is tough around here too. There are usually 250 applicants for every 50 spots. I’m in a two-year accelerated program at Penn State, but no human being can do it in 2 years. Besides, you have to apply a year in advance, so I got many of my general education requirements out of the way.

    The LPN programs around here focus on the nursing stuff, no pathophysiology of diseases, etc, like the RN programs require. Many places around here do not hire LPN’s anymore. Med Tech’s are the new thing along with nursing assistants.

    One year of school to be a LPN and I MIGHT get a job versus 3 years of school for RN and I’m guaranteed a job with excellent pay. That’s why I went for the top.

    Thanks again everyone!
  14. twinmomplus2

    twinmomplus2 New Member

    I have just registered on this site today. I read you post, and I know exactly what you are saying. I have had the days that thinking about getting off the couch and cooking anything turns into a panic attack about what a horrible mom I am. I can sometimes run dozens of errands, work in the garden, set the table, vacume the house and then suddenly I get to a certain chore, usually when it is hot like this it is making dinner, and I just cannot find the strength to do it. And, you know what, my kids are fine. They understand that there is no gourmet meal. Sometimes they have pizza twice a week. Sometimes PBJ sandwiches twice a day. But they are fine, they are healthy and happy and will survive it. It is me who feels like I won't get through it. I have the "Why Me's?", and the guilt, and then the pain gets worse. Then I get the horrible pain in my sternum and in my elbows.

    Anyway, I have learned one thing. Life goes on. But we can only think about today. It just becomes some completely overwhelming to think about how in the world we will get through school, or accomplish any major goal while we are sitting on the couch and the chicken is sitting on the kitchen counter wondering who will ever cook it. Don't let yourself think about those big goals at your low points. Only your high points. Think of what you accomplished today. Buying your money orders for nursing school is a very good accomplishment, and having a husband who makes dinner is a bonus. For me, today, I registered my oldest son for junior high school... early! Usually I do everything late or never. And now I feel horrible so the kids are eating hotdogs ALA microwave. But I got something done. So I congratulate myself.
    You will become a nurse if you believe you can. What a great profession!
    Take care.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2006]
  15. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Thank you for the response.

    You are right, the world will not come to an end if I cant cook the chicken. And luckily my hubby did it for us. I do not have any children to feed (just my bird) so that is less stress right there.

    I just felt bad because we both ate cereal 2 nights in a row for supper, and he works so hard, I wanted to fix him a nourishing meal.

    I'll get better at this. You'd think I'd be an expert, having FM & CFS for 11 years now. But I pretended I was normal so now I am having to deal with reality.

    Thanks again for your input!


  16. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I know the RN program is probably much better as far as a job and higher pay go. But I think the LPN is more within my reach right now. There is just no way I could pass the college alegebra, I know I can't do it. I don't have the brain power left for it.Besides, I know there is tons of online programs to get an RN degree later on if I get the LPN degree finished. I guess it all depends on what you what to do with your degree. I would like to either work in a nursing home with the elderly, or maybe in labor and delivery in a hospital. Haven't decided. I have worked as a CNA in a nursing home before, and I loved it except for the heavy lifting. I couldn't do it. I loved caring for my residents though, and I cried my eyes out when I had to quit due to my health. I am praying I get better before I am called to go to nursing school. But then again, I can't wait either, if you know what I mean?
    I hope you are feeling better. Please don't give up on your dream of being a nurse. Fight for it! You can do it!

    Take cake and good luck!
  17. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    just checking in hope you have rested this weekend.
  18. erfula1

    erfula1 New Member

    But you may need to change your field. I was in management for 13 years and was very sucessful at it until I became ill. The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from it when I just couldn't take it anymore. I took over a year off which was really hard for me as I have always worked. I finally went to trucking school and now I drive a truck locally everyday and am off on weekends. I still have a lot of pain in my neck and shoulders but I can deal with that because when I was in management I hurt all over. I don't know if I will be able to do this for a long time or not but I wasn't ready to give up.

    You need to find something easier on your body and standing on concrete floors for long hours and crazy hours isn't going to work with FMS. Like I said I don't want to be negative, but why torture yourself? Good luck to you whatever you decide.
  19. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    AWww! You are SO SWEET! Thank you SO much for thinking of me! I am doing better.

    I am sitting down in between tasks, doing what I feel comfortable with, and deciding not to feel guilty for things I don't get to...like the pile of sunday supper dishes in the sink! LOL

    I hope to talk to you later!

  20. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    OMG! How ironic is this? I drove an 18-wheeler for 2 years, coast to coast! LOL

    My hubby still drives, owns his own, and my dad drove for over 30 years! I just couldn't imagine driving anymore, WAY too much stress.

    I worked in the trucking/transportation & shipping industry for over 10 years, got downsized TWICE! That's what led me to choose another field:nursing = job security.

    I was a nursing assistant at a nursing home for a while, but I didn't care for that type of work, but I have always been interested in the medical and law fields.

    Well, I'm going to go back to school in the fall and do the best I can. If I find I cannot finish the nursing program, I'll change my major and at least finish with a degree of some sort.

    Take care!