I did not ask to have this and I want to be me again

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 17, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am feeling so over whenlemed today. I spent my afternoon with my pain doctor who gave me Quinine Sulfate for me leg aches, and the pain from my arthritis.

    I shattered myleft wrist last year and it has hurt me ever since, I have shooting pains in it all the time and somedays it feels like fire. So today while at the doctor he told me that It wws swollen stil is it ever going to be normal again or it is going to be like the rest of me.?
    I am so tired of this, When am i going to me again? I used to be albe to walk my girls and lift my neices and hold them and now I can't lift my 20 lb grandson .

    My left arm is so stiff and aches ,well it really hurts when I try to use it. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to be the person I was again and It is not going to happen but I so much wabt to be the same person I was before this darn pain started taking over in my life.

    It does not always take over the pain but there are days when it becomes so over whelming to me. I get so tired and hurting more than I usually do. IT {pain} just makes me sick to my stomach when it talkes over like tonight.

    I guees I am this way tonight because I went to the doctor to have my meds refilled , and I did get that but when I said that I had more pain I was poked and proded and now I hurt everywhere. I am so so tired of pian and hurting all the time. I try to tell people that I hurt and I cna't do things like i want to do. But I get told" know one can always hurt that much" " YOu really don't hurt THAT bad" Yes I do.

    But having fibro and other chronic pain issues just take over and people who have nevr had pain last more than a day or so after surgery, but with this ,when I had surgery It takes me twice as long to get better and it brings up my pain levels. Maybe that is what is making me hurt more than i have done. I had to have my gall bladder out just two and a half months ago and I still hurt at times really bad. I can't drink anything carbonated so I gave up my diet coke , I miss that, it was my comfort drink. And if I drank it tonight I would be in a bad way.

    So did my surgery make my pain levels go up and they have just flipped out and the nerves have lost it. who knows. I only know sicne hvaeing that surgery I have been in more pain that I have been in since I shattered my left wrist.

    I am such a gifted person. 5 days before my youngest daughter was to be married I tripped over the curb of the sidewalk and shattered my left wirst that was in May of 2004 and in Augest of this year once again a week before my oldest daughter was getting married I had a gall bladder attack and the week after she was married I had surgery but since they could not control my pain and my 02 levels I had to stay over night.

    So here I sit crying because I am hurting and I don't wantto be like this of feel like this all the time. I want to know why me? But there is no reason or ryme as to why I feel so much pain and have the Fibro, Chronic meyofacial pain syndrome, degenerative disc diesase, spinal stenosis,
    arthrisis in both knees and in my left wrist,legs that just ache so much that some time the pain meds don't seem to do anything much but the pain meds woke most of the time. I Just want to be like I was. I want to be a fun grandmother to my grandson, right now he is just 7 months old so my smiling at him and tickling him makes him laugh but what will I do when I can't go for walks with him ?

    I would whine more but my right leg it having some zaps and zings. It is like a lightning shooting threw my leg and it burns like fire.

    I am starting to sound like a boob about this situatation so I will quite whinning , I am going to go get in the tub and hope that the heat will ease some of this pain tonight.

    HUGS,
    Rosemarie
  2. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    I feel so bad for you. Your pain is bad. I think we all wonder why this had to happen to us, I know I have.

    Just know that my sympathy is with you, and I don't think it is wrong to complain when things get this horrible....

    I pray your tomorrows will get better, Rosemarie..

    Jana
  3. DLsGroovyMoM

    DLsGroovyMoM New Member

    I can see your pain in your words and I am sorry. I often feel the same way...it is overwhelming!

    My son is 2 and he always wants me to run and play with him...breaks my heart that I can't. What is sad about it is I take him to MY Grandmothers house and SHE gets out in the yard and runs him around while I sit and watch. They love it and I try to have a good out look on it that atleast I am there to watch and that I have someone who loves us enough to do that for us.

    I will pray you get some relief soon!
    Love and Hugs
    Amy
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    So sorry that you are feeling so poorly tonight. I can sympathize with you because my pain overwhelms me at times, too.

    I also get so sick and tired of being in pain all day, every day of my life, that I just can't stand it sometimes. None of my family seems to care either--except my one daughter who is the doctor, but she is out of town. The two kids left close by are too busy to help me out. Any ... my hubby doesn't help either.

    Like you said, maybe you feel so terrible tonight because you went to the doctor today and all the poking and proding around has made your pain flare up.

    The Quinine that he gave you for leg pain is what the docs gave my father when he took dialysis--the procedure caused his legs to be in awful pain--and he always took his Quinine before he left for dialysis.

    Get some rest and hope you feel better tomorrow.

    (((Hugs)))
    Janet