I don't know how I will live??

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ilovepink4, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    My husband is leaving me. After 24 years. I was completely taken off guard . He says he doesn't love me and that he never has. He just married me cuz I was pregnant. What a martyr. We have lots of debt, we have 4 children, 3 at home-11 and 14 boys and a daughter that is 24 with cerebral palsy. She needs total care and we have help that comes in for her. She isn't retarded or whatever the politically correct term is. She isn't ready to move to a group home. That is what he wants to do with her.

    I am bedbound. I can't cook a meal. I can't clean the house. I can't keep up with the laundry so he finally took it over and i do all the folding. I pay all the bills so he doesh't have to. I took that over when he had to take over so many of my jobs. I leave the house very rarely. and only if necessary. I have a limit of about 1-2 hours of being up.

    we have a above ground pool that needs care. We have a hot tub that he sits in every night and it needs constant care. we have a huge drive way that takes a enormous snowblower and only my husband is strong enough to run it. shoveling the sidewalks and wheelchair ramps in now the boys job. we have a huge yard that takes almost the entire day to mow. our oldest son is starting to take that over but it takes him a few days to get it all done.

    we have a sickly cat, a 90 lg golden retreiver/yellow lab mix and my little chihuahua....

    how in the world will we split this all up???? how can I take care of a house and kids alone? we all their needs? i don't want to be alone. I can't handle this house. oh, how I wish the fantasy apartments were up and running. the ones for pple like us that need help with errands and cooking but gives a cheap place to live.....and people around to socialize with....i would take me kids and go there....

    is there anyone like me, stuck in bed, that had to be alone with a family? how do you do it? i don't even think i am strong enough to be able to pack up my clothing let alone everything we would need.....i am just barely at the point where i can apply for SSDI...i have been a PCA for my daughter for 6 years.....i only am "working" for a couple hours per day when she is resting....i get paid to be her helper if she needs anything....it was a gift from god to get that job when she turned 18...a way to get working credits while in my pj's and laying down in between her needs....the paper i recently got said that i would only get $200 per month if i went on SSDI.....i earn about $1000 a month with her here....she is calling me now..have to go....
  2. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    my parents don't know about this....the kids dont' know yet...and our daughter that is away at college doesn't knwo yet....so i have very little support right now...one friend and my doc...my sister knew he wastalking of leaving but now that he is looking for a place...

    he has turned so cold to me....he keeps saying," I am gone. I am not coming back. So you better figure this out." he won't go to counseling.....he has lost his faith at church....i really think he has lost his mind. he keeps saying he is 56 and he only has 20 y rs or less and he wants to be alone...or have the chance to do what he wants....

    he is blaming everything on me...that i have manipulated him all these years....the main problem we had was he drinks and he drives the kids and his life revolves around the drinking....that is what his friends do....he drinks alone every night....and i think that is what the final straw was.....his drinking has been getting worse and worse....i asked my doc if there was something that could medically be wrong with him like alzheimers, since his mom had it....and he said it is the drinking....that is causing him to hurt the people he loves and makes hims destroy his life....and the doc is an old friend of ours....he knows my husband well....

    i feel like i am going to die....i can't handle all the stressfrom this....our sons are fighting all the time and making messes as usual and at the moment, it is making me want to scream that they need to stop it....don't you know dad is leaving us????? be quiet....go to bed without a fight....please just don't make this environment any more stressful....but i can't....i will not break the news to everyone for him....it is HIS mess....and HE has to be the one to face everyone....i am afraid it will give my dad a heart attack....my poor parents.....

    i need to hear if there is anyone as sick as me that had to tear down their life and rebuild it....how did you do it???? who helped you??? i live in a small town with crap for services....

    someone please help me....i wish i could just quit my life....i want a different one...
  3. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Iam so sorry for what you are going through,I can't even imagine what it must be like.

    do you have a church that would help out? Hubby doesnt just get to walk away. get a lawyer and go for child support and alimony. Talk to a social worker. there are H.E.A.t programs for utilities,tax breaks on property etc.

    take care
  4. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    He dosent just get to walk away and go on with his life! You need a good lawyer, take it from someone who's been there!!

    Sometimes what seems like the end of the world turns out to be a blessing in disguise. I too live with an alcholic, although he is recovering. When he was deep into his addiction it was almost as bad as what your describing

    And that,in my opinion, is what put my disease over the top. I'm sure that's part of why your in bed. I know it's overwhelming,especially with children in the middle.

    My advice, dont let him get away with anything! Find a lawyer that will give you a free consult. When I found one,and told him what was going on. I knew he would help me. My husband would not leave the house, wanted me to leave.

    Well, the judge ordered him out, and in the mean time he had to pay my bills!! Talk about a shocker for him!!! Honestly I think he had a midlife crisis on top of the drinkin. Get a phone book and talk to people who have went thru it, and get as much info as you can!!

    You will be surprised what you can get done even from your bed, just over the phone. And as for not telling anyone,if it were me, I wouldn't let him get off that easy!!!!

    I did think i would die from the stress,living with an alcoholic is horrible. And that will only make you sicker!! Even if it means selling everything you have and starting over. It would be worth you and your kids sanity.

    When I finally had enough, and started getting my ducks in a row is when my husband knew he was in for it! He quit the heavy drinking, and one stipulation was he would never drive with my kids in the car again.

    Please start by talking to a lawyer to find out your rights, cause they want you to think you have no options,it's the booze talkin.:(

    I'll keep you in mynprayers, I know it's tough.keep us posted

  5. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Dear I Love Pink,
    I am so glad that I read your email. I feel that somehow faith and hope brought me here! I too have recently been faced with some terrrible struggles and actually had a mini-breakdown 5 days ago. Somehow, my " higher power " got me through, I was soooooo scared! It took me about 5 hours to get through it and I did it by myself! I did keep it in my mind that I would call my sister to come over if it got worse and maybe even have to go to the hospital. I have never had a mental breakdown in my life and now know what to do if it ever " starts " to happen again. A lot of things have come to light since then, good things! I need to learn to like myself before I will ever get well,mentally, physically and spiritually. Baby steps though, baby steps. I am going to my psychiatrist today at 2:00 for a med change and to talk about what happened. I am very nervous but feel safe and trust him so it's going to be okay.
    Sorry I rambled on about myself, I could'nt seem to shutup! First of all I would like to say that I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. I feel that you should talk to your children a bit and ask for some help with the physical things including help with your daughter. I would then call a lawyer to get some good advice. If it were me I would tell my husband to leave and try to find a support system, someone you could talk to even if it is the crisis line. I have done that before and they really helped me! Try not to worry about everything at once or you will feel overloaded. Remember baby steps, baby steps. I would also ask my higher power to help, it really works!
    I have to get ready for my drs. appt. but will be back to check for your reply tonite and will be here for you!
    Be strong for now, that's all we can do, one minute at a time if that's what it takes. Hugs, Earthdog
    P.S I am a female
  6. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I will get on the lawyer hunt right away. I think he has another woman but i can't for the life of me find any evidence. my gut says it.

    i want to be here or somewhere with my kids .....part of me wants to make him take care of them and make him be the one at home all the time .....and i would like the kids to be able to stay in our home, in their own beds...less change....the boys are quite a handful....they are adopted and i suspect they have some fetal alcohol exposure....not the major one but the less severe one....they struggle in school and they fight all the time...and they are very difficult to get them to follow directions.....it has been a team effort to raise them right....they are sick of their father yelling at them all time....and they know when he has been drinking...i think i need to take them away from him but.....i am repeating myself....i just need to talk to an attorney...

    please, please keep the words coming....i really need some support right now....he is not pulling my chain....he has been to the bank to figure out our money situation.....and he has been talking to the insurance lady at work....if you read up on midlife crisis, he has all the signs not to mention the drinking....his closest sister is in scotland until about the 10th and i can't wait for her to get home because i am close to her and i need to talk to her...i think his family will be furious at him for dumping us....and my dad will probably die of a stroke...

    rambling, ramblin...sorry....thanks for your help!
  7. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Dear I love pink,
    Just got home from dr., will send another post in a little while.
  8. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    I just have a few minutes cause my back is killing me! I am going to go lie down on my heating pad for awhile and sign off for the night. I hope that I helped you some today and will come back to message board tomorrow afternoon.
    Hang in there, Hugs, Earthdog
  9. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    All I have for support are your words here on this computer. The days are endless. Laying here feeling just devastated. I really just hate my life. I was 20 years old when our 15 week preemature baby was born. That was terrifying! She was in intensive care for 3 months. in a twon 80 miles from home. Then when she came home she was on an apnea monitor for crib death or SIDS...then at 12 months old, they diagnosed her with severe cerebral palsy. She cannot sit up, stand, write, feed herself, brush her teeth, dress herself....she needs total care. It IS in the brain. It is caused by a lack of oxygen before, during, or shortly after birth. My next pregnancy was planned and we consulted with an OB GYN for tests before we got pregnant. He said there was no reason why I shouldn't be able to have a normal pregnancy.

    I ended up on 4 months of bedrest,monitoring, close calls and trips to the hospital and our daughter was born a month early. But, thank god, she was healthy.

    We adopted 7 years later. A baby boy. He was the sweetest baby!!! and when he was 2.5 yr s old, we got a surprise. He had a new half brother, by his birthmother and the adoption agency wanted to know if we would take him as well. oh, and they wanted to know the next mornning. they called at 9:30 at night. we finally decided yes. went and picked him up and he was colicky for the first 4 months....and my pca's for my daughter had quit and i had to take care of her, a toddler, and an infant...and of course our other daughter....

    i remember being so stressed out i could not swallow....oh and before the boys were born, my husband went back to school full time while working full time, for two years and was never home to help me with the girls....at that time i had no help with our disabled daughter....do you know how to push a grocery cart with a toddler in in, get groceries while pushing a wheelchair with the other hand? i do. for two years....everyone knew when we were in the store and i was in tears by the time we hit the car at the end, each time....

    then the boys....then mono, a car accident, a hysterectomy, and my close friends 3 yr old was killed and it felt like i had lost my own child, it was so close to home. I grieved for that boy....he was with me the afternoon before the accident....he and his baby sister and my four children....

    and that, is when i got sick....and after the first year of my husband slamming drawers and denying being angry for having to help out more, I thought I wanted to seperate. but realized that i loved him and i didn't want to scar our children that way....and so, it has just gotten worse and worse with his drinking, his aloofness, and he has a stressful job....

    he says he never loved me....he married me becuase it was the right thing to do...he says you know as well as i do that we just don't click....i remember clicking just fine until i got sick and he got pissed....so now i am just trash to be discarded until he can get together with whoever it is....he sent me a text by accident that was meant for someone else....a romantic, sexual one....and his excuse was he was just trying to make things better and it really was for me...but then nothing changed...so i know it was for another woman....oh how i want to curl up in a ball and howl in pain....he doesn't love me....all our fun trips and special moments and jokes and holidays and times with our babies was meaningless???? if we were happy before, why can'g we be happy again? I could. I didn't know we were in such terrible shape. We get along fine until one of us brings up the business of him and his lack of feelings for me....it is weird and doesnt' make sense.....except now, he is acting crabby to all of us and i feel like it is to make us hate him or to make us want things to split up...

    since today is friday, i will wait until monday to call the attorney....there is a woman attorney that for some reason my husband can't stand....he has had to deal with her in his work for something...i think she is a ball breaker....if he is going to do this to us, i think i will hire her....especially if he is cheating....and i need to find that out too....that will make a big difference....men get brainwashed when they find a shiny new girlfriend...

    Thank you for checking on my earthdog....i feel like i am going to die from the anxiety....if I didn't have our children, i would do the unthinkable....i just can't go through another situation where i have to pick myself back up and learn to deal with the next pile of crap....

    i really wonder what i did in my past lives to bring this lifetime upon myself....is this karma? i must have been really bad......

  10. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey girl!
    I'm so glad that you emailed me back, only wished I was home and on the computer at that time. Well, I think I said I would be back this afternoon, right? I am here for you now and hope that by some miracle that you are here right now too! I really mean that, I am here and care about you even though we don't even know each other. I have some ESP. I have at times so I hope it's working right now!! Wow, I have SO much I want to say to you and pray that it helps you. I also would like to share some of my story if you would like to hear it. One thing you really need to know is that I too have been going through one of the hardest times of my life and need someone to talk to also!!
    I read your profile and I can already see that we have much in common. I am so thankul for you right now too! I too am suffering marital, mental, physical and family problems right now. I want you to know that I am sending you some hope and spiritual help right now through this email. I hope you can feel it even just a little so I can bring you some strength. I am going to send this to you right now and wait for your reply, okay? I need to know that you are okay and feel somewhat safe right now and will post back to you right away. You are NOT alone, I am here. I look forward to your post, Hugs, Earthdog
  11. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!
    I have not heard back from you since your last post and am worried about you! I am praying right now that God or your higher power will get this reply soon. I am home all day and will be checking for you on and off,okay? I am here for you, don't forget that!
    Hugs, Earthdog
  12. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey girl!
    Please reply soon, I am getting worried about you. Just a feeling, rememberer I mentioned my little bit of ESP? Well it's been 2 days since you have posted so I hope that everything is allright. I just got back from church and running errands so I thought I would check on you. I hope that your "higher power" gets this message to you soon.
    Sending you strength and support, Earthdog
  13. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi JAM!
    Please reply back to my email and I will get right back to you. I will be at home for most of the day,k?
    Faith and Hope, Earthdog
  14. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    I am so sorry you're going through such terrible times. How could all this be happening to such a beautiful, caring woman? We are about the same age; when I see what has happened in your life, and what is happening in mine, all I can say is to quote the scripture that says, "an enemy has done this..."

    I could give off a list of advice, things to do and how to look at life... but the best and really the only thing I can say is: there is a Savior Who loves you; He says "Before you call I will answer, and while you are yet speaking, I will hear..." Isaiah 65:24. He saw what was coming, and He already has a plan to help you through it. He will hold you up and carry you. I am telling you this out of experience - He is the answer! He says, "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you know not." Jeremiah 33:3. He will show you what to do.

    My heart goes out to you; I am and will be praying for you. Please let us know how you are doing, and what's happening. Love and prayers,

  15. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Earthdog and Jam and Debbie and everyone that i am forgetting and i can't hit the back button.....I feel you Earth! I want to hear about that ESP....i am totally into that stuff...and i learned at this energy healing class that when others send you love and energy, it actually helps you heal....i am preaching at the choir here but there are lots of people who haven't heard of this.

    I haven't been here because I have just been exhausted from talking with some of my family. The long bouts of crying while I am explaining the long story exhausts me and also feels strangely good. It has been years since I have felt that drained/relaxed.

    I talked to my sister to let her know that he has moved forward with his craziness. That he is serious. He wants out and is looking at places to move. He is pushing me to make a decision on the refinancing of our home....i wish he would have listened to me last summer and done it then, we would have paid off so much of our debt by now but he thinks he knows the answers to everything. of course NOW he wants to refinance so we will have more cash to play with to rent him a place....or me a place...i decided i am not going anywhere after his behaviour on Friday night....he is so mean to the boys and the boys are saying things about it....they have had it with him....the decision we need to make is how many years for the mortgage....and then he left the room , then popped back in and said something about taking my name off the title in case he ever has to default because he found out our credit rating took a big hit cuz we had so co sign for our daughter's school loans....so i am worried that is a trick....taking my name off the title....and before that he also got fired up saying he would have to work forever and this won't affect me ...i will just get to sit right there (pointing at me in the bed) and nothing will change while he has to work to pay for everything...just like he always has.....(dont' waste your breathe ladies....i know, i worked my ass off raising 4 kids with him never home) so he is full of hate and bitterness....why now? what has set him off? alcohol, an affair, a midlife crisis....he is not my husband....he has lost his mind....

    i don't know who this man is that is residing in my husband's body....i think he is definately a functioning alcoholic....i can't say for sure if there is currently a girlfriend.....there might have been and there were signs but when you live in your bed, your husband has alot of freedom and even if i was healthy, i am usually trapped here because I can't leave my daughter alone and we only get help during the day....so he knows i am stuck here.....

    so, anyways, my sister talked to my mom...i was scared of how my folks would react....i should have re read my posts above to see if I told all of this already....they are in their 70;s and dad has trouble with his high blood pressure etc...my mom did great and she called me the next day....of course, she was just making small talk and i just belted out, I know denise told you what has been going on....and then we talked about it....and she wasn't acting outraged at him or disappointed at us....she was worried about me....which makes me cry now as i type this....she kept saying, just try to calm down.....and she told me dad the next morning , after my sister talked to her....cuz my poor dad would have walked the floors all night....i haven't talked to him yet...i know that will be a long crying session again....

    then yesterday, I called my fav sister in law....i have been waiting for them to return from being out of the country....she wasn't there and right after, i texted my husband to tell him that i was going to tell his sister and he texted NO! I will tell my family!......i said she is like a sister to me....and he just ignored me....so, today, she called me back and i tried to make small talk about how their trip was and she asked how things were here......long, long pause....while i debated if I should tell her or not....but, of course, i am already crying as i am tellling her that her brother is going to move out....and she was SHOCKED!!!!! and furious with him because she has seen the signs of his drinking even though they live 8 hrs away....and when i started telling her all the stories about what he has done and with the kids in the car etc....she was so upset over this....it is all news to her , all these incidents...like when he didn't answer his phone cuz he was drinking and i was in the ER with a migraine and the kids were with my dad at home...he needed to come to the hospital...he finally stumbled home and my dad was there and ripped him a new one.....cuz he never answers his phone when i call....and he went to the hospital shitfaced drunk and the male nurse would not even talk to him....and let me tell you, he is the superintedent of our school district....he is well known and has soooo much to lose if he gets a dui....stories like this are what my sister in law was dying over....her husband is about the only person in the world that he would listen to....i have wanted to call him and ask for his help so many times over the past few years but i always worried he wouldn'twant to get involved....

    she is going to tell her husband tonight.....this would be my husbands bro in law...not his brother...they were close when they were young...hubby looks up to him....or used to...i have heard him saying some dumb things about him lately....everything out of his mouth is dumb these days....

    just wait until his sister that has her PHD in nursing hears this...someone in the medical field....she will be sick over this....the man needs some rehab....

    regarding calling an attorney, i heard that the one i thought would be good was very weak in someone else divorce and the wife got very little....so, i am thinking i need to get an attorney from nearest metro area...4 hrs away....i need someone that is really good to fix things so I am set up for the rest of my life...not that there is much to get ....but, that is why it is crucial and my husband has friends that are attorneys in town and attorneys from the "big city" and he will get someone good too....he sounded like he was goign to take good care of me out of guilt but now i dont' think so....he is talking nasty like today....

    he has 6 siblings....so he has a big job ahead of him to tell all of them...and they will eat him up and spit him out....there has only been one divorce in their family and it was in the 1970's when one brother divorced his wife after only a year...and he didn't remarry until a couple y ears ago...and the family hated him for divorcing her cuz they really liked her....they are catholic....no wonder hubby is draggin his heels....he gets to be big and bad to me and the kids....but he is chicken to tell anyone...he hasn't told the kids yet either!!!! big dummy.

    i am sorry to vent on all of you...i cannot believe this is happening to me...my poor boys...thanks for the hugs and the prayers and the love and energy....i will take it all! I really hope that something really really good will happen to me after all of this BS in my life...

    maybe it is time to start buying lottery tickets???

    thanks, PINk
  16. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    Its a tough row to hoe for sure, but when it's all said and done you will be better off in the end.I hate for anyone to get a divorce, but in that toxic enviorment you will only get sicker.

    And with the alcohol, it's almost impossible to have any kind of normal life.on top of everything else you have on your plate. Got you on my prayer list honey. Just take care of you, and do what you have to do. The rest will take care of itself!!

    After all, if your not ok. Your kids won't have either parent,and they for sure need their mom more than ever.I pray you get great help,and move on to a better life!! You deserve peace.

    {{ hugs}} kat

  17. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Dear Pink,
    I am soooo glad that you returned these posts from everyone! We have ALL been concerned about you. I was worried about what was happening with you this weekend when you did'nt post since Friday.....Then by Monday I had a "feeling" that you had been talking to your family and were probably exhausted! I also had an ESP moment that you were anxious to get back to us and post again. Am so happy that you did! You have so many people in your family that love and care about you and I'm so glad that you finally reached out to them. I hope you continue to let them give you support and loving guidance. I have a feeling that you will and that you are finally feeling some strength within yourself as well!
    The most amazing thing happened when I got the last post from JAM338. I was right in the middle of calling my psychs office because I overslept for my 11:00 appt.! I was feeling desparate to talk to my psychiatrist even though I had missed my appt. because this was to be the last appt. I would have before going back to work next Mon.! The gal at his office said she would have him call me back to do a "phone session" as soon as he got back to his office. He went across the street to the hospital to get some charts and stuff when I did'nt show up. So.....I am waiting for his call and he usually calls back within an hour or so! Thank God for him!
    Sorry to be rambling about myself but I wanted you do know about how this post and the one from JAM came at EXACTLY the right time when I was having a panic attack!! I believe that God intervened at just the right time and I hope you get this soon Pink! The last post from JAM that I was notified by via email from Prohealth came right after I called my drs. office and was in the middle of the panic attack! It was truly a miracle for me! Thanks to you PINK and to you JAM for helping me through it! I read both posts and am so happy that JAM and Debbie are here for you too! GOD is here for ALL of us even when we don't know it. When we pray to HIM he helps us and answers our prayers even though it seems to take forever sometimes, it really does'nt, we just need to be open to him in our hearts and soul. Then the work begins and he or your "Higher Power" will give you the strength and guidance that you need! I really believe that!
    Pink, I am so glad to hear that you are doing a little better and dealing with the issues instead of your husband so much! I think that taking care of yourself and the kids right now is key. Let your husband do what he wants but tell him to "leave you alone" right now. I know that you are scared and I even know that you may not want him to leave right now but I think you know in your heart and soul that it is best for YOU right now! Just keep reaching out to your family and don't let go. From what you said, they are there for you and on your side. If you feel bad about burdening them just know that when you are better you can do the same for them! Maybe that will help.
    Sorry this is so long but I feel the need to say these things to you and hope you can feel some strength and faith in my words. I am not telling you what to do it's just my faith and a litlle ESP at work here! My doctor just called and I am going to his office at 2:00 to pick up a note to be off for another week. He wants me to go to day treatment next week for 3 days from 9-12 a.m. and to see him on Wed. He is right, I am NOT ready to go back to work next week. I have been off for almost a month on vacation from the school district and am an assistant clinical aide. My school is year-round and we take a month off every year at this time.
    I hope this format does'nt run together and is hard to read. I am just learning how to do this all again after 5 years of being off the Prohealth site and this message board. I will be here for another half hour then I am going to my drs. office real quick and will check back for your reply when I get home, okay?
    Just know that I am here for you and wish you strength, faith and hope! Hugs, Earthdog
  18. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!
    Just checking on you and I hope that your day wasn't TOO stressful! I will be here until about 10 tonite if you do reply, I hope so.

    Keep the faith, Hugs, Earthdog
  19. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I tend to come on here at night alot, when the kids are all tucked into bed....mu husband signed a one year lease today for a house. The boys can ride their bikes over there, if he would ever be home during the daylight hours....i don't know if they will want to see him much at first....and i don't trust him around them with the alcohol. you never know when he has been drinking and how bad it is.....

    He will be going next week and plans to tell them and run....what a pig...so i have been thinking of how i am going to pick up the pieces of this mess...

    maybe they will be fine....they have been saying things like they wish he would move out (when he has been drinking and yelling at them, or grabbing them when he is mad....) last week he was sooo crabby and vile....and now i think he is being nicer to them because he wants to leave on a good note...or he realized that he was taking it out on them....i would prefer him to be his normal , nasty self so they are glad to see him go....even if it is just a temporary reaction...i don't want them to hate their father.....but i would like to soften the blow....

    i plan on saying well, now we are in charge here.....we can change things around to the way we want them....and we can plan our meals together and we will figure out how to get the shopping done even if it means i have to take me wheelchair, which my 14 yr old refuses to do....he is embarrassed about it...but we will figure out some ways to get things done our way....

    i plan on starting to take my phentermine daily or almost daily....and/or my caffeine pills or i will have to try adderrall again, with my doc....we were trying to get me up out of bed more....

    i have some books on thyroid and iodine and 5HTP and also a few suzanne sommers books about bioidentical hormones....

    i have improved with vitamin D3....i take resveral, l-phenalanine (a dopamine agonist).....and a tiny dose of effexor...if i go up, my overheating and sweating gets crazy....and inderol for preventing headaches....

    percoet, fentanyl patches....xanax ...and now we added Buspar due to the divorce.....doc wants to keep the stress levels down...

    my next project is to read the book on the 5 HTP and order some if I decide that is what to try next....

    i always so better in the summer...when the kids are grown, and my parents are gone, i am getting the heck out of this cold climate...at least now i don't have to have my husband agree....

    tonight is really hard....i just am dreading hurting my babies like this....i started worrying about christmas...it occurred to me that i can't get a tree by myself and get it in the stand and put the lights on....i will have to get a fake tree and the kids will hate that....the other night, realizing that someone would have to rake our huge yard...it is two lots and took my husband a few weekends....and i realized no one here will be strong enough to pick me up off the floor when my back goes out...i will have to call someone....or the kids will....

    this house and yard are not set up for a disabled person to care for it....what will i do?
    [This Message was Edited on 04/13/2011]
  20. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey Pink!
    OMG, I just came in about 2 minutes after I got your message! ESP I tell you! Please post back right away if you can so we can talk,k?
    Hugs, Julie
  21. RainbowAngel

    RainbowAngel New Member

    my ex-husband left me after 22 years. as well. and it was because i was sick. I had two children still at home. they were older and pretty much taking care of themselveds because i was sick for a long time.. bless their hearts, they had to take care of themselves and treid to help me.. I am miserable being alone.. with the divorce, it seems all my friends left me too.. ill be praying for you.