I don't know how much longer I can take this

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hartogold, Oct 26, 2005.

  1. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    Hi my dear friends;

    I have been in a major flare up since the end of August and it continues to get worse. Once in a while I'll have a good day, but it's been rare. This has been one of the worst flare ups I've ever had. I also have OA. I'm 52 and feel like I'm 80! I don't know if it's the change in seasons or what, but I don't know how much longer I can stand this and feel like it will never go away.

    I have tried so hard not to whine here, but I just feel like no one really understands but the kind souls here. I broke down crying hysterically about an hour ago and can't stop because I'm at my wits end. It can be such a lonely disease.

    I went to see the "fill-in" doc (my doc is in Indonesia helping the tsunami victims until 11/2) and she could do nothing but refill my percocet. I finally gave in and said I was so desparate I was ready to be referred to a pain clinic for injections (which I swore I would never do). When I called the clinic to make a consult appt., they said there was a waiting list for about two months.

    I have done everything I've been told to do to deal with this illness (or whatever this hell is). I lost over 100 pounds, stay active, exercise and walk 4-5 times per week, drink lots of water, soak in hot baths, heating pads, analgesics, take my meds and vitamins, take my drugs, journal, pray, etc.

    It seems like I hurt more after exercising...esspecially if I sit down for a few minutes. I'm so tired of waking up all hours of the night in pain. Of my hubby trying to hug me to comfort me only to cause me more pain.

    I wish I could just be with all of you all right now and commiserate. I don't feel like doing anything and like anything can be done. I want to crawl out of my body just to be out of pain even if only for a few hours. It feels like it has taken over my life and I've been trying so hard to not feel this way.

    I'm so sorry to come on here crying, but where else can I go?? There aren't a lot of people who understand this. I live in a rural community and there are no support groups here.

    I also have bi-polar disorder and last week, I was able to handle the pain much better and got a lot accomplished. This week, I feel like I can't move and that nothing I do can take my mind off of the pain and aching.

    You are all so wonderful and have taught and shared so much with me over the years. Thanks for listening and caring.

    [This Message was Edited on 10/26/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/26/2005]
  2. Jen102

    Jen102 New Member

    i hope you are feeling better soon. i am so sorry for your pain.

    Question: have you ever researched some of the information on catechol-O-methly transferase, COMT? It has to do with genetic variations in one of the detoxification pathways, and many of us with theses illnesses have trouble with detoxification. Anyway, those who may have a certain COMT genetic variation (read defect) may have a greater proclivitiy towards bipolar disorder from what i've read. It is recommended that people with such a defect increase their consumption of cruciferous vegetables (those like broccoli, cabbage, etc.). some recommend taking the supplement DIM, which has these things in it. I have no idea whether this would be helpful to you, but perhaps you could look into it. blessings to you. Jen102[This Message was Edited on 10/26/2005]
  3. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    Sandy, I don't have any wise words of advice, but then again you weren't really asking for them! I just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry you're feeling so sick and so low right now. I can so relate to the feelings you shared, and I wish you were here so we could talk about it. Just know that you're being thought of and prayed for right this minute!

  4. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    Thanks Jen;
    I know there isn't much anyone can do, but it's nice to know someone cares and understands.
  5. browneyes259

    browneyes259 New Member

    So sorry to here you have been feeling so poorly. The nice thing here is you can whine all you like, because people will love and hug you through the tough times because we know you'll do the same for us when we need it.

    We have all been where you are right now. It is a very difficult place to put it mildly. Vent all you like, you are safe to do so here w/o criticism.

    I hope and pray that this flare will break soon. I know the longer the are the more they just wear you down. Hopefully you have some good friends or family that can help you a bit!

    God Bless,
  6. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    to hartogold. I understand all to well what your feeling. I was like this over a year ago. Here are a few things that helped me. I went to a hormone doctor(Im almost 50) and went on progesterone cream, testosteron cream. I got 25 mg. capsules DHEA from a health food store. The pain meds I take are similar to yours but in a time release. I take oxyconting. Its far more effective than percocet. It stays in your blood stream rather than wearing off every 4 hours. See if your doctor will change your percocet to the oxycontin. I had to make some big life choices too that reduced my stress. I dont work anymore and I had to get out of my marriage. Reducing stress is huge. Its great your exercising. Thats a really good benefit. I feel so much better when I use my tredmill. I felt really really good all summer but since fall hit in October I too am in a flare but nothing like I normally would be. I hope this helps. God Bless
    hugs, poodlemum
  7. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I am so sorry you are hurting so badly...and for such a long time. I am also sorry the pain clinic doesn't have an appointment for 2 months. Have you thought about visiting your ER? I don't know if that's an option.

    You do so much, I am impressed. I have clinical depression and some days are just worse than others, and it is just harder to bear all the ills of this DD. I just wish I could help you, but all I can do is support you, listen to you, and pray you will feel better soon.

    Please take care.

  8. abbylee

    abbylee New Member

    Those flares are so so painful, and the longer they last the worse they seem to get. So your sub doc wouldn't change the med or increase the dose?

    How much longer will your doc be away?

    If exercise is making you worse then quit. I don't do something that makes me hurt. If I knew that exercise would help me, I'd do it all day, but if I only hurt more from it then I wouldn't do it. At least until my doc got back.

    And then I'd make sure he left better instructions if he ever went off again!!

    This isn't helping you now so I'll get off my soapbox, but please know that it will pass and we're here hoping and praying that you'll feel better soon.

    Gentle hugs,


  9. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    You are such a sweetie. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I'd be honored to keep in touch. My email is hartogold@yahoo.com. Thanks for cheering me up and making me feel loved.
  10. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Prayers go out to you, we all know how that feels and have been there. I am going to pray really hard that this will work out so that you can get the help you need for this pain. God bless, Julie
  11. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    Hun, I really hope that your pain eases some & that you are feeling better soon.


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