I don't know how much more I can take.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jenn_c, Sep 6, 2008.

  1. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    I have been killing myself trying to be "normal". I finally figured out yesterday that I am not ( still trying though). My pain has been so bad I almost asked hubby to take me to the hospital last night. The sad thing is my doctors are wonderful. I have meds. I just have to learn to listen to my body and stop fighting it. My hands are going numb as I type, my skin has become like tissue paper and OMG the acne!!!! I didn't break out this much when I was a teanager. So I pick a pimple and my skin tears. (Sorry to be gross)
    I have a magnet to attract screwed up female friends. If they are needy and helpless then thats it. They come to me so I can fix things for them. My "egg donor" does not and never has cared about me. The only parent that ever did died in June. I know I have my hubby and kids but I feal a hole still inside of me. I am soooooooooooooo tired of being sick. I WANT MY LIFE BACK !!!
    Sorry for the pity party. I usually don't do this. But i feel like I am going to lose it.

  2. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I know Jenn, I understand!

    I want my life back too, and when I try to be "NORMAL", it just doesn't work

    Do you have any good days?

    Every now and then I have a decent day but they are few and far between

    Hang in there and pray for a cure!!!
  3. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    It is funny because my hubby says some of the same things and my daughter who is 16 does to. They are my biggest cheerleaders and nurses. But it is different, they don't get it. You guys do.
    I know the weather doesn't help. Yesterday when I woke up is when I snapped. When I get that upset I clean. My anxiety hit the roof. I took a half of xanax, helped a little. I did way to much yesterday, and I knew when I was doing it. I just kept shoving my pain aside.
    I am on heavy meds (Thank God) 100 mcg fentynl change every 48 hours, Lyrica 450 mg,celebrex 400 mg, Robaxin 750 mg. 3 times a day, celexa 60 mg., xanax prn ( I do not take nearly as much as perscribed), temazapam 15 mg 1 to 2 at bed time.

    Oh the "egg donor" is my "mother" self centered, narsasistic, you know what!!! My beautiful father, I missed out most of mychildhood with him is gone. Thanks again guys.

  4. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    My daughter says she likes you and that maybe now I will listen. I am very lucky. Very lucky. How old is your baby? I don't know why it is that mentally I know I should take it easy. but I don't. I guess I'll have to pull out me willpower. The cleaning thing came from the "egg donor" . Growing up her theory was that if I had time to sit then I have time to clean. I have years of brainwashing to undo.
  5. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    The acne is a clue that you aren't digesting fats properly. If you're not digesting fats properly, you probably aren't digesting proteins properly, either. Your body needs fats to make hormones and protein to make repairs.

    Have you given up wheat and dairy? They will add to the malfunctioning digestion problem by messing with the intestines and the liver. You also should look into trying betaine hcl and digestive enzymes to help you digest your fats and proteins better. Have you seen my thread about "comprehensive stool analysis"? I'm focusing on digestion and the gust/immune system, and I'm getting better.

    best wishes

  6. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    I think there is definately something wrong with my digestive tract. I have seen many threads about vitamin D deficiancies (SP?) Si I started taking Vitamin D and calcium magnesium & zinc . My feet and lower legs started to swell. So I stopped taking them to see if the swelling will go down.

    A few months ago I had 10 pounds of fluid in my legs and feet. I cam off of tizanadine and wellbutrin and the swelling went away. So if they get better again that means something is not processing inside. I am going to talk to me doctor about it the next time I see him. Thanks again,

  7. angelscutoo

    angelscutoo New Member

    I saw your thread and posts and I just had to post a reply. I am a retired social worker and have been trying for years to figure out what "normal" really is suppose to be. If you think it is what is acceptable by most people then we are letting others tell us what to be. I think as long as we break no major laws or do things that purposely harm others we are probably as normal as the next person.

    Quite honestly I know of no one that does not have some major problem in their life. It may be substance abuse, or a nasty husband who won't help or a family that they do not speak to or problems with controling their teenagers or their own anger. They probably don't feel so "normal" either. But because we don't give up and try harder each time to fix the things that are wrong, we have a strong will and desire to make things better. It is hard to say no sometimes and do things the way you want but we need to do what is best for us. Toxic friends and family need to be told to go their merry way.

    I know at times, I swear, my family could have made the Springer show. Even health wise most of my family or friends have medical problems of some type. I tend to have more than others but I am normal and so are you. I refuse to let these medical problems control my life. It may keep me from doing many things but I will find a way to do the things I really want and you will too. I pick my fights in life and use my minimal physical strength to help me and those I feel really care about me.

    These illnesses make us tougher than we think. The saying "What does not kill you makes you stronger" is very true where these illnesses are concerned.

    I wish you will and hang in there because you are a "normal" person who is just going through some very hard times. What is normal for you may not be normal for the next person. I don't know if you are a religious person but God made us and he understands our struggles in life.
  8. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    I do have a strong faith. Now as for "normal" I meant I want my normal. For when I get a hair across my a-s and want to clean I can't seem to focus on one room at a time. So I run around trying to do things in multiple rooms, and at the end of a painful crazy day it looks like nothing has been done or there is a bigger mess.

    I completely agree that men do not see the mess like we do. Here is an example. One Saturday I was cleaning the kitchen and hubby asked if I needed help. I said yes that the livingroom needed to be dusted and vacuumed. The bathroom needed a cleaning.30 min. later he came in and said that everything was done. Here is his version of done:
    L/R was dusted eye level, it was apparent that only the B/R sink was done. His excuse was that he forgot. How the heck can you forget there is only 3 things in a bathroom. UGH. Sorry this is so long.

    And here is a recent "egg donor" story: She was dx with lupus years ago. So since I was dx with FM and the possability of it being genetic, I wondered if she had FM instead of lupus. Now I haven't talked to her in 8 yrs. The other night I decided to google her name and see if anything came up. Seriously I wouldn't even know if she died. Well I found her. She has her own web page doing and selling art. Of course her web page is a pity party for her. She also talks about how wonderful my step dad and their child is ( my half sister). So I e-mailed her. I said Hi,been thinking about our health. I explained the FN dx and asked her if they could have made a mistake about the lupus. I mean this dd sucks but it wont kill you. I then told her that my dad passed away in June.

    Get this, she wrote me back thanking me for writing to her. That she definately has lupus and now they also think FM too. Then she wrote good luck and God Bless and signed her first name. With out a single notice of my dad dying. It is like she denies ever marrying him and having me. I lived with her until I was 17. She is an awful, hateful woman, and God forgive me if she ever dies I'll do jig on her grave.

    I am sorry if that last bit offends anyone here. I just absolutly hate that woman. Even more then the man who raped me.
    Anyways thanks guys for everything. Jenn
    [This Message was Edited on 09/08/2008]