I don't know what is going on with hubby

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by rosemarie, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    We are both LDS {Mormons Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints} have been all our married lives.
    Suddenly about a month ago my hubby sudddenly asked for my car to go to church that is ok but when he was gone for 3 hours and our church is less than two blocks away I wondered what was going on. I asked him and he said that he was going to a Bapist church in another town. I asked why and he said that the people were more friendly and welcomeing than our ward is. Now he is going to the Bapist church two times on Sunday and to bible study. once a week. I am not upset about the change in church's it is the lack of him telling me why and what made him want to change. He also is not home much after work he goes over to his friends home in another town , goes to their family functions and skips ours.
    some thing is going on I just don't know what. AS much as I hate to think he I wonder if he has found some one else that is not so home bound and feels better than I do.
    HE still tells me daily that he loves me but his actions don't always say the same thing, he lose's his temper and gets angry so easy and it is over the dumbest things. He has always been the one to say to me when things got touch "Don't sweat the small stuff" and in teh past few months he gets mad at the sall stuff.
    There are other things I worry about but this is not the place to talk about them.
    I just don't understand why he suddenly has changed where he aattends church , he has not been bapitised in the new church. I just worry about him and don't understand why this change is nessary and when I ask i don't get an answer that is really understandable. I am afraid I am going to lose him to some one who is not sick all the time like I have been. I don't know who to talk to about this situation . When the person i should be talking to does not want to discuss it.
    Really confused
    Rosemarie
  2. springwater

    springwater Member

    Im sorry to hear this.

    It does sound a little suspicious. His behavior.

    Can you get a pastor or a friend of his to talk to him?

    Or maybe yu could come right out and tell him his behavior all of it

    is making you ill (er). and does he want that

    i will be praying for you. sometimes we doubt where there isnt

    actually a reason to. I hope this is the case.

    God Bless
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    for so long as I can't deal with the pain from the noise from babies crying, people talking , sounds from lights and microphones, it is so overwhelming to me that I don't hear what is being said by those who are talking.
    I don't know our bishop and I don't know who is the pastor of the bapitst church my hubby is attending.
    I am going to have to come out and ask him what brought this change and why , I so want to be a part of his life and feel like I am being shut out of it. At other times he is like he used to be, kissing me good bye before leaving for work, telling me that he loves me and thanks me for working hard to keep our house clean. I am so confused and I just want to know where I stand in our marraiage.

    Years ago we seperated and after 7 months apart we got back together , I never knew what set him off that time he has never told me why he wanted a divorce.

    I don't get over $500.00 a month on SSDI and any lawyer I would talk to will tell me that the judge will make him pay half his wages , half of every thing he makes. As I am permently disabled and can't go back to work ever. It really hurts me to know that I can't ever go back to work and that I make so little that I can't help pay bills or help pay for new tires, new clothes everyday things. I don't feel so usefull either.

    We have talked a bit and I know that he loves me, but he is so agiatated all the time. His job makes him onery as he hates it and can't find one that will pay as well or better. Due to his age 59 most compainies will not hire him as he is close to retirement {not really} They just think so. I know of a few jobs that he would qualify for but the company would find a way legally to not hire him due to lack of a degree, but he has all the training , experence that is needed for the job. That might be a part of what is bothering him.
    I love my husband and trust him, he is a good man , he does not know how to share his feelings , In all the years we have been married I never once saw my INlaws hug,hold hands or kiss in front of family . I don't think he really knows how to share his feelings with me. or any one else.
    Thanks for listening to me and not judging me.
    Rosemarie
  4. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    I was married to the MOST straight arrow religious man, highly religious, etc....

    He lied to me for a long enough time and finally admitted another woman...there was a divorce..

    You may have to "live" with what is going on due to finances, etc....

    Sorry you are going thru this, you are not alone...jam
  5. springwater

    springwater Member

    I dont know. if one looks around, there isnt the perfect marriage
    in most cases.

    Theres lots of things going on but just not known to others.

    I think its a good sign he still treats you with affection.

    You shouldnt be feeling bad about not being able to work. Its not

    your fault. You would love to work and contribute to the house or

    your own expenses if you could.

    At almost 60 why would he want to spoil things? Go where now?

    One is supposed to wind down and enjoy stability calm.

    Just keep doing your best to do your duties. Show him you care in little

    ways. if his behavior gets worse then there may be cause for worry.

    Why should we judge you? For what?

    Every wife wants their husband to be open with them. But it doesnt

    always happen. There are very few perfect marriages.


    Take care

    God Bless
  6. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    do any counseling, perhaps that would be good for you....Me, I'm done with religion....

    Maybe he is going to another church, maybe not.

    Why is he taking your car, doesn't he have his own wheels...that's kinda strange. [This Message was Edited on 08/18/2012]
  7. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    How are things? We haven't heard back from you on your post....jam
  8. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    While Dh has changed his religon he has not left me nor is he going to. He has made it clear that we are staying married and he has not done any thing other than change where he attends church. He has been so kind and sweet to me and even willing to listen to me vent about my fibro once in a while.

    Other than that life keeps moving forward and on. While I still don't understand his reasons for the change in faith, I still love him and while he may attend anther church he has faith in our marriage and is working on getting closer to each other to talk to each other more often, he has pointed out some of my faults even as he was telling me about how I come across when I talk to the girls or him that I am being whiney or manipulating them I don't know that I am doing it. So I am going to work on it. I asked my daughters and they say the same thing, while to me I am just talking and stating what I want ect . I don't feel like I do it, it is not a conncious act on my part. I just want to be included in things .

    BR>


    I have to accept that life changes and some times we dont' understand why it happens like it does. I am willing to work with my family to not sound whiney or bossy . I am trying to improve myself. I just need to get thru to them that they need to listen to what I say not how or what they think I am saying.So does my DH.
    Other than the issues above I have lost my voice and feel like death warmed over. I hurt in more places than ever before and I don't know what is causeing all this pain and the croaky voice.
    I am exhusted now and am going to bed. Thanks for thinking about me
    HUGS
    Rosemarie
    [This Message was Edited on 09/06/2012]