I don't want to go on anymore. Please Help me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by juliejo, Dec 22, 2006.

  1. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    My husband and i have had a very big argument whereby he stated he did'nt want to be with me anymore as i am holding him back with my Fm/cfs. This has been going on for months and now i feel i want out too.

    We have been married for 35 year's but have grown apart the past 3 year's as i have got steadily worse.

    I feel so alone and don't want to be here anymore as i don't see the point at all anymore.

    I can't stand the pain, fatigue and all that come's with it anymore.

    Crying my eye's out writing this as if i was able and it was'nt Christmas i would walk and not come back.

    Help, what shall i do as i can't carry on like this much longer.

  2. happycanuk

    happycanuk New Member

    I am sorry you are feeling so horrible. Also, I am so sorry about your marriage. You have invested 35 yrs. in it and it seems a crying shame that your hubby would feel like that. In sickness and in health - well you can't help the illness. It's really easy to be with somebody who is healthy and able to do all kinds of things, but your hubby is not being fair to you at all.

    I hope you can call your Dr. and get some help with depression as it sounds like you are going through some tough times.

    Merry Christmas and I am sending you soft hugs (((((((Julie)))))))

  3. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    Let's try enzymes in this viral attack...I read it in your profile. Systemic enzymes reduce inflammation, dissolve scar tissue and dissolve the isoprin coating on certain viruses. Dr. William Wong, N.D. has done some pioneering work in this area and its working for me and my mom (she has FM).

    ***(edited to remove content per site rules-commercial URL not permitted)

    I'm using a enzyme product from the USA Walmart stores called Enzymes. You might find something in a Health food store in England. I know that Prickles is from there and might be able to give some assistance.

    As for your husband...he is probably overloaded with stress. Just give him some space and keep hoping. If you're a believer in God, we can pray too. It helps to remind him that he is the father of your children...that can never change.
  4. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    You sound like me the first year before I knew what to do. Have you:

    -eliminated all sugar, wheat, saturated fat and dairy from your diet?
    -started taking good vitamin and mineral supplements from the health food store, not the regular stuff you get in the grocery store? make sure includes B vitamins.
    -been eating alot of vegetables?
    -drinking a good electrolyte solution from the health food store?

    If you aren't doing these things, then do them first without worrying about anything else. Do them right now, today. I don't know if these will help pain but they will help fatigue and get you started. Look at my "what worked for me" if you ever want a detailed list of supplements to take. It's #89 or so. I am fixing myself and I had almost given up several times. Don't, and maybe your husband will hang in there if he sees you trying something new. I can't imagine what it must be like for you if your mate wants to leave because of this. Mine has almost killed himself taking care of me. He almost gave HIMSELF chronic fatigue. These things are inconvenient maybe, but easy. And recovery is not possible without them, at least I don't believe it is.

    Look at my post today "we are all deficient, thanks for posting"

    Don't give up, there's too many things to try first!

    I really hope you make it and have a good xmas!

  5. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    gosh relationship problems are the worse.. Sending you hugs and love and walk through this one day at a time. Things will get better, they always do.. though sometimes it takes longer than we would like. Remember it is always darkest before the dawn. Hang tough honey!
  6. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    ((((((((hugs )))))))))) to you.

    I've had rough times with hubby - it doesn't mean it is all over.

    Have you shown him this website or some info on CFS/ME Often spouses need to read it for themselves as they can't "see it".

    Please hang on, this season can be very hard for those with chronic illnesses.

    I've had some awful Christmases because of my illness and I'm not really looking forward to this one either. Going to parents - don't really feel up to it - don't get on very well with them. I am doing it for my hubby who likes family Christamases and misses out on enough already because of me. Luckily my sister will be there and we are great pals and very close.

    I have been through hell and often it seems nevereending with this illness, the consequences with relationships, the isolation but I still try to find a way to go on. That's the only onption I have although it is not appealing at times as you know.

    Stay strong, my thoughts are with you and know that many of us are facing similar issues with the difficulty of it all.

    Take care.
    Hugs Bunchy xxxx
  7. suzannekart

    suzannekart New Member

    I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I know it must feel like you are really alone but I want you to know you are not. I have many days like you are talking about. I happen to feel a little better today. I wish I could see you and help you get through this. Please take care of yourself and know you are cared about! I will check back to see how you are doing. Just hang on a day at a time. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. Suzanne
  8. Abbycat

    Abbycat New Member

    Even with a great marriage my husband and I had a hard time with my diagnosis. One of the things that came out in our talking to each other was the differences between men and women with reguard to any illness.

    Women have a tendency to want help but not ask for it. Or they ask for it, but then do things anyway. They want men to notice when they need help.

    Men don't notice anything. They want to help, but want to be told specifically what to do.

    Here is an example. Woman comes in limping with the groceries and expects the man to notice she's limping. Not only doesn't notice, he asks what's for dinner and she gets mad but doesn't say anything. She makes dinner and he falls asleep on the couch while she is hurting and cleaning up the dishes.

    Ok, that's me. But after many blowouts I learned to ask for help and he learned to notice. I know you've been married 35 years and are set in your ways, but think of the alternatives and point that out to him. He's not Mr. Hot Shot stud any more but you still love him.

    Tell him the good things about your life together and how you don't want to lose him. I think when we get ill we forget the other person has needs too and maybe your husband is feeling uneeded.

    I could be wrong and he could be a total jerk but I don't think so or you probably wouldn't have hung in so long. I'm going to be kind of mean here and suggest that if you want to keep your relationship, then you should fight for it.

    Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get mad and get smart. When I first got sick I asked nicely for him to do more and more things. The key word is ASK. Don't expect him to see how you feel and know to do things. Just say, "I'm feeling...however and could you please...do whatever." Be sure to thank him for it and I guarantee, you will get more help.

    Guys want to DO stuff and when they get thanked then they do more. It seems frustrating to a woman to have to "train" the man but it is really that simple. They are happy to do something that they feel good about and you get things done that make you feel better.

    Pretty soon, he is starting to think about how feel and do things before you think about asking for them. I feel that the power in relationships is with the woman. We just don't know it yet. You have the power to get what what you want.

  9. teddyT

    teddyT New Member

    I had the same problem five years ago,my husband left me, cause I wouldn't have sex with him anymore,and I could no longer work and help with the bills.

    I feel your pain!!!!! I had terrible depression behind him leaving me.
    But it does PASS! I am better off without him.Now I am working again.It goes with the saying THIS TO SHALL PASS!

    Good Luck.T.
  10. adberens

    adberens New Member

    I can't imagine how you must feel. I can relate to feeling like walking and never coming back... but we can't.

    There is so much life beyond today.

    I don't have any answers but I too send hugs.

    Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.

  11. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    Thanks for the support. Only someone with this DD can understand how we have to manage each hour of each day.

    Well i got up this morning after a sleepless night whereby he did'nt come to bed till 1.30.

    Then he got up late and said nothing. Just acted "normal again". Well whatever normal is here anymore.

    He is acting as if nothing as happened and once again shut the illness out. I have felt so dreadful today and all he said was "for goodness sake go to bed". So there you have it as i don't know for the present what to do.

    I am going to keep quiet as some of you suggested and give him plenty of space of Christmas.

    In answer to those who sugggested reading anything well he has seen the DVD "show me where it hurts" but won't read a book and i have many.

    I have parent's alive although dad has Dementia but do talk to my mum and she truly understand's more than anyone.

    I think that he is shutting it all out at present as he want's to go out with friends etc and i can't as i am not well enough. It's that that is causing the biggest wedge between us so he goes out on his own or with friends.

    I won't do anything stupid i promise all of you as i value life too much and my precious grandchildren bring me such joy.

    I am on Prozac for depression but if this dos'nt lift in the new year i will have to get some help i think.

    Will let you all know how thing's go.

    Julie jo. x

  12. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Oh Julie.

    I have been married for 25 years and had whatever I have here for just the last year. My disabilty ran out last week. We are $50,000 in debt and I can't work. I am the guy in the marriage. I worry all the time about the strain on my wife. I too don't know what to say about your relationship. But I sure feel for you and your husband.

    But even as a guy I am scared about how this is going to end up for my wife and I. I am 55. I feel as if it's too late for so many things. I just pray. I don't have a clue what to do so much of the time. I guess I keep hoping that somehow...some way someone will help me get better.

    Best to you JulieJo.
  13. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye New Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your problem's Julie.

    It is even more hard to bear at the holiday season I think because I think we all long for love and attention at this time of the year and it magnifies when we don't receive it.

    I know I am alone, have been for years and I do fine most of the time but it seems I really long for someone who understands and loves me at this time of the year.

    I will say some prayers for your husband to find some understanding and sympathy in his heart and for your heart to mend because I know it is broken right now.

  14. Pinkgirl

    Pinkgirl New Member

    I am so sorry this is all going on at an already stressful time! My heart truly goes out to you!

    My husband and I have had times like this too... We've talked about it alone and have gone to counceling about it too, and he said that just like me he gets overwhelmed with the enormity of this DD too.

    Just like there are times when I am done and can't take it anymore, he feels that way too, and since the DD is part of me, who does he take it out on? There is not a third party he can yell at (although he has yelled at a few drs over the past couple of years :))

    I know it doesn't make it any better or right, but there's a twisted sort of logic to it... When I finally went to therapy with him it had been going on for months and I was truly at the end of my rope.

    I hope things will be going better for you soon. I really feel for you and you will be in my thoughts.
  15. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    I've only been plagued with illness for the past 2 years, but it all occured during & after my 4th unplanned pregnancy. The entire pregnancy everyone felt my health would improve drastically once the baby was born. Well that didn't happen, and I continued to get sicker & have more things going wrong.
    I had no idea how to deal with it for the first little while, especially not recognizing what was going on. I would be in so much pain I didn't want to be touched, let alone to have a conversation with anyone. My husband and I had less & less contact until I asked him why he wasn't very affectionate. He said several weeks before that I had told him not to touch me, I guess when I was in a great deal of pain. He really took that to heart. I had hurt his feelings. I also had a tendancy not to tell him everything that was going wrong with my health, partly because I didn't want to worry him & partly because it is embarrassing & unusual for someone my age to be in so much pain all the time. The best thing I ever did was open up to him in regards to exactly what was going on with me & what I needed from him. That completely fixed things for us, as he simply wasn't aware what I was going through, and that if he wasn't going to be helpful, then I was going to have to make some serious changes. Maybe your husband just needs things spelled out for him. Ensure him that you love him, but you HAVE to put yourself first in order to heal. Take Care, Laura
  16. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I certainly understand the feeling of wanting to "call it quits", be it life or a marriage, especially when you feel so ill and sick that having to deal with one more thing is too much; however, those little grandchildren would sure miss you if you weren't around and they'd sure miss their grandpa if the two of you weren't together.

    I know you must have deep feelings for your husband and he for you as well. Here's my two-bits worth of advice that may help.

    Tell the parents of the grandchildren that you and your husband need to have some time together and haven't been able to go abroad as you've felt so bad these past three years. Tell them that as much as you love the grandchildren, you need to take a "holiday" for two weeks. Then, during the two weeks, put all that energy that you put into enjoying the grandchildren into enjoying your husband. I think that you'll see a change in him.

    During this time for the two of you, redevelop that wonderful communication you once had. It's still there, just needs to be massaged. And, that's not all that needs to be massaged .. the romance does as well. Don't put it on high boil but a low simmer. Get plenty of rest and relaxation and rediscover those intimate moments that you once owned together.

    After two weeks of this, things should improve.

    Sometimes we let our kids or even grandkids take priority over our relationship with our husband. Husbands are sensitive to this and will just shy away after trying to make gains and then us not giving them the time.

    Don't know if this helps much, but thought I would just suggest.
  17. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Another Julie here, with about the same thing going on. I got on tonight to ask for some advise because of my hubbys meaness. Then I read your post, and realized I found someone else who is going through about the same thing.
    My husband is bipolar, and has brain damage from a cleaning solvent from work, also a sucide attempt last year. He has been treating me really bad, and saying awful things to me, and I have been wanting to just die. I was so close tonight to just getting in the car and driving until I ran out of money, which would probably be not too far. I am going from being so hurt, I cant cry to crying all the time. I am so tried of this mess. The pain from the FM is so bad right now, and stress makes it worse.
    I pray all is well with you right now. Please find something for yourself to do, and get your mind off of him. It's so easy for me to say, but that is the only reason I am still here right now. I have been trying to stay away from my husband as much as possible this last week, its just too much. He is so mean, and says such mean things to me.
    I really want someone to just put their arms around me and just hold on as tight as they can. I feel so alone.
    Since I find myself hurting, but wanting to give to you who I know is suffering like I am right now. I send you a great big hug, and I am going to pray that you will find peace, and comfort. You dont need this with any illness.
    May God bless you!
  18. lorraine50

    lorraine50 New Member

    Hi there, 2 years ago my husband wanted out, I had 38 yrs invested in our marriage. but I also have had 15 of them with fibro. so needless to say I was way tooooo slow for him and dragged him down. he is a very out going man. so he met a young lady about 37 or so and I got left out in the cold..but when I think about it was a good thing that I could be alone to be sick and nobody saying "i'm sure your well enough to do this and that" I miss him alot and always will but it's also great not to have to answer or explain to anyone..If i'm sick. I stay in and when i'm sick I don't have to worry about getting up and trying like hell to put one leg in front of the other.

    yes I know you think your world is over. I sure did and I cried alot. thought I couldn't go on..but we do and we'll be lonely, but I don't know what your finances are like but when your well do something go somewhere,

    On the other hand If he stays. tell him he promised in sickness and health and he won't be healthy all his life...

    try to have a merry christmas and another year is just around the corner....

    Keep that chin high..

    hugs and kisses from one who knows..

  19. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Just remember what goes around comes around.
    My dad left my Mother, because he could not handle her mental illness, (bipolar) anyway my stepmother has a worse mental illness than my Mother, so he got his, and he has to live with it every day of the rest of his life.
    Put this in Gods hands, because the bible says "Vengance is mine sayoth the Lord."
    While this is the christmas season, and we should forgive, maybe someday you can, but I am here to tell you that any human being who treats you like that, is going to get theirs, and God can do more to him than we ever could.
    I am still praying for you, because I know how it feels. Please do something for yourself!
    [This Message was Edited on 12/24/2006]
  20. suzannekart

    suzannekart New Member

    I posted to you the other day and since I have been thinking about you and your "better half". To think these people are so unkind boggles my mind. Have they ever heard "there but for the grace of God go I". They are not imune to getting any of the problems or ailments that the human family suffers from. I have a feeling they would tell us how much worse it is for them and demand care and understanding. I wish there was a way to make them understand they do not live in a bubble, and bad things can happen to anyone. Can any of them say karma? It will come back to haunt them at some point. If not in this life then maybe they will get to learn the things we have learned when they go where they are going when this life is over. I know this is no help to you but it has just been on my mind and perhaps these unkind people need to be reminded. Know we all care about you and all the others going through this trial. Suzanne

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