I Don't Want to Live Like This Anymore...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by brella, Aug 9, 2010.

  1. brella

    brella New Member

    I don't want to live and I can't live with this suffering any longer...
    Fibromyalgia is completely ruining my life and I'm sick of suffering. I'm not suicidal or anything but I don't want to live anymore if I have to live like THIS.

    Nothing is working. I've been to countless doctors and I've tried countless treatments. Cymbalta didn't work. Savella didn't work. I'm currently taking a lower dose of Lyrica and have been for a couple months. It's not working and I can barley tolerate how sleepy it makes me.

    A few weeks ago I had the WORST flare I've ever experienced. I was hysterically crying for days. I almost went to the ER one night in hopes of having SOME relief. Finally, two extra-strength vicodin took the edge off enough for me to rest. I had to call in sick 4 different days, which I've never had to do. I almost thought I had to quit my job.

    Now my flare isn't AS bad but I'm still worse than I ever been. I can't get through the day without taking at least 2 Ultrams.

    I am going to see a Rheumatologist tomorrow for the first time. I'm trying to be positive but I almost feel like it's pointless after how many doctors I've already seen and I'm still suffering.

    My sister told me about a friend of a friend who got rid of their symptoms after following the Guaifenesin Protocol. I bought the book "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia" and I'm about half-way through reading it. I'm willing to try ANYTHING at this point, no matter how disciplined I have to be.

    Anyway...thank you to whomever reads this. No one in my life completely UNDERSTANDS although they try to be as sympathetic and supportive as possible...
  2. spacee

    spacee Member

    Mikie, who used to post here, was able to get off a morphine patch with it.

    Took some time but she had good results. Wish all had those...

    Best Wishes,

    Spacee
  3. barb62

    barb62 New Member

    but I seem to be in pretty much the same boat as you are at the moment. Have you asked your doc for a shot of Toradol. This seems to help me knock out the really bad flares. I am on a lot of pain meds which help. It sounds to me that you are just getting started to deal with this dd. It is imperative to find a good pain doc. I hope your rheumy is not afraid to prescribe something that will really help, although I never found one that did. When I feel like giving up I try to spend some time with my grandkids, they love me to death even though I can't do much with them anymore, we mostly watch movies together. But being around little ones who don't judge and love to give lots of hugs seems to help. This board also helps, knowing that you are not alone. That other people have the same horrible pain as you, and still somehow manage to go on. Good luck Brella, I hope you can find a doc that will help. But in the meantime remember you are not alone, there are lots of people here who do understand. God Bless, Barb
  4. eeyoreblue02

    eeyoreblue02 Member

    If you are not taking supplements to help you, you really need to consider that.

    I would suggest fish oil, calcium, magnesium, Vitamins D and B to start.

    I give myself B12 shots, but lately have been taking a B Complex tablet instead.

    I always have hydrocodone for the breakthrough pain. Savella has been helping me, but I recently read that Elavil and Trazadone are more effective. I am going to mention that to my doctor.

    Also, heating pads are my friend.

    I hope you find what works for you soon.

    Linda
  5. kat211

    kat211 New Member

    I understand how you feel. I don't have any magic bullet for you, but I can tell you what has helped me. I haven't found anything to knock everything out, but I have seen huge improvements by some things.

    1. I eat an organic whole food diet. I do not eat anything with preservatives or pre-made. I am also gluten and dairy free. If I do eat out, I can feel it for a few days b/c my pain and fog increase. I also eat oatmeal w/almonds and blueberries for protein every morning. I know it can be boring to eat the same thing everyday, but if I eat something else it isn't good. I also use agave nectar instead of any other type of sweetner. I don't use a lot, actually less than a teaspoon in my green tea and 2 in my oatmeal. I also quit drinking coffee. this was the hardest for me b/c I used to drink 3 - 4shot lattes and at least a whole pot a day. I think this has made the biggest impact overall. I love coffee, and after being coffee free for 18 months I do allow myself an iced coffee as a special treat now and again, but not daily or in the massive quantities I did before. Most recently I have cut out about 1/2 of my meat intake. I wasn't eating that much before, but i can feel a difference w/the increase in vegetables to replace the meat.

    2. exercising has really helped. I know, this one is beaten to death, but there is a reason for it. I know it is like tryign to through an anvil onto the top of a skyscraper trying to get yourself to exercise, but it is worth it. I can't get myself to exercise everyday yet, but when I do, I feel so much better. I have been feeling terrible for the last few days and haven't left the house at all. Yesterday my son kept harrassing me to go swimming. I felt really bad for him having to deal with a sick mom, so I swallowed my pride put on a swimsuit and took him to the rec center (there is no way I could handle the sun of an outdoor pool) I felt great afterward. I finally put fertilizer on the giant front lawn, something that I have needed to do for months. I also was able to keep my rear off of the couch afterward.

    3. stop judging yourself. As long as you are doing the best that the current you can do and you haven't given up on yourself, don't allow your own or other's judgmental thoughts to get to you.

    4. Keep fighting for yourself. I recently have had to fire my PCP for not fighting for me or listening to me for that matter. Fibro is such a strange illness and we all react differently to it and the treatments for it. What works for 1 isn't necassarily going to work for all, or maybe even anyone else. If something doesn't work, keep trying and don't take it personally.

    5. I also support the suggestion for supplements. I am virtually useless if I don't take mine. I personally take resveratol, grapeseed extract, iron, b complex, multi, vit d/calc/mag, glucosimine, folic acid, and others I can't remember.

    I am not as well as I believe I could or should be right now b/c I have been exposed to toxic and other molds that I have not been treated for, yet, but the changes I mentioned above have helped me tremendously. I think the fighting for yourself is the biggest. It was not my PCP that diagnosed me, after being examined and treated by them and a neurologist for various random things over a few year period w/o relief, I demanded that I see an internist I found on my own. She has done wonders for me. Since then I was exposed to mold (long story) and I have had to take it in my own hands to find other drs to look into treating that. I have now set up 4 different specialists for both my son and myself to have our mold exposure looked at. It can be very hard to advocate for yourself when you are feeling like this, but once you get going it feels great to know that you know you are on being proactive in your own health.

    It is great you have people in your life that are sympathetic and supportive, use that to your advantage. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
  6. mary01

    mary01 New Member

    Hi, brella.

    Just let me say I have been where you are. I remember sitting in one of my many doctors' offices and saying, "I just want to feel better again." Oh, yeah.

    I know you've been to many docs and tried so many things. I think many on this board would know the feeling of not wanting to try ANYTHING else.

    I would just like to share with you a couple of things that did help me with my pain. I went to a chiropractor who performed "Cranial Sacral" therapy. It is a completely gentle maneuvering of the neck and spine and I credit this with giving me some relief. I am also very careful with my diet. I notice that if I have wheat more than once a week I start to ache. I am very careful not to overdo any one activity because that will trigger a pain flare for sure.

    However, pain-wise I am SO much better than I was several years ago. I also found that very gentle Yoga poses were helpful. Look for "Restorative Yoga" tapes or classes. I am using these now and I find them so relaxing and a gentle way to get back to some exercise.

    My thoughts and hopes are with you. Keep reaching out. People are here to get help and to help one another.

    Peace,
    Mary01
  7. Puddleglum

    Puddleglum New Member

    First I am sorry you are in such pain.

    I see where you are going to a Rheumy. Heres my story in a nutshell. I was misdiagnosed for yrs. w/CFS& FM when I had Lupus/UMCTD and now sadly MS.

    It might help if you could tell us your symtpoms. Then what you have tried. I am sorry I am not familiar w/the meds you mentioned. Have not used them.

    Because of my experience I encourage others to get the tests to rule out other diseases, depending on their symptoms. Its soo important, the starting point.!!

    I have been here over 10 yrs. so I know Mikie used the Guaifenesin with success. You might want to post to her. She can be a great resource.

    Hope you get relief.


    Olivia
  8. Puddleglum

    Puddleglum New Member

    First I am sorry you are in such pain.

    I see where you are going to a Rheumy. Heres my story in a nutshell. I was misdiagnosed for yrs. w/CFS& FM when I had Lupus/UMCTD and now sadly MS.

    It might help if you could tell us your symtpoms. Then what you have tried. I am sorry I am not familiar w/the meds you mentioned. Have not used them.

    Because of my experience I encourage others to get the tests to rule out other diseases, depending on their symptoms. Its soo important, the starting point.!!

    I have been here over 10 yrs. so I know Mikie used the Guaifenesin with success. You might want to post to her. She can be a great resource.

    Hope you get relief.


    Olivia
  9. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You are one of us who has the severe pain that often comes with Fibro. I completely understand. There have been days that I have thought I can't take this anymore, but I have no choice.

    You need some relief. I have to take pain medication. My pain is too bad not to. I'm WAY past the Tylenol, etc. levels. If you know that the Vicodin helped you at least rest, hopefully a Dr. will prescribe you some. Living with that much pain is worse for the mind and body. Fortunately I have had every doctor that I've seen share that point of view and understand the pain that comes with Fibro.

    How is your sleep? Are you able to get some good refreshing sleep? I sleep terribly (I go through stages) and I know that it plays a great role in how I feel during those times.
    I really don't have much of a life - I work, then sleep my weekends away. I feel like I'm two different people. If I didn't have pain relief I would not be able to leave the house at all and I do not think I would have much will.
    Unless one has experienced that kind of pain, you really can't understand it.

    I found a great website. I don't know if it has any new information on it for you, but after reading most sites on Fibro, this was one I hadn't read through before. www.myalgia.com

    Please know that you're not alone. I truly understand how you feel. Fibro has turned my life upside down. I try not to look too far in the future and just take one day at time. If I do look ahead, for some reason I just don't look at it like I'm living today - I always picture it much better. Don't ask me why - I've just conditioned myself I guess. I am inately a very positive person so like you I try to remain positive, but this is sometimes a true fight. I get it!

    Take care of yourself. Take each day as it comes. Tomorrow is a new day - you'll get through that one and the next. TRY to find some beauty in each day. That's what I'm trying to do.

    Janalynn