I feel I have become helpless....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I was diagnosed with FM about 5 years ago, but had a major relapse 2 years ago. It is a FAIR ASSESSMENT to say I have been in pajamas for the past 2 years. I only leave the house maybe 2 times a month (I am fortunate to have an at-home job).

    I have become very good at getting my family to do things for me and I am beginning to feel guilty. When I first relapsed 2 years ago, I DIDNT feel guilty, after all I couldnt even get out of bed it seemed.

    My family works outside of the home and if I need something, I just asked them to pick it up - groceries, prescriptions, even my kids if they are at their friend's houses.

    Financially I have also been doing poorly and I have become good at asking family (and my ex-husband) to borrow money. I always pay them back when I get my check, but for 2 years I have relied on them to help me out.

    I FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY AND HELPLESS RIGHT NOW. I'm thinking that maybe I've become LAZY....and I'm not really tired all the time.

    BUT I AM TIRED - and I know many of you are too! I feel like all I do is run, run, run all the time - even though I dont go anywhere or do anything, but sleep and watch TV.

    Please respond to this post and tell me how all of you feel - and are dealing with your situation. I want to know I'm not the only one with FM/CFS that is relying on friends and family so much.

  2. steach

    steach Member

    My philosophy is to do for myself what I can physically and emotionally do; if I can't do something, I have swollowed my pride and asked others.

    I know that FM Syndrome and CFS are not supposed to be progressive, but, I can no longer do the things that I could last year. I am so out of energy -both physically and emotionally. I don't have the energy to keep fighting all of what is wrong with "this old body."

    I rely on my fiancee sooooo much and I wonder why he stays with me. We met a few years ago when I was feeling much more alive and could do so much more. He is my angel on earth; he is wonderful.

    I feel horribly guilty to continue asking him to do things for me. I think I can relate to how you feel. I wish that I could give to him what he gives to me.

    To relieve some of your guilt and dependence on others, try your hardest to do what you can do; when you can't do it, it is okay to ask for help.

    You are blessed to be able to work from home and have people in your life who care about you so much. Try to give back to them with love and kindness.

    All the best to you,
  3. fight4acure

    fight4acure Member

    Hi. I think you might get more responses if you copy and paste this onto a post in the CFS/ME/FMS room. In this room we tend to chat about lighter topics.

    All I can say is that I know what it is like. I have no money, have to barrow, have to rely on others and I hate it. However, I do not feel guilty. I do not see any reason for guilt in my life. Prayers and support help me. I feel sad though, and that's why I come here, to find encouragement and strength from others through support.

    Fight :)
  4. spacee

    spacee Member

    You can't do any more than that.

    I will put this one thing in that I read a few years ago and I don't even remember the docs name except it was a CFS researcher. It was that if a person had family members who would "wait" on them, they didn't do as well as patients who "had to get up"

    Now, don't take this wrong. I think people do as much as they can do. But I do see the docs point of view.

    For what it is worth... I absolutely don't mean to make you feel guilty. I believe you do as much as you can.


  5. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    Like you, I am tired. I'm pretty much homebound, but not bedbound. I've not worked in 14 yrs. I manage my own home and finances and I live alone in low-income housing. My marriage ended several years ago. I know how hard it is to manage.

    I do everything I possibly can for myself. I have a car, so with pacing and careful planning I still manage to run my own errands and get my own groceries. It can be very hard. Sometimes I just wear myself out and then I'm in bed for a couple of days to recover. But, I will not allow this dd to make an invalid of me. I'm going to continue to take care of myself.

    There is no shame in asking for help. I can no longer do my own cleaning and my daughter and granddaughter come in and do that for me every two weeks. But, I don't feel guilty because it's a legitimate need. I cannot do it.

    I budget carefully, and so far haven't had to borrow money from family. I am paying off credit card debt, so I no longer use credit. The best advice I can give about finances is develop a budget and stick to it. If you have outstanding bills you can get good help from a consumer credit counseling service (free!). It is sometimes very hard. If I have no money for gas, then I don't go anywhere until I can buy gas for my car. There's a great satisfaction in budgeting and spending only what I have coming in.

    I think if you need the help, then ask for it. But, try real hard to do all you can for yourself. By the tone of your post I sense that you are aware you are leaning pretty hard on friends and family. Good luck to you as you sort this out and find ways to feel more independent. You are not alone.

    Warm Hugs,
  6. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I am somewhat like you, only I am nearly 59 and have had FMS and CFS for more than 30 years. Now, I also have tons of other problems such as major heart issues, severe arthritis, lupus, diabetes, and other crippling issues.

    I am not working like you, but did work for more than 30 years and I am retired now. I am in a wheelchair and cannot get out of the house either. I am lucky to get out 2-3 times a month. I only get out when I go to the doctor or a trip to a WalMart Supercenter to get groceries. My sister comes up and gets me and takes me to WalMart, or whereever I need to go.

    I spend a lot of time in bed and watching TV.

    Luckily, I am doing OK financially. I would hate to have to borrow money all of the time.

    You say that you are tired all of the time. I am too. But I also realize that I am depressed. I think you are too. You may not realize it, but I think you are.

    Having to rely on my family so much to take me to the doctor, to get groceries, etc. is very depressing. I talk with my family on the phone a lot, but it doesn't take the place of me being able to go visit them. I really wish that I could.

    Everything about my life seems to depress me, but I try not to let the depression take over.

    I take Cymbalta. It is for the depression and also for fibro pain.

    Good luck to you.
  7. jole

    jole Member

    I understand how you feel. I'm another one who leaves my home perhaps twice a month for groceries/doctor during the winter, and perhaps a little more often during the summer. It takes me two days to clean one room. Some days I'm lucky to get a load or two of laundry done.

    My hubby is not good at helping in the house, so things get done as I'm able. De-cluttering is essential...it makes the daily (or weekly) work more managable.

    Like you, my married kids shop for me whenever they're coming home for a visit, which helps a lot. But I always pay them back immediately. Owing anyone was not allowed when I was growing up, and I guess is a hold-over from then.

    As long as I have a roof over my head and heat/water/electricity, the rest is minimal. I would give up my tv and phone before borrowing, but WOULD NOT give up my computer...lol....it's my safety net, social outlet, etc. So we all have our limits...

    I wish you luck...and honestly, if you are still able to hold down a job at home, you're still doing okay I think. When I was working from home, I remember how much energy that took....it's still a job! And for some of us, it's not possible to work and take care of family both. So cut yourself a little slack......................Hugs..........Jole