I Feel Like Gving Up

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Leanna44, Aug 27, 2008.

  1. Leanna44

    Leanna44 New Member

    Yesterday was a rotten day for me! My husband went on a rampage because I am unable to do what I used to do and broke half our dishes!

    I am tired of fighting and emotionally I cannot take the stress of it anymore.

    My husband is a very self-centered man, he never looks at himself only points the fingers at others.

    Dealing with Bi Polar and Fibromyalgia make my life difficult daily and sometimes I just feel like giving up as living is so difficult.

    No worries, I love my son far too much to take my own life and hurt him that way.

    Why does life have to be so hard? I am thinking of calling a women shelter today because my marriage is killing me slowly emotionally and physically.

    All this stress has my fibromyalgia kicked into high gear and I am not responding well to my BP meds.

    I guess I just need a hug and to know that I am not worthless!

    Thanks for listening.

    Gentle Hugs,

  2. Risk

    Risk New Member

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I too experienced a similiar situation. Prior to my diagnosis 8 years ago, I thought I had the perfect life. Great job, great husband, lots of social activities for the family and kids. Now, I am divorced because HE couldn't deal with the physical/mental aspects of the Fibro and wanted his old wife back. Well, so do I!

    You need to do whatever it takes to make your life less stressful. I suffer from anxiety/depression like most of us on the boards and life isn't easy especially now that I'm living on my own.

    Perhaps talking to a counselor, therapist or clergy member may help and if you feel that you are being abused either physically or mentally, you should check out a women's shelter.

    Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

    Good luck,

  3. cookie1960

    cookie1960 New Member


    Of course you are NOT worthless. This FM thing is a tragedy for anyone. I'm sure the stress of your marriage and your other illness is just adding to the pain.

    Is there a family member or friend who you can stay with for a cooling off period? Somewhere to go where you can think just about you and your son? A women's shelter comes with its own set of problems & stress - but if that's your only choice - I would say go.

    Be selfish today. Do the best thing for yourself and for your son. You are worth it! Be strong.

  4. Leanna44

    Leanna44 New Member

    Thank you for your support and replies.

    I have no where to go as my family (parents) are just as destructive for me as my husband.

    My son is 21 but I hate to put that kind of pressure on him.

    I miss the old me as well just as I am sure that we all do but I am no longer that person and I will never be able to be that person again.

    I have been married for 16 years and most of it has been hard. I used to do all the giving for the relationship but I am now unable to do it.

    I have never been to a woman shelter. Does anyone have any experience with one? Would it be a good choice for me or does it come with too many strings attached? I have no idea, I just know that living with my husband is making my health worse by the day.

    Thanks for sharing and caring.

    Gentle Hugs,

  5. deb_46

    deb_46 New Member

    Hi Leanna,

    Sending you hugs and just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I'm in a very similar situation, my husband is going to be the death of me yet. He was very understanding and compassionate the first couple of years but the past two he has been horrible. He's become very insensitive, selfish and has nothing to do or any participation in my health issues anymore. He never knows when I have a drs appt, never asks how I'm doing and really, I don't think cares anymore.

    Regardless of how I feel, I make sure he has a hot meal, his laundry is done and so forth so that isn't the issue. He turned 50 about that time and turned stupid. I turned 50 this year and didn't feel the need to turn stupid. Must be a guy thing!

  6. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    If you feel threatend verbally or physically then you need to go to a shelter. I haven't been in one, but lived next to one. From what I can see it may not be easy. But you will be safe. You probably benefit from therapy as well. Having Bipolar comes with its own set of issues.

    You have to look at it this way, leaving will be hard but not dangerous. It will require some faith, work and the drive towant to be in a better place.

    Good luck and hugs too you,
  7. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I'd say it's high time for you to boot scoot and boogie on out of that place! Break your dishes indeed! I'd have broke some on his fool head!

    Sorry girl, but I am from way down in a rural southern GA small town. A man gets lose in your kitchen like that he is asking for a frying pan up side his head at the very least! I'd have kicked his you know what!!!!

  8. rayswife

    rayswife New Member

    1st and foremost you are NOT worthless and you deserve better.
    I'm currently in the diagnosis process and in the middle of a huge flair. I thank god daily that I left my selfish husband last year. I could not even tell him I hurt or was tired; i was still expected to take care of him AND his mother. But because I found the courage to leave, I am now with my wonderful friend, soul-mate and fiance, who's biggest problem is he cares too much. He wants to cushion my whole world so I never have to suffer (have to bring him back to the real world sometime...lol) My point is there are caring supportive people out there. We already have Fibro, why should we put up with emotional abuse too!
    Hugs, Rayswife
  9. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    You're NOT worthless, but your husband is being abusive, and being abused can make you feel worthless. No one deserves to be treated badly, including you.

    You say your marriage is slowly killing you - I think that says it all. Call a hotline or a shelter - that's what they're there for.

    Life is NOT supposed to be this hard, and you can make changes so that your life is better. There are people out there who want to help you. I hope you reach out.

    Take care --

  10. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i am not sure if this was mentioned, but can you contact a divorce attorney?

    despite the suffering, maybe this is the time to break free of the old, self-destructive patterns of living with abuse.

    i lived with childhood abuse and have always dated one asshole after another.

    this illness has made me determined to get therapy (when i am able to go) and stop being self destructive - even if it means being alone.

  11. dollinitup

    dollinitup New Member

    I know the thought of a shelter or other option seems scarey and so forth but look at it this way.
    What do you have to loose at this point?

    How much worse could it be?

    Staying with the jerk is not working for you so maybe it is time to do something else.

    He sounds very toxic to me and that is the worse thing for this DD.

    Big gentle hug for you(((((((((()))))))))))))))
  12. Leanna44

    Leanna44 New Member

    All the support that I have received has touched my heart. I am going to stay with my girlfriend for a few days to try and get my head together and rest.

    I would love to save my marriage but I cannot do it alone as it would require change from both parties and my husband refuses to change.

    Your replies have empowered me to take a little step by getting away for a few days.

    May God bless all of you for your generosity of heart!

    Thanks again.

    Gentle Hugs,

  13. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    If you feelin danger in ANY way, get out of there.

    Otherwise, I'd tell him to get out. Thank you honey, but you are making my life hell, I'm sure you're not happy either, so I think it's time you took a little break from this home for a while instead of breaking my dishes.

    Don't put up with that crap! Just because you're suffering from this DD doesn't mean you don't have a backbone, that you aren't just as valuable, as important, as meaningful as anyone else!

    As Eleanor Roosevelt said - No one else can make you feel inferior without your consent. Don't give it!

    Most important is your safety. If you are physically safe, then start taking care of your mental safety - if you feel you are slowly 'dying' in that marriage then make a change.
    Either you both get help to make it better or you end it.
    Nothing changes if nothing changes.

    Life is too short.

    If WE as a group don't know how precious each moment is - each moment of happiness - do not let any potential moments of happiness pass you by....

    YOU are worth it - you deserve a wonderful life with love in your heart! =)

  14. Malcolm82

    Malcolm82 New Member

    There is nothing I can really add to the very good advice you have already been given. If you are at the point of leaving, you probably need to for your own good, and maybe your very survival.

    I have no first hand experience with this as my wife and our families are about as supportive as you can get, but I have read the stories of so many other people with these DD's to know you are definitely not alone.

    Like the song says, "sometimes love just ain't enough".


    I've said this on other posts, but I just have this real desire to be able to shake some sense into these guys, Man to Man!!
  15. Leanna44

    Leanna44 New Member

    I went to stay at my girlfriends for a few days to get away from the stress and sort things out.

    I made a mistake by taking my phone because my son did nothing but interupt my time there so I ended up coming home after only one night.

    I came home to find my husband drunk passed out with the lap top on the bed. The lap top was on a porn site so I knew what he had been doing while I was gone. I was so crushed emotionally that I got physicaly ill.

    I know that I need to get out of here because it is really effecting my physical and emotional health but I am so afraid to do it alone or at a womens shelter.

    Life is just so darn hard and being emotionally and physically not well makes it even harder.

    Just need some positive thoughts and hugs today.

    Thanks for all your replies.

    Gentle Hugs,

    [This Message was Edited on 09/02/2008]
  16. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    I have suffered abuse for the first 26 years of my life. I am 36 now with FM, Married my best friend and have 2 wonderful kids. The "sperm donor" for my 1st child was extremely abusive. For a while it was psychological and physical. It ended with a shotgun pointed at my head, and being raped every way you can think of. All of this happend while my baby was screaming in the other room.

    You deserve better than this loser. The hatdest step is to walk out that door. I know you have to be strong, so therefore I have absolute faith that you can do this. I wish I was there to help you. But you always have us here.
    Big Hugs,
  17. Doober

    Doober New Member

    A married man 14 years now.

    Never once did I threaten violence or anything of that nature towards my wife.

    When you say he is a "very self-centered man", I do not think he is worthy of even being called a "Man".

    There are many "males" I know that call themselves men, but I laugh because they act more like children and adolesent boys than men.

    No one should feel threatened in a marraige or have to deal with the physical and mental abuse in any type of relationship.

    Real men do not use violance or any other controlling methods on their spouses.There is a reason we get married. Some for the right reasons, others for the self centered wrong reasons. Sometimes men forget why they got married and they try to "re-invent" themselves in the wrong ways.

    Whatever the reasons still does not make it ok to be a jerk or mean towards our wives or children.

    You have to always remember that whatever his issues are, they belong to him and not you. You should never have to feel unsafe.

    You should not feel that this is your fault or you are the cause of his problems. Some men have a superiority complex that get to the point that they feel that their "Manhood" is threatened or non-existant.

    He needs to work out his issues without putting his family in harms way. He is the one who needs help and couseling to overcome his anger and any other issues that may be bothering him.

    Everyone here has given you great advice. You need to worry about you and your health. You are NOT worthless, and should never feel that way because of the actions of others.

    Unfortunately separation or divorce are the only solution for happiness and well being. This should never be thought of a failure in marraige, but a new beginning.

    I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do, but always make sure that you look out for yourself and find the help you need.

  18. Leanna44

    Leanna44 New Member

    Last night was the final straw in my marriage. My son's girlfriend has been very sick and she asked to come and take a bath, my husband blew up at me in front of them threatening to beat me up and smash all my things.

    I have endured all the emotional abuse that I can take! I am afraid to leave a 16 years marriage but that is exactly what I am going to do.

    I talked to a friend of 20 years and she offered to come let me stay at her house with her and her husband. I talked to her more at length today and she is going to talk to her husband and call me back.

    I have lived with her before so I know that we can live together.

    I have no money or no job but I will go and apply for food stamps and look for a job while I am there.

    God bless her for making such an offer with times being so bad.

    Moving forward is going to be hard but it will be the best thing for me in the long-run.

    Just because someone is Bi Polar does not give them the right to be abusive towards others. People need to take responsibility for their own actions.

    Thanks for all your support and encouragement.

    Gentle Hugs,

  19. jenn_c

    jenn_c New Member

    Like I said before, the hardest thing to do is leave. But it is the best thing for you emotionaly and physically.
    Knowing how abusive he is, you must be careful.

    You can get a restraining order on him. Write down
    everything he has done. Good Luck. Please write to us and keep us posted. I'll keep you in my prayers.