i feel like i am giving up

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by homesheba, Oct 11, 2006.

  1. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i have been here for a short time and i read the posts when i can
    and have seen how careing you all are,
    and yet i feel alful cause i mostly dont have the strength anymore to post alot,
    i have been sick since the 20's and i am 52 now,
    lived a hard life and got crohns and all the surgeries and hep c that comes w/ blood transfusions,
    and fibro and other auto immune stuff....
    that last night my hubby found me on the floor semi concscious...
    i am having more fainting spells,
    and am getting weaker. our pharmacy bill is so high and hospital.
    even with insurance, its still hard to pay.
    i am so sick and nauseous,
    its like my body isjust giving up.
    pain is lke leaching its way thru me
    and i absolutly have nothing else that i can feel anymore or even think about,
    its like i am emotionally detaching myself from friends and family...
    i am at the end. i am so tired.
    God only knows how i am so tired of relentless pain.
    . i am so happy to be here with others who can really and trully understand
    , cause no one else does, not even the doctors,
    they hardly want to touch me
    causeof all the ilnesses i have.
    im sorry to be such a crier,
    i just need to talk toyou guys. do you ever just feel like a failier?
    its like if i can EVEN get a floor vacummed-
    its like i accomplished something...

    . God bless you new friends..
  2. lptopcat

    lptopcat New Member

    Welcome, so sorry you are in so much pain with so many illnesses.

    I have FM, Hep C, thyroid problems and a few others, so I can certainly relate.

    I will keep you in my prayers and lots of ((((hugs))) to you.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  3. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    Please don't give up! Even if you don't have the strength to post, it's OK just to come in and read what you can and learn what you can.

    I'm so sorry that you feel so sick and so tired. And I understand your feelings about doctors. Doctors don't understand unless they have the illness themselves or someone they love has it.

    I think we all feel like failures at some time or another. I recently have been sick and off work and am slowly getting a bit better. It's hard to depend on others to do everything and not do my share. And getting the floor vacumed IS a major accomplishment! Sometimes walking across the room or up the stairs can be an accomplishment.

    Hang in there please and stay with us friend!! Even if it is just to read.
  4. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    Try to feel all of us caring about you..we are all over the world. You are important to us no matter if you never vacumm a floor!

  5. spacee

    spacee Member

    You and I have the same birthday but you are a few years younger. My mother was from Mississippi...Water Valley.

    Please don't feel like a failure. I see you are a woman of faith. And it is the truth...our lives are very HARD. And the ppl here who have loved ones who understand are lucky. I don't. They aren't unloving,it is they just can't understand what we go through.

    I like to take long drives too and be alone and feel the peace. I wonder, though, how much longer I will be able to do it. My mind is my worst part.

    Anyway, I just believe that when we get to the end of our lives, we will get to see exactly what they meant....and it will be so much different than what we thought.

    I am reading a book about Mr. Fred Rodger's from Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood. He felt like most people suffer in this life. The man who wrote the book said that Mr. Rodger's was more in touch with the unseen world around us than anyone he had ever met. Mr. R. was a vegetarian because he would not eat anything that had a mother.

    I am rambling but wanted to say that I care about you and that your life has so much pain. I really care.

  6. ABLUV

    ABLUV New Member

    I am also a follower of Christ who is struggling with illness. On my worst days, it's best to do nothing but pamper myself. After I pray (and cry), I read my Bible - the Psalms especially, collect jokes & funny stories, take a soak in epsom salts, sleep, watch funny movies, drink oat straw tea (get it from the health food store; it helps ease depression and relaxes the nervous system), read a good novel.

    I also hold tight to my belief that one day all this suffering will end; Jesus Christ could come today and I will receive a new body in Heaven that will never get sick again.

    My heart aches for you tonight; I pray for relief from the intense pain and agony of spirit. Open your heart to receive the comfort of the Holy Spirit and let God's peace
    guard your heart and mind. May the words of all your friends here on this site warm your heart.

    God's peace be multiplied to you and your husband right now in Jesus name, Amen
  7. Abbycat

    Abbycat New Member

    I'm wondering what meds you have tried and what meds you take now. I know that Remicade is being used to treat Crohns and I know someone with Hep-C that's taking it for RA. Both of these people are doing better without the complications of taking pills, (it's an infusion). I wonder if that would help you?

    I know it's just one piece of the puzzle, but maybe if you tell us what's all going on and what you think is what, together we could all come up with some ideas to help you feel better.

    You sound so overwhelmed right now. Reading back to your posts in September you sounded much more upbeat and hopeful. What has changed since then?

    I do know one thing about doctors. Most really want to try and help, but even they can become confused when given so many symptoms at once. What I've learned is to go with the most pressing problem at the time and stick to that one thing.

    I've gotten much further with my rheumy this way. Another thing to try is to get a primary care physician that's an internist. They're much better at treating the whole person with complicated problems than a regular GP.

    Another thing you could do is call your insurance company and ask them if any doctors specialize in FM. You probably know all this, but I thought I'd throw my ideas out there just in case.

    Don't give up, please! You don't have to type much, just send up a flare every day or so. "Fainted again." could be one. And by the way, what is this fainting stuff?

    Is this new for you or are you a fainter? Most of us would be very concerned and running to the emergency room if that happened to us. I would be completely freaked.

    My point is that you don't have to post much. You can just ask for help and not reply to anyone's posts. No one's keeping score here. Sometimes just knowing someone is caring about you is the best medicine.

  8. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    isnt it wi=onderful how God uses others to lift someone. just being able to talk last night helped.

    yes, so much changed since sept..
    its been a year now since momhas come to live w/ us after loosing her palce to katrina,
    and yes, we get along but she is so different thani- and there is a underlying tension it seems always.
    as for my health,
    i dont know if its a symptom of fibro but i finfd myself.. forgetting to breath??
    what? you ask??
    yes i know its dumb sounding but i sure cant tell a dr or they will lock me up i feel...
    what do i do? sometimes i will be just brushing my teeth or sitting on the couch and poof!
    ill get lightheaded and start to go over.
    sometimes i can catch it, they say my heart is fine thank goodness.
    and the pain is really there all the time- every second. i know thats the same for you all as i read your posts, but its like,
    i cannot even make myself feel any other emotion but that,
    except for saddness.
    it is like a death isnt it?
    loosing what you once had? i was always on the go like you all and didnt have to ask for help and so forth..
    but the lOrd has allowed the changes in my life for a reson,
    but i just do not know -really- how to stop fighting.
    or are we suppossed to?
    i dont know.
    ha!! and here i am a student of the bible and can council others but i sure cant help myself.
    today is a gorgeous day and id love to go andf walk the woods but i just dont have the strenght anymore.
    and you know? i dont even look sick.
    thats always so hard to explain to someone, isnt it.??
    thank you all with all my heart for being here.
    i promise i wont be so morose in other posts.
    its just one of those trying times i guess we all have.
    love you
  9. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I Know just being out in the fresh air helps me alot when things aren't going well!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Can you sit in a chair outdoors for awhile? I know it's not a walk in the woods but maybe it would help you feel better !!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hugs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Sydney
  10. fieldmouse

    fieldmouse New Member

    Please don't give up. Remember we are all here. we know your pain and feelings. Just keep reading and remember we are all praying for each other...~~HUGE(very soft)HUGS~~ Mick!!
  11. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    shallow breathing!!! thank you for the name...:)
    i am trying to do better by taking deeper breaths.:)
  12. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    Your story brought me to tears, but I know you are reaching out because you want help and support, and you want to feel better. I have not experienced the illness quite to the degree that you are right now, but I know some of your frustration. I get behind on my laundry and vacuuming. Once in a while I have to call a cleaning service just to help me catch up a little. I have gotten much worse this past year, and although I do not look sick either, not many know the true nature of the exhaustion of this illness. The power of prayer works wonders, know that many of us are thinking of you. Smile and think of the things in life that truly give you joy. Try to stay positive, Kim :)
  13. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i have many blessings
    as one is defently this forum and you all.:)

    today i have woke up as weak as i went to bed, i used to have yard sales for extra money but now here i have again.. ha ha!! a lotta stuff in my bathtub to sell and just no strenght to go sell them.
    wow!! good thing i have 2 bathrooms! ha ha!!

    its this total body weakness that really concernes me.. i know the c.f..... but this is different!
    i went to er and they gave me fluids and an antbiotic but so far i am no better,
    my dr app isnt till the 20th and hes booked and also my others..
    it looks like ill have to go back to er.
    man i hate this.
    i feel like i am gona become bed ridden...
    i feel like i am loosing blood but there are no signs of it...
    [This Message was Edited on 10/13/2006]
  14. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    is really interesting about the lemon water!!!!!
    i am gona do it. thanks alot!!!:)