I Feel Like I am Letting Everyone Down

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cinnveet, Mar 11, 2006.

  1. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I work full time, and when I get home I am a useless to my family. I have no energy at all. Here it is another weekend and I dont have the strength to do anything. I just want to lay in bed because the pain is too much. I need to get so many things done that I keep pushing aside.
    My husband works very hard and does alot for the family. My 2 boys are always aksing me to do things with them. Sometimes I do have the energy to do it but this weekend I dont. I feel so bad for them. I wish and pray for the strength to get over this DD. I have a new Dr. that I have been seeing now for 5 mos and he is really trying everything to help me.

    Today I hurt from head to toe. I avoid answering the phone because I dont want to be bothered. When I lay in bed my mind goes a mile a minute of things I need to do, but I just still lay there.

    How do I get myself out of this rut and push myself thru the pain and depression that comes along with it?

    I feel like I dont see a light at the end, just darkness all around.

    Thanks for listening to me,
  2. crdmkr2004

    crdmkr2004 New Member

    Hi There,
    Are you on any anti-depressants,mood stabilizers or pain meds? If not then you need to get on some. As far as feeling bad about being sick, you shouldn't. If you had a broken leg, would you be expected to do everything you use to? No, so just because people can't physically see what is wrong with you doesn't mean you don't deserve to take of YOU sometimes.
    If you are on meds then maybe they need to be adjusted. OR maybe you need to slow down with you work so as not to exhaust yourself. You can also start making lists of things you THINK you need to do. Then prioritize them, and do the ones you can, marking them off as you go so that it gives you a sense of accomplishment. I feel the same way you do and I have had to learn to ASK for HELP from my wonderful husband and son. Sometimes, they feel helpless because they can't help your pain and it gives them a feeling that they are doing something by you asking them to help you out. Please reach out to your family and don't take everything on yourself. We aren't healthy and we can't do it all.
    Hope this helps
  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    you can only do so much. If you push it you get worse. If you're still working you need the rest. How old are your children? Are they old enough to understand your disease? How much support do you have from hubby?
    I am a single mom of 2 small ones, and it is hard when I am so fatigued that I can't even stand upright. I have to be careful how I use my energy, or I will collapse, and be "useless" for a week or more. Then I will have even less to give my children. They have learned that mommy is a bore-ball, and that if we're lucky, we have one outing every day, even if it's short. I know the freash air and walking will do good for me too when I am not in the middle of a "collapse". Do you have a doc. that help you cope with this DD? I wish I had answers, I struggle with the same issues, sometimes it brings me down into depression, and it gets so dark! Can you afford a nice relaxing massage or something, get away from it all for an hour and be pampered?
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I want to say how much I admire anyone with this DD who goes to work even part time! You can only do so much and already are doing a lot. You are keeping yourself up,(by taking needed rest) not letting others down. Just let some thi gs go. Make sandwiches instead of a meal etc. they can be very healthy. Buy a robot vac, a robot floor mopper. Do what you can and let the rest rest too.

    Love Anne C
  5. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    My husband is truly a great help, but he never talks about my pain or this DD. I think I may make him go to my next Dr.'s appt. and let the Dr. explain it.
    My 2 boys are 9 and 16.
    My 16 yr old dosnt do much to help. Only if he gets money in return or new clothes will he do anything around here and I have been having alot of problems with him and his school, behavior, etc.....
    My 9 yr old is an angel and talks to me about my problems and listens more than my husband. He always helps me around the house and is full of loving hugs.
    I am on Lexpro, synthroid, and Fentynal patch.
    I want to make an appt for my thyroid but keep putting it off. dont know why i keep doing that.
    I think I will start a list of things to do.
    I have been printing out alot of good articles from this site that discribes the problems and dropping them around the house for family and friends to hopefully pick up and read. I even left articles in the bathroom, knowing people are always looking for something to read.lol.

    I am not trying to have a pity party on myself, but I just get so darn frustrated with myself.

    Again thank you for listening and understand. You really are a big help to me.
  6. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    your hubbys relation with your teenage son? When a teenage son starts having issues, fathers are the ones that can have a great influence in their life. How did he learn that taking part of responsibilities in the home have to "pay off"? I am sorry you're having problems with him, the teens is such a hard age! There must be a way you can get help with his issues, sometimes we have to go outside of the home to get that help. My own son has a wonderful counselor right now, not that he causes any problems, but I noticed depression in him after I divorced his step father who neglected him to begin with. Try to grab it in the butt before it goes too far, and down the road, there won't be a daughter-in-law complaining about him not doing his part,,,LOL! (That one is my own personal phobia with my sons!)
  7. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    My husband and my 16yr old argue all the time.
    He was in counseling and it helped for a short period of time. Now I find out he has been skipping school. GRRRRRRRR!!!
    If I try and tell him he is punished and has to stay home, then that means we all get punished because he will drive us nuts. When he has his mind set on something, example: yesturday he said he needs new jeans. he keeps asking for them over and over and over.
    How long does this go on for when they are in their teens?

    My little one "Tony", dosnt have any friends in the neighborhood because we live at a park and there is alot of traffic and I wont let him go to the park by himself. I feel so bad. As soon as I get some energy today I am going to take him to the arcade. He tried to call his friends from school to see if they could come over but nobody was home.

    I would give anything right now to take the pain away and do something nice for him.

  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am seriously considering the Fentanyl patch. How do you find it and can you get the lollipops instead of the patch for occasional use.
    I noticed when I had some as part of a hospital procedure it completely wiped out my migraine and a good deal of pain.
    Love Anne C
  9. crdmkr2004

    crdmkr2004 New Member

    Hi Cindy
    My son is almost 17. He was going through the same thing your son is and wouldn't let up when he wanted something. Finally I told him to get a job, I wasn't made of money, and he was old enough to learn the value of a dollar. I provide everything he needs and if wants extra he could work for it. As far as skipping out of school and his grades, I took things away from him that meant alot. He had to pull up his grades for a full year in order to get his learner's license to drive, (you usually can't do that if you are skipping out )so it depends how bad he wants to drive. I also cut his computer time (always chatting on MSN or whatever)to homework only and because I was working at the time I would take the modem from the computer to work with me so he couldn't use it until I got home and then he had to do his homework while I was cooking dinner. I told him if he wanted to be treated like an adult then he needed to start taking responsibility for his actions. I also got some books from the library on Fibromyalgia and had him read it so he could understand that I am no longer the person I used to be and that it isn't my fault and that I really need his help from time to time. Also, this was a time my husband needed to talk to him rationally to make him understand that I am sick and stress in the house makes it worse. I know it is frustrating and I hope your doctor or the library can help others around you understand.
    Take care
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I would rest without guilt. It will give you a quality rest. I am sure your boys (I do not know the age) would understand if you take them in the bedroom and either explain it to them or play a board game on the bed.
    Kids are pretty adaptable. Quality rest is so much better without the guilt and racing thoughts.
  11. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    The Fentanyl patch has really helped. It is timereleased up to 3 days. I do noticed on the 3rd day that I dont seem to have that much releif but I see the Dr. next week and will ask if I can change the patch every 2 days.

    My 16yr old has been told to get a job. no success yet. and he wants his license, and made honor roll last marking period for the first time in years, but has gone back down hill again. We have to meet with his teachers next week about his grades, & behavior so I hope we can nip this one in the butt ASAP.

    I did finally go out to the store today and did pick up a board game to play with my 9yr old and he is very happy to hang out in my bed to play the game.

    Once again, great advise, thank you so much for it!!!
  12. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    I have to admire you for working full time, with this DD. at home you can only do so much. I to felt like i was letting my family down. because i can't do what i used to. my little girl, wants to do things together. so i found things we can do at home that didn't take to much energy. we play games, her favorite is yatzee, and scrapble. as for the house work, my adult sons help out with that, and they also cook, the days i feel like staying in bed are the worst. i felt like i was imposing on my family, but they all assure me that they understand. i hope you get to feeling better, i know that this DD takes alot out of a person. we have a chore list for my two girls, 8and11yrs. grand daughters. they seem to like it. it was hard to do because i used to do everything.
    my house isn't spotless anymore, but i am learning to live with it.
    i give you alot a credit, and my admiration for working full time. that alone takes alot.
    hugs and best wishes to you
  13. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    It is hard to change patterns once they have set, but her idea is really good. I remember my parents told us at an early age that when we reached a surten age and wanted stuff out of the ordinary (room and board, food, educational material) we had to work for it. When the time came (age) there was no argument. of course we huffed and puffed and pouted, but there was no use! I am glad they did today, cause I don't think I could ever have managed my situation today when I can't work and am stuck with DSHS assistance for the time being- to make it. I can turn a dime and make it last, and it doesn't panic me. I have learned to "want" alot of things I can't have (the want's never goes away do they! LOL! That computer, or that phone, or that camera!Gee!) He will have the mindset of a teen for quite some time, but setting some standards now will make it easier in the long run. Both you and your hubby should agree on this, and stand firm. No yelling, just firm!
    Oh, I live in a bad location too, with no neighbor kids closeby, and no playground. We can't just go outside the house, there's just nothing there, so I have to make an effort to bring my kids out. It is hard with this DD! When I was still married I got my ex. to bring the children to the park, it sure helped, and it was important for him to bond. He noticed there were many dads in the park with their kids! Well, go figure! LOL!
    [This Message was Edited on 03/11/2006]
  14. leubie

    leubie New Member

  15. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    You can only do so much with this illness. Working a full time job is hard enough.

    Do the best you can and explain it to your family that you need their help, because you're doing all you can right now.

    Try the Enada/NADH that they sell here at prohealth. It has really helped my energy and I'm very sensitive to other stuff.

    No problems with the NADH.

    Is there any way you can try for disability?

    I work but I don't have children and that makes a huge difference. When I come home I don't have kids depending on me for their needs.

    Hang in there. I hope we hear from you soon about good stuff happening for you.

    You have to take care of yourself FIRST. (not yelling just for emphasis).

    There is light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes we have to dig really long and hard to start seeing it.

    I'm praying for you and sending you big hugs of support.

    And Cindy, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you have to learn to let go. There will always be more to do or something that needs to be done. You need to prioritize.
    As long as the most important stuff is done, then the rest can wait awhile until you feel up to it.

    I also take thyroid and the NADH is o.k. to take with anything. It's a supplemental co-enzyme.

    [This Message was Edited on 03/11/2006]
  16. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I am going to give the supplement a try. what is there to loose. right?

    Today I am feeling little better. Was able to tackle some household chores.

    I do wish my husband would take more of an interest in this DD, and ask me questions, instead the only conversatin we have is me complaining about my aches and pains. Yesturday when it was real bad he did say you need to try for SS benifits. I am afraid because then my family will loose our medical insurance. My Dr. even said working full time is making things worse for me. I dont know, it is just very scary.

    Thanks again to everyone for the support!!

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