I feel so blah today.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Apr 8, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I have my usual aches and muscle pains but I feel so blah today. I am tired but then when am I not? I sometimes wonder why is it that we feel like this out of the blue? I want to know what cause's a flare? Is it the over doing of some thing, lack of sleep, fatique, who knows ? I have so many questions that I want to ask but don't have some one to ask them too.

    I don't feel like I rehumy would really give me a straight answer. And I don't think he really gets the pain that comes with fibro and with cmps. When I have talked about the mps he looks at me like I am stupid or don't know what I am talking about. I know the only reason he see's me is that I follow his rules to a tee. And I work on lowering the stregnth of my pain meds. I think he would have a fit if I asked for a higher dosage of any of my pain meds.

    I have these questions that I get asked all the time and I don't have any answer's to the questions, I want to know. What caused me to have fibro? Did my Dad's passing away 9 days before my 13th birthday? Or was it the abuse at the hands of some one I knew? I had leg aches when I was 4 yrs old so I wonder did they have any thing to do with it like sending me a message that some day I would be more prone to fibro?

    WHo do I ask these questions too ? I am so tired of not knowing the reason's I have so much pain the sharp ache in my muscles, bones, tendons. every where. What did I do to get this?

    I am so confused about all the answers that I have been given by those who know all about fibro. I really want to know what why did I get stuck with these pain filled syndromes?
  2. rachel76

    rachel76 New Member

    No one knows why we get these things. It is not from abuse. I was not abused and I got this at age 15 after a virus. A lot of psycobablers say fibro is caused by abuse because they want to say we are just mentally ill. We are not. That is what gets me angry about this desease. The muscle pain I have is to sharp to ever be imagined or psycologised away.

    As for why we got it... we don't know. They are not fully sure what causes M.S, pre 1950 they did not know why people got Lung cancer and 160 years ago they had no idea what caused Tubercolosis or the flu.

    The not knowing why is hard. Though for me personally it is the relaed stigma that is harder. We just have to live with not knowing everything and deal with the physical symptoms. Find something you can do and do it. I found the CFIDS Foundation in Massechusetts helpful for some information.
  3. clementyne

    clementyne New Member

    I completely understand how you feel & the questions you have.

    I think a flare can be caused by many different things. I know for myself doing too much can cause a flare but my worst ones come from weather. I live in the mid-west & tornado weather really messes me up.

    Many think it could start with an injury. I have had leg pain since I was a little kid & now I think that was part of it but mostly I was healthy. I had a really bad fall where I did a lot of damage to my body & the pain went out of control then. I had been having pain if I walked too long or did too much but mostly it was just the fatigue. I beat myself up all the time, telling myself I was lazy & calling myself all kinds of names. I felt guilty ALL the time!

    I also suffered abuse from my parents & was molested by a family member. I don't know if that had anything to do with it or not but my Rheumy told me that 80% of Fibro sufferer's have been sexually abused. I think the number of people who have been abused in general is pretty high, so I don't necessarily think that is the answer. My Rheumy also told me that we have a short in our pain sensors that causes the pain to feel so much worse for us than for other people. I almost cried when he told me that because I felt like he was saying it's all in my head. In fact, I quit going to him because I have enough guilt as it is! Lol!

    I know I didn't give you any real answers but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

    Keep your spirits up,
    [This Message was Edited on 04/09/2012]
  4. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Your thoughtfullness in your posts brought me to tears. I am not used to having any one being so supportive about my fibro. I do know that no one knows what caused fibro or why we have it. Most doctors don't know how to treat us , do you treat with pain meds or not, if not then you work out a plan that will work for you.

    I have not had a doctor that really knows how to treat all the pain issues I have. I need to have both knee's replaced but even with my insurance I can't afford to have them done. Also I know that if I had to have one done at a time I would not have the second knee ever done. Because of the pain you have from surgery and phycial therapy. I don't handle pain well at all any more. I once did. But that was long ago and now when my pain gets really bad I don't handle it well.

    I do want some one to tell me the reasons why I have fibro, DDD,buldging disc's, mps, oesteoarthritis. But no one can. Yes I may be predisposed to some of the chronic pain poblems I have now. I do understand that we live in a very enlightened time. In the dark age's disease was thought to be caused by evil sprits{ sorry brain fog on spelling} or illness was caused by the devil. Thankfully today we know that tiny germs cause illness's and that we can treat them with medications.

    Yeasterday I was feeling so sad and low as I watched my grandbabies run around finding easter eggs and I could not get down off the deck's to help them. I could not get down the stairs soon enough to get some photos of them. I have three little grandbabies all under two years old and they are so fun to watch . I got to help the older ones ages 4,5, and 7 yrs with their eggs and treats. I did have a great time. But there are times when I want to do things I used to do. My brain thinks I can still do all that I used to do. But my body can't do them. The two need to have a meeting to get on the right page.

    I also know that fibro is not all in my head , just as the mps is not all in my head as I can feel each little knot and they hurt like heck.

    I just needed a rant just becasue I am so angry that I can't do all the things I want to do. I am jelous of my grandson's other grandma , granted she lives in Brazil and I live an hours drive away from Spencer. She has gotten to spend over a month with Spencer and play, take him for walks, draw on the sidewalk with chalks. put him down for naps, feed him , and watch him run and run after him.

    I can't run after him when I baby sit him. But she can. So I am jeleous of her and that fact that she can do so much more than I can. But I need to think on the other side , I can get in my car and in an hour Ii can see him and play with him , go shopping with his mommy and him and I will be there when the new baby is born and her MIL won't be here. She will be in DC with her daughter who is also having another baby in november, my daughter is due in late november. So she may be albe to stay with them too.

    But it will be me or one of my other daughters who will have spencer when she has the baby. I need to get out more and exercise more so that I have more stregnth and stamina{ I hope} so that if they want I can go to their house and watch Spencer while his mommy has the baby.
    I do have alot of things to keep my busy and I need to think more postively about life. There are so many things I still can do and I need to do them and learn to accept things I can't do. Maybe I can camp at the rondevos if some one has a camper that I can share and be able to stay over one night. That is all I want.

    Again thanks for all your support and understanding. I am so greatful for all of you that you understand how I feel and know that I am not making up this DD.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/09/2012]
  5. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    As varied as the people you ask. I know, that's clear as mud, right? Back when I was first diagnosed (about 1994) the information could be packed into a gum wrapper. Now there are pages and pages of it. A lot of it is opinion, theory and good guessing. It could be genetic, immune deficiency, neurotransmitters, seratonin uptake, downtake, outtakes, take-out, carry out, if-this-then-that and enough to drive you nuts. If trauma plays a factor, at least in my case, I should be taking a dirt nap on a lovely hillside somewhere, because I've been shot, stabbed, cut, beat-up, abused and mistreated. I also jumped out of a plane and had my chute fail, slamming me into the ground. Even now, I usually have enough stress to cover an entire season of a soap opera. And this year we had 139.6 inches of snow! Does all this add up to a major flare? Did it cause me to have FM? I only wish I knew. I know I have this and it's not going to go away, and there are going to be bad days. But you know what? There are going to be GOOD days too!

    I think MUCH of what we deal with CAN be dealt with by the way we see ourselves, our attitude and how much we are willing to fight. Not ALL of it, certainly, but a lot of it. Personally, I am not willing to hand my life over to this DD. My body may not be as good as it once was, but my spirit is still there! And I have help. 24/7/365. I'm not alone because I have God with me and who knows me better? I know I can't do this alone, so I simply ask. I asked the same question many times - "Why, me, God? What did I do wrong?" And the more I thought and meditated, an answer came. Maybe, just maybe, it was because I was STRONG enough and by knowing what it is like firsthand, I could help other people be stronger too! It might not be THE answer, but for me, it seems to work. Try it out! Sometimes, we can absolutely amaze ourselves! LOL!

    Soft hugs,
  6. rkidd3423

    rkidd3423 New Member

    I read your post about your grandbabies. It's not what you do with them...it's the time you spend with them. Even if it's just sitting and reading to them. Kids remember personal time...not the things you buy them or the times you run around with them. I don't have grandbabies but my children talk about the time I spent with them...more than what we actually did. We sit and watch movies. We read together. We order pizza and just pile on the couch and stuff our faces!

    As far as the illness...I don't think there are any clear cut answers...and there certainly aren't any specific things that work for all. I agree with Stacey...remain positive and do what you can on your good days. I have been feeling much better since I got out of my bad relationship...but I still have bad days. My spirit is better so even on the bad days I am able to smile and realize that I have a lot going for me in my life and it sounds like you do too!

    Keep your chin up and smile (if it doesn't hurt to do that! LOL!).

  7. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Many years ago, when I was 34 I had a total abdominal hyerestectomy , removal of both tubes, ovaries, and appendix. It was a really rough time for me as I had wanted and had been trying to have another baby but it was not meant to be.

    AFter my hyesterectomy my OBGYN gave me some advise that I thought was nuts. But when I did it I felt better.
    His advise was to get up , get dressed, do your hair and put your makeup on and you will feel better even if you dont' do any thing else. I found it was true, the days i got up and dressed put my makeup on and did my hair i felt better, like I had some place to go, and it showed me that just doing that simple routine I felt so much better. I stopped feeling sorry for my self , I had been blessed with three beautiful daughters , who loved me and a great husband. I had good friends, and my Mom to talk with when ever I wanted too.

    The other day was one of the days I was having a pity party, I had been flaring more than I thought was usual for me, I was and still am stressed out about the change of pharmacy as nothing has gone right in filling my scripts scine I changed pharmacy's. I just need to LEt it go and remember that there are things I can change and things I can't change so change what I can and leave the rest to some one else who can handle it. Wether I hand it over to Christ and let him deal with the problems or just let it go and not dwell on the problems I do better.

    IT is not easy to change things , the way I think or do things but I know that I can feel sorry for my self all the time. I know so many who have far worse problems than I do, so I need to just think more postively and act on it.
    But it is easier said than done. but I am working on it daily.

    Thank you all for your thoughtfull responce's to my questoins. I still want the answers but no one has them so I will have to just deal with it and not dwell on it.
    Have a great day, and know that your not alone, I have found friends here to understand what it feels like to have fibro and mps and other chronic pain illness's.
    And I do love to read to the babies, it is hard to as three of them don't know how to slow down and walk not run, or just sit still for a mintue. The three youngest grandbabies are 22 months old, Mason just chatters in a laungage that no one understands but him and he is starting to sign a bit now. So at least we know what he wants {sometimes.} Spencer is 18 months old and once awake he is up and going and does not stop moving till he drops in to sleep for a nap or bedtime. He is like his momma , he didn't learn to walk just run and he goes and keeps on going. I don't think his momma can keep up with him. Then there is miss Maddison who is 17 1/2 months old, she is a busy body she wants to do what her brother and sister do and does not understand that she is a baby and they are 5 yrs and 7 yrs. She is a mommies girl so when ever she lets me I will hold her and read to her. I love each one so dearly and am thrilled to be comming a grandma again some time in November. So my sweet Spencer will have to learn how to share his momma and daddy.
    I know that there are many things i can't do but I can play with them , talk to them and read to them. I love just watching them run around. And when you add the older kids it gets really hectic around here. Braxton is 7, Kari is 5, Jaden is 4 1/2 and Kyler is 15 yrs. I am truely blessed to have grandkids and daughters , whom I Love and respect and would do any thing I can to help them.

    I still have days where fibro takes over but I can always stop and look at my life and change what I can change and forget the things I can't change.