and that’s part of healing – then what in the hell am I supposed to do?! I am so tired of this DD!!! It’s like banging my head against a brick wall! I geared myself up towards amalgam removal to be able to check one more thing off my list of things that are contributing to this DD and now I’m told I can only have it done once I get better! The doc said I was too sick for a DMSA challenge test, therefore too sick for mercury removal and detox. So, since no one has ever gotten better from this DD then what am I supposed to do?! I think about suicide at least once a day and now that’s all I’ve thought about all evening. I can’t find a doctor that treats CFIDS. I give up!!! I am a burden on my husband! I can’t take care of myself anymore! I’ve been house bound for a year and a half! I can’t seem to find any hope to hold onto! I really just want to crawl off somewhere and die!!! I can’t stop crying – I can’t stop this panic attack. I just feel like it’s the end of the line – I have no where else to turn. I’m sorry for being so negative, but I have nowhere else to turn – my husband doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and I have no one to talk to. My mother and sister are alcoholics and couldn’t help me if they wanted to. I’m sorry – I know when I read posts like this I don’t know how to respond to them. I guess I just wanted to be able to tell someone – anyone – how hopeless I feel.