I give up.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by daylight, Aug 19, 2006.

  1. daylight

    daylight New Member

    My doctor has successfully convinced my husband and father that I am clinically depressed. Even though I have told them several times that I'm not. For years now I have tried to please the doctors by taking antidepressants that don't help the pain or stop me from getting sick so often. Now I've told the experts (my family and doctor) no more! So now I'm am in denial of my supposed depression? My father even went to the extreme of bringing up my ex-husband . He said that some people have been SO depressed for so long that they just don't realizes it. I had to then remind my father that I used to work in the mental health field. Of course he says that I'm still in denial. Then I said "what about the counselors that I talked to before and after my divorce?" Oh by the way I've been divorce since 1995. Of course all my father could say was that I haven't tried ALL the drugs out on the market and my angrier is a sure sign of extreme depression. Now my husband won't speak to me because of this. To make things even worse my SSI check just came in the mail with that letter for my doctor to fill out . If I don't accept the depression dx. I'm screwed.
    It doesn't seem to matter that my doctor even believe this could be a neurological problem because the neurologist won't see me . The neuro. read in my chart that I have an anxiety problem and said that I need to see a shrink not him. I don't know what to do. I wish that I could have worked with this sickness. I didn't asked to be fired . And I was anxious and depressed six months ago. But that was then. Now I have this in my chart. I don't know what to do next. I can afford to see another shrink at 150.00 a session a minimum of seven visit paid up front at the first visit.
    Any suggestions????????? I feel as though no one believes me. I thought that I could trust my husband not to talk to family about this because they don't understand. I don't know who to trust anymore.
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    That is the way it goes sometimes. It happened to me an my ex, which is why he is my ex.

    Since he is gone I have gotten an accurate diagnosis on all things with me.

    Yes, I was depressed also and sought help for that. And, by the way, got it.

    Then I went from depression to anger and I was told that was a step in the right direction.

    Now I am divorced and have cut them all out of my life.

    I do not need all of those people interfering in my health. It is mine, not theirs. I know I am free to take charge of my care and would never rely on them ever again.

    Just my story....FYI,

  3. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I'm so very sorry that you have gone through this betrayal. You know that we believe you.

    What I wouuld suggest is to find another doctor, one not in the same medical group as the one you're seeing now (if he is in a medical group). If you have time, I think this would be the best thing to do.

    Starting all over again is a pain, (no pun intended), but if a doctor has to sign your SSI form, and the one you have is creating a situation that you don't approve of, I can't think of anything else to do. The stress involved in doing something that you don't believe is right, could be more damaging to you.

    On the other hand, it might be easier for you to "go with the flow", It all depends on you, and what you think is best. A good psychologist will be able to tell right away, that you aren't depressed, but are frustrated.

    But again, Please don't go to someone in the same medical grooup or association, because they tend to stick together.

    Good luck, and please keep us posted.
  4. daylight

    daylight New Member

    I'm not yet sure of what to do yet. Earlier today I had to leave the house to call a friend for advice. My husband still won't discuss the subject. My friend and I did pray about the matter but it's still hard. I don't think that I need to see a psych. to continue the SSI but they will probably still write down depression for a reason to continue on it. I need to find a way to be able to find a job that I can handle. Although I'm not sure what that would be as I have trouble contolling my hands from trembling,my vision blurrs,trouble walking or sitting for periods over twenty minutes without taking pain killers . How do I explain to a future employer when they ask why do you need theses things and why are you sick two out of every month? I need God to help because I don't have the answers anymore.
  5. daylight

    daylight New Member

    I've decided to go back to my doctors office tomorrow.I have to have him sign paperwork so I can continue to receive SSI and I am going to ask them for a copy of me chart. I am going to calmly explain to the nursing staff when you chart that a patient has a quote anxiety and depression disorder that no doctor will treat them again.I found out that both my Neuro. and Rheumy. refused treat me based only on what was in my chart. I was so close to finally knowing what is wrong and receiving treatment . The neurotin was working.Now my husband and I aren't talking and our third anniversary in on the 29th. My husband is blaming me for six months of being of work . After supporting me all that time he know believe that I have chronic depression but I'm in denial.
    What amazes me is that when I worked as a social workers asst. in a nursing home my doctor was completely confident I my ability to assess and care for his patients. I made sure that my charting was completely accurate because the patients health care depended on it. What did I do to deserve this? Now I have to find a way to make my husband believe that I am mentally stable and that just because the doctors haven't found a reason for my muscle pain and swelling doesn't mean that I am depressed. However I am angry and hurt that someone would go to this extreme to hurt me and my family.
    So please keep me in your prayers as I don't want to lose control tomorrow.
  6. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with everything.

    I also wanted to let you know that the nursing staff is not responsible for the diagnoses recorded in a patients chart that would be the physician and you might want to discuss this with him/her.

    The nursing staff only follow orders. It is the physician's responsibility to make diagnoses.

    I am so sorry you have to go through all of this and I really hope it does get better for you.

    You can request in writing that the physician correct his/her diagnoses but if he/she feels that these are the correct diagnoses the he/she has the right to refuse your request and you letter becomes a part of your chart.

    In my experience most physicians will not change their diagnoses.

    I am not telling you any of this to make you feel worse I just thought you might want to know.

    Sending you good thoughts,

    Karen :)
  7. Alyndra

    Alyndra New Member

    It's sad. Depressing, almost, in a twisted sort of way!

    My doctors don't generally bring up the "D" word anymore.

    When I was 16 I had migraines and seizures, and when I went to the doctors for it - they thought it'd be fun to say "Hey! I bet she's seizing, and sensitive to light and sound.. because she's depressed!" Figured I just didn't want to go to school, I guess.

    So, bottle #1 got shoved in my face - and when nothing changed.. onto bottle #2. When that didn't work, they increased the dosage of bottle #2 and made my visits to the shrink a little more frequent. When the doctor didn't see any social signs of depression, he made the comment to my parents that I was "maticulately able to withdraw my emotions in order to maliciously control others perceptions of my state of well being" [pondering: and I'm the one that needed the shrink?] Anyways. Pills 1&2 along with the good doctor weren't working.. so they introduced a mega high dose of bottle #3 and called it quits to my appointments. Said bottle #3 would be the equivalent to a lobotomy and that I wouldn't need my lack of a mental awareness analyzed anymore.

    Well, the lack of doctors appointments meant the doctors didn't see the "adverse reaction" I had to the drug and that I was that mysterious .1% that the drug would cause things like hallucinations, irrational fears, and suicide in.

    Well, one 'not allowed to talk about it' S-word attempt later.. and all of a sudden the doctors had a moment of clarity!

    "We must have had her on the wrong medication for this to happen. She must not be depressed!" And the diagnosis was revolked.

    Turns out I'm allergic to Tylenol, and that's what I had been taking heavily for my headaches during the 5 months all this was happening - because they didn't believe I had migraines. The Tylenol wasn't getting rid of the headaches, and the entire time was what was causing the seizures.

    So I say do what you need to do, but always trust yourself. Discouraged doesn't always mean depressed. And point out to your family & doctors - Depressed doesn't always mean chemical imbalance. Pills and kind words won't change anything. If they feel so inclined to help you with what is making you so 'depressed' then they need to help you get to the doctors ie. Neurologist that is going to help you potentially relieve the pain that is making you feel this way.

    Make them eat their own words for once.

    Can you tell people like that bring out the anger in me? lol

    [This Message was Edited on 08/20/2006]
  8. daylight

    daylight New Member

    I can tell you just how much your understanding have helped me. I think deep down I just didn't want to believe that my doctor/friend whom I trusted would ever do this to me. He staid that he respected and trusted my judgments when it came to his patients so I trusted his judgment to care for my medical needs. Somehow I will get a grip on all this and be able to forgive them as I have to.
    It's funny I've had job interviews that didn't upset me as much as to go into that office tomorrow . It's humiliating to think that I have to gravel for the small amount that SSI pays me. When I toke the job as an SSA two years ago I felt that I was finally doing something good . I was able to give during their last months or days. But know I truly understand what those precious,mature men and woman where telling me. They all just wanted to be respected and loved.
    Is respect,honesty,dignity to much to ask for? I trusted this doctor . I worked extra hours and weekends with no pay to make sure that the patients and their families had what they needed. The funny thing is that I'd do it all again for no pay. Maybe I am mental as the world see it or maybe people get understand their true value.
    My family deserves a mother that is whole and well and thats what I thought I was trying to do by getting medical attention. I'm going to continue the pursuit of wholness and health. I'm not going to let anyone steal my joy or my health.
    Wow, do I go on .

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