I give up.....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Quequay, Jan 10, 2003.

  1. Quequay

    Quequay New Member

    That's it, it's over...I lost all hope.
    Everything, all my hope my inspiration that I got through the wonderful people of this support group has been squashed, smashed and vaporized by a visit to my new doctor.

    "My chest hurts" I told the doc, "I wish my breasts could be removed" Want to know her esteemed medical diagnosis......"Your breasts are large, that is why they hurt".....ARRRRGGGG!!! They are not large.....and if that wasn't bad enough..."It's in your mind....people can walk on hot coals and stick knives in their arms with no pain...power of the mind. You just need to re-do your thinking" Well send me to those tribes in South America and let me learn from them! Then when I said I sent in my disability claim...."Your not disabled...your 26 and someone is disabled if they are like Christopher Reeve, now he is disabled." she said. Now I feel like total crap for even considering disability. If I could I would trade places with Christopher Reeve (by the way I just love him) and let him be able to walk, I'll take the paralysis. So she said I am to see a phychologist and physciatrist to have my brain re-worked.

    I am stuffing my self with chocolate, taking some Neurotin (?)??) she prescripted and see if it helps. Anti seizure meds she said will numb my nerves. I am going to evalute my purpose in life and see if it is worth it to continue. I'm totaly and utterly depressed---was doing well before my appt.......life sucks.....pain doesn't matter....I don't matter.
  2. HURTSALOT2

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    Hi Quequay,
    I hate to hear about how your visit with the doctor went. Don't go to her anymore. Do go to see the other doctors but not ones referred by her. Pick one out yourself, or maybe someone you know has been to see one. Try not to let her get the best of you. And I want you to know that you do matter, otherwise you would not be here.
    Take care.
    HURTSALOT2
  3. Karrot

    Karrot New Member

    I just had to respond to this post.

    I know how awfully meaningless life seems when you feel the way that we all do. And it does not help one bit when the medical professionals aren't sympathetic or even the least bit informed about FM or CFS.

    I am also struggling with this. I have found many really great people on this board who have been my life line (especially lately) when I felt so completely alone. Do not give up on life. I'm saying that as much for myself as I am for you.

    I am 22 and I understand how frustrating it is when people look at you and think you should be active and full of life. It's almost like they are throwing it your face. It's difficult to have friends who are running every which way busy making careers, families, and LIVES for themselves. I often feel like I'm in a time warp.

    How about this mantra: I am not what I do.

    And then fill in the blanks after that. Figure out where your worth is because it is not in what you do. It is in WHO you are. People are flat out WRONG to judge you based on appearance or activity. And you shouldn't either.

    Believe me, I am so far from being where I need to be as far as appreciating my own worth. But I know it's the right direction. While your friends are off climbing the corporate ladder, you can climb a more important one. And you will be better off and happier in the long run.

    Find a mantra for yourself. Find a new doctor. And do not give up, please. There are so many people here that want to see you do well. Lastly, I would recommend stopping over at the ChitChat Board on this site. It's a good place for a joke or just to vent or plenty of shoulders to cry on.

    I really hope you feel better soon.

    God bless,

    Karrot
  4. Quequay

    Quequay New Member

    I had to vent, I could not believe what the doctor was saying, It was like an out of body experiance. I know I need to find my worth, I had one, my one cat Daffney. She had epilepsy and I would take care of her and she would take care of me, she was a constant compainion that wanted nothing but my company as I needed her, I remember the many times I held her after her seizures and stay with her for hours until she felt better and when I was in too much pain to get up she would come bouncing in and cuddle up with me in the right spot and make me feel better. When she died I lost my brightest star. I am still grieving for her and will always. I Love my husband and he is understanding but with Daffney it was a connection from illness that bound us together in a loving harmony.

    I guess it has been a bad couple of weeks and I am trying to find that silver lininging but each day is bringing another set back. I like communicating with you all because you know how I am feeling and give me a push in the right direction. My mind works strangly and that will definitly have to be a topic of discussion someday. I finished my chocolate and my husband came home and that made me feel better. It is our 6th year together today so I hope we go out and celebrate with a nice dinner. That should lift my spirits even more.

    Thanks for all your help,
    Kristen ----
  5. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    I was racked w/pain, unaccepting of the diagnosis of FMS, and Fridays were always "gig" night for thirty years and I had not even begun to come to terms with being anything but a whole person. I was mean, bitter and separated for the first time, from my then 7-8 year old son.

    My life was so ripped apart I did not know where to start and I wanted to "go to the place where the indians went" ie. off the cliff.

    I cannot imagine being 20 or even 30-something and having to deal with this devastating disease. My heart really goes out to you but I can also promise you that if you hang on and look at this one step at a time, you can and will learn ways and how to live within the parameters you do have. I truly have found blessings within having this disease that I would not have found otherwise and am thankful. Love CactusLil'

    PS: Somewhere in the writing section is my writings of the loss of my beloved "monkeydog" and since then our "elvis", who also had seizure disorder and suffered greatly before he died must have affected you. He died on my birthday. My poor daughter who is 28 and voluntary moved back in because of me and my son, had loveingly held him as she heard his little ID's jingle then he slipped off her bed. She craddled him for two hours then came to me. We are still grieving. No one can understand the devastation of losing a pet-companion to seizure disorder til they are there. I thought I'd been through it all but watching Elvis decline and fall and the medication had him so filled w/ascites he hardly could run....yes it was a blessing that he awaits us on the Rainbow Bridge but the missing on this side of the veil is truly great. Love Cactus
  6. SharN

    SharN New Member

    Hi,
    I hope you have a nice evening with you husband. It's a wonderful thing to be married to someone who is supportive. I have recently made a friend who's husband as never had a sick day in his life and he has NO sympathy for her illness and told her she is on her on. Sad huh? Pets are amazing too. I lost one of my cats and my rabbit within 3 weeks it really hurt. I decided to go for something different! I had never had a small house dog. So I started visiting animal shelters. In Oct. I found the sweetest little dog. He is wonderful and with me all the time. He makes me smile and helps me get up in the mornings when I think I can't!! Go get another pet as soon as you can! You'll both be happier! Take care, and leave that callous Doctor!!! SharN
  7. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I am so sorry you had such an awful visit with your new doctor. I have been in the same boat--and it feels as if it is sinking fast, I know. We get our hopes and expectations up, only to have them crushed.
    Many times I have found myself in that same hopeless, I give up stage. I am now realizing that it is part of these disorders, and just that knowledge makes those times more bearable. Each time I come out from under one of those black clouds, I see that there is hope, there are blessings in my life. The will to fight the good fight reappears.

    One thing I have discovered is that I let these setbacks that inevitably occur affect me less and less. I erase them as you would a chalkboard, not letting them effect me emotionally. If you can distance yourself, and not allow these stressors to affect you, your health with not be as effected. Stress increases fatigue, pain, and malaise.
    Simply say to yourself, this was not the right Doctor for me, and I will continue to search until I find the right one.

    As far as specific treatments---find what is best for you. We all respond so differently. There are those who can use herbs exclusively with good results. Some use only conventional meds to their benefit. I have found for myself that herbs and supplements work well, but I have RX's that I need, too.

    Please know that this is a roller coaster ride---there will be highs and lows. Hang on tight to the support here during the lows, and remember to tell us of your highs, your good days as well. We are all on this ride together.
    I hope the sunshine returns soon, it will!
    LL
  8. RedAngel48

    RedAngel48 New Member

    Don't beat yourself up over this. And don't give up, all good people in the Bible went through trials. And I believe that having Fibro certainlyis a trial!! So we must be good people!! :)) God does see and care, never forget that.
    One thing, I was on Neurontin too. It did wonders for me. I started with three a day for three days then two a day for three days and then three a day from then on. I don't see that doctor anymore and all the symptoms that it got rid of have come back. The stinging shooting pains. They remind me of electric zig zag's that are drawn next to tooth ache pictures, they run down my arms and legs. The totally burning feet that hurt to walk on. The electric pain in my back and neck. All of that has returned and the Neurontin got rid of it. I actually felt much better once the medication was in my system and working. Give yourself a few days of being on the Neurontin, you will feel better. Not 100% but enough to help it to be tollerable. I'm sorry that you have it at such a young age, my daughter has it also and she's had it since she was 26, she's 28 now. She too was in semi-denial her first year, didn't want it to be Fibro but as soon as she just accepted it, things became somewhat tolerable for her. She has a different medical plan than I do and can see a great doctor. My old doctor actually. I'm thinking of changing to PPO so I can see her again.
    Hope you feel better,
    Red
  9. popgun

    popgun New Member

    Do you know why they walk on hot coals? Because if they ran they might fall and and if they stood on them it would burn like HELL. The reason they and you can and could walk on hot coals is they wear heavy socks just up to the time they walk on the coals, this caues a very thin layer of perspiration on their feet,next the coals are allow to burn to the point that they have a layer of ash on it,between the moisture and the ash layer it insulates the flesh fomt the heat just enough so they can walk on the coals. Sometimes they don't walk at the right speed and they get blistered.The on thing is has to do with ones mind is they don't have one that works right. By the way GET A NEW DOCTOR.
  10. stillafreemind

    stillafreemind New Member

    You have gotten such excellant advice on here! I started alot of these symptoms when I was very young..six or seven. And up until I was forty..I fought with my so called demons too. Finally..I was diagnosed and then I had to accept it. That was a big turning point for me. I finally stopped fighting against it in some ways and started figuring out how to LIVE with it.

    Recently I have had some wonderful improvements..at the same time..I have also had some stinker headaches. Now I am not about to ditch the good times for these headaches..they too will pass.

    Get yourself another pet..I have three dogs inside, one dog outside. Four cows, one horse, and seven goats. Just stopped milking for the winter. I give alot of credit to these friends of mine. When I think I cannot take another step..I do..for them. In return..they give me so much love and joy..I think we all need that.

    Ditch the doc, hug the honey, pick a pet and keep on keeping on girl! Oh, by the way, this board has sooo many good suggestions..some of them will very probably work for you too!

    Have a good weekend...Sherry
  11. amaryllis

    amaryllis New Member

    You've been given some really great advice here on the board in the last day. You DO matter!! I think you know that :)

    I am so sorry yesterday was such a rough day for you. I hope today is a bit brighter and holds more hope for you. The few things that make my life so worth living in light of this DD is my family and my pets. When it seems to me that no one else cares, a furry creature never fails to disappoint and offer me silent understanding and love. Now that the chocolate has been consumed and your husband has made you feel better, it is time he takes you out for some "window shopping" for a new pet ;) I will bet that you will come home with someone new to love and hold you up on your darkest days. It is time, too, to shop for a new doctor, as no one needs that sort of treatment.

    I hope your weekend is a good one and that you are able to celebrate your anniversary with your loving husband. Have a great time! There ARE brighter days ahead!

    (((Hugs))),

    ~A
  12. Quequay

    Quequay New Member

    I feel so much better after reading your posts. I couldn't imagine a better place to go when I need support and understanding. I found a place that rescues dogs and I think I will check that out. My other cats are getting bored since thier sister passed away, she was the game and fun starter.

    I have made a list of clinics and doctors and will start calling them monday. What got me so upset at the dr office was when I told her I accept I have an illness and I am taking steps to manage it she told me I was wrong...that accecpting you are ill will make you worse, My husband thinks she got her license in a cracker-jack box!!!

    I am writing a letter to the medical group on her conduct. I don't want anyone else to be treated like that. My mother is writing a letter also, I had to beg her not to go to the doctor office..she was going to give the doctor her advise on the doctors actions!!!

    Thanks again for all your help,
    Kristen
  13. Carina

    Carina New Member

    I am glad that you are reporting the behavior of the Dr. That is one way to take your power back. You go girl.
    I too am having a hard time finding a doctor with any knowledge to help. I got most of my help from this board and from a friend whose deceased wife had body-wide FMS. Please read the post- Just diagonoised.
    I have listed the things I've tried that have helped me.

    I am currently seeing an internist and a psych nurse whose husband has CFS. I have heard of a, believe it or not, cardiologist, that has a good working knowledge of FMS. I am thinking about giving him a try since I am having quite a time now. My internists seems unconcerned and my psch nurse is a keeper as she found a problem with my liver that my old psych Dr. didn't keep an eye on.

    Just hang in here and KNOW that YOU ARE a worthwhile person and in tune with your own body. Good Luck
    Carina
  14. Gloria1

    Gloria1 New Member

    Okay, so some misinformed doctor with the compassion of a bullfrog has the "right" to throw you down the tubes, screaming, " I give Up" ?????? I don't think so...One thing I have learned through this life of pain and sorrow is that you must never give anyone that kind of power. No One at all!! Ever! When you do, you lose. Period. No matter how black the hour, there is always, always hope. Hope for a better day tomorrow, hope that you will come to realize that no matter how bad you have it, you may really and truly KNOW that someone, somewhere has it a whole lot worse. And, hope for a CURE!!!!!!! So, if some good thing does happen, make sure you are still standing strong so that you might receive it....
  15. northwoodssue

    northwoodssue New Member

    Dear Sister with fms:
    No one has addressed your doctors narrow-minded views on social security disability. If you cannot work because of any illness, ANY illness, then youmay meet the guidelines for SSDI. Your doctor, I hope now exdr, is WRONG about disability. I know people who claim depression and get SSD. There are many different dx's that are eligible. Just 2 years ago, fms was really hard to prove for SSD, but now the guildelines for fms ha ve changed. It is easier for us to get SSD now, so don't let one doctor with a god complex tell you you aren't disabled!!!!! Go for it. By the way, the road to SSD is not easy. They put obstacles in your way and turn you down automatically. They figure if you quit, then they've won and won't have to pay out what you deserve. So hang in there with this SSD, get a good attorney who has actually won a few cases, and don't give up on it.
    How do I know? I am in the same boat now and awaiting a trial date for my determination. I've been turned down 3 times by the SSD.
    Glad you are feeling better about yourself. You've gotten great advise on this post already.
    been there, done that,
    sue