i had atalked w/ex-hubby

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Jan 22, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i will try to keep this short....well for about 2 years we have been spending time togehter, overnights and holidays...
    we have a child together who is now 16..

    i have been second guessing him for a while, talkd to him a couple of times about where this is going... we have about 70 miles apart...driving is difficult for me for my health..but he comes up every other weedend..for the kid anyways...the he would make it up here the others,,,but anyways...

    since xmas ,my b-day, he has not been staying over no sex..
    so i called him about it...told asked what is going and he said to elaborate...told him bascially i felt like i was getting a cold shoulder...he said i kissed you and told you that i love you...he did look at my car to see what is really wrong..

    any ways, told him i am not stupid we have not even had sex since xmas...he said that he was trying to keep it on a friendship level for now like i wanted to...i said i am confused here...he said that is what your counsleor said i should do....

    he then proceeded to tell me he has been seeing someone and that he told me that already..i said you didn't tell me that , he said not in that way...a psychologist...well he did tell me that in august but i did not know he continues to...well he said he has had a problem with sex...and they suggest that he not until he figures out his problems...the past mistakes or behavior that he has done...he had 2 affairs that i know about...

    well anyways i know i made my bed...i sort of feel like a fool...or just wishful and think i can fix everything...

    he told me he needed to figure out why he did the things he had done and why his life is going this way...he said he needed me to not worry about him and he needed me to take care of my health an to get fit again...he said i needed to lose some weight becaue it is not good for my helath...

    mind you i am not 105 lbs anymore and yes i have gained weight but i am 41 years old, i feel like crap it's in my bio...i have been on just about all the anti depressants, including welburtrin and you know what i gained weight, 8lbs in 4 days while i was working out in the gym...

    now he over-drinks and blackouts at times...had affairs...and now he has high blood pressure and won't take meds for it...he said 190/120...
    i have dealt with his denial of bipola, but he said this psycholigist said he is not an alcholi and not bipolar, and the voices he hears is from his dyslexia...

    which i have been told by many pscys that is either poor advice or he is trying to manipulate me...

    well anyways i just wanted to get thisa off my shoulders some so i don't have a nervous breakdown again...i have cried some, b ut i am also sort of not really knowing if i would want to get back with him if he called me tonight...i have told him he needs to go get help..

    ther is more to this story but this is tit..

    thanks for reading...

    jodie
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    that means a lot to me what you have said...

    like i said i am not a size two anymore and yes i have gained weight...i don't like anymore than him...mes have been not so good to me in many ways...i have gained about 35 lbs... since we had separeted in 2001..well antis' for me...

    but anyways... i think i will not talk to him and very well may tell him to pick him up at the carport...i live in an apartment...

    i may take the advice of the psychologist i see tell him i don't want to see him or talk to him for except at my front door to say hi and cody can go with him...i know that wouldn't be a friendship basis...but do i need him coming in my house and getting food out of my refriderator? using my bathroom...i know he may have been in traffic for up t tw hours....but hey he is the one that left to peruse is career and become a pipefitter and school at night for the apprenticeship...

    i stuck thru his stuff gone for months at a time while he was in the us coast guard...i never strayed ...oh well i know i am a good woman...

    i just read the new dr. phil book about love...i can't remember the title right now, but he said don't let you weight stop you from getting out there and dating...some man will like the curves....

    well i know want to lose weight, and get into the gym but i have had a hard last year shingles on my hiney that attacked the sciatica area...

    i need to go for myself...because let's pretend i lose and get fit again...is he really going to want me again? and if i gain it is he really going to leave me again? i can not live in fear of that>>>fear has no place in the word relationship....friendship or marriage.....

    i will get my crap togehter... and if he does not then that is on him and not me...and if he ever tries to become closer than friends then that is when we go to his therapist because i would love to meet up w/them,...

    jodie
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    let's see chronological age is almost 40 coming in june...

    \midlife can happen at any age...he was telling me he was having one 10 years ago...

    i was his first i met him when he was 16 and i 18...high school...

    and if in fact he is bipolar i have read up on it...a dental patient of mine is a very well known psychriatist he works with fbi on high profile cases...he has been on t.v. ...

    anyways he has talked to me a couple of times even called me at my home back in 2001 he said based on what i have told him he is bipolar...all he needs is meds and if docs don't know what they are really doing it can be hell to get them the ones that work for them...

    well anywyas ex would say he felt like his mom told him what to do, uscg, me...he nnever got to make his own decisions...well that is because he would not make them...

    so that is why i may have been more forgiving than i should have been on his affairs... the drinking thing...that is another issue...but if you are bipolar ususally they go hand in hand or drugs...which he has never done...if he did he would probably be out of control with those...

    i am always the one he calls first about all of his problems...so i guess may he is tryig to figure out why he has done what he has and i don't know how much he is telling them or myself the truth about things...

    but doxy i need to lose weight for me not him...maybe i can lose weight but i don't wnat him to think i am doing it for him as ab effort to keep him in my life...

    doxy he called me up on 10/25/05 just like last year and wished me happy anniversary...well our divorce was final 2/10/04...it was eating him up when he called the first time i guess he was waiting for me to say something about it so then he talked t o our son..then he called back and asked me if ii knew what dayit was i said tuesday ...he said you dont remeber i said your grandma's b-day,,,then he said you honestly don't remember? i said i don't know, he said happy anniversary...then he said he kept waiting for me to say something earlier when he had called...i said well we are divorced....and he said it is our anniversary...


    doxy he is so confusing for me at times...tha ti just have to step back and take time out for myself....

    i'm just po'd he couldn't have called me or mail me a letter or something to say hey i need to take a break and figure out why i have been screwing up everything good in my life...and sex has been an issue with him...

    soemthing like that... he tried to say i was the one that said lets just be friend...meaning w/o benefits...i have been trying to get him to say where he stands on us...goal to work on///

    welli need to go take a nap... did nt sleep really well of course never do...
    thanks for lisetening doxy

    jodie