i had my dr appt today....i'm so down about it

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Jun 16, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i'm glad that anyone that wants to read this and appreciate any imput...i feel at a loss..

    first, i show up 20 minutes early to my appt...go check in, then they tell me i need to pay 20.00 co-pay..i said i do not have a co-pay...they said they got a new computer system...

    anwyas i had to sign a form stating if medi-cal won't pay it i wll be billed for it....

    saw dr' 20 min. late, not his fault...i was dealing with the medi-cal and medicare issue...problems...

    i wished i never was disabled...i wished i could work full-time and not be in pain...just so i do not need to deal w/the medicare issues...

    well, the dr. is very calm and nice...he said you look really depressed....i starting crying...he saw it coming before i felt it..i have been keeping up armour around me all my life...

    he said i can not get anymore cortisone in my elbow...i will need to keep icing it down...

    and the fibro he does not have a cure for this disease...he said we need to help you with your pain....and since i can't get a sponsor to go thru their chronic pain class for the really messed up people...

    like me...they have to just deal w/me...he siad am i on any ad's


    i said only the klonopin at night and sudinlac, and maxide...

    so he said how about prozac? i said i have been on then all,,

    the last one may have made have serios side effect,,,,

    anys,,he brought up my smoking and ho we need to stp that...order me script for welbutrin...

    he put a call ino mypschiatrst to see about what we ca do about my pain...and depression...

    i know the old one is out of my system now....

    i took my first dose of the welbutrin... and i have been getting jmuscle twitching in different parts of my body...

    i wound up in e.r. back in 2001 because they thought i may have had a seizure or tumor in my brain...the eeg and emg of the brain tested out fine...and the cat showed no tumors...

    well they said do not take welbutrin again..incarease it was a seizure...

    this psychiatrist that i see now said it was from the stress and the bipolar husband...i stopped breathing...purple from head to toe...

    dr. said it was some type of syncope...

    well i just wished they had a a cure for us...i am so darn down...and wonder what was my purpose in this life? to be molested by my father, to be cheated on by my ex-husband and verbally abused....i have never deserved any of these things...

    people say god does not give you problems that you can not handle...

    i have my doubts...

    the only thing that keeps me going right now is my son...

    and i am afraid at times to tell my friends i feel like this and i can not do that....because of my body ailments...

    thanks for reading and sorry t ramble like i do many times

    love and hugs to everyone

    jodie
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    you even brought tears to my eyes...

    i need to try and motivate myself tomarrow to do some things for me...to make me feel better about myself...

    i may lay out and get a suntan..i know it is bad for you...

    i think i may go check out a gym to workout at...for myself and my son...although he lifts weights a school...the equipment is in need of a few new items...but it will do..

    and i want to buy some flip flop sandals and some shorts and a skirt...the roomy kind...i can't wear those nice mini skirts anymore...,,


    hugs to you and how are you doing w/your pain and your sweetie?

    jodie
  3. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I enjoy all of your postings and they are newsy and many times helpful for me also. I have gotten close to you and your son. I root for him too. Your ventings are needed for your health!

    You have so much you have been doing that I have been in awe of you. No wonder you cried, girl you have been on a marathon.

    You need that day in the sun. I have some of my clam diggers (or similar) and shorts in a size larger than I need. A few way oversize tee shirts. I wear them on days that I seek nothing but comfort. It feels like a hug in a way....LOL.

    What not to wear show could have a field day with me on some days! LOL. Comfort is my middle name now days.

    Gentle Hugs and many prayer and Blessing for both of you........ Love, Susan
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    My dear, I understand how you feel. I recently went into therapy. After our first meeting, the doctor said I should see her twice a week as she felt I really needed it.

    Since I have to pay myself it is a stretch. I must say, it has helped me.

    You might consider if possible to go into therapy. Many times we just cannot see things ourselves. Somehow spilling out the whole story to someone, then having them give you feedback and advice starts helping.

    I felt hopeless and just could not find a way to help myself. Is it possible for your doctor to refer you to a clinical psychologist? (One with a PHD).

    This is something you can do just for you, but it will help your son also. Since I have been in therapy it has been much better for my husband, and others around me.

    The doctor explained to me, most of our problems come from childhood, and we have to go back and get things straight that we didn't in our childhood. Maybe that does not make sense.

    No, your purpose in life is not to be molested, verbally abused or cheated on by the ex. That was bad things that happened to an innocent person who had no control. You did not deserve it, nor cause it. You were a victim.

    You can get better but I now see, with professional guidance. Believe me, I tried to get better for years, and the only thing that helped is therapy.

    Another thing, I really don't like the idea of taking meds and the doctor has convinced me sometimes it is really necessary and when we get the right med, finally, we feel normal. It is trial and error with meds.

    You have been through alot but each day is a new beginning. I hope if you are interested, your doctor can help you find a good therapist.

    Take care....






  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    how stupid of me of not thinking i could get in my car and go to the pacific ocean and just lay there and listen to waves roll in...and the seagulls caw...

    and hope i don't get any seagull poo on my head...i saw a young teen girl have that happen to her...years ago..not that long ago...

    it is about 30 minute drive for me...and you have to go through and over the mountains...to stinson beach...it is near muir woods...

    it is really pretty....

    but i do have a pretty quite complex we have 2 large swim pools and one is still getting some repairs done to it...so it will be interesting...how much more quiter it will be when the other one is renovated....

    thank goodness i have cody....

    i will make another post about him tonight for everyone...it made me almost cry in the store...

    love and hugs

    sue
  6. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    Wow, you have and do carry a heavy load...Isn't life hard to figure out? Geez...I don't even try doing it much anymore...Just take a day at a time.

    The good thing about your letter is the sound of your Doctor. He sounds like he really likes you and wants to help you with your pain.

    What year will your son be? Is he going to play football again? It seems as though he is good enough with studies and sports that he might get a scholarship?

    Jana
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    yes cody will be in 11th grade this fall...football already started...but they had this past week off because of finals...

    but come monday it's full on football...monday thru friday..
    2-4:30 or 5 pm...they have some football camps to go to this summer....

    he will from sounds of it be playing as a starter on the varsity team as a defensive back...then next year his senior year use him at middle linebacker....that is the position he really loves playing....

    there varsity team last year won the northern california league...so the team members actually got a ring....he is hoping the get that far this year...so he can get a ring...

    i have some expenses to pay for in his football so i will get the money hopefully from his father...

    his father really wants him to play more than i do..do not get me wrong...but i love watching play in any sport he does...but his dad basically i think wants to relive his childhood through his son..

    last week cody called me up from school and told me he didn't want to play...he wanted to get a full time job this summer..

    i was in shock...but i didn't want to force him to play i wanted him to make up his own mind...

    he talked to his coach...and it went over very well...told him to take off up t this week to let him know if he wanted to play football or not...

    cody asked me if i would be mad at him if he didn't play....
    i said no....i would be disappointed and told him of the benefits of playing...making new friends...the easy "a" the coach gives the team members for being on the team for the fitness for life class...

    well this is about it for now...but he is playing and he thought about it overnight last week and the coach said h e was glad he decided to play ball....

    jodie
  8. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    ~*Gentle Hugs*~ hun, I wish that there was a cure for this too :(
    Hope that you're feeling a little brighter soon.

    Lisa
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    luckliy he has his books. tuition and will get a monthly stipend from the v.a. because his dad is a 30% disabled veteran....so cody get 48 months paid for and can go to any state college in california for free and get paid...like last time i checked it is like about 900.00 a month...not bad...more than my ssdi is right now...

    right now he is saying doesn't want to play college ball...but you never know he may change his mind...

    jodie
  10. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    That's exactly what you need to do, do things for yourself that make you feel good. There is nothing more empowering than being good to yourself. Though it may feel good to get positive reinforcement from others, if you give your own self support, by pampering yourself, you are enforcing your own self esteem. All the hugs and compliments in the world can bounce right off you if you feel you dont' deserve it. But by pampering yourself, you are accepting good things for you.

    Hope you understood all that blather.

    And sunbathing is actually quite good for you. Its like being kissed by the sun. As long as you aren't tanning until you are really dark or burning, then the sun is healing, energizing and lifts depression by giving you vit D. They've actually done studies and found that cancer patients have a better survival rate if they get mild to moderate sun exposure. Ths would of course exclude the obvious melanoma/skin disease cases.

    When I feel real crappy abut myself, I boot my butt and pamper me. I'll take a long shower, shave my legs and everything. Slather myself w/ skincream (dont need to because salmon oil keeps me silky anyway), give myself a facial. I feel bummed out if I feel grimey so seeing my hair all sleek and shiny and smelling all fresh gives me a big perk. Then I wear something pretty and eat something extra yummy. If I have the energy, I made a nutrient packed spicey meal, hot stuff packs endorphins too. I like being a girl, and pampering myself in girly ways is one of my favourite ways of loving myself.


    Jeanne
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i do have psychologist i see him i thik in two weeks it's toward the end of the month...and then i have a psychiatrist that deals with the medication end...and i check in w/him tiem to time...

    i realize i was victim of abuses of all types...

    i just feel like if i felt a whole lot better atleast i could work and feel good about myself more often...

    i feel like i have not made my statement on this earth...whatever it may be...

    well monday i will get to talk to the psychaitrist...about my meds...

    my pcp putme on welbutrin...but i do not know how that one will go...

    i wished i could stay back on the vavctil...but i had a bad bad flare up....and felt like my whole body owas burned by scolding water...

    thantk you...

    jodie

  12. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're having a rough time. Everybody here has a rough time, but some people really seem to have a huge load to carry.

    It's not fair, and just saying, well, life isn't fair doesn't help much. At least it doesn't help me.

    Hope things get better sooner.
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    One of the side effects of SSRI's and SNRI's is seizures. Right on the info with the drug, it says to tell your doc if you've ever had seizures. The doc should know this and not ignore it. Even in the TV ads, it mentions seizures with Wellbutrin.

    I'm so sorry for all you are going through. Try to just take care of yourself today. Yesterday was a stressful day and stress is the worst thing for us. You are in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie