I HATE being the one who says "I can't" (fibroventing)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BethM, Sep 16, 2006.

  1. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Too often lately I have had to say "no, I can't do that" when friends want to make plans.

    I really hate being the 'gimp', the one who can't do what everyone else can do, the one for whom plans get changed.

    It makes me want to become a hermit, so I don't affect other people's lives and plans anymore.

    It is embarrassing to have to do this, and it has happened more often than I like lately.

    How do others here handle this? What do you say? Do you ever smile politely and go with the crowd and regret it intensely later when the pain and fatigue sets in?

    At what point do other people stop including you in their plans because they know you won't be able to keep up?

    I really need to hear from others here about this!

    Peace,
    Beth.
  2. kbak

    kbak Member

    Beth,
    I love that word. I'll have to start using it! I wish I had an answer for you. It's very difficult to explain to people that your really not being anti social.

    I guess all you can do is gentley tell people that your illness, how your feeling that day, or hour is unpredictable, and even if you have to decline an invitation because at the last minute you feel bad, please don't give up on me.

    Nobody WANTS to live like this. But alas, unless your walking in our shoes, it really is difficult for people to understand.

    Wishing for better days for you and all of us!

    kbak

  3. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    I can so relate to this. I have agonized over losing friends and isolated myself at times for many of the reasons you mentioned.

    Fortunately, I have a few friends who really understand. They will let me decide when and where to get together. Sometimes it's just over the phone or e-mail and sometimes it's a coffee date and I can dictate how long we stay. Occasionally. I feel like shopping for a while and one of my friends will come to the mall with me. I go home when I am ready and she will go or stay depending on what she
    wants.

    I don't feel trapped in these situations and I feel that I can spend a little time with people I enjoy. Also, I don't have to entertain this way!

    This is a real problem for all of us and I hope others can find ways to manage it as well.

    Kathy
  4. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Logically, I tell myself that this is how I am and those I associate with just have to accept that I have limitations. But I don't like being responsible for changes in others' plans.

    SIGH!!!

    BTW, I don't usually discuss fibromyalgia. I tell them I have arthritis, which I do, because people generally understand that. (except for the lady who has RA, who couldn't understand why 'just OA' prevents me from using my hands! grrr...)

    Fortunately, my cousin also has fibro, and we hang out together, so we understand each other very well.

    Peace,
    Beth.
  5. tiasnana

    tiasnana New Member

    I am so fortunate that I have three really good long time friends that understand my situation. We call each other, email, and when I can, we have lunch or get together just to chat and catch up. They never allow me to feel like an outsider, so they send me catch up throuh emails I can read when I feel well enough to do so. I don't really talk to them about my fibro, they just seem to understand.
    I have two grown sons that help by running errands, washing my car, and sometimes even doing my grocery shopping. I should mention I raised them alone for over 23 years, so they know what I'm capable of doing or not doing.
    Now, if I could just get my DH to understand. When I'm feeling really bad and exhausted, he suggest we go walk around the mall or some other stupid idea. He reads about the DD, but just doesn't get it.
    Keep your chin up and hopefully you'll find a dear friend that is more understanding.