I hate to admit it, but I'm losing it

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Takesha, Nov 15, 2003.

  1. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    Dear Friends,

    Those of you who have been around awhile usually know me as being upbeat and supportive..."the cheerleader". But something is changing in me lately. I haven't given up on God, He is still Lord, and on the throne, but I feel so empty and this hopelessness is settling in.
    I think this came with the latest diagnosis of the ulcers and hernia. I am so tired of doctors and pills, and appointments.
    I started some therapy sessions last week, a very nice therapist. She asked me to sit down and write down every illness I have ever had, and what was going on with me during this time, and how I felt about it. As most of you know, I am very free about sharing my past history, especially if it helps, but I found writing it all down to be very disturbing.I felt like the last thing I needed is to be reminded of 49 years of bad choices and mistakes. Normally, I could hold up such a paper and say look, this is where I was, and God delivered me from it all! I know that this is still true, but I am in so much pain right now, and Michael has been ill, and trying to take me to my appointments, so he's missed a lot of work. This past payday we had 40.00 after we paid rent, and it takes 20 of that to get Michael to work and back. 20.00 worth of groceries doesn't last for two weeks I am afraid.
    This hernia is very painful, especially now that they did the upper GI and aggravated it. I am barely able to sit, and still have 4 more weeks of school. I have been so quiet these past few days and Michael is beginning to worry about me, but I just don't feel like talking. I am feeling very lonely, which means that I am not drawing close to the Father like I should be ( I guess).
    I am, I guess " battle fatigued". Please send lots of hugs my way, and keep me in your prayers. I will come out of this I know, but the sun just isn't shining right now, and it's just one of those times that God will have to carry me, cause I am not walking so well!

    Hugs to you all
  2. danny3861

    danny3861 New Member

    I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with things right now and I pray that things get better soon. I reeally don't know for sure what I can say to make you feel better, but I do care for you. Hey, you can't be the cheerleader all the time. Let it all out here or just email me and pour your heart out. But everyone here at the board cares dearly for you.

    This silly computer, hit the wrong button I guess.

    Dear Lord, I Pray thsat everyone here on the board will be a prayer warrior for Takesha right now. Please help keep her faith strong in you, and don't let her stray. Please deliver her from all her pain and show her the light of your love. In Jesus name, amen.

    [This Message was Edited on 11/16/2003]
  3. ValleyGirl89

    ValleyGirl89 New Member

    I am so very sorry that you are going through these rough times now. Then, you emailed me and I emailed you back and told you the problems that I had been going through myself!I feel so selfish right now! Like Danny said, no one can be a cheerleader all of the time, sometimes, we need to have someone cheer for us! I will pray for you and Michael. I am sending a great big hug your way!

  4. Yesh

    Yesh New Member

    battle. I have been there. There were times i was too tired to fight the batlle. I put my weapons and layed down with the battle raging about me. During these times God did not remove me form the battle; but he protect me in the shelter of his wings while he feed and nourished me. He also sent other warriers to fight my battle while he feed and nourished me.

    My God proect you in the shelter of his wings, and may he send send strong warriers to fight the battle you are too tired to fight.

    I will be praying for you

    God blessings

  5. kim840

    kim840 New Member

    As I read your post I am reminded that just about each time we do a big work for the Lord, the enemy attacks. I notice you have been organizing a 24 hour prayer chain here on the net. That's a BIG thing in the eyes of the enemy. You have achieved a great victory. You are an even more important target.

    I have often felt like Elijah. He had such a great victory on Mt. Carmel against the prophets of Baal. Then at the next turn he finds himself running for his life from Jezebel. He forgot for a bit that God was his protector.

    He found himself in the middle of the wilderness, under a juniper tree requesting that he might die. (1 Kings 19). God sent Angels to minister to him. He needed to eat and to sleep. He was physically and spiritually exhausted. God met him there in the midst of his hopelessness and depression. When he was rested God gave him instructions and once again Elijah found himself in communion with God and restored.

    I have found that if I take my eyes off the Lord, even without knowing it, things happen. I start slipping into and taking great notice of my "circunstances".

    Rest and refreshment help pull me back into my reality. That reality being God is all knowing, loving, and very powerful. His eyes search across the land seeking all those he can help. Help is on the way!

    Also, I am sure the therapist had some goal in mind in asking you to rehash your past. But our goal is not looking at what is behind, but what lies ahead. Our ever changing, ever growing and maturing walk with the Lord.

    I too can say I am what I am today in great part because of my mistakes and what God did with those mistakes. When I believe God is calling me to share my past, I do. May I suggest that you check your spirit when you are involved in any of these sessions. If they do not seem like something God is the center of and might harm you more than help you, then respectfully refuse.

    I pray God sends you angels today to minister to your every need and that you are able to look up and see Him in the center of your circumstances. He loves you so much and will always be faithful.

    We praise God for your solid, loving and giving spirit in the Lord and for all the encouragement you bring to us.

    Love in Christ and gentle, warm hugs,

    [This Message was Edited on 11/16/2003]
  6. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    What each of you said is true, and I found comfort from it. Please don't think I'm giving up, I am not. Where can one go but to the feet of the Lord? I am just real tired right now,
    Lisa, I wrote to you, girlfriend, because I care, and you didn't add a thing to what is going on with me. I was glad for the opportunity to share with you, and I will do it again if you should need it.

    It's just a little hump in the road,

    I love you all, and thanks again. You will still be hearing from me..ya'll aren't lucky enough to get rid of me so easy! LOL.

    Hugs to you all
  7. danny3861

    danny3861 New Member

    I'm personally insoired by your journey, thats for sticking around. Remember, you are a blessing to many of us here at the Worship board. God bless you.

  8. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    You`re in my thoughts and prayers. We`ve all been battle fatigue like you are feeling. I was so exhausted today, I just had to go to bed most of the day. My husband has had to go out of town every Tuesday and Wednesday to help take care of his sick mother. I`m happy he can help but dealing with the kids and everything else myself is getting me down. I need someone to come take care of me..lol.

    Just hang in there and things we improve soon. We luv you around here and are rooting for you. We`ll be your cheerleaders for a change ok?

    Take good care,
  9. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I get too tired to fight too. Its at these times I learn something, grow from it. I hope and pray you see the sun light soon. Its there ready for you when you are ready. Sometimes we just need to rest and just be. You are a inspirtation to me, a whole whole lot!!

    Sending soft hugs your way Takesha!