I Have a Date and I am SCARED

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fibrohugslife, May 21, 2006.

  1. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    Okay I have a date tomorrow and I am scared to go. He knows that I am ill but didn't tell him the name of my illness and everything involved. I just did not feel like telling him it all.


    Anyway I am learning how to keep my options open and learn how to date around. Am dating someone casually but he seems so busy with working so much, and his family and his friends, and does not seem to make time for me, and that is not what I want. I want someone who has and MAKES time for me.

    I know I am ill and home but it seems like he assumes that since I am home he can contact me whenever and that I will be available all the time which is not true. Sooooo I am following through in what I said I was going to do which is date around.

    For this new guy I kinda blew him off last year when I was overwhelmed with health, school, life and all. I emailed him back FINALLY and apologized for being late in replying back and not responding, and he responded back fast LOL

    Well he SEEMS nice and all. We will be meeting for coffee in the evening.

    I am just really nervous and scared LOL.

    Help calm my nerves!!!
  2. carolynh8

    carolynh8 New Member

    We all do! Life is short and you don't want to waste time with someone that doesn't care about you! I get nervous too before I meet someone that I've chatted with online, but I just tell myself that I'm checking him out to see if he is right for me. And who says that you have to tell him everything on the first date? I've had Doctors telling me for 20yrs. that they don't know what I have. So I won't be lying if I say my doctor isn't sure. I found out that most guys don't want to know all the details unless they ask.I scared one guy off by telling him about my implanted pain pump on the first date-too much info-too soon!
    I hope this helps some and I hope your date goes well! God Bless, Carolynh8
  3. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    This subject has been brought up before around here and this time when I read your thread I had a very different reaction.

    Since the new guy "knows that you are ill" but doesn't know how or why....I'm wondering if he'd be more likely to run if he thought you had AIDS, or cancer or some other incurable disease.

    Something about it this time just struck me as a "why not" and go ahead and be upfront about it. That way he knows exactly (or close) to what to deal with instead of imagining the worst possible scenario which could send him packing without ever being the truth.

    Just my thoughts... and I have no idea why they seem so different today than other days.

    Nancy B.
  4. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    ...pretend he's just a neighbor or someone who's asked you for coffee because you're a good person and they need a friend. Take the pressure off yourself to perform. Wait for him to bring up the topic of your illness, if he does. If he doesn't, maybe it's not the time for it yet. Let him get to know the other things about you. You're not your illness, after all. I think we lose sight of that and are amazed when others see us as a person!

    Good luck.
    Marta
  5. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I guess for me, it gets a little difficult with the whole dating thing, when I am trying to go out on a date and my body breaks down, becomes uncooperative and I can't go.

    I learned that if I don't say anything the guys thinks that I am trying to dodge him or I am not really interested in him when I am.

    This happened to me in the past, where we planned a date and then my body was in too much pain, etc and I couldn't go, and we kept planning the date and eventually he gave up.

    Somewhere along the lines I do need to say something.

    It is a little difficult to date with this illness and I learned that I do need to say something about it so that there won't be too much assuming that I don't want to be there, etc.

    I was considering not dating at all but I am too young to do that one. I need to go out and socialize. I refuse to be a hermit. Plus guys want to ask me out and I want to go out.

    I told him that what I have is like a cousin to arthritis just more intense. Everyone and their mama KNOWS what arthritis is. But nobody knows what Fibromyalgia is, go figure.

    I rather not waste my time with a guy and NOT tell him what is going on with me, and then he runs. I have been through that a few times, and it was such a waste for me. That means

    I wasted all of my time getting to know him when I could have gotten to know someone else that was really interested in me, and did not have a problem with my health ailments. I only have so many "spoons."

    My health condition is quite noticeable so it is not like I can hide it LOL. Me walking as slow as it is....oh yea for sure he is not gonna notice LOL,
  6. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    He actually asked quite a few questions on the phone, so he knows what he needs to know right now. However I did make sure I tell him the things that I do to help myself out, such as eating right, exercising, continuing being my silly and funny self, and basically using laughter to help me out. Along with using school as a medium to help to continue with my learning.

    He didn't run as he asked me out a third time LOL. He asked me out twice online, and once on the phone.

    I guess it depends on age and where you are from. People out here seem to like it if you are upfront and honest.Most people these days have some sort of health issues.

    I mention what I need to mention but not everything. I have no desire to tell him about me falling down all of the time because of the illness, the chronic gas and burping problems. the dizzyness and chest pains I go through. NO WAAAAY! LOL.

    The fibro is unfortunately hard for me to hide. I lose my train of thought in conversations which NEVER happened to me before I was ill, and the list goes on.

    He asked if I was limited in what I can do, and I told him that I was not able to go bungee jumping, base jumping or rock climbing(most healthy people don't do those anyway), but can hang out on the back of the motorcycle, go the museums, festivals, etc.
  7. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words. Hmmm well if my neighbors asked me to coffee I would be a little suspicious LOL. I figure they would WANT something like not report them to the Housing Association for having a duck in their backyard and a pile of dog poo in their backyard LOL. My other neighbor reported them, thank goodness.


    As for the guy well I am still nervous but I will be okay. I guess it is a big step for me to follow through on a goal or plan that I set forth for myself that is so big.

    I like to get to know a guy one at a time, but realizing that I need to open that up more, and just take notes about the guy so I won't forget anything pertinent about him LOL.

    I will make sure that I have fun though, curl my hair and wear something comfortable, it is raining like cats and dogs out here.

    Again thank you so much!
  8. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    In 1993 I met the love of my life. I was divorced and had been out of another wrong relationship for 6 months. I also had two teenagers 16, & 14. I had returned to college (at 37) and was living on student loans.

    I knew him for three months through friends before we actually went on a date. I was terrified but I'd gotten to know him as a person first, and I really liked who he has.

    As he's picking me up for the date, I get a call from a store that my daughter (16) had been picked up for shoplifting. Since I was without a vehicle, he drove me down and stayed with me through all the stuff, even saying that my daughter was a good girl who had just make a mistake.

    I sent my daughter home on the bus (and she knew I was furious). I was so close to tears. I went back to join this wonderful man and he had a bouquet of roses in his arms for me.

    We were married May 16th, 1998 and he adopted my little shoplifter when she was 21. (He has no natural kids) My son loves him too. I know have FM and am hypothryoid. He has arthritis in both knees as well as other ailments. I thank God for him everyday.

    Have a good time and find someone who will also be your best friend. It's fantastic!

    CanBrit