I have been reading e-mails and have learned new things

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Oct 9, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Hi all,
    First I want to thank you for your support that you always give to me . You always answer my posts with some very thoughtfull and other thinkgs that make me think about what I can do for my self.

    YOu see I did a BAD thing a few years ago. I leard that I had fibromyaligia, and befor that, I was on pain pills but I took the minumin that I could get away with .And I fought this pain, fatique, and general feeling like I hurt and that this horriable pain would be with me for ever but since it "HAD NO NAME" it must be just in my mind , RIGHT?

    Wrong, I went to the doctor my GP who informed me that I had myaligia he termanaligy for fibro. And then he informed me that I should see a pain doctor as I had more pain than only having fibromyaligia . So I did a smaart thing "I GAVE UP AND QUIT TRYING ADN FIGHTING THIS HORRIABLE PAIN ,I JUST STOPPED AND QUIT AND WAS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HELP MY SELF FEEL BETTER BECAUCE WITH FIBRO YOUR ALWAYS IN PAIN SO WHY FIGHT THE PAIN?

    Bad idea. I din't do anything . I went to work and moaned and groaned about how bad I hurt. And how I had lost all the things I had wanted to do in my life. How was I going to go for those walks with my husband at the county fair each year, when I can't even walk up the street to my friends home. So Why try? I quit doing things that I had done before to help get my body back into better health, and after being told what I had why try it will only make me ache more and make me flare more so it was not worth it.I couldn't sleep and I have never slept well before and now it is worse. And since I had this fibro that makes you feel tired and fatiqued, I din't care if I coud not sleep and If I didn't get to bed before 3 am It didn't matter I could always have a nap the next day , So why try?

    Boy was I ever wrong. I need to exercise to just keep these muscles work so that they don't stiffen up and cause me more pain. I just didn't care untill I learned that I was the one causeing the lack of sleep, and the extra pain I had, including the depression. It is hard to have your family NOT belive you when you tell them that you haev something that no test will say you have it. And for some reason I have the family who needs to see it in words that I have fibromyaligia and these are the symptoms of this. diease. YOu can't poke my finger and have it tell me that I am low in iiron can you? So you can't see that I hvae some ting wrong with me. So it must be in my mind.

    They my family want proof that I have what I say I have like degenerative disc diease , well that one they belive in because it has shooown up on an x-raY AND and MRI too so they belive that I have it. But you seill can't see the Chronic MEyofacial Pain syndrome as there are NO test for that either. So how do I make it know to the family.

    I have shown them the letter to NORMALS and they look at it and have said that it was written by someone to comvince that you have these problems and it is a fake. No one can have that much pain all the time, every day, and to be do tired that you don't sleep at night but as soon as you sit in a chair you eyes start to shut and soon you off dozing. So what you need to do as I heva been told by my daughter is to go to bed at a normal time and if you wake up in the night stay in bed " Don't get up" at all. Adn soon you wil be sleeping threw the night, you just are like a baby who has to be trained to sleep threw the night is that true? NO it isn't.

    I have told my girls that there are things that I can no longer do. LIke what? WAlk through the mall ? Beacuse it really hurts my knees and legs and back. I hvae leared that I hvae degenerative disc diease, 2 bulging disc, L4-L5 L5 -S1, I shattered my left wrist a year ago and now it is deterating around the titaum plate and it also has arthritis. I have had three sscopes done on my right knee and it is deterating too and I will need new knees. And I have spinal stenosis.

    So I know that I have REAL diease's that cause me a grat deal of pain. But I am the only one who can control how i react to this nasty pain I have. I amlearneinnng that when I start to ache more that I usually do I can take a hot bath that will relax the muscles, or I can meditate or do some self hypnosis thta I hae learned how to do but when the pain is bad they don't work so I will hae to take pain pill but I have learned that with doing the other methods I dont' need to take so many pain pills.

    How I think about myself can make a big difference. I can walk but just not as far, but I need to keep walking to keep me mobile. I need to smile and find at leaset 3 things everyday thta make me happy. Like today. I am happy because I have a good husband, three daughters who are happy with thier lieves, and I have 2 grand sons, One is only 6 months old BRaxton his mommy is my baby daughter and she will be 21 in a few days. She is a good mother and my grandson is the cuteset baby so chubby and has rolls of fat on his ankles, wirst, elbows and cheeks and he is so cute and so loved is he. MY Step grandson is 8 years old and he loves John Deer TRactors. They make him happy and smile.

    HE will talk your years off telling you what he adn his grandpa have done on the faaaarm feeding the animals. And he was here last week end and said that he wanted to have Magpie { That is what he calles my husband}he wantd to go fishing and he and his dad my SIL had gone fishin and they didn't catch any fish so he wanted to have Magpie go with them so the could CATCH some FISH , and he asked me if I could call him on his cell phone while he was up in the mountians and tell him the he Kyler wanted to go fishin now and fishin is batter than huntin. !He was so serious about me calling him cause his Daddd was not catching fish and Magpie could.
    IT made me so happy to see him smillle and include us in his life. HE was only been in teh family since my daughter married in August. And he is not sure what he sssshould call me as he has many grandma's and so he will have to think about it still.

    I am learing tha If I want my day to be good I have to have a good thoughts adn feeling adn my attutude. I am the only one who can make me hapy and feel good about me. IF I want to feel better I need to get up and put on my makeup and do my hair and I will feel better becasue I hae gotten dressed.I am struggling with letting my daughters saay things that hurt my feelings *** like MOM your a drug addict> You talke so many pain pillsss that iit can't be good for you adn you really don't need them but you want them. And if I had a choice I would not take then because I Don't wnat to take them but I don't like being in intence PAIN. If I am going to help ease my pain I haveto like me for what I cna do now , not what I could do year s ago, LIke working which I can't do now.

    I have to belive in me that I will find something that will make me smile,. and laugh. So I get out the vidieo camera adn watch the pitcures of BRaxton trying to talk and walk and crawl. I am the one who make my day by feeling foo about my self and learning to understand the probems I have. I am not bad for taking pain pills and I aam not a bad perosn for seeing a pain doctor. I am me and I have chronic pain it won't go away ever I am sure but I am the one who has to learn to cope with it and deal with it . I hvae to learn that I can do things though they may be hard I can do them. I am the peroson who is the one who can make my self happy or sad, Yes there are things I cna't do but there are thing I cna do and things that I enjoy to do. I am not giving up on me any more.

    I ama peroosn who suffers fron chronic pain adn alway swill but it does not have to run my life I am the one who does that. IF I want to be happy I am the one who will find the way to be happy and I have to learn to love my self dispite my problems and I am working on it. I need all the help I can get so when I write that I am haviang a pity party reminnd me that i have many things that will make me smile and feel better too.

    I have you to talk to and you to tell how I feel so that I don't have to whine and moan to my family who don't want to hear about it.YOU all are girts from God to me.

    YOu have shown me that there I hvae more in my life ithat will make me happy that I have pain. And I have you to tell me that I can whine and being such a boob about things I thank yo for all tht ayou do for me and the love that you all show me. YOU make me smile and feel love so lovedd and appericate ed for who i am .
    cared about and I thannk you for all that you dol you are the best friends a girl could ever have and I thank you so much.

    Thak you for being such grat friend adn make me feel so loved . YOu are all great and make this world a a happier place for me, God blees you all for all thta you do for me. YOU aree all such great friends to have.
  2. rileyearl

    rileyearl New Member

    Dear Rosemarie,

    I appreciate your story. I spent years (decades) ignoring my symptoms. They didn't like that so they kept trying to get my attention by becoming more and more intense.

    Finally I couldn't take the pain and figure out what was going on. I spent the last summer resting and taking meds for pain, then decided I wasn't going to live (?) the rest of my life like this and started with the FFC in Seattle.

    When you have a good attitude about life, you are taking control of this DD. So, I hope that's what I'm doing, too.

    Thanks again!

  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    AS I worte above I have learned that I am the only one who can make my day be good or bad . IT is my attitude that makes or breaks it. And some days I have lousy days and I am like other people I don't blame my self for the things that didn't go right in my day.

    I get angry at having this DD and I take it out on my family some days I am asshamed to say. I get so angry that they don't and don't want to know about why I am in pain and why I take pain pills that I wish that they could have this painfor several days , one day is not enough that can be a fluke I want them to KNOW how badly I feel and to understand this is the way I feel 24/7.

    Then I feel rotton for wishing that they would feel this way. I don'treally want anyone to have to go through that pain and the exhustion that I have everyday. I hate the way I feel. But what good does it do to yell at my husband because I am in pain and to him pain is some thing that you "JUST DON"T THINK ABOAUT AND DWELL ON" I ssee him limping as he walks up the stairs and across the floor of the house and I know that he has over done it and how his hip is hurting him but he never complains about it. HE just accepts it as it is a aprt of his life and on he goes.

    Not me. I still have my days where I whine and moan about how i feel adn I want to jump and down to get someone to listen to me and to understand me but what good is it going to do? Friends, family can't make the pain go away , yes they can be more compassionate and caring but there really is not a whole lot they can do. Yes they can offer to help us keep the house clean, But for me to have someone to come and clean my house I would have to clean my house before they came here to clean it.

    Just because you can walk up stairs does not mean that the down stairs has not been over run by the old clothes that have been put in boxes and garbage bags and then someone wanted something and pulled everythin gout of the garbages bag to find what they wanted and never put anything back in the bag and left the room a HUGE MESS.I am the worst house keeper, I hate to clean but it makes my husband happier if the house is cleaner. So I try to keep the upstairs cleaner to that people can come in to the house and not trip over the the junk on the floor.

    I have watched and listened to my hubby for 25 years adn for everything he has told me "Don't sweat the small stuff"
    So it i=has been over 3 years since i just quit trying to have a life because some doctor told me that I would not be able to do things like take long walks and all the thing that fibro takes away from us. I quit trying to have a life adn just sat and whined about it and no one really wanted to listen to me. So I was the one who had to change, I had to learn tht thins is my life and I can try to do better with the things I can do. I don't always succed in doing better and not whinninnng and moaning.

    Yes I would give most anything to not have the fibro and the rest of the chronic pain issues that I live with each and every day, but is that going to happen NOt any time soon. So I am the one who must do the best I can . I have to try and not whine and complain about how I feel. I am just trying to live with this DD. And it is hard to do but if I hvae a better attitude about myself I will feel better emotionally.

    I want to be a better mother and a great grand mother to my 6 month old grandson adn I can't eve lift him as he weighs far more that I can lift.

    Thanks for listening to me and helping me with this journey of aches and pains. Your all such a help and great friends. And I thnk all of you.
    Thanks ,Rosemarie
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    That's what we are all here for ... to listen to everyone and help each other through our journey of aches and pains.

    You are also helpful and a great friend.

    I'm getting tired and have to go to bed -- it's 2:39 a.m.!!!

    Take care of yourself.

    Much love,

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