I have bottomed out, looking for my fellow sufferers

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ilovepink4, Jan 3, 2010.

  1. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I feel like I need to reach out to you who know how I feel...I crashed so bad at Christmas due to pushing to get the wrapping done and a blizzard on xmas eve and xmas day....then a plummet in the temps....to below zero without adding any windchills....

    I usually feel pretty awful before the middle of Dec....and don't come around until spring....like May, IF I come out of it for the summer....but this year I was feeling smug because I didn't crash....i was able to be out of bed for a few hours ata atime to do laundry andpick up the mess the kids make....

    i thought it was because I started using a light box ...the kind for Season Affect Disorder...and it did give me more energy at first...now nothing helps...not my phentermine....not the light box....nothing...

    it hurts to type, I ache everywhere even while on a pain patch and oral pain meds....and I have ZERO energy....and i get frustrated out of my mind laying here while the house goes to shambles and the laundry piles up....and i have to talk myself into taking a bath every other day....

    i just need someone to say something....just the right words to be able to find a reason to keep on doing this...it just takes one person, to give you the strength to push through to another day...does anyone have anything good to share?

    Here is the one that I pull out and tell myself when I need it...."At least I am here to watch my children grow up. If I had some terminal illness, I wouldn't be here to at least watch and get to put in my two cents. I am grateful to be here."

    Okay, it isn't cutting it today....I need a new one....Anyone?
  2. quanked

    quanked Member

    this is what I am telling myself--don't dwell on anything too long--distract yourself woman! Nothing lasts forever, not this down, lost feeling or your moments of joy. This too shall pass. Hang on. Don't give up--you have hung on this far why stop now? Try to get some new thoughts.

    If it gets bad enough I allow my heart to soften and warm and kind of envelope myself mentally like I would my granddaughter or someone I care deeply for and rock myself and quietly whisper comforting words like it is all okay, this day will pass, you will feel better again, I love you, you are worthy of love, and concern and comfort. I sometimes get in bed and cover myself with blankets, with the room darkened and door closed and just try to comfort myself. I tell myself the world is not going to end because you cannot do what you need to do or want to do--it will all work out one way or the other--you have survived these kinds of times before--be patient and wait it out while doing or not doing what you need to do.

    I cry if I need to. Sometimes this helps me feel better and bit lighter. For me knowing that the feelings and thoughts I am having in the moment will pass is the greatest comfort and helps me wait it out. When I was much younger I did not really know this and the mental anguish of believing that nothing would change almost did me in.

    Just know, ilovepink4, that what your are feeling now will pass. No, all your problems will not go away and your suffering will still be with you but after some time resting and after some distractions how you see your situation in the now will change. It always does. Just try to be kind to yourself right now--treat yourself like you would treat a beloved child or friend. I hope this gives you just a bit of comfort.
  3. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    i think this time of year is really kickin our butts! the cold dreary winter days, the Holidays,and all that comes with it.

    I have been wanting to write something on here for days! just looking for a shoulder to cry on, and i see the board is teeming with suffering.:(
    I wish i had some words of wisdome girls, but you two have said it Great, this to shall pass, and hopefully the brighter days ahead will include a way to heal our body and Minds from this awful disease.

    it's the only thing that keeps me going,im 44 not old but not young, so im hoping one day we will all get our version of what we want out Quality of life to be!
    For me, i wan't to ride my Horse again, go shelling on the beach, work in my flower gardens, Groom dogs again,Just FEEL healthy & good, and hopefully Hold a few grand babies before i go:) Sigh!!!

    Just want to say thanks to this Board, if not for it and others,i would have nowhere to turn, Hubby dosent get it or care to, Children are scared when i talk about being sick,and Friends... well we all know howthat goes too.

    so thanks for readin my post and letting me vent, were all in this together, even tho we dont want to be.
    tomorrow is coming, we have to be ready in case tomorrow is the Big Day! the day were free from this Nightmare!
  4. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    This is a tough time of yr - physically and emotionally - the weather just kills me, too

    My mantra of late is "Life is short; eternity is long" when things are really tough for me, it helps me to rememebr that according to my beliefs as a Christian, this life is a drop in the bucket compared to how long heaven (eternity) will last...and the worst days here are finite - they WILL end; the best days here are not even close to how wonderful heaven will be

    I know you may not share my beliefs, but in case you do, I thought I'd mention that this has helped me quite a bit
  5. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Aunt tammie, your words remind me of some books I was looking at , at Amazon...they were about choosing your soul's journey before we were born...okay, doesn't fit in neatly with basic christian views but what they were saying is that we chose to be ill, or have a child with a disablility, or to lose a oved one, or whatever....something tough...so that we could ? learn what we need to to be close to God/the light? i didn't get all of it, but I think i will read about this....

    it gives up some credit or makes me think, wow! maybe this isn't such a bad thing, if I chose it to be my path....and maybe something positive will come of it?
  6. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Thank you for your encouraging words...you are so right! this does pass....sometimes you feel physically awful but not to bad mentally/emotionally

    other times when you feel awful, it snags you when you are feeling down and have no optimism left....those are the hard times....and if you feel angry/mad for a while, it really is hard to pull out of it....

    i already feel a little less desperate....just a few hours, a few posts from friends here, kids get home from hockey, an old family friend visited, kind of jolts you into a different mood....

    thanks for taking time to type...i see 53 people read this but 3 replied....I am totally not bashing the readers....i am most often a reader and less of a poster....but, it means more when less people respond, that you did....thank you!
  7. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I agree...this is a terrible time of year....i really can't stand January because it is so cold ....and it just does something to me....i can't get motivated....that is the word i have been searching for....Motivated....i can't get anything done....i feel physically exhausted...my limbs each feel like they weigh a ton!

    what is with this???? and then, sometimes, in the summer, I feel so different....how can sunlight or lack of it mess people up like this???

    hey, thanks for your reply!
  8. jole

    jole Member

    the way I feel. Don't beat yourself up for it....it's not you, it's the DD. Many of us are totally worthless/frustrated/depressed in the winter months, and better in the warmer weather. I've finally decided it's not SAD as much as it is simply the fact that I CAN'T do anything in the winter without a total collapse, and then I get really down on myself.

    Quanked, you said it so well. I too have to comfort myself some days, because we get it from no one else. I can have a real pity party if I don't let me know I'm still special. Others can't be expected to comfort us when they can't understand, so we have to take care of ourselves. If we let ourselves know that we're still loved and lovable, it really helps.

    I too, as a Christian, take comfort in the fact that this is not forever, and I offer each day up in hopes that it will help me along the right path to the wonderful afterlife.

    Hang on, summer will get here eventually!
  9. pumkinhead

    pumkinhead New Member

    Sending Love and Light. I can relate to everything said.
  10. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    i too am feeling a little bit better as i read all the reasuring comments, evn if were struggling alone in a house full of people, we can still find someone who understands on the board:)

    This old Life is but a Vapor, Not close to forever! but sometimes it sure feels that way.

    If you find the sun peeking through your window, sit in the sunlite & let it sooth you, it helps some.

    And just know too that the one who made you knows every hair on your head! and feels your pain with you & hurts when you hurt! After all, he went through Pain & suffering so we will be free... Someday.

    Now.... Bring on SUMMER!!!!:)
  11. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    It's freezing here tonight, and I am not functional in it at all. We need warmth and soon! I'm dying till Spring.

    We just have to believe that we are doing exactly what God wants us to do and that's it. If God wanted us to work right now and be healthy, we would be. For whatever the reason, we have been benched from life. Let's just hope we get answers as to why some day.