I have FM, mom has Cancer

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by msbad66, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. msbad66

    msbad66 New Member

    Hi all,
    I've been diagnosed with FM since 2004. My mom was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in June 2008. I live with her and now that she's back home after 7 weeks in the hospital for chemo and radiation I have become full-time caregiver with FM.

    Mom has home health now only once a week. Family helps all they can on weekends and if I need my brother during the week he is here. She does not remember any of the horrible things she's been through and that is a blessing. But now that she has come around again in the head, she thinks no one should help her with anything and she stills says and does things backwards. Also she's had to recover from hip surgery from a break that was caused in the hospital due to poor care and a bone tumor.

    I hurt constantly and I'm constantly doing for her it seems. She has no pain, and I have constant pain. She remembers things in spurts and calls me a lie and gets mad when I try to correct her. She is 65 and I am 42. I'm being told repeatedly to hang in there and that all my family is so proud of me. Well, I'm tired and just wanted to let others know that no matter how bad it seems it could be worse. You could be watching your mother slip away and in horrible pain all the time. I try so hard not to let mom see me crying each day, but it's so hard. She has no idea what either of us is going through each day. The sleeping thing is a joke, I can't sleep when she sleeps because I can't take the chance yet that she will get up during the night and do something that will hurt herself. So I sleep a little if possible and take more pain pills, while trying to stay upbeat for her and not make her mad by telling, or reminding her of what to do all the time.

    Sorry, so long. Just really needed to vent some. Thanks for reading.

  2. luckyman

    luckyman New Member

    I lost both my parents to cancer. I feel your pain. When my mom needed to make multiple trips to the bathroom and that required my help. I was so tired and sore, yet couldn't sleep for fear she would get up and fall, or be in serious trouble. I finally figured out that I needed to sleep on the floor next to her. (used lots of cushions) I put up a big brass bell on the rail of her hospital bed so that it would fall if she got up or was in distress. (We had Hospice deliver the bed) That was the only way that I was able to really get some sleep. I went through a lot, and the physical and emotional wear and tear were terrible. Have you contacted Hospice? They were a godsend for us.

    I am now so glad that I was there for both of them and not exactly sure why, but I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. Maybe it was the feeling of the close knit family relationship, or ... not really sure. I hope you feel the same way in a couple of years. Very tough, yet very rewarding as I look back now.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2008]
  3. msbad66

    msbad66 New Member

    Hi luckyman,
    I knew I can't be the only one that has gone through this horrible experience and had FM at the same time. I lol about the bell. I did that to her walker the second night home, also have a baby monitor, and sleep in a recliner next to her bed. You do know how I feel. The guilt is what's getting me most for having to be stern with her so much because she doesn't listen otherwise. The real weird part is she is doing really good on the outside compared to the shell of a person that was in the hospital for so long. It is all so confusing and making me even crazier than I already was. Thanks for the kind words and I am trying to cherish each day, good or bad. It just is so hard alone and scared.

  4. dannybex

    dannybex Member

    Is there ANY way they can help out more? It sounds like they're not HEARING how bad you are and how damaging it is to your health. I've been there, it's extremely difficult for the caregiver, especially if you don't get any relief.

    I hope you can get in touch with your family again, and try to explain to them how the situation is affecting your health. After all, if you get worse and worse, how can you possibly take care of your mother?

    Just my two cents. :)

  5. jole

    jole Member

    I am sooo sorry for you. I too was where you are, but not alone. My sister and brother were with me as much as they could be....my brother gave me a break in the evening for a few hours, and my sis came most weekends.

    Through this time we developed a relationship that is extremely close and loving,and we still get together as often as we can. My other brothers and sister couldn't be bothered with us or their mother. Well, it's too bad, because they missed out on a lot of memories and yes, even some good times in the midst of the pain and suffering.

    I agree with (wish the name showed), but try to make this as good a time as possible. Yes, you might have to be firm with her, but there must be good times too, and you will remember them later. Do a lot of talking, remeniscing (sp) about your childhood, her childhood, etc. We learned a lot we didn't know before. Maybe pictures will help her mental status?

    Just when you think you can't go on another day, you will somehow get the strength to do so. Please know that we're all thinking and praying for you, and sending good thoughts your way. You will never regret your helping her through this time......BUT, if it gets too much to bear, do you have a Hospice Unit in your hospital or NH that you can put her? (Just a thought).

    Blessings ****Jole****

  6. msbad66

    msbad66 New Member

    Thanks Dan and Jole,

    I've got as much help as I can get from my brother unless my mom and I move in with his family. That idea sends my mom into a spasm. She wants her stuff and be in her bed. I can't blame her for those things. Yes, I can call hospise, but only after she quits getting active chemo they said. We go Thursday to see what's up next in her treatment or no treatment. Thanks for advice guys, please keep it coming. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. Mom and I had a fairly good day together. She actually says she feels pretty good. Not me, I've taking pain pills all day and can hardly walk.

    Hang in there guys, cause I am.
    Thanks again for the kind words,