I have it easy, so why am I so miserable?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by msbsgblue, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    It's 3:00 P.M. and I am still in my robe today. I keep telling myself to go get my shower and mop the floor or do something productive.

    I have been this way for several days although I usually shower before noon.

    I say I have it easy since my house for the most part looks clean and likely is except for the dust of several days. My bed is made and I keep my dishes done and cook our meals.

    I have it easy because my husband has this dd too, so he never complains if I sit all day, and with what I have said above he has no reason to.

    I do, however, have several projects partially finished and I just cannot get the umph to do more. I have done nothing today except fix us bagels for breakfast. Hubby heated up left overs for lunch, which he doesn't mind doing since I don't usually eat lunch.

    It has been way too cool here for this time of year and windy, so my flower beds need tending. Our computer room is half painted, the livig room wallpaper is partly stripped and I have new wallpaper. Normally I would dive into this type of project as I would be so excited to see the results.

    I cannot get motivated. I feel like crap. I am so tired, I am in pain, my right side is in pain and sore and bothers me, this has gone on for years and is getting worse but the doctors have run me through tests many times and cannot find anything but it continues to get worse.

    I am so frustrated today. I guess I just needed to rant.

    Hope all of you are having a good day.

    luv and hugs
  2. cookie1960

    cookie1960 New Member

    We all have our days when we want nothing more then to stay in bed all day and be miserable. Instead of worrying about household chores like flowers, wallpaper, and paint -think about something for yourself!

    Take your shower, put on some clothes and do something that you like. Whether it's reading a book, calling a friend, taking a walk or just sitting by the window - break the monotony.

    Breaking thru the pain is hard, but sometimes breaking thru our misery is even more difficult.

  3. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    I do those things but it doesn't seem to help anymore with 20 plus years of this under my belt.

    What I would enjoy is just feeling good for a change. Not feeling like a dead beat.
  4. cookie1960

    cookie1960 New Member

    You are not a deadbeat. You are dealing with a chronic illness. I hope you feel better soon. There was a time when I was "bed" bound due to the pain and depression - so I understand your lack of motivation.

    Hoping you will have it easier sooner then later.

  5. terrisews

    terrisews New Member

    I also can't get motivated, feel like crap - etc. I take a shower every other day - no matter what. I only put clothes on to leave the house in the car, not just to go outside, I live in the country. These are my suggestions to you.
    1. Hire someone to wallpaper and paint, it will make you feel much better to see that accomplished and the cost will be minimal compared to the pain you will have to endure.
    2. You cook? Congratulations! Most of us don't do that much.
    3. Flower beds, only work in them 5 - 15 minutes at a time. Don't overexert and don't make it a chore or you won't enjoy it.
    4. I also have UFO's (UnFinished Objects) at my house. I do the 15 or 30 minute rule. No more than that at a time. Do it a little at a time and it will soon be done.
    5. Another thing I do is make a list of things I have accomplished, no matter how small. When I feel low like I don't do anything - I can look at this list and know that I have done things even with the pain.

    Be positive,
    Terri in TN

  6. annade

    annade New Member

    I find that when I am having days like that I just acknowledge to myself that it's okay and I don't worry about what I cannot do. On those days I take out a warm, plush blanket, heat upo my favorite tea and watch movies, sometimes all day. I love to watch a good comedy and it really does lift my spirits. I think the hardest part is just letting go and accepting where you are at the moment and not trying to change it. Hope this helps.

  7. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Thank you for the list of suggestions.

    Yes I cook almost every night unless we have left overs. I'm talking a full meal. My husband loves to have enough to eat and I cherish him enough to do this.

    Even though he has this illness too, many afternoons he works on little projects outside and I feel so bad about just sitting while he is looking after watering his garden or fixing things. I so want to give back to him for what he does.

    Some of you know I met my husband here. We have been married 2 1/2 years the 13th of this month. It is so great to have someone who shares and knows what I deal with. He has not been ill as long as I have, and some days I feel he does not know the amount of pain as I have gotten progressively worse the past year or more.

    As I said, my house is presentable. I would not be ashamed for anyone to come to visit. I do a little as I can and I don't push.

    With only the two of us here, and we seldom get company it really doesn't take a lot to keep the house neat except to dust mop out the pine needles and things that get tracked to the utility room.

    My DH says he doesn't care but I just feel guilty some days.

    Before I got to where I couldn't work and before I moved here I had a wonderful massage therapist who specialized in deep tissue and people with fibro. Now I cannot afford to go to one, but yes I would love to.

    Right now we are squeaking by on hubbies disability check, I hope to have mine soon. If not, I will be eligible for retirement SS in Jan.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/12/2008]
  8. kriket

    kriket New Member

    There are just some days you have to do what you can and forget what u cant do. I work part time and have lots of time during the week, but I am unable to work full time, it is no different at home. Mopping and cleaning are real jobs and will put you in a flare in a second. So, don't feel bad. You avoid all that stuff cause you know it will only make you feel worse. Hugs !!!!!!!!!

    By the way- I feel for you guys as my fiance and I bothg struggle with this DD also. Only good thing is we know how the other feels and what a flare feels like, but I wish we were just healthy and able to do things we enjoy again.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/12/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/12/2008]
  9. bikrgrl

    bikrgrl New Member

    I work, full time.
    Some days, ok a lot of days. I do practically nothing. I'll move papers around to make myself appear busy but i just can't bring myself to do anything. Lack of energy and pain stops me.
    Luckily, i have a slow paced job that pays well for what i do. I am able (eventually) to get my work done. Only because i have 5 days a week to do about 2 days worth of work (for the average person) or it wouldn't happen.
    I feel guilty about that sometimes but then i tell myself. "hey, you know what, you're trying your best. You're getting what you are paid to do done. and that's all that matters"
    That's what i have to say to you. You say your house is in pretty good shape (that's more than i can say for mine) you say most days you try your best. DON"T be so hard on yourself. You are fighting the fight of your life, a horrible and painful disease.
    In fact, you need to do less housework and more for YOU. In the scope of things does it really matter if you washed dishes today, painted, vaccumed??? NO! but does it matter if you are happy and as heathly as possible?? YES
    Please stop beating yourself up and tell yourself you're doing your best and that's all that matters.
    Gentle hugs! Louise
  10. Life is really tough with this dd. I hear you. I have had this dd over 30 some yrs. and it is gradually worsened and takes a toll on us. My husband has bad arthris so we are really a pr. I didn't think the so called "golden yrs" would be this painful.

    I think we just have to rant sometimes , life is really tough with this dd. as I said . I just answered the post about feeling alone, that is a part of this dd, even though we have family we feel alone and sad alot living with pain. Hang in there!!!

    BILLCAMO New Member

    I think my DW needed to hear the same things I've been telling her from women and a little ranting helps relieve the pressure .

    Blessings ,

  12. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Feel like that sometimes, too (it's 3:00 p.m. here and still in my nightgown). The sun is shining and I "should" be doing something with all my half finished projects.

    I decide to let myself have totally guilt free do nothing days. Let's stop "shoulding" on ourselves, ok?

    Good luck, hope you feel better soon.

    sue in Ontario
  13. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    I certainly can relate to bikrgrl!!! I'm still working full time, in fact I'm at work right now. Some days I watch movies on my computer all day. It is about all I'm able to do. I am here when someone needs me and I do whatever they ask, but as for being the go-getter and driven person I used to be......well she's gone. My boss knows about my condition and I keep him apprised of good days and bad. I'm extremely fortunate and I know it.

    Before I knew unequivocally in my heart that something was wrong, I used to feel guilty about how my work suffered. I couldn't understand WHY this stuff wasn't sticking in my brain, why did I have a hard time expressing myself. I'm a Technical Support engineer and I used to be able to grasp the most difficult of concepts in a heart beat and provide technically complex resolutions to customers. I've been at my current job for a year and I'm not near at technically savvy as I would be if I wasn't so sick all of the time.

    I might be able to drag myself out of bed and into the office, but I can't say I'm all that productive here. THAT really makes me feel guilty. But I do the best and can and fortunately I have a few good days where I'm able to get some work done. For now I'm just blessed that I'm able to work. I hope that I can keep providing valuable support to my customers so that the company will keep me, even when I have bad flares.
  14. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    We are the same age...almost...my birthday is in July.

    About the lack of motivation...About 2 1/2 years ago, we started losing parents. We lost both our dads in 2005, and my husband's mother in 2006. My mom is still alive, thankfully. They had all lived long, full lives but it was hard anyway.

    About that time, I stopped being interested in almost anything that I used to love. I stopped reading voraciously, stopped playing the piano which had be a daily thing since I was 13, stopped calling people, stopped living.

    I have clinical depression, and I have been on meds for 11 years now...that wasn't it. I think it was the sadness of the losses.

    Have you had any traumatic events that may have triggered this malaise? Do you take antidepressants? Just wondering

    We have just moved, and my piano is in our piano room now. I am going to have it tuned, shine it up and start playing again. I think I have finally figured out what my dry spell has been...mourning.

    Just my two cents....

    Best wishes,

  15. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    of frustration of what we were able to do once.

    I am the same as you, Iam retired, had to becasue of this dd, I still have days where i do three or four things, simple things and pay for it being in bed for 2 - 3 not able to move much at all

    I think you are doing it just right me darlin, go your own pace, get some things done for you like the manual things

    I had the place painted and new carpet put down 4 weeks ago, Iam still trying to put everything back!!!! Thats ok

    Give yourself permission for what you CAN do today try NOT to worry about what you havnt

    angel hugs to you both

    miles of smiles

  16. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Fivesue- I think mine is more frustration as I was a type A personality and a perfectionist at everything I did.

    I won't say I don't have a day now and then when I feel down but I do not think I am clinically depressed.

    I think a lot of this is from my daughter who is now 41 and thinks I should just get out of the house, get a job again, doesn't understand this and doesn't care to listen.

    I have heard this from her the past 5 years since I stopped working due to a major crash (flare).

    I have been in 2 very severe car accidents, one at about age 26 and another at about age 48, the last one the trooper said should have killed me.

    It didn't but I am really paying now.

    Thank all of you for your concerns and kind words.
  17. tonakay

    tonakay New Member

    Please quit beating yourself up, that weather has been horrible out there I'd be in my robe too. Maybe when it warms up you'll feel a little better. There is more to life than a clean house. I'm so glad you found Bill.... BTW, happy 2 1/2 year anniversary today!

  18. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    I don't mind doing the house thing, if I could just get something else done.

    Decided I felt a bit better yesterday so my perrenial bed needed new mulch. I raked about 2/3 of a maybe 15 X 8 bed and shoveled it into wheel barrow. Not much for me considering what I use to do. That took me 2 hours with 3 breaks.

    Today I am paying for it.

    Hugs to all
  19. momof27

    momof27 New Member

  20. spacee

    spacee Member

    As we get older...sometimes something new will help.

    Dr. Cheney has suggested Kirkman Magnesium/Sulfate cream. Do a google search and you will find it. It costs about $17 a jar plus shipping. I have tried it twice. I am sensitive to a lot of meds so this does give me a bit of a headache but it does give me a umph.

    It says you can take it every 4 hours. It has a tiny scoop and you put that much cream on your back. It takes a little while for me to feel the results but I feel them for several hours. Dr. Cheney said it would only last for one but I feel it much longer.

    The thing is that I don't want to use it everyday cause I might be borrowing from tomorrow's energy and then have to rest more. But it is certainly worth it to me to have some extra energy. Plus it give me a sense of just being more "normal"...love that feeling!!

    I am not sure how often each week I will use it since I am just getting used to it. But just wanted to give you a heads up about it!

    [This Message was Edited on 06/13/2008]