I havent even got the energy to decide wether to get angry or cry

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by xanderlee, Oct 7, 2002.

  1. xanderlee

    xanderlee New Member

    is it me, should I feel completely inadequate and will it pass??? I am 32, I have 3 kids and I am finding things so hard right now. I cannot take my kids out, most days I cannot even leave the house. I shop online because i cannot manage a supermarket, I get upset when my legs stop working and angry with myself, and it just isnt worth the tears. I have to spend hard earned money on a cleaner because I cannot keep the house clean with a family of five
    and I cant even do my companies accounts because the brain fog wins on a daily basis. I have the luxury of having my own business, which means I can work from home but what i can do for it is getting less and less. I cannot even do my hobbies, reading and cross-stitching because of the lack of concentration and the numbness and pain (does that make sense?) in my fingers.
    While some lifestyle changes are a good thing, the working 24/7, running when I could have walked etc have gone, so i can take time to appreciate things (I tell myself!)I am seeing things that people take for granted being whooshed away from me, and I feel useless as a mother and wife. My roles are just disappearing, and I am finding it so hard to get out of the lows, and i do try, I really do..for the families sake. Does this pass, will it get better? Am I being a drama queen and just need a kick up the butt?
    any advice greatfully appreciated...and I am sorry if I have brought anyone down, but I have no one else to tell things like this too...my family is having enough to adjust to at the mo!
    Hugs
    Gaynor
    [This Message was Edited on 10/07/2002]
  2. xanderlee

    xanderlee New Member

    is it me, should I feel completely inadequate and will it pass??? I am 32, I have 3 kids and I am finding things so hard right now. I cannot take my kids out, most days I cannot even leave the house. I shop online because i cannot manage a supermarket, I get upset when my legs stop working and angry with myself, and it just isnt worth the tears. I have to spend hard earned money on a cleaner because I cannot keep the house clean with a family of five
    and I cant even do my companies accounts because the brain fog wins on a daily basis. I have the luxury of having my own business, which means I can work from home but what i can do for it is getting less and less. I cannot even do my hobbies, reading and cross-stitching because of the lack of concentration and the numbness and pain (does that make sense?) in my fingers.
    While some lifestyle changes are a good thing, the working 24/7, running when I could have walked etc have gone, so i can take time to appreciate things (I tell myself!)I am seeing things that people take for granted being whooshed away from me, and I feel useless as a mother and wife. My roles are just disappearing, and I am finding it so hard to get out of the lows, and i do try, I really do..for the families sake. Does this pass, will it get better? Am I being a drama queen and just need a kick up the butt?
    any advice greatfully appreciated...and I am sorry if I have brought anyone down, but I have no one else to tell things like this too...my family is having enough to adjust to at the mo!
    Hugs
    Gaynor
    [This Message was Edited on 10/07/2002]
  3. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    sometimes even tears are too great a price to pay in terms of energy. Aside from the pain, the feelings of saying goodbye to your former self and getting acquaited with your new self, life is rough when you have chronic conditions for which there is yet a treatment or cure.
    *
    I wish I had someone to come in here to help! I used to jokingly say I had help (ie. housekeeper) in order to keep on working. . and there was a bit of truth to it. Housework is hard. Mothering is hard if done right and well, "wife-ing" does have a plus and a minus depending on the hubby.

    Anyway, just make sure your getting the best health care you can get, and that includes mental illness. Don't flog yourself on the back; you may be suffering some depression/anxiety and surely a sadness at seeing your business declining. I was self-employed among other things and this loss for me was emotionally devastating..I'm not over it yet and remain in psychiatric therapy. I don't think I would make it without my trusty psychiatrist.

    But yes, most of us who have had these class of ailments have been where you are. It will ebb and flow and with your family's support emotionally and financially, you most likely will find a way to get the most out of life. Love CactusLil'
  4. queenbee69

    queenbee69 New Member

    Hey there! Just a quick few lines to let you know that although your symptoms might not pass quickly, you will find a way to deal with them. As each day goes by, and youve made it to the next, you do cope. I wish I could send some help your way, instead I send you lots of love and support. Keep your chin up and come here when all is lost.......best of luck to you! Queenbee69
  5. pepper

    pepper New Member

    What you are feeling in your situation is normal, normal, normal! You and your family have to make tremendous adjustments. It takes time. But you can do it.

    If you can afford it, counselling with an understanding therapist can be very helpful (someone who understands chronic illness) for you alone, or you and your hubby or you and your whole family. I have done all three and found it helpful.

    Your roles as a wife and mom are not disappearing. They are changing. Probably not the way you want them to but that is what you have been dealt. It will get better with time and acceptance by everyone concerned.

    One thing you can do is you can take control of your health care and do what it takes to improve your symptoms. I know a lot of people on this board disagree with me (for good reason!) but I know I could not function without antidepressants. I take 50 mg Zoloft - after beginning the antidepressants, my daily crying jags stopped and I found the whole picture easier to accept.

    Keep coming to this board for help. It is amazing how many people have gone through exactly what we have gone or are going through! It is nice to know we are not alone!

    (((HUGS)))Pepper
  6. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    What you are feeling is normal. I also have very low lows. It may stick with you for a while. Try to avoid stress (Haha, easier said that done, I know). Don't beat yourself up over it. Make sure your'e taking your meds, or maybe even call the doc if you feel they aren't doing what they used to do. You are not useless, your business, husband and family does need you. It is the disease that is telling you this. And don't worry about bringing us down, hey we may need to hear this from you when we are feeling low. I can really relate to your situation although I have no kids, I am 30 y/o. It has been a really hard battle accepting that at times I am literally disabled at such a young age. My family and friends also too are adjusting. It will take time and we will be here when you need to cry:)
  7. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    this horrible illness! I've been where you are many, many, times. And then I've seen the good things in life, the hope at times, too. I have real ups and real downs, and as much as my family understands, I imagine it's too much for them many times, too. All you can do is the best you can... there are times when you need to complain & vent, and then there are the times when you're strong enough to say, OK, what CAN I realistically do? Your family, even when it's tough on them, probably appreciates how hard this is for you...and hard to give yourself a break & let go of the guilt so that you can take care of yourself. I agree with Pepper, too, who mentioned a therapist. I found a therapist who specialized in people living with chronic illness & she was the best; a real advocate for me, who helped me deal with the frustration, the hopelessness, helped me find resources, etc. Good luck to you, Gaynor, and focus on the things you can do, but don't get down on yourself for being discouraged... we've all been there...A LOT!

    Pam
  8. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Just a year ago i was exactly where you are. I had no energy to do anything, my business, which had been going great came to a sudden halt and I found myself in th emidst of health inflicted change. Just when I thought I had everything going for me this all hit me.

    Yes, you will get better. I agree that learning about what's wrong and how to treat it is the best thing you can do for yourself. I'm still learning, but I've come a long way from a year ago.

    Counseling is an excellent recomendation. It's normal to feel somewhat depressed with all the changes you are going through. Take things one step at a time and eventually you will notice that you are doing a little better instead of continually worse.

    Good luck to you.

    Barbara
  9. allhart

    allhart New Member

    hugs and prayers im also 32 5 kids and now exactally how you feel it will hopefully pass soon.
  10. xanderlee

    xanderlee New Member

    Thank you everyone who replied...Nicest kicks up the butt I have ever had....My GP is unfortunately a pain who is very dismissive of CFS, and the fact that I come on this web site for advice, but like I told him, if he wont give me advice and tell me about this condition, how else am I supposed to know what is normal and what isnt...I may not have a medical certificate but that doesnt mane that I dont want to know what is wrong with me!
    What you all said is very helpul, and I know that I will get through it, but sometimes it is just very nice to hear from others that I will get through it.It means a lot to me that you all took the time to reply
    Thankyou
    Gaynor
  11. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

  12. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    I am out of work due to an injury and too many absences from this and other diseases.

    i am having trouble functioning even with the small stuff, forget housework. I have not been a great mother, wife or person lately due to depression over the loss of my old me. But I am getting to know the new me and she is not so bad. i have slowed down and really see for the first time in my life that I not only need to take this time to accept and change what has to be changed, I have to for myself and my family.

    Is there light at the end of the tunnel? some days yes, some days no-I hold on to my faith and God and for me that helps. i go to a good psychologist for therapy, I cry when I need to, I allow myself to sleep when I need to while doing the very best I can to take care of the kids and myself.

    Please know you are not alone and no butt kicking here from me either-that has been my problem I kicked my own butt into complete and total exhaustion and illness by pushing way beyond my means for years and now is a season for rest in my life, reflection, acceptaence etc. Is it easy? No do I like it? NO It is the right thing to do? a big resounding Yes!

    hang in there, love on yourself, be kind to yourself and ask for help when you need to. that has been my hardest thing to do because I am so stubborn and independent.

    all seasons in life evetually change just as the leaves on the trees in the fall-it is the way it is. This too shall pass, I believe it for myslef and I hope you can believe for yourself. If not know I will believe for you. Hang in there. If you want to talk I am at cathysinger@hotmail.com, feel free to email me

    gods speed

    cathy
  13. G

    G New Member

    We all need to adjust each time we seem to get an new symptom or the pain becomes more intense, when the fibro fog is so thick that we sometimes wonder where we are or what we are doing. For me the times when I kept repeating what I was saying or an question over again and again, was the worse for me.

    It becomes easier when we adjust and go through what I call an grieving stage of what one is not able to do at this time in life. I lost my hobbies reading books - I get sick from the paper or the ink and still haven't tried cross-stitching yet. I try to read on computer when I can. I also have found new hobbies to do when I can. I love doing webpages and graphics, so when I an able to I'll do for an friend or do my own but don't have an site any longer online - too hard to keep up with. But I love doing templates and it helps past my time. My only problem is that I forget about the time and end sitting at my computer for hours and pay for it that night.

    Don't give up and Gaynor we are all here for you anytime you need an shoulder. These illnesses are tough on us and we need to talk about it to someone. You're not an drama queen and you certainly don't need an kick in the butt.

    An friend...

    G
  14. debrastets

    debrastets New Member

    I know how you feel and it is so hard!I wish i could do something for all of us and make it better! Just wonted you to know We are here for you and understand how your feel! God bless you!