I just can't deal with this never ending pain and stress's

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Nov 21, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Today I can really say has been one of the MOST PAINFUL DAYS I HAVE HAD in a long time. For some unkown reason my legs , knees and ankles just throb & ache & burn and feel like I was punched in my thigh muscles.

    I really don't know what is making me feel like this, I hurt so bad that even my bones are acheing. MY muscles ache so deeply that I feel it through my whole body and my bones throb as well.

    I took a hot bath but I can't get the water HOT enough to reach into the deep pain in my muscles and bones. I don't think even it the water was scalding that it would sink in to where my pain is as it is that deep in to my body.

    And then there are the stress's that seem to keep comming and I know that I should just let them go as I an unable to change what it causing my stress.

    But I can't do that so I tighten up my muscles and the tighter they get the more I ache. I just want it all to STOP.
    I want life to be normal and not to have to worry about my doctor and if he is going to be able to practice here or not as he is having some legal problems.

    One of is staff {NO longer works for him} has apparently been calling in perscriptions for patients and didn't have the doctor's approval to make the call to the pharmacy. He just found this out as he has been going thru legal problems for about a year now .

    But He could lose his practice over some over the probems he has now. I know that he is doing all he can to not go to jail. AS some of the problems are that serious of a nature.

    Then to have your own staff do some thing like she was doing and for a year I think before she was fired and then threatend him with some serious threats about his practice and how he runs it and how he treats patients.

    He is one of the kindest men I have ever met.And he is so devoted to his wife and family that it is talked about at every visit. He loves his wife and says that she is the reason he became a doctor as she went thru quite a few years in intence pain from what was called RSD.

    But back then they didn't know any thing about it and kept telling him that she was crazy so he finally went to a doctor who knew her well and asked him was she jnuts and making this pain up and he said NO , she has real pain .

    There are some chronic pain syndromes that we are just learning about and she could have one of theses. So he went to medical school to learn what these painfull conditions were and how to treat them with honesty and compassion for those who live in pain.
    He became a doctor because there were no doctors who were willing to treat pain patients with any thing other than antidepressants .

    And for some of us they don't work right {Or at least they don't in me} He wanted to be someone who helped people who lived their lives in pain and he has been so helpful and so good to me and treats me with understanding and compassion. He listens to what I have to say and will ask me each month how my pain is and are my strong meds working.

    I told him that due to the problems he was having that I wanted to go back to something like LOrtab 10's but he said that I can't do that quicly as I am on MScontin and I take it 4 times a day in 100 mg's dose's so I just can't up and stop them and take some thing that stopped working a long time ago.But it would be eaier for me to find a new doctor to treat my pain if I were on a milder pain medication.

    But OH well I will cross that bridge when I come to it and I am praying that I won't have to lose the best doctor I have ever had. I know that one of his probems began when he would not give a patient narocitcs as he had found out that she has been to over 60 doctors all asking for Oxycontin in really HIGH dose's. This is all public news now so I can talk about it.But the rest is not..

    I know that he is facing some really bad problems legally and I just hope that the real honest truth comes out and it is what he has been telling us as patients. I don't want to have to look for a new doctor when the best one I know had to leave.

    I am stressing over the things I have no control over and I need to stop doing that but it is really hard for me to do... I have been dealing with my MOM who is not well and has lost so much wieght that she is skin and bones ,She will eat but after a few bites she does not want any more and will not eat any more. But that too is something I can't fix or change. I can't shove food down her throat so there is really nothing that I can do about it but it really concerns me a great deal.

    Well now that I have complained and whined alot I am going to go to bed and get warm I hope.

    Please pray for me that thhings will go well for me.
    Thank you so much,
    Rosemarie
  2. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    Hi Rosemarie,
    I couldn't sleep and was checking out the board. I haven't been here in a while, it seems.

    Anyway, I ran across your post and wanted to let you know that I will pray. I understand. I just lost the only person here that could treat me. She was a nurse practitioner, but she had FMS, so she understood the pain. Don't give up yet. I just started a new med today, back with my old doctor that doesn't know much about fibro (explains the insomnia again).

    I'm having to do most of the work myself in figuring out how to make me better, because there's no one that I can find here where I live at all that knows anything about this. I've spent the past 9 months of my life researching FMS/CFIDS since I got fired from my job for being sick too much.

    It sounds like some of our pains are very similar too. I have that deep aching pain that feels like it's in the bones mostly in my arms, legs and hips. So far I haven't found anything that will touch that pain.

    I understand the stress and frustration of the thought of losing your doctor, but wait and see if this doesn't play out differently. If I understood it right, then right now, you're actually battling the fear of losing your doctor instead of the actual loss of the doctor. (I meant that in a positive and supportive way, I hope it projected that way) This is sometimes one of the most unfortunate realities for us. We just don't have enough people trained out there yet, but it's coming. Trust and pray. That's what I have to hang on to, on the days that I think I just can't deal with it all......

    I really do hope you got that warm nights sleep.....

    Today is a brand new day. I hope you have a blessed one.

    gentle hugs and prayers,
    Mrs
  3. rwolf

    rwolf New Member

    I have had CFIDS for over 22 years. I can only sit up for about three minutes at one time. The rest of my time is spent in a dark silent room 24-7. Believe me when I say I understand.
    rwolf
  4. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    i can relate sorry to hear you in so much pain ive been having a tough time myself im in bed about 22 hrs a day and to top things off i have something called hyperacusis (hearing too loud) for the last 3 yrs ive made some progress now my hearing is super loud again and i am isolated from my family because even someone touching paper goes right through me im hoping it will leave soon and is not permanent.i was on that message board this morning. ill be saying prayers for the both of us. charlene