After I told my fibro Dr everything I have been going through at my apt last week she sat and stared at me in silence for a few moments. She then told me she had no idea how I was sitting in front of her. My response was that I had no choice. I had no choice but to keep moving because there were things that had to be done and could not wait and that there was no one that could do them for me. They couldn't do them for me because there are things that only I can take care of and the things that someone else could do no one else will or can because I have zero support. Yesterday I went to my PCP for my yearly. She and my fibro Dr work at the same hospital and know each other. She too stared at me when I told her everything that my fibro dr hadn't told her. She too had no idea how I was still functioning given everything I am going through both medically and personally. Well, that leads me to just an hour or so ago. I had just dropped my son off at school and I went by my house to let the dogs play in the yard. I got the snow shovel and began shoveling the side-walk. At first I was just numb and didn't feel anything inside or out, of course the -8 degrees helped with that. Then my lungs started to burn and i noticed every muscle in my body hurt and bending to use the shovel was makign my hernia worse and I puked a couple of times. Then the tears started. I realized, why do I bother? It doesn't really matter. So, I'll get a ticket for not shoveling the walk at the house I own but can't live in b/c the mold in it was killing my son and I. If someone falls and sues me I don't have anything. They can have the house. Heck, it's fully furnished and all the curtains are still up underneath the boards on the windows. I am already on my way to getting fined b/c someone called the city about the boards I put on the windows to keep idiots out after the robberies and the city ticketed me for the landscape rocks on the parking pad. Out of all of the people who know how sick my son and I are and everyhting I am dealing with, no one has ever once called, emailed, or stopped by to see how we are or offered any type of help. now that I am thinking about it, I really don't have a clue why i bother. i might as well just give up, go to bed and say screw it.