I honestly don't know where to turn, I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. I feel like I am being punished for the things I did when I was younger, I see all these women with their children yelling and screaming at them, and I've been trying for months to have a baby and no luck. I go to sleep crying some nights and I don't know why, and I wake up in the middle of the night screaming. My dreams are never happy always about the abuse I took when i was younger. Everyone asks me why I'm acting weird and I honestly don't know. If I'm not worried about money, I'm worried about work, family, relationship, etc... I worry more about other people and their well-being that I completely forget about myself, and people tell me to think of myself but i can't. I feel like I'm stressed out most when I'm sober, but when I get drunk or high I'm actually truly happy mind you I haven't smoked weed in four years and I rarely drink. And when I used to drink I would get out of hand and people literally had to lock the ice chest to cut me off. I'm scared of being alone, but I don't want to feel anymore.