I just need to vent reply if you wish

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by MeliJ713, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. MeliJ713

    MeliJ713 New Member

    I honestly don't know where to turn, I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. I feel like I am being punished for the things I did when I was younger, I see all these women with their children yelling and screaming at them, and I've been trying for months to have a baby and no luck. I go to sleep crying some nights and I don't know why, and I wake up in the middle of the night screaming. My dreams are never happy always about the abuse I took when i was younger. Everyone asks me why I'm acting weird and I honestly don't know.

    If I'm not worried about money, I'm worried about work, family, relationship, etc...
    I worry more about other people and their well-being that I completely forget about myself, and people tell me to think of myself but i can't.

    I feel like I'm stressed out most when I'm sober, but when I get drunk or high I'm actually truly happy mind you I haven't smoked weed in four years and I rarely drink. And when I used to drink I would get out of hand and people literally had to lock the ice chest to cut me off. I'm scared of being alone, but I don't want to feel anymore.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. Lots of nice people here to talk to.

    What are you doing about your situation? Taking meds? Seeing a
    therapist? 12 step group? Have you read the book Feeling Good by
    Dr. David Burns?

    Have you been diagnosed w/ depression or other conditions?

    You need to focus on yourself and on getting better.

    Good luck

  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    For many of us here who had childhood abuse, it does not go away and eventually as an adult sends us to a psychiatrist and/or therapist to help us work through it. We do it because we want to work through the memories of the abuse and make our future life so much better for us and our families, loved ones and friends.

    You don't want to have a baby when your past of getting drunk and high seems to be what made you happy--that's no good at all. You want to work on the problems you are having so that you can be happy and when you finally have a child, you are not drinking even a little bit.

    Also, remember that a child does not a job of making you happy and a child doesn't solve your problems. A child has no job and making you happy and solving your problems are your responsibility. Too many have children with the idea that it will make them happy or solve their problems--it doesn't. And in those situations the children suffer.

    Please reach out for professional psychiatric care to help you through this and discuss your wanting a child. In about a year of treatment, you should be able to re-evaluate where you are with the doctors and see if having a child would be a good idea. You want to be the best parent ever and be in the best shape mentally. A child deserves nothing less than the very best parent(s) and upbringing, otherwise they are saddled with a bad childhood like many of us here. Good luck.