I just need to vent

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by footballmom, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. footballmom

    footballmom New Member

    Hi everyone. I suppose that I just need to get a few thing off my mind to people who understand what I'm going through. I've been on short term disability since thanksgiving. The first 4 months that I was off of work were spent mostly in bed. There were no christmas decorations or wonderful presents bought and wrapped this year. It was an entirely generic christmas. That in its self is depressing because I love the holidays. Over the past couple of weeks I have seen imporvement. Not consistant improvement but some days are rather bearable. My boss from work calls me several times a week to ask how I'm doing and when I'm coming back to work. My husband is full of ideas as to what should help me feel better because his goal is to get me back to work. He makes me feel so guilty about being home. He says that I've "got the life" because I'm not working. Well, I have an appointment with my Rhuemy on Monday, I'm assuming he will ask me how I feel about returning to work. My mind says yes but I don't think my body will cooperate. I have some good days but they're not consistant. I really don't know what to do. My family thinks I should suck it up and try, (everyone says that you sound good, you look good) the thing is I don't feel good. I get tired of people asking how I feel. I feel the same all the time. Talking about my pain and misery makes me feel worse, but If I don't talk about it they think I'm cured.

    In a nut shell my rant is about how people think my worth as a human being is defined by if i can earn a living or not. It's so unfare. I'm a good mom, I raised 4 wonderful kids. I have a grandbaby on the way. Although I worked full time I took care of my husband, home and family as though they were my only responsibility. No My house isn't as clean as it used to be and I can't socialize and have parties and gatherings like I used to do but I'm still a warm and caring person. I don't want pity from my family and friends. I want understanding.

    Hoping things will get better,

    Tess

  2. footballmom

    footballmom New Member

    Thanks for sharing the spoon theory. What a great analagy (sp) I think I'll print it off and sit it on the kitchen table for my family to read.
  3. IowaMorningGlory

    IowaMorningGlory New Member

    I love my husband dearly, and really thought he "got it". I am guessing he doesn't at this point!

    My husband is unofficial assistant manager of a small town grocery store. The lady who works days quit and Friday was her last day and she isn't giving notice. My husband pushed me into the job. He says, "Just do it and see what happens." Duh! I can tell him that already. Most days I can't keep my eyes open by 10:30 in the morning. The pain has been so unbearable that breakthrough pain happens everyday. I said yes because I felt so guilty about not doing it. I am afraid he will get mad if I don't do it. No one will help me with the housework, I know I will have to still come home and try to deal with it. I told him this...expecting him to say, "Well I can help with some of it." No words were uttered from his mouth!

    I have so much on my plate right now as it is. I have three teenage boys, one we have custody of through the court. We will soon be going through a custody battle to keep him in our home.

    If I go to work I will probably lose my state medical insurance. I don't know how I would pay for my meds, let alone the doctor appts.

    I am frustrated because he even asked. It put me in an awful position. I want to work, I am bored of home. But how can I when I maybe have one good day a week, and I don't know when that will be!

    You are not alone footballmom!

    Take care and Kitten Hugs,
    Blessed Be,
    Laurie
  4. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    Sorry you're in such a bad way.
    Sounds like it's time to apply for social security disab.
    I just went through the process, and was working sick and in denial for 4 years.

    Leaving the workforce and accepting that I just couldn't "cut it" anymore was the most difficult, but absolutly the best thing that has happened to me in a long while.

    I am getting to know the "new" me and am slowly settling into a new lifestyle that has me feeling relaxed and mostly stress-free. Looking back, I can see how much damage I'd done to my health working so sick all those years, and for what???

    Best of luck!
    Mini
  5. footballmom

    footballmom New Member

    Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I find myself feeling so much worse just thinking about going to the doctor and having the conversation about returning to work. I stress about everything and of course my pain is increased by the stress. I've been crying all day and my family is looking at me like I'm nuts.....maybe I am....depression goes hand in hand with this DD.

    i pray the doctor will see my pain and anguish about the decisions I have to make and maybe he'll make them for me. The last time I was there he told me that I need to talk to my family about the fact that I may not be able to work. In his mind most people with fibro shouldn't work. Unfortunately that doesn't pay the bills.

    Tess