Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sop28, May 1, 2006.

  1. sop28

    sop28 New Member

    I just got off of the phone with my sister-in-law. My husband walks into the room and hands me the phone. She want's to know what my work situation is. I tell her that I am not currently looking due to my sx and then she askes who I'm seeing for my depression(which is being treated and is a non-issue). I tell her that I'm seeing Dr x (a psychiatrist) and she asked me "did he change your medication" and "does he actually think that with the fatigue that you are being adequatly treated?"

    I just wanted to scream. HOW DARE SHE. I'm never going to be able to get a non-judgemental response from people, am I. several years ago I vollenterally admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital with severe depression. So now any sx that I have is "Depression."

    Did depression make me so fatigued that I got dizzy and almost passed out? Did depression make me so exhausted that I get short of breath going up the stairs. Did depression make me so tired that my legs feel like jello and I feel like I'm going to collapse? No it didn't. I am not currently depressed, I am mad. DAMNED MAD!

    So sorry to go on and on but anyway, I told her that I didn't think that I was up to finishing the conversation and hung up. Did I mention that she is a nurse, running Employee Health at a hopital and her husband is an MD with his own practice in Occupational Health.

    So how do I deal with my family and my husband not standing up for me in the situation.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2006]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a couple surrounded by a huge wall of EGO. "We know all there is to know about medicine."

    Probably couldn't penetrate that w/ a Black and Decker Drill.

    Write her an e mail and tell her off good. (Then don't send it.)
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I would bring your husband to the doctors appointments and let the doctor explain your condition to him. That will shut up your sister and her doctor husband. One up them!


    ANNXYZ New Member

    I would decide that I HAVE NO NEED FOR HER APPROVAL .
    I would decide that what she thinks is INSIGNIFICANT and would use the mind over matter approach to this problem.
    I would not mind because she doesn't matter . She has her own issues OBVIOUSLY because she is trying to meddle in your life and " fix" you , rather than simply be a supportive family member who wants to help you find relief .

    Be gentle with your husband , as he was put on the spot and was wise enough not to fire off and over react on the spot . However , you might encourage him to help educate them in the future . Your sis in law is in an ignorant state and does not sound like she is reaally in your corner . There is SOOO much info on CFS / FM and the debilitation that it can cause . MANY folks are on morphine and strong drugs for the horrible pain , plus studies on CFS / FM usually show plenty of abnormalities
    like : chronic infections ( usually EBV, CMV, Mycoplasma,
    Chlamydia ) and ABNORMALLY low levels of cortisol,
    human growth hormone , memory hormone ( pregnenolone ) , thyroid hormone , and weak NK cell function. GIVEN THE RIGHT TESTS , the abnormalities to indicate poor health or an illness are not usually hard to find .

    CFS was declared a priority number one infectious disease in in 1996 by the CDC . An informed person can not dismiss it .

    The worst thing for your recovery is emotional stress .
    You need to try and remind yourself , that even the worst case sufferers usually find things that help them improve to some degree . Some totally recover . I know women who totally recovered and are no longer ill.

    I have been ill ten years and would have recovered had I been given a reliable lyme test ( there was not one in 96 ) and ABX for a few months instead of a few weeks .
    If you have not invested in an Igenex lyme test , it is well worth the money and your peace of mind .

    YOU CAN GET BETTER , but you will slow your recovery by attaching significance to the ignorance of others .
    Find some TRUE friends who will cheer you on , and FOCUS
    your energy on nutrition, quality sleep , and
    meaningful relationships.

    It can get better !
    [This Message was Edited on 05/01/2006]
  5. kriket

    kriket New Member

    You mentioned in your profile that you, your mom and aunt all had it. Why don't you all bombard her and put her between a rock and a hard place!!!!! She's showing her ignorance.

  6. tinypillar

    tinypillar New Member

    Geh, I can't stand know it alls when it comes to other people's health. Empathy is sure lacking in some persons that are in the medical field.

    I actually have more faith in my dr. when he told me I probably know more about FM than he does. That told me that he knows "what he doesn't know", so instead of giving me ego or B.S., I know I'll at least hear the truth about what he thinks.
  7. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Oh gosh Sop, you reminded me so much of myself. I have asked the same questions before. I wrote a long rant for myself to read only and it said almost the same exact things: "Did depression make my xrays show arthritis, did my depression make my bloodwork show lupus, did depression make my mri show disk problems?

    I feel so much for you and I wish I could just give you a big hug. Depression is a part of our lives sometimes, but it is usually aggravated by the situations we are going through. Living with pain and fatigue will depress you pretty fast. Living with people not believing in you will depress you. Please know that there are many out here that know what you are going through and believe you. Just try to ignore those who are too closeminded to believe you.
  8. sop28

    sop28 New Member

    Thank you all for your replies! I know that I am definitly not the only one who has to deal with ignorant people, I just thought that they might be a little more understanding.

    I feel bad that my husband was stuck in the middle, but I really wish that he would have given his sister a little more information. Apparently she didn't ask about sx, she just started asking questions about depression!

    Anyway, thanks for putting things into perspective for me!
  9. wildflowers2

    wildflowers2 New Member

    Here use my line..."When you have something intelligent to
    say to me then we can talk. If, not you are wasting MY time and energy."

    be well

  10. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    My own highly educated in laws never had understood one thing about either my FM or my DH's (their relative) head injury. They have avoided us, left us out of family plans etc etc yet when I try and tell them about this, they always respond with stuff like, "Oh it did not seem that bad", or "I won't be drawn into a guilt trip" -yes, like if it is NOT that bad why have they practically ignored their brother for 20 years plus? It is out of sight out of mind and they make sure they thus stay out of sight.

    So you cannot win, I would be tempted to say to her that she ought to see a shrink herself to see if anything can be done about her mouth and I am not usually mean, but I tell you, I get sick of people passing comments like this too. They do it all the time with our son with autism-totally exclude him and then say that he does not seem to "bad"-gosh they hardly know the kid.

    So I join in a group GRRRRRRRRR with you for all these people who do this type of thing. They need to STOP.

    Love Anne C
  11. sop28

    sop28 New Member

    Just needed to get that out!

  12. Pinkgirl

    Pinkgirl New Member

    I don't have any advice to give you that hasn't been given by anyone else, but I know how you feel.

    I have even met people with FM/CFS that do not understand that depression makes it worse, so having a 'normal' say everything that's wrong is depression is no surprise!

    I also voluntarily committed myself because of depression 4 years ago, and when I got out I got the flu and then the FM kicked in... in my psychiatric chart one of my many listed conditions is "Severe clinical depression aggrivated by a long-term chronic pain condition."

    My family flip flops back and forth between being understanding and then telling me to "snap out of it" or try whatever the newest anti-depressant they are advertising on TV because it just might be the one to cure me, finally... so I know how that goes...

    I agree that taking your husband to a couple of doctor visits (both medical and psychiatric (if possible)) is a really good idea. After 4 years my husband still doesn't understand everything and still has his days where he complains that there's always "something wrong with me" but he's still quick to come to my defense when someone else b!tches about me being sick.

    Sorry for babbling so much! Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and I end up writting a novel... LOL

    I will be thinking of you!

[ advertisement ]