I know I am new but can I vent ?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hidn, Sep 17, 2002.

  1. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    I have had fm and asthma, hashis,RA and "something unkown autoimmune" (so the docs all say)for a long time.I have fought it until last July. I was in the hosp for 11 days (not the first time) Was laid off from work in Nov, because I was not able to go back in time. It took months for me to get any money from my ins co :( SS has turned me down 2x (now I have a lawyer) My house went into forclosure sale on the 6th, I was supposed to have till the 26th to move, but on Friday the bank changed the locks on the house and someonewent in and took things (lawnmower, cd's, clocks, bicycle, etc) The bank said it was thieves!!?? I did not know thieves changed locks and left TV's , stereos, playstations etc!!??? I lost my car,have a son to support and had to declare bankruptcy. :(
    Yesterday I saw my rhuematologist, he has always been ok with me before yesterday. Yesterday he told me, FM patients who do well are ones that work! I need to get out more! If the meds I am on the only thing left is CHEMO??? Then he gave me a leaflet for Leflunomide (Arava) in which it says it is for RA not anything about Chemo?? He sounded like he was threatening me, so that I would get off my duff???
    I have worked since I was 13, raised 2 kids as a single parent, had an excellent job record and now my doc says work??? I can barely get out of bed some days , not because I dont want to...I told him I wouldnt hire me!! I have broken my finger, tore the tendon off it, broken my toe and ripped my arm up all trying to be active.. what do these docs think?
    I told someone he was a good doc, I am sorry if I have mislead them at all :(
    I did not mean to ramble on, butsince I found this site I knew everyone here would understand if I just let it out! No apologies , for whining (new for me) I just needed to say all this to someone who will understand.
    Thank you for putting up with me :)
    Denise
  2. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    I have had fm and asthma, hashis,RA and "something unkown autoimmune" (so the docs all say)for a long time.I have fought it until last July. I was in the hosp for 11 days (not the first time) Was laid off from work in Nov, because I was not able to go back in time. It took months for me to get any money from my ins co :( SS has turned me down 2x (now I have a lawyer) My house went into forclosure sale on the 6th, I was supposed to have till the 26th to move, but on Friday the bank changed the locks on the house and someonewent in and took things (lawnmower, cd's, clocks, bicycle, etc) The bank said it was thieves!!?? I did not know thieves changed locks and left TV's , stereos, playstations etc!!??? I lost my car,have a son to support and had to declare bankruptcy. :(
    Yesterday I saw my rhuematologist, he has always been ok with me before yesterday. Yesterday he told me, FM patients who do well are ones that work! I need to get out more! If the meds I am on the only thing left is CHEMO??? Then he gave me a leaflet for Leflunomide (Arava) in which it says it is for RA not anything about Chemo?? He sounded like he was threatening me, so that I would get off my duff???
    I have worked since I was 13, raised 2 kids as a single parent, had an excellent job record and now my doc says work??? I can barely get out of bed some days , not because I dont want to...I told him I wouldnt hire me!! I have broken my finger, tore the tendon off it, broken my toe and ripped my arm up all trying to be active.. what do these docs think?
    I told someone he was a good doc, I am sorry if I have mislead them at all :(
    I did not mean to ramble on, butsince I found this site I knew everyone here would understand if I just let it out! No apologies , for whining (new for me) I just needed to say all this to someone who will understand.
    Thank you for putting up with me :)
    Denise
  3. TeresaBnGA

    TeresaBnGA New Member

    You are right, no apologies needed here venting helps us all! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this! I do understand completely! We had to file bankruptcy in 1998 and we lost our home, car, almost everything. I know about the attitudes of doctors too! See, if your doctor had to live just 1 day the way you are living, he would be a lot more understanding! You don't know how someone else feels physically until you have been through it yourself! Did they stop teaching bedside manners in med school?! Also he should realize that different people respond differently to this disease. Some are still working and doing very well, while the rest of us continue to suffer and can't work. He should know these things!!
    If you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to email me at gntbaker@msn.com
    Welcome to the board and I hope we continue to see you here. We are all here to support one another.

    Soft hugs!
    Teresa :)
  4. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    I am so sorry this doctor is treating you this way. I sometimes think going to doctors is one of the things making us worse. I know I would not go if I did not need prescription drugs to function, and if disability did not require it, as it is their assumption that if you are not seeing a doctor regularly then you are not too sick to work. I too, had worked my a** off before getting this, and I resent the implication that I am weak or lazy. Have you tried the good doctor list at this site? If you can't find one here, you can go to www.fmnetnews.com and look at their doctor list also. You should not have to put up with this, after all you are paying the doctor, not the other way around. Best wishes,
    Klutzo
  5. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Thank you for the web site, I did look on the list here and found one dr listed am going to see if my ins covers him. At least my Cobra doesnt expire till Feb, I guess there are some good things huh?
    Thank you for the web site I will try there too :)
    Thank you for listening too
    Denise
  6. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Teresa,
    Thank you for listening :) I knew this was a good place, I am sorry about you and bankruptcy, it is awful isnt it? Not being able to work and trying to explain how I feel sometimes is just too much! I think your idea is a good one, let the docs live like we do, I think a couple of hours and they will be screaming for mercy??
    I already know this is one place I can learn a whole lot and also feel understood, thank you again
    Denise
  7. herblady

    herblady New Member

    yes this is a good place to come to vent. we all do it, so don't be shy. that dr. sounds pretty unsympathetic. my family dr. is better than that. i just keep going to her for treatment because she takes it seriously, she diagnosed my fm, and she does what she can to help. more than i can say for most dr.s cindi
  8. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    Hi Denise,
    I am new also, but in the short time I have been on this list I have "met" a GREAT bunch of people. Everybody here really understands what we all are going through. I know just what you are going through with your doctor. I think the only competent doctor in my area is my veterinarian and I can't get him to treat me. We only have insurance through the end of September, as I just couldn't afford nearly $600 a month to keep the coverage. As it is, my retirement check will just cover the mortgage. Thank God our cars are paid for! I know from reading that a lot of the folks are in worse shape than I am, but sometimes the only exercize I can manage is getting out of bed. I pray for everyone daily - don't know if it helps, but I do know that it can't hurt. I hope that you will find a doctor who believes in you. Do you have a good attorney? Quite often they are aware of doctors sympathetic to their clients' causes. There are several attorneys on the home page who deal with fibromyalgia issues. I have a telephone interview with Scott Davis tomorrow morning. I have no idea if he is any good or not, but I have read several articles that he has written and he sounds like he knows what he is doing.
    Best of luck to you.
    Kathryn
  9. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Thank you,
    everyone has been sooo nice to me here since I joined a few? days ago.
    I hope my lawyer is a good one , I have an appt tomorrow and will ask him if he knows any good doctors (is that an oxymoron? I hope today is a good day for you, they are so great when they happen ,
    Thank you again
    Denise
  10. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    So many people here with words of encouragement! I forgot what that felt like, thank you Cindi, and hang onto your Doc!!
    Denise
  11. lauraor

    lauraor New Member

    I'm sorry to hear your having such a bad time my prayers are with you. I've not been on for awhile been busy getting ready to go to ssi tomorrow,then shrink next week. Like we have no reason to be depressed. What a laugh.I'd rather go to one my dr. recomends then one ssi sends me to. I also have heared good things about scott davis from others.I've learned over a short period of time suport groups help more than any one. ((hugs))) lauraor
  12. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Thank you for your warm reply :) All of this is so hard to handle sometimes. I understand how you feel about their doctors. Depression?? what do we have to be depressed about>> ha ha. It is a wonder we all dont just take to the streets!
    I do hope everything works out for you too , I will keep you in my prayers
    Denise
  13. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    Hi & Welcome to the board..Please don't ever aplogize for venting..We all have done it and that is what we are here for..You must be a better person that me, because if that would have been my Dr. I think I would have TOTALLY lost it in his office, (would probably be in jail now..lol)Kinda sounds a little like me, I have AIH (autoimmune hepatitis), FMS, IBS, Osteoarthritis, Raynold's Syndrome, DDD, and have also suffered with anxiety/depression since high school (now 48yrs)..But they are telling me I have something else going on autoimmune wise, but they don't know what yet..
    It gets so frustrating, they say it could be Lupus, or something of that nature, but often takes years to put it all together..Try to hang in there..Hopefully you will be able to find another rhuemy that understands more..I have been to a lot of Drs. who specialize in this or that, and yet the one that understands me and truly makes me feel better emotionally is my PCP..He checks into everything and realizes how I feel..
    Take Care........Donna
  14. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    Denise I have walked in your shoes , been through the loss of my home, bankrupsy, a husband having a nervous breakdown and a horrible flare that has lasted ever since then and that was 5 years ago.

    I have FMS, IC(interstitial cystitis), DDD, DJD, severe osteo arthrits, clinical depression, and now am layed up with a torn ACL and other ligaments in my knee fighting the battle with workman's comp, disability and attornies. I am also goiong through a crash and burn-I have always worked and pushed and pushed for the past 5 years. I pushed and went back to school to become an ultrasound technologist, worked in not very good conditions for 3 years and got fired when my knee went out because of too many absences 2 weeks ago.

    Our diseases do not have all the same names but I do know how you feel. I have been a shell of a person now for about 2 weeks. I am soooooooo tired and hurt so badly that I cannot get motivated to do squat!

    I hate that feeling of the lock being changed on your own home-it happened to me too. I had a few things left to get out of my garage and they locked up my house a week early and I had to fight to get them back. It is degrading especially when we are proud people whom have always pulled our own weight to spite our limitations.

    How old is your children? Mine are 8 and 13. they try and understand and help as much as they can. I am married but living apart right now-we both had issues to work out. My husband is a traveling CT technologist and is in Omaha right now and will not even be here for my surgery on Friday on my knee. I feel very alone and scared right now and beaten by the demans of these DDs. I just had c-spine fusion on my neck done in dec of last year and never really fully recovered from that and had to go back to work 8 weeks post op in Feb, due to my job being threatened.

    Some things that are helping me are:

    --if you have insurance and can afford the co pay- my therapist is a godsend. She has FMS and really does understand how I feel. Therapy has helped me a lot :)

    --I am trying very hard not to feel guilty about the shape of the apartment-dirty dishes in the sink and not very clean. I have laundry that has needed folding for a week now and still have not done it.

    --nice relaxing baths with what ever rememdy or scent you like with good music and candlelight.

    --I do not know where you are spiritually, but prayer and mediatation helps

    --funny movies to laugh

    --if I feel like crying I do just that cry and cry and cry until I feel some release. Keeping all that inside is no good for anyone.

    --let those who are close to you friends and family etc REALLY KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING AND ASK FOR HELP this is a big one for me. I, too have supported myself since I was 14 and now am 42 and it is hard for me to ask for help-I have always been the helper. right now though I am practicing. I have friends coming tonight to help get the house in order before my surgery and another doing my shopping for me. My kids have soccer practice two times a week-so 4 days a week I have to get them there-I am asking for rides and setting up car pools inorder to get them there.

    Believe me I am not always practicing what I preach but I am trying. I am not doing well at all, went to bed last night at 6pm, asked my older one to cook dinner for them and get her brother to bed for me and I cried myself to sleep and just woke up at 8 am and they both got themselves breakfast and off to school on their own. I do not have the energy even to be a mother to them right now-they annoy me with their needs and that to me is terrible. I really want to ship them to dad and let him do the raising for a while. My hubby has traveled for work on and off now for 5 years-it is his turn. I am angry, bitter, resentful and full of lots of negative emotions. On the flip side though I am accepting my limitations more each day, giving myself permission to be sick and rest and trying to love my self as I am. I am writing in journals how I feel and sharing it with my therapist whom steers me in the right direction. I am a work in progress.

    I did not mean to give a lecture LOL-just trying to say I do know how you feel and telling you what I am trying to do for my health in between the hassles, phone calls, doctor visits etc to make lemonade out of lemons.

    I wish you peace,understanding and love.

    cathy-aka-ggriswoldgirl
    cathysinger@hotmail.com-e-mail me if you want to talk more I am here for you
    ps wrong icon got up there-meant to get the heart one-sorry cannot change it. :)[This Message was Edited on 09/18/2002]
  15. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Donna,
    I really wish I had taken you with me to the doctors visit!
    Of course after the visit I feeling very guilty for not feeling better! You all have helped me a lot. Funny when I sign on the first place I come to is this site.
    I am glad you have a great PCP, having at least one good doctor helps. I hope they find out what that mystery autoimmune thing is for us all suffering from it! I think it is about time dont you?
    Thanks Donna
    Denise
  16. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    How I wish I could help you! ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
    I do hope you are relying on your frinds for help! I know how very hard that is (I too cant take my own advice) but you need to know about being a good mom right now, it sounds like you are! I am sure your children understand and they do sound like wonderful kids :)
    When I vented (yesterday?) It seemed like everything had come crashing down on me :( So many of you know how that is I am certainly not alone with this! Today I am thinking of all kinds of horrible things I should have downe to the house, (super glue their new lock?)lol I dont do these things but I sure wish sometimes I did .
    Please hang in there ok? As bad as things are we really need to believe they will get better :) I say that as a mantra, sometimes it helps...
    Hugs again to you and your kids and thank you so much!
    Please keep me posted on how you are doing ok?
    Denise
  17. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

    Jane
    ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
    What is the matter with these doctors? Since we are not responding to what they think we should , they turn it on us and say "it is your fault"????
    I am sos orry for all you are going thru! Somehow somewhere there has to be an answer somewhere for all of us!
    Please hang in there , everybody
    Denise
  18. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

  19. Hidn

    Hidn New Member

  20. Hidn

    Hidn New Member