I know taht I struggle with the daily trails of this DD

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Sep 7, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I struggle with the problems that this DD has caused me to have.. I have to rely on narcotic pain meds to get thru my days and to be able to do minor house work. I get these grand thoughts that I am going to clean the WHOLE HOUSE IN ONE DAY. Right NOT. Just think of the pain I would be in.

    I have days were I want it to be just a bad dream and to go a way and i will be just fine but that is not going to happen either.

    I just have to find the new me. The lady that can do some things but can't push it or I will pay for it . How I long for days gone by when I could walk thru the park or around the block, I could take care of my babies and not think aobut if what I am doing is going to make me hurt.

    But my babe's are grown up now and are having babe's of theier own. I want to be the grandma that will take them for walks and to sit on the floor and play with them. But I can't get up off of the floor.
    I need to STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PAST AND LET IT GO. AND JUST WATCH IT LEAVE ME SO THAT I CAN FIND THE REAL ME AND THE NEW ME I can be a fun grandma and play with the grandbabies. I just have to learn that I have to do things in small ways, not over do it, or do to much.

    Thinking about the past gets me nowhere as I cna't go back and change things and find the time and place theat this started so that I could stop it. There is no way to do that.I think about all the things I Oce did adn now I can't do them but I can be a good grandmother who loves her grand babiess and will do all I can for them and to love them for them .

    This life I have is not what I wanted to have . I wanted to be a nurse and to help people and instead I have to learn to let people help me.

    No life is not what I want it to be. But I have some things that are so presious to me tat even this DD can't take them away. I am a loveing grandma to a 17 month old grandson who tinks he can do any ting and does try to do it. And in the first of the new year there will be a new grandbaby a little girl this time.
    I love my grandbabies and they bring me great joy adn happiness , I know that i have to learn to take what life gives me and not worry about it as it does not change me. Only makes me feel sorry for my self.

    Yes I will find the positive thing to do in my life adn i will do them, I will start to paint more and to find some peo ple to sell my tole painting 's too. I will be the grandma who will bake cookies with my grandkid adn let them palay with my pot and pans. I want to be a good graandmother. I will be able to do some things with eachn one fo tem ad let tthem get to konw who I really am and that I can offer .

    Although i mauy not be to find out who i really am ad what I can become. EAch day I can change and work to wards tings that i may be able to do in to in t the future. I must look to ward to. I may have some things that I struggle with now and I may still ave the same problem.
    Thanks for just leting me talk. Sorry for not makeing scense yet I know that I am the onlhy person that can change my life.

    Thanks for letting me ramble on about everything little thing.
    Rosemarie
    Sorry if I am not makeing scense to any one. I took my pills for thje night & they started to work faster than I thought they work on me.Sorry if I don't mak= this post so you can understanding . thanks for you listening to me talk.

    Rosemarie
  2. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    You could be speaking for me.I think these same thoughts all the time.I keep going from day to day as if there's a death in the family.There is it's me or the other me before this DD.I told my sister recently that I can't do this and she said but you are!That's giving me something to think about.So now when I get down I remember what she said and I feel a little proud of myself.She's right I am.This is a sister I haven't spoken to in yrs.and only recently reconnected with.I was explaining my illness and why I couldn't meet her for lunch.Actually she was more understanding than my other two sisters.