I know this isn't the right place for this, but-I need help from my friends

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by HeavenlyRN, Feb 20, 2010.

  1. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Never felt so depressed and hopeless in my life. I know this isn't how I usually post, but the last 24 hours have been horrible.

    Pain, arguing with my husband (which we never do), taking too many pills last night - I just wanted to sleep, sleeping all day and continuing to argue with my husband when I woke up this afternoon.

    I'm very scared and don't know what is happening. My husband wanted to call 911 last night but said he wouldn't if I told him what pills I had taken. I really had only taken a couple of pain pills and a couple of sleeping pills.

    I do not want to die - I just want this crap to be over. I started crying this afternoon after my husband made us some pancakes and we didn't have any milk to drink because we have no money. Every time I think about my kids (27 and 30) I start crying.

    My husband left a little while ago to go to work. He'll be there until 11 pm. I asked him to take all of the pills out of the house and he freaked. At least I recognized the potential - although I really don't think I would do anything because I have felt so cruddy all day (when I was awake).

    I feel like I need help but I'm afraid to go to the hospital or something. I just don't know what would happen. I'm afraid they would make me stay and I don't think I could handle that. At this point, I'm not sure what I CAN handle.

    My back hurts today and my kidneys hurt. I have read enough other posts to know I'm not the first to feel this way and I've probably left encouraging posts for those people.

    But now it's me, and I'm scared. I'm scared to tell my husband how I realy feel. I didn't want him to go to work this evening but I didn't want to tell him because I was afraid he's get all porky about it and say something like, "OK, fine...I'll call in." THEN, on top of being in pain, and depressed, I'd feel guilty. My head really hurts.

    Can someone, anyone, please help me?
  2. mysticbrit

    mysticbrit New Member

    While I certainly can't make your pain go away I can assure you that you're NOT alone. Most of us here have been to that rocky edge you're on right now. The fact that we're still here is a positive sign.

    I know when I'm tettering on that edge I tend to try to resolve everything that's wrong with my life immediately - with no success naturally.

    It helps to break down the situation and find that one thing you can resolve, if only temporarily.

    I know you're a nurse so you obviously understand the dangers of mixing different types of meds. Was it an accident when you took too many last night? One thing that helps me is to have pill dispensers for all my meds, just so I don't make that mistake (again).

    Are you taking anything for depression? I just asked my doctor to put me back on a low dose of a mild antidepressent because of family issues coupled with my declining health. I knew I was too close to that edge.

    Please, just keep reaching out. We're here for you, and believe me you're in good company.

  3. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    When I was feeling like I was at the end of my rope, I did finally go to the ER. They kept me there several hours and evaluated me, but did not admit me because I did not threaten to take my life.

    You probably don't want to overdose. You just want RELIEF from this stress. If you DO seriously think you might hurt yourself, then please go. Go to ER now. There are other ways of handling your problems, better ways. You WILL come out on top of this. You've seen others come out on top. So, you know it can be done.

    The important thing is, STAY SAFE. There is good help available. You and hubby might need counseling to get through these tough issues. There are non-profits that will provide counseling on a sliding scale. Or, they can direct you to some place where you can get free counseling. It is available.

    You may well need medication for your anxiety and depression. As a nurse, wouldn't you advise someone who was struggling to get that medicine? And, you'd probably advise them to get the counseling too. You don't have to go through this alone. A good counselor can help take an enormous load off your shoulders.

    None of us can bear this kind of burden alone. I strongly encourage you to take the steps needed to get support and relief. Better days are coming.

    Warm Hugs,

    P.S. Yes, you did come to the right place. We know and understand what you are going through. Many of us will be up all night. We are here if you need us :)

  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear how wretched things are for you right now. I know it seems like they
    will never get better either.

    Have you discussed your situation w/ a worker's comp attorney? Don't know if there's
    one near you, but you could have a phone conference. He/she could mail you the
    necessary forms to complete. May turn out your state laws are substantially different
    than California, but at least it's something to try. If you can't do it yourself, maybe
    hubby or a friend could help.

    For right now do something that might make you feel a little better: a warm bath,
    a nap, a snack, a favorite book, a phone call. You know that people here are
    sending prayers and good vibes your way. Talk to yourself like a good friend would.

    Big (gentle) hug

  5. teacher

    teacher New Member

    But we will get through this. Take a lovely warm bath and snuggle with your pookie when he comes home.

    Take one chunk at a time and remind yourself "baby steps".

    We love you.
  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    so sorry you're going thru this. I can't add anything to what everyone else has already said.

    I hope you're ok... thinking about you... and hoping you update us ASAP.

    So many of us go thru this, don't give up but don't turn your back on any help that you need in this difficult time, no matter how humiliated or anything else you may feel in seeking it. We all need help from others some times.

    Please take care,

  7. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    I hope you are feeling a little better today.

    There are a couple of things I forgot to add when I posted before. First, when I went to the emergency room, they provided me with the name of a psychiatrist to go to for evaluation and medication. Also, the counseling center where I could get low-cost counseling. When I came away from the ER, I felt like I finally had someone to help me carry the burden. What a relief.

    Secondly, I wanted to say that you probably qualify for emergency food stamps, in addition to the food stamps you will get once a month. The public assistance office can hand the emergency card right to you to utilize right away. Also, don't be afraid to call the local food bank. They help people in your circumstances all the time. I used to work in one of these, so I know you would be welcome to access this help, even if you get food stamps. You can still use both.
    I'm worried about you not having money for milk. Please have hubby call tomorrow.

  8. mysticbrit

    mysticbrit New Member

    The first thing I did this morning was check to see how you were. Now it's almost my bedtime and you're still on my mind.

    You don't have to write alot. Just please log on and let us know you're ok.

    Prayers coming your way.

  9. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Thinking about & worrying about you, Jan! Hope to hear from you soon. I am so glad you have your DH with you...

  10. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    Worried about how your doing.Lots of caring people here have good suggestions.I'm thinking of you and hoping your doing better.
  11. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and hubby today. Take care.

  12. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    We go through it also. This is the worse time of the year for me.....always is since this Fibro started. I am in so much pain and nothing helps, I have adverse results from meds I have tried. BUT others gets relief from same meds. We just are not all the same....

    I know this extra bad time will pass as it gets closer to spring. I live in Ohio. I know I have things to look forward to and I want to be here for them. Every day brings some joy and something to be thankful for.

    We have some very smart compassionate folks here. Some are so savy on medical problems.
    You need a check up to see if anything else is going on. Also some meds do bring depression.

    I also can see where life is difficult other wise right now for you. Get the extra help that you need. You deserve it, your hubby deserves it also. Things will get better. This has to bring tension on top of all and making you feel worse. So get help. Does not mean you have to always use the help, but you need some relief.

    Smile when you can and laugh when you can. Look for the good and it will come to you.

    Love and Blessings.................Susan
  13. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Oh my, the amount of love and care and support from you wonderful people is overwhelming! I am so sorry to have caused so much concern.

    Here's the story. I ended up going to the emergency room a day after that post. My poor, wonderful husband put up with sooooo much in those days before going to the hospital. I turned into a mean, rotten, horrible, unstable person.

    I just got home a few hours ago. I was thinking about all of you and wished that I had had a computer with me in the hospital so I could let you know that I was OK. I truly did not mean to scare so many people and make you worry.

    I'll try to make a long story short. Turns out I was having an ADVERSE REACTION to the augmentin that I had been put on for my kidney infection. Guess I'll add THAT ONE to my list of allergies!!

    A contrast CT scan was ordered. I was already quite nauseous and they made my drink that STUFF! Yuck. I almost spewed all over the place! Of course they drew blood and requested a urine sample. A decision was finally made to have me go to the "observation unit" on another floor. This is for folks who probably won't be admitted but need a little more monitoring. It's also called the "23 hour unit." Well, I spent 3 days and nights there.

    They were giving me fluids through the IV because I had not eaten well or had much to drink for days. They also gave me pain meds and anti-emetics. The flank pain was pretty severe and the nausea continued. Oh, and they changed my (IV) antibiotic twice.

    Well, ended up with horrible diarrhea (hope no one's having dinner while reading this....sorry!!). Yup....ended up with C-diff! They had to move me to a private room in the middle of the night.

    Turns out the CT scan showed something called a "complex cyst" on my left kidney. The urologist explained that cysts are usually fluid filled. Mine is not. So.....I have an appointment next wednesday with an oncologist.

    This whole 3 day hospital stay was a real experience. I was told that I did indeed have a kidney infection, then was told that it was just contamination, then was told, "yup, it's a kidney infection." I was told I had c-diff, then told I didn't, then told I did!!

    The discharge this morning was a study in "How things can go wrong!" My husband finally went down to the office of the Medical Director. Then, things sped up a little bit and we finally got out of there!

    So, it appears that my nightmare is over. When I wrote that post last week, I truly felt as though my life was ending. I don't know how else to describe it. I knew that my "behavior" was wrong and over-the-top, but I just couldn't seem to stop it. Scary to think that a medication could do that. Having worked with the elderly for so many years I knew that infections are often the cause of mental status changes, but I guess I'm not ready to consider myself "elderly" (at age 55!!!).

    OK....this post is too long already. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you wonderful, caring people. I wish we could all meet in person and have a big ol' group hug!!
  14. teacher

    teacher New Member

    Glad you found out what was wrong. Now you can go about fixing it!

    BTW, don't worry about worrying us. We like to!

    Big hug again!
  15. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you back. The hospital stay sounds like an ordeal, but a necessary
    one. So does it now look like medication will resolve the problem?

    I read thousands of medical reports and records over a period of 40 years. Never
    came across C-diff. But I read up on it at Wikipedia. Kinda like when some
    foreign plant or animal is imported to cure a problem. Except things are thrown
    outta balance and trouble results.

    If you want a laugh check out Teacher's post on page 1, current porch volume.

    Speaking of elderly, I was training a new attorney. He took a deposition from a
    plaintiff and referred to her as "elderly". She was 55. I told him our client was about
    that age and might take offense.

    I may have to accept the label elderly myself one of these days. Will be 70 next
    birthday. I plan to stay as immature as possible.

    Next time you can't get to your computer, have your hubby send a message. When
    our home computer has been on the fritz, Gordon has posted notice of same
    from his office.

    (My mother used to say things out of order were "on the fritz". Other times she said
    they were "on the blink".)

    Hope you feel much better soon.

  16. victoria

    victoria New Member

    So glad too that you found out what was going on!

    Interesting info about the reaction to the augmentin causing a personality change, I hadn't heard of that before. I guess anything can happen with any kind of med, at least it seems like that.

    Let's hope that they got all the dx's correct once and for all too, you have been through enough...

    all the best,

  17. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    Worrying means we care.What a horrible thing to go through for you and your husband.
  18. FibroFay

    FibroFay New Member

    So glad you went in and got this checked out. It's a relief to know you are okay.

    And, as the above poster stated, don't worry about worrying us. We do that very well :)

    Warm wishes,
  19. mysticbrit

    mysticbrit New Member

    Even though it sounds like you've been thru the wringer I'm so relieved that you're back. I know that you've got a lot of issues still ahead of you but at least you know what caused your extreme reaction. Meds can really take a toll on us.

    I'm so grateful that you've got such a supportive hubby. It makes all the difference when we have someone to lean on, someone who has our back when we need a hero.

    Now, get some rest and know that you have a lot of new friends who are here when you need us.

    Many hugs,
  20. hensue

    hensue New Member

    My grandson had c-diff and it took us a while in a hospital to find out. Have you found out if you have it or not? He got it from antibiotics.

    Take care

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