I live to testify to what Christ has done in my life.

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by lvjesus, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Here is my testimony that will hopefully encourage you all as I sent it in an email today to my friends and family:

    For the past two and a half years I have struggled with a chronic illness that has gradually gotten worse and in recent weeks had progressed to the point that I was taking pain pills every day.

    I had become friends with my illness and accepted in my own mind that this was the course of my life and it would continue to progress. I even cheerfully predicted the march towards getting worse.

    For those of you who don't know, or have forgotten, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in March of 2004. Fibromyalgia is a syndrome with both no knowledge of cause or cure at this time, only a treatment of the many and varied symptoms. It is an illness that causes, primarily, debilitating fatigue and a range of moderate to severe muscle pain.

    There are many other symptoms that vary from day to day, making it impossible to know what the sufferer will experience on any given day. Sleep is disrupted, sometimes in the guise of insomnia, sometimes in simply unrefreshing sleep where the sufferer is not even aware that they are not experiencing refreshing sleep, but simply wake to total exhaustion even after hours of being asleep.

    Another troubling symptom is termed "brain fog" and is basically like being in a fog mentally where clarity of mind is clouded making clear and quick thinking next to impossible and causing the sufferer memory lapses and the grasp of ordinary words and thoughts very difficult. This is VERY frustrating to the sufferer and the family that gets tired of constantly dealing with memory lapses and the long pauses associated with trying to grasp and convey a word or concept in normal conversation.

    Some sufferers become completely disabled and can no longer work, drive, etc. The pain and fatigue make even daily household chores next to impossible. This is what I feared was in store for me. As my mind became more clouded, I accepted it as my "fate" and would cheerful say, "and it is only going to get worse"!

    Three weeks ago we had a quest speaker at our church named Michael Gayer. She and her husband travel the country speaking on the power of God's healing and the promises from God's Word that are there for us to claim in regards to our physical bodies, but we do not, and the reasons are many.

    There were two things that stuck out to me that day. The first was that you have to do your part in the process. God's Word tells us that faith can move mountains. We know that ALL of God's Word is true and ALL of God's promises are available for us if we will only take hold and not let go. Michael gave an anagram of the word "door" with action for each letter. The one that stuck with me was the action for the letter "O", which is "ONLY BELIEVE".

    Michael said you need to believe in the promises of God and keep on believing. She gave an illustration of a lasso in the spirit realm. You lasso your promise and then you keep on pulling on the rope and pull it in to you and grab hold! That struck a cord for me because of all the times that I had prayed for healing and others had prayed for me and I had been to the altar for prayer, I had failed to HANG ON to the promise that I could be made well. I would hold back with a safety valve saying, if it is Your will, God I will be healed and if not, I will endure.

    Now there is plenty of scriptural references to suffering producing things in your life that God desires and I do want God's purposes for me to be fulfilled and I DO know that suffering is not always relieved because there is a plan for the sufferer from God. But I was shown that day that, for me, what I professed as a desire for God's purposes to be accomplished in my affliction was simply fear hiding behind the face of obedience.

    I know that fear is from the enemy (Satan) and not of God, because again, God's Word says so. God showed me that day that fear and lack of faith were the real obstacles to my healing - fear of being wrong, of speaking it out and having it come back. It is that fear that causes many believers to fall short of the abundant life that God desires for them, as again He says in His Word.

    The bible says that Christ came so that we might have LIFE and have it more abundantly, and that God's promises are YES and AMEN; that you can say to the mountain, "be removed into the sea" and it will be done. But you MUST BELIEVE. At the source of fear is unbelief; fear that your God is not big enough to do what He says and that is simply a lie, sometimes from Satan, sometimes from our own nature. Hebrews 11:6 says "without faith it is impossible to please God because all those that come to Him must believe that He exists and He rewards those that EARNESTLY (or diligently) seek Him".

    That Sunday many of us came forward to be prayed over individually. Michael asked us to lift our hands to the Lord and as she prayed over me, she placed her finger in the palm of my right hand and I immediately closed my hand in a fist, and she said, "this is your promise; hold on to it". I determined that I would hold on to it and knelt to pray. As I prayed, I felt the physical presence of Jesus at my side and His arm around me and He said, "I will not leave or forsake you".

    I had doubts still as I left that day. I knew I was going to believe God for healing and that I was going to hold onto my promise until I could lasso it in but I had questions. God desires that you bring ALL your cares and concerns to Him no matter what, as also stated in God's Word (cast all your anxiety on Him because He CARES FOR YOU), and He is no respecter of persons, which simply means that His promises are not for some but for ALL of His children.

    So I asked my questions and God answered the ones I asked and the ones I didn't and I also got a rebuke that opened my eyes to some things I was doing that I should not, namely what Michael called "making friends with [my] illness". I am on 3 different prescriptions, and I also have the pain pills I mentioned.

    I asked, what about my medicine, thinking it would be a lack of faith to keep taking pills for treatment of an illness I was renouncing. God said, "take your medicines as you need to", knowing (as He knows everything) that there would be some lingering symptoms to still be addressed. He also knows that at other times I had used continuing symptoms as "evidence" that I WAS NOT HEALED and that He wanted to use my illness for my good (which He DOES do) so He was not healing me right now. I would renounce it, but also be willing to hold on to it! God also heals through doctors and medications and does not condemn either but desires we should use all the means available to us for healing.

    So I continue to take my 3 prescriptions as I did before, mainly because they need to be gotten off gradually and not "cold turkey". Since that day I have taken only 8 pain pills. For comparison let me say that I was taking at least 2 doses each day and sometimes 3. The last pain pill I took was October the 25th (9 days ago).

    God also took me to task over some habits and ways of thinking that I needed to break free from. God told me that I was using my illness as a crutch. Now I see that is true but no one WANTS to believe that no matter how much truth is in it. But truth of the matter is that I "enjoyed" poor health sometimes for all the things that go with that - sympathy, attention, excuses to get out of things I did not want to do, etc. Now realize as you read this, that this is sort of a painful revelation and one that most of us would not want to admit, which I had failed to do for quite awhile, but God has a way of knocking at your door of denial until He knocks it down, sometimes knocking you in the head in the process because we are soooo hard headed!!!!! I finally swallowed my pride on that one and accepted that as truth and agreed to let that go.

    Our pastor on this past Wednesday night talked about taking things in with your mind (biblical concepts, things God wants to teach you, etc) over and over until it penetrates to your heart and then SPEAKING them out in faith to actually create something tangible in the spirit realm. I think that applies perfectly to me in this instance. I had a HEAD KNOWLEDGE that God still heals today as He did in Jesus' day (God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow - He does not change) but it took some time for that truth, as it applies to me, to penetrate my HEART, but it has and now is the time to speak it out in faith and claim my promise, so that is what I am doing today and will continue to do in faith because MY GOD IS BIG ENOUGH TO BACK ME UP! Amen.

    I can and do believe ALL that the Bible says that God is and does and will continue to do until the day of the second coming of Jesus Christ the Lord. I believe that God parted the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites; I believe that He came to the earth He created in the person of Jesus Christ; I believe that while on earth, He miraculously healed many, many afflictions (blindness, leperacy, paralysis) and even raised the dead; I believe that He died on the cross in my place and that God the Father raised Him from the dead after 3 days and that He lingered on earth afterwards teaching and instructing His followers and then rose bodily into Heaven as some of His followers actually watched Him do, and then they were spoken to by angels who said, "Men of Jerusalem, why do you stand looking into the sky? This same Jesus, whom you saw ascend to Heaven will, in the same way return", and I am waiting for that glorious day when the dead in Christ shall rise to meet the Lord in the air and those of us left on the earth will rise to meet Him also.

    If I can believe ALL that, why is it so very hard to believe IN MY HEART and not just my head that God can heal me? It is only fear that ties us down to everything and I am renouncing that and speaking out in faith to all of you today, that God is good and He has healed and is in the process of healing me and restoring me to the health that I enjoyed before my diagnosis. In 3 weeks time, He has undone most of the progression of the last 2 and a half years. I have only had one day of fatigue in the last 3 weeks; I wake up refreshed and my thinking is so clear that I am amazed at how clouded it actually had become. I am continuing in faith as I have a pain here and there to immediately renounce it and claim continued healing where I had previously given myself over to the thought that it was not gone after all.

    Thank you all for you patience in reading this rather long epistle and I pray that your faith will be strengthened in response, because that is the one of the jobs of the followers of Jesus, to strengthen and encourage others in the household of faith.

    I pray that God will bless you all richly, Love,
    Sonya

  2. bandwoman

    bandwoman New Member

    Thank you for revealing your heart to us. That took much courage and honesty. The question of healing is one that I am sure everyone on this board has had to filter through their mind. Dear sister, I pray that your healing will take place for you and your heart is desiring that so much. I also believe that we have to do our part and that comes in very practical things like what kinds of things to we put in our body. I remember hearing Joyce Meyer who I repsect a great deal say we have to do our part and then leave the rest up to God. I believe that. I hope to hear more good news from you. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

    Love,
    Nancy
  3. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    you will never know how much your post has touched me and how much I see myself in your words.
    I firmly believe that this was a answer to many prayers.

    I hope you Don"t mind I printed it out to reread.

    May God bless you for sharing. sixtyslady
  4. Kayleen

    Kayleen New Member

    Thank you for your post. It is a wonderful reminder that God does heal and we should trust in him.
    Kayleen
  5. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    You are the reason I posted this; you and everyone that might be out there like you that needed this. I needed it too and to God be the glory.

    Sonya
  6. caffey

    caffey New Member

    I hope you don't mind that I printed your thread. I need to study it and it is easier than trying to read it off the computer.

    I am soooooo happy for you.God is soooo good. I do believe in healing. For me the Lord has told me He is going to heal me. I am hanging onto that like a lifeline. Healing is such a controversial subject and everyone has an opinion. You have certainly given me something to think about, but it doesn't matter because God reached down and touched you and nobody can take that away from you. You go girl!! SING DANCE SHOUT LAUGH CRY DO WHATEVER and celebrate this brand new beginning that our Lord has given you. Go and tell what great things He has done for you. Father as Sonya has freely received from you please help her to freely give. Father I ask that as she lays hands on the sick that they will recover. Please raise her up and use her in this area in ways she has only ever dreamed about. Thank you in Jesus Name.Amen.
    Cath
  7. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Thank you for the prayer. It not only brought tears to my eyes, but made me think about things I had not thought about before, being able to heal through God's power.

    God Bless you sister and I am praising and singing every day. I have found that to NOT LET GO in the face of symptoms is so important. Today I felt a bit tired and had a bit of pain. I sat some and took one half of a pain pill and now I feel fine. I have thrown out some things related to fibro that I had in faith that they no longer pertain to me.

    God is faithful, that I know.

    Sonya
  8. caffey

    caffey New Member

    I have just finished crying and studying your post. You are right on in what you said. You have showed great wisdom after your encounter with God. I have a couple of comments if that is ok.
    1. Approx. 15 yrs. ago God supernaturally healed my knee. It was confirmed by the docs. I immediately went out and did everything I hadn't done for years. Long story short 6 weeks later I re-injured it. I was so angry with God and everybody wondering why it happened. Then friends said to me they knew it was going to happen because of what I was doing and I said why didn't you tell me. They said because we knew you wouldn't listen. I guess I am trying to say and I don't totally understand that sometimes there is a catch up like time delay between the spirit and reality and that is where your wisdom came in. Also I believe that sometimes God leaves little twinges while we learn to readjust how to live our lives. It is great that you aren't feeling guilty over taking meds or taking it easy. Also there is to be expected that there is a bit of warfare. When it gets rough tell God to tell us to pray for you and get your friends to pray also. Great victory and safety in numbers.
    2.Your comment"why is it so very hard to believe in my heart and my just my hear that God can heal me?" For me it was that I didn't believe that God really loves me. I knew He loved the world but not me as an individual and that He was concerned about every area of my life. That He is God who is always with me. I don't know if that is an issue with you or not. Can I ask you a question. I don't want you to answer me, this is between you and God. When you are in a room. Where is God? Is He outside the room, by the door, by the window, hovering over you, standing beside you holding you close. That question has forever changed my life. You are on the verge of something great. Keep it simple. Remember our job is to lay hands on the sick, His is to heal. Pretty simple eh? Please let me know how God uses you. I am in your corner cheering you on.
    God Bless you.
    Cath
    [This Message was Edited on 11/05/2006]
  9. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Thank you, sister, for your comments. I found them very insightful. God is very good and I see now that my testimony can bring me good and grow my faith by the responses that others give, even the challenges, by making me think even deeper about my healing.

    I thank God for you and your posts. You are exactly right about "God leaving little twinges". I know that God uses ALL things for the good of those that love Him, even tragedy or illness. This illness has taught me to take care of me along with the care taking I do of others and the busy, busy, busy life.

    I have learned to take time WITHOUT guilt to sit and read and do things that I enjoy without constantly jumping up to DO something.

    I used to not be able to sit down 5 minutes in my own house without jumping up to clean something or straighten something. Now I sit and read for hours! LOL

    As for the warfare, you are again 100% correct. I know now that before when I had prayer for healing (and my husband and daughter have been praying for it also) and I said ONLY TO MYSELF that this will be it, as soon as some fatigue or pain hit, I said, oh well, it is not God's will. I JUST GAVE UP.

    How Satan must have laughed at me! But as usual, God has the last laugh!!! Ha!

    As for not believing I could be healed, I just don't know the psychology behind it. I know in my conscious mind that I was thinking like Job - shall I accept blessing from God and not cursing? We know that Satan knows the scriptures, and probably better than many of us (to our shame and detriment) because he tried to use them on Jesus after Jesus was in the desert for 40 days.

    If he used them on Jesus, why not me? My part is to be like Jesus and be wise enough to refute the devil with scripture - RESIST THE DEVIL AND HE WILL FLEE FROM YOU.

    I have taken up the shield of faith against the spiritual warfare in my marriage as well in my heath and will often hold up my arm across my body and a physical reminder of that shield. Also take up the sword of the spirit which is the Word of God. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

    Satan is crafty, but God can open our eyes to his ways. I hesitated in sharing with my husband and daughter about the healing and when I did, my daughter asked the EXACT same questions that I had asked myself!!! Hey, I might be a "stiff necked" bone head, but eventually I will come around!!!

    She said, "what are you going to do when it comes back"?

    I told her what God showed me - to HANG ON to the promise and to renounce the idea of relapse IMMEDIATELY and to not indulge in negative thinking. I also told her what He told me about the medications to remove that stumbling block, and a stumbling block it is, in a big way.

    It can become a crutch that you don't want to throw away (I am speaking of ME ONLY in this) and the downfall of your belief in healing when you do and find that you still need it FOR THE MOMENT.

    I know God took that stumbling block out of my way by telling me it was right to use it AS NEEDED while I was "in process" so to speak. I do feel that God is turning back the clock on my illness rather than immediate and complete eradication.

    He is rapidly reversing the symptoms, in weeks, where it took years to develop, but it does require me to do my part in keeping the faith along the path. I am sure He knew, as He knows all things, that this would be the path to grow my faith the best rather than sudden and complete healing.

    Believe me, He has left very little behind, but He knows what is enough and what is too much. I love the verse in Psalm 103 that says, "He remembers our frame; He knows that we are but dust". That hit me like a lightning bolt the first time I ever read it.

    Well sorry for going on so long. I thank God for your input on this and the lovely surprise that I could continue to learn from this declaration to others as my "leap of faith", even as I hope to encourage others.

    God Bless,
    Sonya
    [This Message was Edited on 11/06/2006]
  10. caffey

    caffey New Member

    For your lovely post. You are doing great!!!Just stay focused on the Lord. You are healed end of discussion. The mind and the body lie. Just keep looking to Jesus the Author and Finisher of your faith and the enemy can only do what God allows and for a short time. Ignore him and he will take off. Now go and enjoy your new beginning. Remember you are loved by God so much and you are His special, precious daughter. He treats each one of us as if we are His only child. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing and when someone gets touched by God after you lay hands on them or if you need anything. I am editing this post. I was awake in the night and the Lord reminded me of something that was told to me years ago. I heard a Pastor say HEALINGS ARE GRADUAL AND MIRACLES ARE INSTANTANOUS.. Hope that helps you some.
    Cath
    [This Message was Edited on 11/07/2006]
  11. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    I loved it when you said we are loved by God as if we were His only child. That is so true and profound.

    It is so hard to grasp how much He loves us, isn't it? That put it nicely into words. Thanks for all the encouragement and take care of yourself too.

    God bless,
    Sonya