***I miss me sooo much***

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SherylD, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    I know everybody has felt(or feels) like this...but some days I just can't take it...

    I did a really stupid thing...We took the kids bowling..I wasn't going to bowl but I thought what the heck I'll give it a try..

    Well as you know...BIG mistake..I am paying for it sooo bad..I mean..I can hardly move..Everytime I would throw the ball I would feel really weird...And thought I should not be doing this...But I can't act funny in front of my kids...they had sooo much fun..So some of it is worth the pain..

    I have a lot of problems with my neck...I just had a MRI done last week and have not heard anything yet...It has me worried..And now after bowling my neck is really bad..

    But the thing that really bothers me the most is...I use to be so good at everything..(well most things..LOL)..I guess what I am trying to say is I use to be really coordinated..I could walk with confidence...I could dance all night long...I could play volleyball...I could bowl and get a strike once in a while..

    What the heck is the deal...I don't have any of that anymore..I feel so uncoordinated...I just feel like I have no controll over my body at all...

    When I was bowling the ball felt like it weighed a hundred pounds...and I really had to try hard to do it..And still couldn't do very good..

    These thing all use to come natural...without thinking about it..I hate it!!

    It makes me sooo depressed...I hate the fact that I can't go have a little fun with my kids without all the pain...They are not going to be little forever...

    But I really miss me alot...
    [This Message was Edited on 03/14/2006]
  2. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    I'm sorry. I miss me too.

    I used to dance too. Not any more.

    It's ok to mourn your old self. We all do.

    I miss my happy-go-lucky spirit.

  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Oh, I know, I just had someone ask me if she had seen me in the bowling alley. I said no way. I can't bowl anymore, I thought, and darn, that made me so sad.

    I realised how many things I don't do anymore!! I used to bead (native American beadwork) I was a musician,and during the stone age I was a marathon runner and track runner, I biked, knocked out rude guys (yes, I was a little hot-tempered, that have all mellowed, not sure if it's age or fatigue and brainfog,,LOL!).

    And my favorite; I travelled! I COULD still do it on my terms, but I can't afford it now when I can't work!

    Oh, I never intended this to be a buhuu- post! I really do miss myself too!!
  4. jakeg

    jakeg New Member

    Keep doing the things with your children, they are only young once. I wish I could've spent more time with my 2 duaghters when they were younger and I was able to do anything. All the things I missed because of work trying to provide for my family.

    The only good thing about me getting this DD is that now I have all the time in the world to spend with them, and guess what they are so bussy with their own lives that I barely see them. I do help them out when they are around or with their studies when they ask.

    So what I do, do for them now is be their for them when they need me.

  5. marw

    marw New Member

    I started a thread about this a while ago, so I went back and bumped it up here, so you can see the others' responses. A lot of people feel like we do. I think my post is called: "I can't stand This: What do YOu do?" or something like that.

    I know exactly what you mean. I would give anything to be who I was before i got sick.

    Hugs to you,
  6. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    So glad that I am no alone...But I can't stand it!!

    The silly thing is...I will go bowling( or whatever it maybe) again...And I will pay for it all over again..Someday when my kids are older I'll start to take it easy..If I make it that far..

    I just can not except the fact that I can't do something..So I push til I just can't go anymore..Then I crash..The pain just wipes me out by the end of the day..

    I have been in this terrible pain since Sunday..and last night after working all day...At 5:00..I was on the couch sleeping..Luckily my husband got dinner ready and all that stuff..He has been really helping me out...

    Does everybody else have the coordination thing too??? My body just doesn't work...Like I can't ever write very good anymore..I just don't work..
  7. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    Thanks for your responses...

    I have been this way now for about 6 years...I don't think I will ever get use to the new me...:( I just can't except it..

    I don't really like myself anymore..I just feel like a completely different person...It is still to fresh in my mind of what I use to be like..

    Maybe someday I will find a happy medium..

    Thanks again...and take care..
  8. RockiAZ

    RockiAZ New Member

    Sometimes it feels like we'll never be "normal" again, and that hurts so bad. We all need to resort to our own little "pitty parties" once in a while just to get it out of our system, and then move on from there until the next time.

    At work I used to supervise & multi-task beyond belief (to name a few)... now, I have a hard time managing myself, can't do more than one thing without forgetting what I was doing and I even have trouble with simple addition!!

    I used to ride a bike (Yamaha 650 V-Star)and I was so proud of myself. Finally had to give it up, sell my bike and that was like losing a family member. I worked SO very hard to get to that point. I can barely get on the bike with my hubby as it is now, and I miss going on rides, among other social activities (is there such a thing?;)

    But, I am a fighter, like all of us. I don't give up easy. Okay, sometimes I do.... but the point is, even though it hurts emotionally that we no longer have our "old self", at least WE know what we have accomplished so far in our lives, and we have so much more living to do, no matter what our limitations are.

    Hang in there!

    Live, Laugh, Love,
  9. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    Very nicely said!!

    I don't give up easy either...Well sometimes I do too...LOL

    I am a fighter..I don't stop...I just keep going til I hit a wall and then think...Ok..that was enough for now..

    Thanks so much for your response..You made me feel like I was not a complete failure...

    I can't imagine how you felt to give up your bike..that had to be hard..Sorry you had to do that...

    I am thinking about giving up doing hair..I have done it now for 16 years...I love it...but it just wipes me out on the days I work...I will miss all the people so much(and the money)..But I need to decide what is more important...

    Thanks again!
  10. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    I miss me too. I have ridden most of my life - did dressage and jumping, went on trail rides of up to 30 miles. A few years ago I went on one of those commercial trail rides with a friend for my birthday. I was given a mule who wasn't very tall to ride (I am a small person) and I could barely drag myself into the saddle. How disheartening! I have ridden a few time since and am now able to mount, but still tire very easily.

    When I was still taking riding lessons - after I had began to get 'draggy and stiff', but well before I realized that I had CFS - I would soak in a hot bath before my lesson and again afterwards. This might help you get through bowling with less pain. Taking a nap before any physical activity is also helpful. If your neck continues to bother you, perhaps you should see a chiropractor.
  11. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    "It makes me sooo depressed...I hate the fact that I can't go have a little fun with my kids without all the pain...They are not going to be little forever... "

    Did i write that?LOL well, i was surely thinking it!

    I too have rode horse all my life, and could go out and swing on bareback and ride most the day. I even rode pregnant, nothing could keep me off.
    Now i just basically watch my horses out the window or go out and kiss there noses.
    A couple days ago i did some brushing and paid for that, but sometimes it's just worth it.

    My family is alway inviting me to come on down and ride with them. They really don't understand how bad things have got for me.

  12. Josie39

    Josie39 New Member

    Yes! Very well said!
    I *ditto* every word!

    Bless you, girlfriend ...
  13. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    me too. Its a very bad day and Im crying as I type this. Tues was a pretty good day and I went to my swim class and felt great. Even yest. was ok.

    Today, I feel like I was runover by a train, and its not raining or cold. I have such a problem praying for myself. I pray everyday for all of you but for some reason I dont feel worthy to pray for me. I will pray for you today, Sheryl as I do everyday and I hope someone will pray for me too.


  14. halo52208

    halo52208 New Member

    I was just going to watch them bowl, but I couldn't resist, I missed the days when I use to bowl all the time. I wanted to feel included in the family instead of being an outsider watching.

    Boy, was I sorry, I could hardly move the next day either. I had to have to Accupuncture treatments just so I could walk half way decent.

    We all mourn the loss of our old selves. Sometimes I feel like I got this disability (fm) so I can understand others with it. I've even thought about starting a fibro group get together for everyone here in my town.

    I live in a small town and know there is a lot of us here with it. But I need to contact someone that has done it before. I would like to include guest speakers sometimes from the medical side of it.

    I will still pray every day for a cure to fm/cfs.

  15. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    The old "me" is something of a legend around here. The brilliant student. The skilled hiker.

    I try not to look at her. The new "me" is pretty good too. The physical stuff is lost now, and I mourn for it. I still feel pretty good about myself though.

    (( ))
  16. foxglove9922

    foxglove9922 New Member

    Hi Sheryl,

    I definitely understand where you're coming from. Prior to CFS I was a very high energy person on the go constantly with a full time job, motherhood, husband, communinity and active with the church. When I first became ill all I could think about was what I was missing out on.

    Several years now later I have found a different me that I didn't know about. I think back to the days when I would go out and sit on my park bench to look at my beautiful gardens and couldn't sit for more than a few seconds when I was up adjusting somehting or pulling a weed. Now there is no choice I must sit and relax and take the time to smell the roses.

    I've learned that I am a very strong woman who as a result of CFS lost my job, my home, and my marriage and I'm still here making it on my own and have a strong will to continue on with my life as different as it is now.

    I cannot drown in self-pity (although I do have my moments especially when a flare goes on and on) but have accepted and adjusted to my life as it is now.

    May peace be with you.......foxglove
  17. Tmprincess

    Tmprincess New Member

    It is such an adjustment every day... no matter how hard i try to stay positive! I know exactly how you feel!! Not a day goes by any more where i don't have at least one "episode" of mourning the old me. Something as simple as climbing the stairs, which was never a problem before... and i actually used to love it just for the exercise!! But, now causes tremendous knee pain : ( Some times its enough to make me just sit in the floor and cry.

    But, on the other hand i'm becoming more authentic. As living with a chronic illness forces one to slow down... sit still with one's thoughts... do some soul-searching.... It's actually long over due for me! And some times that just how i look at it!! Like someone said already... "taking time to smell the roses"

    [This Message was Edited on 03/25/2006]
  18. Tmprincess

    Tmprincess New Member

    What a lovely pic!!... We almost share a B-day!!! Mine is the day after yours!

    Also, i meant to ask about your MRI... what did you have pics of, and have you got results yet? I just had an MRI and MRA of my brain last week. Should know something Monday! It launched me into a bad 3 day migraine. The noise is one thing... but the vibration really does something to my nervous system!

  19. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    I really MISS ME TOO.I used to work in a tree yard,spring to winter,would have been 20 yrs this year.But this summer passed I REALLY PUSHED myself to work.It is really physical work.I went off for 3 wks,just couldnt push anymore.I did go back to finish for the year,against my doctors wishes.But I am paying for it now.Cannot even shower without getting totally wiped out.Between being sick,exhausted,dizzy,well you know all about it.
    Now I cant go back.I have to struggle to do house work.
    My heart goes out to you and others with this DD.
    Take Care!!
  20. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    It's all just so frustating...Hopefully one day I will just except the fact...I just get really down..

    I feel so sorry for everybody who has to deal with all of this...:(

    pemaw54...I will definetly pray for you!!! You should always pray for yourself along with everybody else...

    tmprincess...My MRI went good..It was a cervical.. I went to a neurosurgeon this week and was told the same thing I've told for years...arthritis...I was upset when I left there..he didn't even explain anything to me..Didn't even put my films up on the light...But I went to my chiro a couple days later and he explained everything to me...circled stuff and drew pictures..I felt a lot better after talking to him...I have bone spurs...deg. discs..all that fun stuff...unfortunetly there is nothing he can do for me but try to keep me comfortable..

    He told me that it is a posibility that all this neck pain could've cause my FM...I am to just figure out what I can and can't do...and just try to find something that can give me relief...being on here typing and stuff is no help..

    WHat were they looking for on your MRI??? Let me know what you find out..Good luck to you!