I miss my mom

Discussion in 'Comfort, Grief and Advice' started by TeaBisqit, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    She passed away in May of 2007. She was my caregiver and my support in every way. She was also my best friend, my sister, my business partner. We did everything together. We went everywhere together. We made all decisions together, right on down to what to have for dinner.

    First, my stepfather passed away in August 2006, then I lost my mom. He, too, was very supportive of my being sick. He used to defend me to my evil relatives. And he never would have let me be all alone like this.

    No one understands how horrible it is to be sick and to lose your entire family unit in such a short time. I lost everything. I couldn't afford to stay in my home without their income. I couldn't afford to take care of all the cats without their income. So I lost several pets, as well.

    They were taking care of me. And I needed their help. I'm mostly housebound. It's just horrible that they are gone in a million ways.

    After my mom died, my relatives were so evil and cruel to me, it was like a double blow. They felt they finally had free reign to attack me now that there was no one left to defend me. And they acted like my mother wasn't important. Alternately, one uncle acted like it was "his" sister, "his" property that died and I wasn't her daughter, I was nothing. I was treated like this "thing" she had and they didn't know what to do with me. They had no regard for the fact I've been on disability for eighteen years for severely Advanced Lyme disease with overlapping CFIDS and Fibro. They told me to get a job or go to school or they wouldn't pay my bills and I would be homeless. I was left with no money for months after my mother died and had to listen to these monsters for the bill money. If God hadn't stepped in and given me the life insurance money, I would have killed myself. They were at me so badly, I would just shake and cry. They said horrible things to me. And insisted that I was faking the illness. I do not know how people can be so cruel and evil and cold.

    I live on my own now in a low income building. But it's horrible. I'm alone, and I struggle every day to do the things I need to do to live. And I don't know how much longer I can do this. Last soldier standing, and I'm not standing very well.

    I miss talking to my mother. I miss seeing her in the house, cooking or with the cats. I miss those cats, too.

    I don't think anyone realizes the depth of my grief and sadness. And to be left all alone when I'm sick, is just the ultimate. If I was healthy and had a family of my own, it would still be horrible, but at least I would have a job and kids and friends and a life. But to leave me where I have no one and I'm alone and way too sick to do much of anything, it's just beyond cruel.

    I wish I knew why this happened to me. I've always been a strong person. But this is getting too hard to bare. And I was always a good person. I always looked to help people. It just makes no sense.

    I need my mom. I wish I could just talk to her, even one more time. I hope I get my wish someday.
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Please call your city/town and ask for their Community Resources department. Then explain you are disabled, housebound, without relatives willing to help and ask if a caseworker could visit as you would like to see what services might be available to you to help. I suggest you also request counseling to help with the grieving of the loss of your parents AND to help you deal with your remaining relatives and their attitude and treatment of you. Make a list before the social worker arrives. BUT please reach out and make the call because you need help and things don't have to remain like this.
  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Through the social worker, you would probably be eligible for Meals on Wheels too where they would bring you a healthy, cooked meal every day except the weekends. I believe they could work out a caretaker that would somehow get you out in a wheelchair to different places or events to help you get out a bit. And they can work out people to come visit you too. Don't give up.
  4. spacee

    spacee Member

    I hope the info TwoCatDoctors has helped with the "living" part. I know it won't replace in anyway your two cherished beloved family.

    I don't understand the hardness of this life. I see people in Africa and think...well, could be worse here but death of loved ones is unimaginable. My mother had no sympthy for me, so when she passed, I had no grief whatsoever. It felt strange to only feel relief that it was over.

    I have cried more about Rachel (one of ours who passed a couple of months ago) than anyone in my life.

    I don't feel I am good with words but wanted to tell you I care about you.

    Spacee
  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I understand what you are going through. I lost my dad in 08 and Iam having a harder time now then I did right after.
    He lived a half a block from me so I see his condo everyday and still except him to walk up.

    I had a close family that fell apart when dad started getting sick. My sis turned on me and said horrible things that have put a rift between us.

    I was always close to my dad and could talk to him about things.Was also the caregiver to everyone in my family thru the years. Now no one is around-guess its out of sight out of mind.

    I do understand the depths,I'm there with you

    hugs
  6. vivian53

    vivian53 Member


    I understand your grief. I am also grieving. I lost my father last week. It is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I wish I could magically turn back time and spend it with him.

    He wasn't very demonstrative or comfortable with hugging and such, but he was always there for me. No matter what, I knew I could count on him.

    I feel scared now. I am putting on a brave face for my family. How will I manage without him?

    TwoCatDoctors had such a good post from Dr. Phil. The suggestions about accessing more services for yourself sounds like it would be worthwhile.

    vivian

    I don't know you but have seen your posts. I haven't seen one about how you are doing right now though.....so how are you? I would like to listen to what you have to say.

    Hugs to you,

    vivian
  7. Dr Oz

    Dr Oz Guest

    TeaBisqit I read your post and my heart went out to you....now six months have passed...
    how are you doing now? Have you gotten any help?
  8. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    Your post is so heart breaking. I can't even begin to understand why all happens but does.

    I lost my dad, we were in an accident and he died and i lived.

    Maybe this can ease some pain. When feeling down and missing your Mom, think of a funny good time you two had of something, anything. It just may have you laughing a bit.
    This is what i do and it does help. May sound goofy but does help.

    Posting here is good too. Hey look at the invisible friends you have here. I'm always here to listen , so you vent out anytime you need too.

    Tea always remember no one can ever take away your precious memories you have of your Mom. Those will Always be Yours.

    Gentle Hugs,
    Live Life Well
    Butterflydream
  9. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    her birthday is on friday she passed in june 2003 daddy in april 2004.. my mom had an accident in surgery in 1980 i lost her the first time then then brain damaged I and a small staff (after hospital and nursing homes while in liti cared for her til she passed the cancer spread she ended up with a trach a gastrostomy diabetes you name it my poor mama had it
    it killed me for her to go again then my daddy died 10 months later Ive never been able to get past all this now mamas b-day is coming Im alone and miss her she was my life caring for her, showering her singing to her cooking reading like she did for me poor girl managed to keep her sense of humor only comunicated with grunts but we knew
    love u mama

    hannah
  10. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Teabisqit im so sorry to hear about the family you have lost i really am.
    It sounds like you have no 1 to help you.
    My nana died on 11th November 2004 & when my mum left home when i was 9 years old & my nana brought me up she was my nan my mum my best friend she was EVERY THING to me.
    Im here for you any time you need a friend i know exactly how you feel because i have lost all my family through no fault of my own its so hard.
    I have a photo of my nan at the side of my bed & i have a stand up piece of plastic with I love my nan on it & it says why i love her that she is my world etc.
    I talk to her every day honey & i would recommend that you do the same talk to your mom baby she is watching over you & is listening to you.
    I talk to my nan all the time & it helps me so why not give it a try we are all here on this site to help each other so thats what im doing.
    Please send me a reply to let me know how you are getting on ok?
    May god bless you.
    Fibrolady37